Weekend Box Office Results: Why did you go see Takers?

I apologize for the slipshod bloggery today. I'm not on my game. Things are just whacked out and bizarre today, so I'm not on it. I wish I was. I'm just going to shuffle along and get through today if you don't mind. I promise to do better tomorrow.

Here's the box office results, haiku style:

1.) The Last Exorcism - $21 million (Accuracy of prediction - 87%)

A horror triumph
in terms of the box office.
Not in quality.

2.) Takers - $21 million (Accuracy of prediction - 79%)

I can't believe this.
What is wrong with all of you?
How did this do well?

3.) The Expendables - $9.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

This is a big hit.
$100 million for sure.
A sequel will come.

4.) Eat Pray Love- $7 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

It has been eaten.
Prayers have been asked and answered.
But did you love it?

5.) The Other Guys - $6.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 91%)

Wahlberg is funny.
The only question really:
does he mean to be?

Overall accuracy of prediction - 91%

Not a bad weekend.
Provided you did not see
the movie Takers.

Again, I apologize for the haphazard, ramshackle approach today. I'll be more on point tomorrow. Maybe.

Follow me on Twitter!

Fearless, flawless box office predictions

Don't go to the movies this weekend. I mean it. There's just no reason to. It's the end of summer, there's still nice weather out there. If it's not too hot, get out there in the sun and do something fun because this week's releases put the oops in poops. There's no reason to see a shitty horror movie that isn't even trying. There's no reason to consider a film with a rapper (T.I.), Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen), and the lesser of the actors in The Fast and the Furious (Paul Walker). Just don't do it. Come on, gang, spend some time with your families actually talking. Just a suggestion.

Here's how I see the weekend, haiku style:

1.) The Last Exorcism - $15.5 million

Are you serious?
Do you promise this is it?
You'd best mean "The Last."

2.) Takers - $10 million

I say take it back.
Even the poster looks dumb.
All the actors suck.

3.) The Expendables - $9.5 million

This is a big hit.
I could not have been more wrong.
But are you surprised?

4.) Eat Pray Love - $7 million

No competition.
Women only get one film.
So, hope you like it.

5.) Avatar Special Edition - $6 million

OH MY GOD IT'S BACK.
It's like I'm in a nightmare.
A blue, nude nightmare.

WILDCARD - The Other Guys - $5.5 million

This is still going?
Who could have thought it would be?
Mark Wahlberg. That's who.

Okay, that's it. Have a great weekend. I'm going to try and get even more crap done. It's my life these days.

Follow me on Twitter!

No lie, the best advertisement ever

I'm not going to go see The Last Exorcism. I hate movies that are nothing but cheap knock-offs designed for a quick cash grab. Also, it features the thing that terrifies me slightly more than creepy children: people who crab walk backwards and have oddly disjointed bodies. That shit's just wrong. That said, folks, you have got to get a load of these viral ads for the film. See, what they've done here is use Chatroulette, the site that uses video to randomly hook you up with another person. Basically, it's a site for lonely, horny dudes who are convinced they can find a hot chick on a site filled with lonely, horny dudes. You will not find much "chatting," but you will find tons of dudes showing their wang right when you get connected to a new "speaker." So, what this ad campaign does is...well hell, just watch, it's really funny.



Honestly, few things are funnier than dudes who think they're about to see a hot nude girl getting freaked out of their minds. Guess you shouldn't troll the internet for boobs, chumps! Still not seeing the movie, but definitely have more respect for it now.

Follow me on Twitter!