Cutting Room Floor is home to a sea of snark and snippets about upcoming movies, rumors about films, and other assorted nonsense. Sure, the information is mostly accumulated from other reputable sources, but the sarcasm is 100% home grown.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Weekend Box Office Results: Why did you go see Takers?
I apologize for the slipshod bloggery today. I'm not on my game. Things are just whacked out and bizarre today, so I'm not on it. I wish I was. I'm just going to shuffle along and get through today if you don't mind. I promise to do better tomorrow.
Here's the box office results, haiku style:
1.) The Last Exorcism - $21 million (Accuracy of prediction - 87%)
A horror triumph in terms of the box office. Not in quality.
2.) Takers - $21 million (Accuracy of prediction - 79%)
I can't believe this. What is wrong with all of you? How did this do well?
3.) The Expendables - $9.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)
This is a big hit. $100 million for sure. A sequel will come.
4.) Eat Pray Love- $7 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)
It has been eaten. Prayers have been asked and answered. But did you love it?
5.) The Other Guys - $6.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 91%)
Wahlberg is funny. The only question really: does he mean to be?
Overall accuracy of prediction - 91%
Not a bad weekend. Provided you did not see the movie Takers.
Again, I apologize for the haphazard, ramshackle approach today. I'll be more on point tomorrow. Maybe.
Don't go to the movies this weekend. I mean it. There's just no reason to. It's the end of summer, there's still nice weather out there. If it's not too hot, get out there in the sun and do something fun because this week's releases put the oops in poops. There's no reason to see a shitty horror movie that isn't even trying. There's no reason to consider a film with a rapper (T.I.), Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen), and the lesser of the actors in The Fast and the Furious (Paul Walker). Just don't do it. Come on, gang, spend some time with your families actually talking. Just a suggestion.
Here's how I see the weekend, haiku style:
1.) The Last Exorcism - $15.5 million
Are you serious? Do you promise this is it? You'd best mean "The Last."
2.) Takers - $10 million
I say take it back. Even the poster looks dumb. All the actors suck.
3.) The Expendables - $9.5 million
This is a big hit. I could not have been more wrong. But are you surprised?
4.) Eat Pray Love - $7 million
No competition. Women only get one film. So, hope you like it.
5.) Avatar Special Edition - $6 million
OH MY GOD IT'S BACK. It's like I'm in a nightmare. A blue, nude nightmare.
WILDCARD - The Other Guys - $5.5 million
This is still going? Who could have thought it would be? Mark Wahlberg. That's who.
Okay, that's it. Have a great weekend. I'm going to try and get even more crap done. It's my life these days.
Okay, really? Seriously? You're being serious now? Who went to go see The Expendables with that kind of force? Not only did it achieve the high totals I thought it would miss...it EXCEEDED THEM. It's Stallone's biggest opening EVER. How is this possible? Y'all just have a thing for veiny arms and incomprehensible dialogue? Is this going to open a wave of popularity for Eric Roberts? WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?!?!
On the other side of the coin, I have seen a great wailing and gnashing of teeth about the failure of Scott Pilgrim to set the world ablaze. Um, really? It was based on an INDIE comic book, appeals to a very small window of people (like, nobody older than 45), and was shown a ton of times to that audience already in various screenings. I kind of figured it would fizzle a bit, being that it's not a cross-demographic movie. Inception was too smart to catch on, I feared, but it appealed to every quadrant. Pilgrim just didn't. It would be like expecting Eat Pray Love to win the week, even though it only appeals to about 60% of people out there. You have to start with a wide base. To put it another way, you could make the most transcendent, amazing film about Polka ever, and even though I'll see it and love it because I love movies, it's not going to be a big hit.
Anyway, on to the results, haiku style:
1.) The Expendables - $35 million (Accuracy of prediction - 84%) Given his hobbies, of course Stallone's film took some box office steroids
2.) Eat Pray Love - $23 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)
A solid open. This film will have some great legs. That sounded sexist.
3.) The Other Guys - $18 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94%)
A good holdover, on its way to a nice sum. The credits still suck.
4.) Inception - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 85.5%)
No signs of stopping, I would never have guessed this. Nolan wins again!
5.) Scott Pilgrim vs the World - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 62.5%)
Quite disappointing. I did really like the film, but it had limits.
Overall accuracy of prediction - 84%
Scott Pilgrim killed me. I suppose that means I'm now just a pile of coins.
Okay gang, Happy Monday to ya! Now get out there and be productive...or else!
Alright, as per Friday usual, I'm slow-cooking a review that will post for your consumption of its deliciousness later this afternoon. In the meanwhiles, howsabout we talk a little about how much I think everyone is overpredicting The Expendables. The bad guy is Eric Roberts. Let that sink into your brain noodles a bit: ERIC ROBERTS. I know you've got a bunch of people who collectively represent the finest in steroids and fake face punching, but really, none of these men have had a hit in years (if ever). So...why is it we think that putting all of them together is going to be a massive success? I joked about this film for years (still am), but in reality I don't think the R-rated, dumb-action flick is going to reach in and grab the audience it thinks. I'm calling this (and I'll probably eat crow...or Sly's malformed fist for saying it): I think it's going to underperform. Most places have it in the high 20s or low 30s, I'm saying low to mid 20s tops.
As far as the counter-programming, Eat Pray Love will find its audience. They will be loyal to the order of what Julie and Julia did, delivering numerous weeks of solid performance. It may seem unremarkable but it will do well and I wish it the best because I like Julia Roberts and her teeth. The other new opening is Scott Pilgrim vs the World, which I will have more to say about later. It is unquestionably, undeniably the most over-praised movie I have ever read internet reviews of, with younger online critics pooping their cyber pants over it, calling it a "game changer" or something we'll look back on in a decade as a defining moment. Nope. Inception? Yes. THAT was a game changer. Scott Pilgrim is a fun, hyper-energetic, zeitgeist-grabbing ride that I thoroughly enjoyed and everyone should see. I liked it a lot. But it isn't even the best movie I've seen this summer. Anyway, don't let that dampen your enthusiasm for a film I highly recommend, just be prepared that if you're someone who has read the reviews online, you're not going to have angels massage your shoulders while you watch it.
Here's how I see the box office going this week, haiku style of course:
1.) The Expendables - $24 million
Of all the big names, the posters leave out one man: Eric Roberts, bitch.
2.) Eat Pray Love - $21 million
I hope this does well. My wife just adored the book. I want her happy.
3.) The Other Guys - $16 million
How is this a hit? I mean, it's not bad and all, but it's not a hit.
4.) Scott Pilgrim vs the World - $15.5 million
I'm done with Cera. His schtick is just grating now. Even with sword fights.
5.) Inception - $12 million
The end is nearing. I will miss you so, so much. I will keep dreaming.
Okay, that's it for now lovers. I'll be back later with some Pilgrim action for your asses.
Weekend Box Office Results: This just in, Will Ferrell's career not totally dead
After a few uber bombs and insignificant displays of ineptitude, it looked like Will Ferrell was on the Jim Carrey train to wherever it is we store humans we used to find hilarious until they can reemerge as old people we find hilarious. Hang in there a few more years, Jim, you'll get there. Thankfully, The Other Guys debuted as Ferrell's second biggest opening ever, which is kind of shocking when you think about it. Hopefully this will build some momentum for Anchorman 2, as Ferrell tries to cling to what fame he has left and the studio sees him as more financially viable. In other news, Step Up fell down and Dinner for Schmucks barfed.
Here's the haiku breakdown:
1.) The Other Guys - $35.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89%)
Bigger than I thought, I don't like that it out grossed Hot Fuzz already.
2.) Inception - $18.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 86%)
This is just insane. This could do $300 mil just domestically!
3.) Step Up 3D - $15 million (Accuracy of prediction - 70%)
I don't get you folks. It's the same as the last flick, but it's in 3D!!!
4.) Salt - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 85%)
Another good week, It is not remarkable, but a solid job.
5.) Dinner for Schmucks - $10.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 80%)
A rather big drop. This means word of mouth is bad. Sorry there, Paul Rudd!
Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 82%
It was an off week. Summer must be at an end. I should try harder.
Okay, that's it. You have a great Monday. Hang in there!
Honestly, I can't bring myself to get too animated this Monday morning. Is it because the temperature has decided to settle somewhere between "oh, God, oh GOD IT BURNS" and sitting inside a lava sauna. Maybe it's because I have a ton of work to do this week and not enough time to do it. Maybe it's because as much as The Other Guys had funny moments, there wasn't too much to talk about. If you saw Hot Fuzz, you saw a superior "making fun of buddy cop movies while still being a buddy cop movie" movie. Anyway, here's my review:
In the Line of Doody The Other Guys is funny, not smart
During the Cold War, an American cinematic action hero could disembowel a “filthy commie” with a Bic pen and remain beloved; in the wake of 9/11, nonspecific Middle Eastern terrorists were omnipresent in film fiction, dispensable evil-doers to be dispatched post haste without remorse. The next step in this proud evolution, The Other Guys officially welcomes financial executives to the guilt-free gunshot victims club.
Writer Chris Henchy and writer/director Adam McKay are so committed to coining this new motif that the end credits unspool alongside deadly serious animated infographics detailing statistics from the corporate bailout, sounding a populist gong about executive bonuses and C.E.O.-to-average-Joe salary ratios. This was at the end of a comedy with a plot point hinging on Will Ferrell having been a pimp named Gator in college who met his doctor wife (Eva Mendes) when he got poison ivy in his rectum.
And don’t go thinking the film somehow earned the right to moralize and wax philosophic about economics through subtly infused inferences. The plot is as sophisticated as a “Maxim” photo shoot. With stereotypical action movie hero detectives Highsmith (Samuel L. Jackson) and Danson (Dwayne Johnson) out of the picture, perpetually hostile Terry Hoitz (Mark Wahlberg) tries to convince his paper-pushing partner Allen Gamble (Ferrell) to “man up” and seize the limelight. The premise is that this is the untold story of the nameless, unknown “extras” who silently appear in police stations in buddy cop movies. But instead of a Hot Fuzz–style satire, we get an ersatz Lethal Weapon redux.
Racing against fellow coppers Martin (Rob Riggle) and Fosse (Damon Wayans Jr) while irritating their Captain (Michael Keaton), Hoitz and Gamble try to solve a case involving a swindling fat cat (Steve Coogan) looking to illegally recoup $32 billion but are impeded by Gamble’s daffy character quirks and Hoitz’s type A++ personality. It all culminates in the most pulse-pounding of climaxes: an attempt to stop someone from signing a piece of paper and to prevent another person from pushing a button. Fear the impressive physical danger of financial villainy!
Until the yawner third-act, The Other Guys fires off the funny, with jokes that are more B.B.-gun pellets than .357 rounds, including character tics like Gamble’s inexplicable appeal to smokin’ hot hotties and Hoitz’s skills at ballet, which the tough guy studied in depth for years to “make fun of” effeminant classmates. Ferrell mostly dials down his worn-out affectations, deploying them in short, controlled bursts. Meanwhile, Wahlberg is his usual self: a pile of anger shaped like a human being. Even his hair seems like it wants to fight. Finally having permission to laugh at him feels liberating.
The last virtually laugh-free half hour is spent on pension embezzling and potshots at the S.E.C., not exactly the ideal resting place for a sophomoric comedy. How McKay thought he had crafted a “message movie” that said something about Bernie Madoff while including scenes of a grandmother graphically describing sexual acts is almost inconceivable. The Other Guys is mildly entertaining and massively trite, what it’s not is significant.
Woo hoo! If we're doing prediction haikus, we must be at the end of the week's bloggery! Huzzah! This week's box office doesn't really inspire much fanfare, as Inception finally sulks away from number one, albeit with tons more money than most people (including myself) thought was possible. In it's place comes a Will Ferrell comedy. Oh, the days when that used to mean something. If my guess is right, this will have a nice opening weekend and then disappear. If I were Ferrell, I would be INSISTENT upon Anchorman 2. His career needs it more than anyone else's in that film. I mean, Carrell is a bonafide box office draw now after Date Night and Dinner For Schmucks in the same year, Rudd can continue to make mildly funny rom-coms in which he's the straight man to some wacky other character until the cows come home, and Christina Applegate is available...like, really available. So, make that happen. I imagine that almost all of you will be out seeing Step Up 3Dthis weekend. Feel free to not mention that to me ever. I kid. But really don't tell me about it if you see it, I want to think better of you. Okay, enough already, let's predict!
1.) The Other Guys - $28 million
Will Ferrell was king or at least the head jester. Now he makes this stuff.
2.) Step Up 3D - $21 million
Does this way suck less? If you see 3D booties, is the movie good?
3.) Inception - $17 million
You keep going, you. I may squeeze one more screening. God I love this flick.
4.) Dinner for Schmucks - $12.5 million
They should know better. Other Guys is targeting the same demo. Duh.
5.) Salt - $10 million
Quite respectable. Not particularly great, but respectable.
WILDCARD - Despicable Me - $9.5 million
A nice little run. Actually, not so little. $200 million!
Okay, that's it for today. Be good. Be productive. Be lazy this weekend!
Good morning, sinners. I can't take credit for that. That's how Warren Ellis (the comic writer, not the musician) greets his followers on Twitter. As I've said before, he also refers to his beard as a "hobo rape thicket," which is the creepiest description for facial hair not currently on Ben Affleck's face. As you know, today is Thursday (unless you didn't know...maybe I should have said SPOILER ALERT: Today is Thursday). That means it's the day that I expose my junk. By junk, I mean my movie tidbits that aren't big enough to warrant a post of their own. We begin each session of junk exposure by examining the image above of a creepy-ass junk drawer from Highlights Magazine (FOR CHILDREN) and picking one item out to make an insane backstory about. This time, we're going to choose the mysterious white substance in the middle of the drawer. Despite years of research proving that it was (A) both perfectly harmless and (B) delicious, Susan's invention, "Cocaine for Kids," was shot down by every investor available. Although packed with essential vitamins and nutrients, and only a very small amount of stimulant/hallucinogen, mainstream America was just too stubborn and refused to consider letting children snort the chemical cocktail. Susan's dreams of school lunchrooms where every toddler shoved kiddie-blow up their nose were just never meant to be.
Okay, enough preamble. Let's get on to the amble! Here's my junk for this week!!!!
1.) First Whedon, now Munn?Nerds REJOICE! - Before we get to the sexytime comic news you're thirsting for, a quick follow-up. It seems that Marvel reads my blog. Okay, fine, probably not. But at the very least, they arrived at the same bright idea I did, which was to let Joss Whedon take a crack at the Avengers screenplay above all else. He may do a good job directing...but he WILL do a good job writing the mega-comic movie. So, yippee, the Avengers may not suck. Actually, this leads perfectly to the next bit of nerd-vana. I'm told that nerds like this girl: I can't see why. As you likely know, that's Olivia Munn who you know from G4's "Attack of the Show" (and from the many, many downloads of her picture on your boyfriend's/husband's computer). She loves geek things and had a small cameo in Iron Man 2, which was cut. Then they called her in and said that she needed to come back in and shoot something else for the movie, a role that she tweeted made her "an actual marvel character." The theory today has it that Munn may be playing the Wasp. Now, what I know of Munn's acting is mostly from that commercial where she plays the fortune teller. That's not a good sign. Still, how hard is playing the Wasp? Sure, if the character is in The Avengers, which she should be because she's a staple of the team in the comics, she'll have to deal with getting domestically abused by Ant Man. Until then, who cares if she only looks good in leather? Take this all with a grain of salt, as Munn could still be playing a much more minor role. Still, nerds have to be salivating over this prospect like they salivate over the thought of a world with no further human interaction.
2.) Butter sounds very good for me - Butter, which seems to have an awesome script AND an awesome casting director, just keeps landing big name talent. The film is both a satire of the 2008 Iowa Caucuses AND an opportunity for people to make tons of jokes about butter. Win-Win, I say. I'm going to go pictorial on your asses. Here's your cast so far:
Jennifer Garner
Ashley Greene Olivia Wilde Alicia Silverstone Hugh Jackman and (sexiest of all) Rob Corddry
How can you not want in on this one? A great script and a cast composed of every sexy person ever...and Rob Corddry?! This is one satire that I think has a real chance at making us all very, very happy.
3.) In the name of Kubrick, I declare thee awesome! - Given the uninspired, remake-heavy bullcrap we often suffer through, the prospect of getting a little new Stanley Kubrick on us is awesome. The late brilliant director keeps giving, as the treatment for Lunatic at Large, which was written for Kubrick in the 50s by Jim Thompson, is going to be made into a movie starring Sam Rockwell and Scarlett Johansson. It's drawing some comparisons to Shutter Island, but I don't care. This is literally as close as we can come to seeing Scarlett in a Kubrick movie. That makes me happy. I don't know who will end up directing it, but I hope it's someone with a degree of talent. When paired with good directors, Scarlett shines (Woody Allen, Sophia Coppola). When paired with bad directors....she sure is pretty. See? 4.) The last time they worked together, I cried a lot - I have never blubbered at a movie quite like I did at The Fountain. There were a lot of reasons why, but I still hold that at least part of the equation was Darren Aronofsky and Rachel Weisz (and Hugh Jackman) just absolutely committing to the material. Well, Aronofsky (who gets to sleep with Weisz EVERY NIGHT because they're married and stuff) is going to need that same level of commitment again, as Entertainment Weekly is reporting that he will direct his honey as she plays Jacqueline Kennedy in the days after her husband's assassination. Anyone smell the Oscars in the air? I do! First off, she can look the part (see below): Second, he's got the talent to make this something more than a boring biopic. Third, the subject matter is still riveting. Look at that, a major movie that will get Oscar talk that is headlined by and almost entirely about a woman. Things have changed! I kid, of course, as just earlier this week Sigourney Weaver said the only reason James Cameron didn't win the Oscar is "he didn't have boobs," as in, Kathryn Bigelow only won because of her female status. Nope. She won because she did the best job directing. Oh, and if Cameron's loss had ANYTHING to do with genitalia, it isn't his lack of boobs, it's that he's a dick.
5.) Trailers, parked - Some fun ones this week, really, as we're going all comedy!
Ryan Reynolds' superhero obsession continues, as he plays a figment of Jeff Daniels' imagination in Paper Man, which probably won't be very good. It's played at numerous festivals to little praise, even though the trailer makes me want to see it.
Next up is The Other Guys, which as someone else put it is obviously the movie that Kevin Smith's Cop Out wanted to be. Will Ferrell has been seriously licking his wounds since his last few flops...here's hoping there's a second act to his career that begins with this.
Finally, we have an Annette Benning sighting. She only appears once a half decade before disappearing into the shadow of Warren Beatty. This time, she's a lesbian mom with Julianne Moore. I think the movie looks great, and is the type of entertainment we need to push acceptance of lesbian/gay families into the mainstream. Huzzah for The Kids Are All Right trailer!!!
That's it for this week. Sorry for all the salacious photos of scantily clad women and Hugh Jackman (and double apologies for Rob Corddry's picture). It just lent itself to that theme and I thought I'd run with it. Remember, celebration of hot celebrities doesn't mean I'm not still a staunch believer in gender equality and other important things! Happy Thursday!
