Friday, May 21, 2010

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

You'll notice this isn't my last post of the day. Nope. I have an epic "Lost" finale prediction section to get to before this is all said and done. So, I figured, let's get the Shrek talk out of the way now. Yes, this movie is going to do all sorts of money, aided in part by the first $20 movie ticket ever. If you just puked in your mouth, know that your puke tasted like 3D. This is the price we pay for excess, more breeding excess. We also have MacGruber opening this week, and I think it may actually have some measure of staying power. It's not going to be blowing people away opening weekend, but considering your other option for a laugh is to either (A) guffaw at Russell Crowe's waistline in Robin Hood or (B) pretend fart jokes are still entertaining with Shrek. Plus, I love Kristen Wiig with every fiber of my stupid heart, so I'm hoping she comes out a winner on this. Alright, enough's enough, if I'm going to get to my epic "Lost" predictions, I have to wrap this up.

Here are the box office predictions for this weekend, haiku style:

1.) Shrek Forever After - $110 million

The least they could do
is be clever with spelling.
FOUR-ever after?

2.) Iron Man 2 - $29 million

This one may wind up
lower than was expected.
It's still effing huge.

3.) Robin Hood - $18 million

Like Russel Crowe's belt,
when it comes to box office,
this will not hold well.

4.) MacGruber - $15 million

I smell a sleeper...
as in a slow-burning hit,
I don't sniff dreamers.

5.) Letters to Juliet - $7.5 million

First there was Dear John.
Now Letters to Juliet.
At least she can read.

That's it for the predictions. If you're a Lostie, be back here in a few hours for my final predictions ever!!!!!

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