Weekend Box Office Results: Maybe people didn't go see Shrek because of "Lost?"

I know I dedicated pretty much all day yesterday to "Lost," so maybe there's just a huge crossover between Shrek audience members and "Lost" fans. Right, and maybe there's also a big crossover between people who own a Lindsay Lohan record and Nobel Prize Winning physicists. The reality is, Shrek 3 sucked butt. Shrek 4 looked like butt. So nobody went to see Shrek 4. Okay, not nobody. $70 million is a ton of money, but not for this series. Every prediction had it doing something like $100 million, so this is unquestionably a big fat sign that we're finally done with Shrek. Also interesting: People apparently did not care that reviews for MacGruber were generally quite positive. They did NOT care to see it. I'm a little surprised, although I still hold out hope for a slow burn. Maybe people will flock to it later? Guessing not.

Okay, I'm tired, I've got a lot to do. So here's the final tallies (haiku style):

1.) Shrek Forever After - $71 million (Accuracy of prediction - 72.5%)

This isn't my fault.
The last few did huge money.
People don't like crap?

2.) Iron Man 2 - $27 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

Keep on flying, man!
You're the early summer champ!
Let's see if it lasts....

3.) Robin Hood - $18.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 98.5%)

So much for a flop.
It is even holding well.
You go, sweet fat man!

4.) Letters to Juliet - $9 million (Accuracy of prediction - 79%)

Oh YEAH! I forgot!
It's the only female flick.
It wins by default!

5.) MacGruber - $4 million (Accuracy of prediction - 45%)

Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch
No new movie stars are born.
At least they have jobs.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 78%

Well, I guess that's it.
I did not have a good week.
But I did love "Lost!!!!"

Happy Monday to ya! See you tomorrow!

Follow me on Twitter!

Movie Review: MacGruber

I was busy writing a Summer Movie preview and getting ready for/watching "Lost" to be productive enough to also review a movie this weekend. Thank God for Justin Senkbile, who turned in this!

G.I. Joke
Macgruber versus the legacy of SNL films
by Justin Senkbile

How can you possibly stretch Macgruber, the briefest of "Saturday Night Live" sketches, into a feature-length film? Well, you can't. Director Jorma Taccone (one third of The Lonely Island), along with co-writers Will Forte and John Solomon, apparently realized that, as opposed to Wayne's World, for example, where the characters were already fleshed-out beforehand, they'd have to invent Macgruber before they could film him.

The hapless dork we know from the show, who always sidetracks himself with trifling conversation and runs out of time before he can de-fuse the bomb, has been developed into something quite unexpected. Here, he's more of a misguided egomaniac than a simple fool.

He’s been playing dead for nearly ten years, but explosives expert Macgruber (Forte) is suddenly brought back into action when a massive nuclear warhead goes missing. The thief, Dieter Von Cunth (Val Kilmer), who also happens to be Macgruber's arch-nemesis, has plans to hurl the bomb towards Washington D.C. during the State of the Union address.

Macgruber, of course, isn't about to let that happen. With his team members Vicki St. Elmo (Kristen Wiig) and Lt. Piper (Ryan Phillipe), he sets out to stop Cunth and save America.

It's not nearly as funny as one would hope but, if nothing else, Macgruber is a pretty perceptive parody of 80's action movies and Reagan-era patriotic paranoia. Many of the interior scenes are flooded with that gaudy, soft white light that used to indicate romance, the stakes are the infinity of American pride, and the villains are all eastern European.

To make all these ingredients work together, Macgruber needed to be a little less twisted Dr. Phil and a little more bloodthirsty G.I. Joe. Unfortunately, the laugh-ratio seems to suffer because of this.

This shouldn't give the impression, though, that the Macgruber here really has a handle on much of what's going on, or that this movie isn't as loony as any other big screen "SNL" offerings. Macgruber's obsession with a certain license plate number is a wonderfully stupid touch, as are two of the weirdest sex scenes in recent memory (which come back to back, mind you).

The important thing here is that Macgruber, in spite of its shortcomings, doesn't come close to being one of the worst "SNL" films. When it's funny, it's very funny, it just unfortunately doesn't do justice to Forte's talent, or to the brilliant sketches from where it came.
Grade: B

Follow me on Twitter!

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

You'll notice this isn't my last post of the day. Nope. I have an epic "Lost" finale prediction section to get to before this is all said and done. So, I figured, let's get the Shrek talk out of the way now. Yes, this movie is going to do all sorts of money, aided in part by the first $20 movie ticket ever. If you just puked in your mouth, know that your puke tasted like 3D. This is the price we pay for excess, more breeding excess. We also have MacGruber opening this week, and I think it may actually have some measure of staying power. It's not going to be blowing people away opening weekend, but considering your other option for a laugh is to either (A) guffaw at Russell Crowe's waistline in Robin Hood or (B) pretend fart jokes are still entertaining with Shrek. Plus, I love Kristen Wiig with every fiber of my stupid heart, so I'm hoping she comes out a winner on this. Alright, enough's enough, if I'm going to get to my epic "Lost" predictions, I have to wrap this up.

Here are the box office predictions for this weekend, haiku style:

1.) Shrek Forever After - $110 million

The least they could do
is be clever with spelling.
FOUR-ever after?

2.) Iron Man 2 - $29 million

This one may wind up
lower than was expected.
It's still effing huge.

3.) Robin Hood - $18 million

Like Russel Crowe's belt,
when it comes to box office,
this will not hold well.

4.) MacGruber - $15 million

I smell a sleeper...
as in a slow-burning hit,
I don't sniff dreamers.

5.) Letters to Juliet - $7.5 million

First there was Dear John.
Now Letters to Juliet.
At least she can read.

That's it for the predictions. If you're a Lostie, be back here in a few hours for my final predictions ever!!!!!

Follow me on Twitter!

This can't be true...can it?

Raise your hand if you're excited for MacGruber, the full-length movie based on the "SNL" sketch based on the 1980s TV show "MacGuyver." Okay, officer, you're going to want to shoot those people with their hands up. Seriously, I don't care if Kristen Wiig is talented as hell, there's just no way you can breathe 90 minutes of funny into this concept...can you? Well some anonymous test screening subject told The Vertex that, in a nutshell, this is the funniest "SNL" movie since Wayne's World, which is really just saying it's marginally humorous. Apparently, they've taken the concept a bit further, fleshing out characters and...what am I saying? I mean, if this guy isn't some sort of studio plant job, he's at the very least soft-brained, right? I mean, the villain is played by fat Val Kilmer. I make that statement not because I am obsessed with physical perfection but to distinguish this guy:

from this guy:

,

Yeah, so, somebody ATE Val Kilmer and is now wearing his face to star in movies like MacGruber. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe we'll see the best of Will Forte and Wiig...and fat Val Kilmer (seriously, let's give this guy another name, calling him Val Kilmer seems wrong to the memory of Val Kilmer before he was eaten by this new guy...let's call him Lav Likmer). I'm guessing not still, though. No matter what "anonymous test screening subjects" have to say.