25 things I'd rather see than a Taylor Lautner action movie

Because it's the holidays, and because I love you, I am going to greet the news that Taylor Lautner is going to star in Cancun (about a college kid who goes all martial arts on a drug cartel when they kidnap his spring break buddies...yes, that's really the plot) with the only thing I know: another entry in my "25 things I'd rather" series.

Without further ado, here's 25 things I'd rather see than Cancun starring Taylor Lautner:

1. Joe Lieberman's nudist colony home videos (turns out that Droopy Dog is droopy everywhere)
2. A Ken Burns miniseries: Earwax, from antiquity to the present
3. A live-action version of "The Snorks"
4. The hip-hop debut of Barbara Walters
5. Syrek family pictures taken at Joe Lieberman's nudist colony
6. Spider-man 4, starring Miley Cyrus as The Black Cat
7. Jenga The Game: The Movie
8. 12 hours of local news coverage
9. A how-to demonstration covering the way to properly feather your hair like John Stamos circa "Full House"
10. The inside of a jail cell
11. The newest clothing fad: arm warmers, the leg warmers for your arms
12. That "how cute are these boots" Gap ad turned into an ongoing TV series
13. A sequel to "Old Man and the Sea"
14. My mother at a Lil Wayne concert
15. Nuclear Armageddon
    
16. Lovie Smith signed to a 2-year extension
17. A "Lost" spinoff: Nikki and Paolo - The Paralyzed Years
18. Kevin Costner regain his fame
19. Cars that run on puppy tears
20. My arrest warrant
    
21. Joan Rivers's REAL face
    
22. The Super Bowl Champion Minnesota Vikings
    
23. The view from inside a fire
    
24. 15-hour work days
    
25. Nothing, ever again

This has been another list of 25 Things I'd Rather Do. Happy Holidays.