Friday free for all

Insofar as without Eddie Murphy, we'd have no Tracy Jordan, I forgive him

The influence of Eddie Murphy on comedy in his heyday was huge. Now the best he has to offer is serving as the template for one of the funniest television characters ever. Oh, and by all reports, he's a total douchebag. Thus, it's with a grain of sand that I report the moderately interesting news that the hella-sell-out (forget Norbit, making Meet Dave makes you a motherf**ker) is going to make a biopic of Richard Pryor's life. And there was a great (minor) rejoicing (moderate interest). Look, I'm not saying there's a better way to go for this. If you're going to make a Richard Pryor biography you're going to use Eddie Murphy. It'll be R rated and allow the guy to remember what funny sounds like (when he's saying someone else's material). Also, given the way he got all Oscar feverish when Dreamgirls was getting him some good press, it's no doubt that he's going to try to get his grubby, undeserving hands all over an Oscar. Sigh. Now, I say that with all hostility now, because I'm old enough to remember cool Eddie Murphy. My first R rated movie was either 48 Hours or Beverly Hills Cop, I really can't remember which one. On my 16th birthday, we went to go see Beverly Hills Cop 3. You can see where the anger comes from. That turd hasn't made a single good movie in about 15 to 20 years and it pisses me off. Man, go back and watch "SNL" with him on it, rent Raw, or watch either of those two good films I mentioned and it becomes instantly apparent that he is uniquely gifted. And what have we gotten? His best work is the voice of an ass in Shrek. Wow. All of this grumbling and grousing means I'm bitter as hell (I'm damn near Republican-esque) and will likely rejoice in reality if it turns out he does a good job. Whatever prevents more absolute, mind-numbing, soul-crushing, evil-inspiring crap like Daddy Day Care or Dr. Doolittle I will support. Seriously, those movies were so bad, I think children who watched them may be predisposed to acts of genocide.

Weekend Battle Plan: Well, you won't be seeing a movie

With Watchmen set to gobble the second weekend gross of whatever unfortunate films are stupid enough to open before it, no studios were brave enough to spit in the face of WB's impending success (oh, please God let it be a success). That means this week you get Jonas Brothers 3D and Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li. Wow. California is facing serious prison space issues and are contemplating letting some lesser offenders go early. Have them watch these two movies back-to-back and their debt to society is instantly forgiven. Seeing as how the Oscars were last weekend, you have a chance this weekend to see Slumdog Millionaire and Milk if you haven't already and to continue to not see The Reader, which is the best idea you've ever had. Can we also pause a moment to figure out why 3D is necessary for the Jonas Brothers movie? Setting aside that their appearance on "SNL" a few weeks back convinced me that hearing them "act" or "talk" is second only to listening to them sing on my list of "worsts things to do with my ears that don't involve fire." In Omaha, Waltz With Bashir is at Film Streams (it's at The Ross in Lincoln, too), so there's that if you like things that are good. Other than that, dear Lord, I have no suggestions for you.

That's my recommendation: See Waltz With Bashir, any Oscar winners you haven't seen yet, or nothing...absolutely nothing.

On DVD: Don't make me laugh. Really, because my only choice for comedy is Sex Drive. A great documentary (Dear Zachary: A letter to a Son about his Father) came out. What Just Happened is interesting...but that's as far as that goes (how slow is this week? that's what I'm reviewing). Again, I don't have that much for you. I know the weather sucks, but bunker down and get through this weekend. Next weekend brings The Watchmen and we have (fairly) smooth sailing after that.

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Okay, so Madea crushed it last week. I am, sadly, impressed with that box office annihilation. Impressed, because these Tyler Perry films continue to prove the deeply loyal and large black filmgoing community is one that is just depressingly overlooked. Sad, because they are so desperate for entertainment that speaks to them that they will support anything Tyler Perry does. I know it isn't as awful as I sometimes make it sound, but really, crossdressing granny stuff just isn't good humor. Don't worry though, Tyler Perry is about to meet his/her match in the form of three beloved, mop-topped boys who are spoiling for a good time...and your love. Why you need to see a Jonas in 3D I don't understand, but that isn't for me to decide. It's for the psychos out there who have already purchased about 50% of tickets. This is going to be huge on the level of the Miley Cyrus thing that made $30 million out of nowhere. Mark my words.

Here's how I see it:

1.) Jonas Brothers 3D - $40 million

It could go higher. I know, it seems impossible, but I'm telling you it isn't. They will sell out almost every screening, they will have repeat business up their 3D wazoo, and they will easily win this week. You cannot resist the Jonai, you can only hope that most of their fans are the young girls and not the ladies with all the cats.

2.) Madea Goes to Jail - $19 million

I'm calling for a strong holdover, even though this could be way, way lower given the huge turnout the first time around. The cinemascores that the audiences have been giving it suggests that it will have strong word of mouth, but the potential interested audience can't be that much larger. I'm guessing repeat business and a lack of options will push this high.

3.) Slumdog Millionaire - $13 million

Anyone who hasn't seen it will do so now. You want to talk amazing? After this weekend, this film will be sitting at around $115 million, with the potential of adding another $25-30 million...domestically. This movie will end up with a worldwide total in excess of movies like The Incredible Hulk and other, less gaudy blockbusters. It's a massive success for a group of massively deserving individuals. Love it.

4.) Coraline - $7 million

This film is turning into a quiet little hit. The Jonai will send 3D screens away from this little gem, but it should still persevere as the only kids movie not to feature curly-haired boytoys. I'm thinking the final gross for this film will be around $65-70 million, with a great life on DVD. Again, hats off to Neil Gaiman and all involved.

5.) Taken - $6.5 million

This movie will surely fall out of the top 5 next week, but what a run it had. In the wildest dreams of all those involved, NOBODY saw it topping this high. Over $100 million easily, with a great shot at DVD rentals too. I must be in a generous mood today, giving out so much praise. Maybe it's because my iPod finally died after four years of daily use, making me realize that we don't tell the things we love that we love them enough until they die. You go Liam Neeson, I'm proud of you.

Quick clips for Thursday February 26

Dainipponjin is Japanese for effed up

I ask you this now, humble blog readers: How do you resist a movie in which moderate-to-intentionally-awful computer effects are used to render a big fat guy who fights crazy monsters in Japan? Made in 2007 (predating a certain cocked han), this is the story of a drunk boob who tries to fight off evil but only makes things worse and people hate him. Devin over at Chud.com has seen it and said that it's surprisingly more of a character piece than you'd think...but whatever, it has a giant dude in a diaper fighting monsters. It's pretty much all I've ever wanted. Here, take a look:



Now, this comes to us from Magnolia/Magnet, who have been doing some pretty cool things with their "Six Shooter" series of genre-based weird films. Sometimes they sound totally unappealing to me (like Donkey Punch, a suspense film centering around an inadvertent death caused by...well, if you don't know, I'm not going to be the guy who takes your innocence from you) and sometimes they sound like Big Man Japan (which, by the by, is an awesomely intentionally shitty translation). I'm a big fan of originality and I have a feeling like this is as original as it gets.

Marvel would like you to commit to them for the rest of your natural life

Seriously? I mean...seriously? So, if you haven't heard, Marvel hit upon a deal with Sam Jackson to keep him as Nick Fury in the Iron Man/Avengers universe. This is awesome. What is staggering...and I mean knock-your-eyebrows-off crazy, is that he signed a NINE picture deal. NINE pictures. That's so many, that in order to emphasize it, I spelled it out instead of using the numeral just so I could capitalize it. NINE. Wowza. Apparently, this is now status quo for them (at least for certain roles) and may have been one of the reasons we're not getting Emily Blunt as Black Widow (still say Scarlett Johansson is trading up, but whatever). I'm of two minds on this: (1) You will obviously lose out on a LOT of good, talented people who have careers in front of them and don't want to be saddled with NINE superhero movies. Would Christian Bale do a NINE picture deal? Hell, SAM JACKSON almost didn't take a NINE picture deal, and he will literally agree to anything (I once dared him to punch a nun...nun got punched). I can't fathom the talent that will walk away from deals like this. Now, I know you don't have to sew everybody up for NINE pictures (we don't need villains with NINE picture deals), but you're still looking for a Thor and a Captain America, and I think that takes some seriously good names out of the running (still say John Hamm for Captain America...for God's sake, Tina Fey even noted that he looks like a cartoon pilot...do you need more than that?). (2) It is crazy cool for continuity. Marvel is obviously trying something new here, attempting to position themselves for on-screen comic book adventures that feel like the ones we read. Hell, they may be more coherent and consistent than the ones we read. We get to see Nick Fury in different Marvel movies as the same guy. We get to see, basically, on-screen crossovers. That's incredibly cool. The key is going to be finding the balance. I hope they're willing to go down to a SIX picture deal in order to land the right people (like, we don't need the Black Widow in our Thor movie). This is creative thinking, but could be creatively restrictive to actors. I officially have no strong opinion either way but am fascinated to see how it plays out.

Lost recap: I done told you Ben was gonna kill him

Let's dive right into the recap, because (again) not a lot happened but it means a great deal.

1.) We opened with a cool scene of the two people who rode the Ajira Air flight that we care about besides Lupidus and the rest of our gang: I don't remember their names. Creepy looking dude explored the hydra station, snagged a shotgun, lied about it to the chick who was taking Sayid somewhere, and then talked to a newly alive John Locke. Great opening. We know now that the plane landed (I'm guessing thanks to Lupidus's knowledge of the "good coordinates" given to him by Farraday in the past), and that Lupidus took off with some stuff after the landing. More importantly, we know that the six were removed from the plane during the flash of light and that they were not on the plane when it crashed. The reason? My guess is they were over the island when one of the time flashes came and they slipped back in time with the other people on the island. So, the people Locke is with are in 2008 and Jack's gang and Sawyer's gang are in the past. Got it?

2.) We see Locke land in Tunisia and have an AWESOME conversation with Widmore. More on him later. Basically, he says that "A war is coming" and John needs to get back to the island and that he'll help him. He assigns Abbadon to drive him around and help him. They meet with all of the Oceanic Six but Sun (because John was going to keep his promise to Jin about not bringing her back). All of them shoot him down. He then finds out that Helen is dead. He loved her, and now she's worm food. He is sad. After Ben guns down Abbadon, John goes driving around...oh wait, I forgot the worst part of the whole show: WALT! After weeks of my bitching and crying, my desperate NEED for them to prove to me that Walt's storyline wasn't simply abandoned material, that he still MEANT something to the show...Locke talks to him for two seconds on the street. That's it. "Hi John" "Hi Walt." "See you later." "Okay." That's it? Really. If I'm scoring the breadth of "Lost" out of 100, Nikki and Paolo lost about 5 points off that score...this loses about 10. Now, that could be gained back by cool things happening later, but I am SOOOO disappointed in this jettisoned storyline that I can't put it into words. You screwed the pooch on this one gang. No question about it.

3.) Okay, anyway, so Locke is all sad because he's a loser (again); he's a leader no one will follow and a coward. So, he decides to follow Abbadon's implicit advice and Richard's specific suggestion and kill himself. But Ben shows up...and does it for him. The scene was chilling and cruel, with Ben playing on Locke's cowardice. Locke allows Ben to convince him of things because he doesn't WANT to lead, he wants to be important without having to actually sacrifice himself. This is why Jack is the real leader between the two, because he would die if needs be to get his goals accomplished.

First, a little about the Jack thing: The way this whole death played out really reinforced the Jack = Jacob theory to me. First, because Locke CLEARLY isn't a leader and Jack is. Second, because we know now that Locke isn't Jacob and that was always the only other reasonable answer.

Second, my friend and fellow Reader writer Ben, not the murderous pathological liar Ben, didn't much care for the scene of Locke's murder. He basically held that Ben's motivation seemed to contrived and that the whole thing didn't play right. I, on the other hand, LOVED it. And not just because it was the most outlandish prediction I've ever been 100% right on (yessssss!) but because it finally put the ideas we had about Ben Linus to rest once and for all. No, no he is not secretly a good guy. No, he isn't "trying to do the right thing," no matter how sincere he appears to be when telling us that. He is a ruthless, cold-blooded, lying, heartless, in-it-for-himself murderer and if you don't believe me, rewatch him strangling the life out of John Locke in order to get ahead. The question now becomes "is my enemy's enemy my friend?" Meaning, does this mean Widmore is a good guy? Think about it: Yes, Keamie's tactics on the island (like killing Alex) were way out of line...but how do you possibly stop Ben Linus? Widmore knew all of Ben's tricks, what with having lived on the island himself, so he knew that stopping him could take a well-armed, well-positioned army. But he also included Farraday, chick-with-the-face-who-was-too-small-for-her-head, and Miles...wait a minute! Crazy thought: Widmore was 17 when...HE FIRST MET THOSE THREE. This explains why he would include those seemingly disconnected individuals on this trip; in fact, Abbadon was the one who contacted them and found them, per Widmore's instructions, because he KNEW they had to go to the island because he met them in the past. Uh oh, that's serious nosebleed time travel thinking there. Sorry about that. Anyway, is Widmore a good guy? Question of the day.

Overall, good episode. I'm going to start grading them now, I decided. I would give this one a solid B+, losing out on the A because of Walt. Now EVERYBODY is back on the island. Let's get this show on the road.

Quick clips for Wednesday February 25

Green Hornet somehow even more stoner-friendly

This is one of those news items that I could chase my tail trying to find the source for, but I'm way, way too lazy to do that shiznit. I saw it so many places cross-linking to so many other places that my conscience is clean in just telling you that there's a chance the new director of The Green Hornet is going to be Michael Gondry. There are only two reactions to this news: (1) You know who Gondry is, thus your reaction is "SWEET!" or some derivative thereof or (2) you just said "Who?" in which case, I'm very uncertain as to how you came to read this blog. For the uninitiated, Gondry directed the Lego-based White Stripes music video for "Fell in Love with a Girl," which was so awesome my inner child hasn't quite recovered, before finding more success with Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, a movie that I love more every time I watch it. He also made Be Kind Rewind, which sort of sucked, but had real promise. I think we're on the verge of something here; with Kenneth Branagh on Thor and now this, could it be that we've reached the stage in comic movie evolution where "different" minds will be allowed to work on them? Sure, you can point to Ang Lee on Hulk, but that wasn't an artiste per say, just a damn fine director. What kind of world do we live in if we start conceiving of things like Danny Boyle on Green Lantern or Darren Aronofsky on Robocop?! I mean, isn't that what always appealed to people who read comic books: the limitless potential, the ability to avoid being tied down to the practicality of reality? The thought of seeing real geniuses play in the visual sandbox of funnybooks is incredible. Go, go, Gondry!!

That Freida Pinto girl is just hideous looking

I kid. In fact, were this a few hundred years back, the unemployment rate would triple because of all the workers staying home to write sonnets in her name. Wars would be fought over who got to make eye contact with her. Vast tracts of land (like, say, Canada) would be given as a dowry to her parents. Get it? So, what did Woody Allen have to pony up to get her to be in his next movie? I believe he asked nicely. Watch yourself, Freida. Just sayin'. This means the cast for the as-of-yet-untitled movie reads like this: Anthony Hopkins, Josh Brolin, Naomi Watts, Freida Pinto. Um, yes please. I usually don't get "pumped" for an Allen movie. I have been surprised by his late career resurgence, insofar as I really enjoyed Match Point and Vicky Cristina Barcelona as charming/thoughtful little thinkpieces. That said, holy crap is this movie looking like a total freakin' home run! As mentioned previously, Brolin's back-of-the-cop-car video (which I would link to if I could find it...if any of you out there in the ether know where it is, I HAVE to see it again) has endeared him to me forever, Hopkins is due for a moment of brilliance, Watts is smoldering and talented, and Pinto is perhaps the culmination of an eternity of the divine creator assembling humans, so yeah, it could be good. I know we don't have a plot or even a sniff of what they'll be doing, but you could just look at that cast for a few hours, couldn't you?

Lost predictions: "The Life and Death of Jeremy Benthem"

FINALLY! Ever since that lid of the coffin slid back and we knew (after months of speculating) that Locke was makin' the inside all stinky with his deadness, we've been waiting to see what the hell he was doing off the island, how his death was "necessary," how he would return (because you can't do this show without him), who he met off island (casting for the week confirms it's at least Abbadon, the creepy black dude now on "Fringe"), and what he had to say to the Oceanic Six. After FOR-EV-ER, we finally get some information (notice I said some, we never get it all). Once more, I have to point everyone to Ew.com to see Doc Jensen's brilliant (and increasingly long) theorizing. I don't want to steal it, but I do want to expound on some of it, so I have to give a warning on these. NOTE - If one of these predictions is right, it's a huge one (and I think it IS right, so walk lightly if you want true surprise). Doc mentioned the sudden religiosity of the show (which I love) and how it is playing against science again (things like a church with a Dharma lab in it). That's what I love about the show, playing with impossible themes, just so you think about them. He also pointed out what I noted to Abbie while we were watching: That the story of Thomas from the bible was truncated. He originally had his own book...and Abbadon appeared in it. Seriously. Cool shit, huh. I don't want to get bogged down here, but that religion vs science stuff has always been foundation for the show, so it's nice to see it so explicitly addressed. Moving on to the biggies: (1) Jensen thinks that the "grandfather" Jack visited was actually a future version of himself...this is possible, but seems unlikely and unnecessary to me, the big one is (2) Jensen thinks Jack is Jacob. Wowza. Now that's a theory. Plus, I think he's right. Consider the arc of the character, moving from a total doubter to the leader of the "faith-based" group. Since the show seems to have looped back to the 60s or 70s, when Dharma was in charge, it could very well be that Jack is the mythical Jacob, leading in the past. Think about it: He always wants to be in charge, can't be seen because he knows what messing with time can do, and I love the idea that the producers (who love to eff with us) basically were telling us who it was with the name. Let's also consider the role of his father who "speaks for him." I mean, this could seriously add up. If it isn't right, it's the coolest idea I've heard in awhile. So, props to Doc for that one.

Moving on to my meaningless predictions:

1.) Locke will have a run-in with Widmore - Now that we know the two met in the past, Locke has more reason than ever to check in with the jerk who made him have to leave the island. Widmore seemed skittish when Desmond came to see him last time, and he was never afraid of Ben. Maybe Locke says something, or maybe just his presence off island, makes Widmore freak out.

2.) Locke will finally deal with Walt - The cast list confirms that Walt is in the episode. Pause for a moment. THANK FREAKIN' GOD. I mean seriously people, you build up Walt for two seasons with everybody running and screaming and yelping to find him and how special he is and then just abandon him. Personally, I think he was an idea that just never worked out for the creative team, so they've been looking to punt him. They're going to give us some half-assed, quick solution to why he did what he did (like appear to Locke), why he can't go back, and then be done with him. Now, that kind of pisses me off, but is better than the alternative of JUST FORGETTING ABOUT HIM ENTIRELY. Seriously.

3.) Locke is going to meet with Eloise - I think there's going to be a point at which he wants to wuss out (like usual) and he's going to have the opportunity to do so by meeting Mrs. Farraday. He's going to decide at the last instant to move forward this time, but not before discussing other options.

4.) Locke doesn't kill himself - Okay, so I know all signs point to this...but I think maybe there was another factor involved here. Maybe someone else (Ben) did the actual act of killing. It seems too easy to assume he does it all on his own. Not the show's style. Of course, I'm likely very wrong.

5.) Sayid's gonna kill multiple people - See what I did there, I usually just say one person, but I think he's gonna go Wolverine this week. Here's hoping.

Overall I think this is the episode I've most wanted. It's usually the best acted (the Locke-centric ones that is), and we can really fill in some gaps. I can't wait. See you tomorrow to deal with my inevitable disappointment.

Quick clips for Tuesday February 24

Alright, we got Winslet outta there: Who's next?

It's not a slow news day, but I'm in a startlingly and somewhat inexplicable good mood (roll with it, people). Thus, we're going to have a fun little bit this morning (fun for me anyway, but everyone reading this is more silent than people with good ideas in elected office, so I'm going to assume you agree). A few years ago, my number one "Oscar needer" was Martin Scorsese. Okay, me and the entire rest of the world agreed on that one, but you get the idea. Next for me was Kate Winslet. As her dad-whistling, pseudo-humble, nudity-prohibiting win a few days ago established, she's now an "elite" actress. So, that's my question: Who's next on your list? Again, with the impending silence from y'all (hint "comment button"), I'm going to present some musings on who is on my list (and by "on my list," I am not referring to the list of famous people you get to doink even if you're married...if you don't have one of these lists, it's imperative that you make one, as all men and women with sexual capabilities should be aware George Clooney will be in Omaha shortly...honest).

These are in no particular order, if only because I'm too lazy and indecisive to make order happen. We'll do 2 actors, 2 actresses, and 2 directors, because I want to.

• Julianne Moore - Quite simply, Oscar does better things (often) for the career of women. It is a well known fact that, for no good reason whatsoever, there are very few good parts out there for ladies. You pretty much have wife of the guy doing things, girlfriend of the guy doing things, eye candy, stripper, whore, or murderess. I'm sure I'm missing one or two, but you get the idea. At the top of the list of females I think deserve this meaningless trophy (meaningless until you need to sell your movie as quality, by the way, then the commercials are all "Oscar Winner" this and "Oscar Winner" that...so maybe they do matter, doubting public) is Ms. Moore. Now, lately she's tried to make some crap. But she was also staggering in Boogie Nights (still can't believe she didn't win there), Short Cuts, Children of Men, and I could keep going. We tend to forget about her, but we really shouldn't.
  
  
• Naomi Watts - She's doing a smart thing next, as she's going to be working with Woody Allen. As Penelope Cruz noted, Allen is one of the few who writes good parts for women and, go figure, when these women get those parts, they kill it and win Oscars. Again, this doesn't explain the dearth of roles for talented actresses. Sure, she was Ms. King Kong and fought the creepy Ring chick, but DAMN 21 Grams and Eastern Promises. She's crazy talented and, when she finds the right role (hint, not The International), she's gonna kill it.
  
  
• Director Paul Thomas Anderson - All this guy has done is crank out perhaps 4 of the best films of the modern era: There Will Be Blood, Boogie Nights, Punch Drunk Love, and Magnolia. Holy. Effing. Crap. I mean, I KNOW this guy's going to get one before his career is over, but let's not take it for granted. Remember what we did to Hitch (that's Alfred Hitchcock and not the movie Hitch...what we did to that was make it one of the top-grossing films of the year...shudder). He goes away for awhile, comes back with a masterpiece, rinses and repeats. I cannot possibly praise this guy enough.
  
  
• Director Darren Aronofsky - I will go out on a limb here and say he's not getting gold for his next film, a Robocop remake. Still, Requiem for a Dream and The Wrestler were critically beloved and The Fountain remains in my all-time top 5. It can reduce me tears if I remember it strongly enough. Brilliant and ballsy, the only thing that may keep Aronofsky out is his rambunctious nature and attraction to weirdness. Flipping off the camera at the Golden Globes and sci-fi obsession don't usually spell Oscar, but whatevs. Dude rocks.
  
  
• Will Smith - Yeah, I said it. I like Will Smith. He's one of those guys who is so incredibly likable that some people start hating him just to be different. He's crazy talented, has such charisma that I think I'd hear him out if I saw him wailing on my Grandmother's face, and generally makes fun (if not high quality) movies. He was on the right track when he paired with director Michael Mann, but Ali was just a misfire for both. You can tell he wants it, as nothing else on this planet explains 7 Pounds (or, as I call it, "Bwahahahahahaha"). He deserves one, honest he does.
  
  
• Brad Pitt/Tom Cruise - Here's the thing, I don't really care if either of these guys gets the trophy, because they don't particularly need it. Neither are obsessed with hunting it down (Pitt seemingly makes movies to support his legion of children, and Cruise is concerned with back end...I MEAN BOX OFFICE GROSSES, you sickos) and neither are really going to have a huge benefit from it. Still, the reality is, these are two of the more famous actors of our generation, we should have some kind of award record of that. Yes, I know this is technically three male actors, but if you combined Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise, I think you'd have one good human being.
  

So, at the risk of screaming into the void...who would be on your list?

If there's no Gozer, I won't go, sir

When I was a kid...I friggin' looooooved The Ghostbusters. From the animated cartoon that sucked like a nuclear-powered vacuum to the sequel that is less loved than a middle child, I adored the group. One of the few memories that time or some degenerative condition yet to be diagnosed hasn't stolen from me is my insistence upon trick-or-treating despite a fever of a thousand exploding suns because I wanted to wear my sweet Ghostbusters costume. Mom had made the costume (of course) and bought me the honest-to-God REAL looking backpack and trap. It was perfection itself. So, forgive me the optimism if I'm eagerly anticipating Ghostbusters 3 and delighted(ish) that Dan Ackroyd has recently said they're targeting a fall shooting date. I wish they had more time to hammer out the perfect script...but the guys penning it are TV writers (from "The Office" no less), so the quick turnaround really shouldn't ding them too much. Plus, how hard is this idea? Introduce your new group of bustin' younguns, have them train with the older, grumpier, pudgier original crew and get to bustin' the ghosts dammit. You know John Krazynski (that spelling isn't right at all and I don't give a damn) is angling for a role, and he should. Everyone wants the Peter Venkman-esque role, but I think you need to spice it up a bit and not think of younger versions of the older guys. He'd have a bunch to add to the movie, as he does the "I can't believe this crazy shit...but I'm going to participate in it anyway" schtick quite frequently. I'd also like to see someone like Chris Evans, who has a lot of personality, and (gasp) a female! What about Rachel McAdams? Not just because I want to see her everywhere at all times, but because she could use a big ole hit to get back on the map (why did she leave again?). Point is, I don't give a squirt or drip when, where, how, or who, I just care that Ghostbusters are coming back. This makes me happy. Dammit.

Quick clips for Monday February 23

Redemption, Oscar be thy name

I'm going to get right to it: After two years of horrible, gut-wrenching shame, I've finally restored a modicum of honor and dignity to my name. I crushed my wife in our Oscar predictions last night. Now, I was aided by the fact that she was the one soul on earth to put Frank Langella as her guess for Best Actor (not even Frank Langella thought that Frank Langella had a chance), but a win is a win and I'll take it (more on being wrong in the box office recap below). Beyond that epic and much needed win, I was mildly surprised about a few things...but few is the key word here. Mostly, the awards went the way they were supposed to but, echoing Danny Boyle's sentiments here, I thought the whole thing was "lovely," from Jackman's goofy-ass opening song and dance, to his second and much worse song and dance (seriously, everybody sings live but Beyonce? It's official, I was on the hate-her fence and have now hopped onto the loathe-her lawn). Let's get more organized for this recap.

Ryan's Results - 18 of 24

Not too shabby when you consider that the losses were in some smaller categories (more on that later). I also got the total for Slumdog dead on at 8. I got all the majors right except Penn over Rourke (which was unnecessary, more on that later too). Overall, I'll take it.

Biggest surprises

All in the lower categories (you can't consider Penn over Rourke a shocker), but there were some stunners. First off, the Academy (gasp) got it RIGHT for Documentary (perhaps a first). Second, all of the shorts were upsets. I cannot believe that Presto lost out, even though I can see the appeal of Le Maison, which was actually the one I preferred to win (I'm not even just saying that). I was once again reminded by the Live-Action short category that you DO NOT go against Holocaust films. The big gasper of the night HAD to be Defiance stealing Best Foreign Film. NOBODY had that one coming. The collective thought seemed to be that either Waltz With Bashir should win, but that The Class could steal it, or the other way around. That one was a stunner. Oh, and the other big surprise was me winning. Did I mention that? Because I totally won the Syrek Academy Award Challenge (pronounced Chall-ANGE).

Best moments

I loved seeing Kate Winslet win (finally), even if it was for a movie so bad it shouldn't exist. Loved it when Jackman did his "I haven't seen The Reader" dance. He's so lucky. Her speech was okay, but a little too contrived for me. She was clearly concerned about the criticism leveled at her (unfairly) by her countryman for her previous speeches, which is bullshit because the lady is the best actress working these days and SHOULD have had an award by now. Sorry it had to come for crap, but glad you've got it, honey. I love, love, loved Dustin Lance Black's eloquent and beautiful promise regarding equality for gay rights. Also enjoyed Penn's rehearsed "You commie homo lovers" comment. Very nice. I also liked that he gave a shout out to Rourke. I thought the Ledger win would be in here, but it was such a foregone conclusion and the classy but tepid acceptance was ho-hum. Oh, and props to Slumdog and the crew but we all knew it was coming. Still nice to see Danny Boyle win. Made me smiley.

Best new elements of the show

Loved the very sincere acknowledgement of the actors from fellow actors. Really classy. I also loved that they kept some dance numbers in, liked the "narrative" theme of the show (building from preproduction to postproduction) and can't believe that wasn't always the order (aside from the goofy placement of the acting awards). Jackman was serviceable but practically absent.

Worst elements of the show

STOP WITH THE EFFING MONTAGES OF STUPID SHIT. "Comedies 2008" was okay because it had Rogen and Franco, who were funny. All of the others were stupid and pointless. STOP IT. Nobody likes those and it's what makes your show go over. Beyonce not singing live was incredible crappy. Other than that, can't complain really. Oh, and I'll just put this rant here: Penn over Rourke was a stupid move by the Academy. Let's set aside who deserves it, because you can argue that point back and forth until the cows come home. Two excellent performances so tightly competitive it was clearly a wash. SO YOU GO WITH THE GUY WHO NEEDS THE TROPHY. Penn didn't need another Oscar. He knows he's recognized as one of the best, and, let's face it, could give a shit. Rourke, on the other hand, isn't "back" as we've been saying. He was "almost" back. See, you don't get "back" on career track for a NOMINATION. You get back on track for a WIN. Had he won, not only would we have had a great acceptance speech, we also would have had a reborn Rourke. Squandered opportunity by the Academy.

Best/Worst dressed

I don't really have strong opinions here, but Natalie Portman was as beautiful as she's ever been. Amy Adams was gorgeous too. Robert Downey Jr looked classy and cool as hell. Nobody looked particularly terrible (other than Adrian Brody). Kind of fits the night, classy and pretty but not insanely memorable.

There you have it. The Oscars are now behind us. Very fun ceremony, nice to be back on top. I would expound on this more, but my words are tired.

Weekend Box Office: Okay, I get it, you REALLLLLY love Tyler Perry

Holy crap. I cannot get a bead on this box office this year. I mean, I figured Madea for number one, but NOBODY figured almost $45 million...that's crazy talk. I guess that this character is far more popular than the rest of Perry's films. I won't make the same mistake again, as the next Madea movie I'm projecting at eleventy billion dollars opening weekend. The other big surprise was the drop off of Friday the 13th. Sure, the holdovers for EVERYTHING else is huuuge, but when I predict such a holdover, it goes right in the crapper. It's not a surprise that a horror movie fell in the second frame, but this one was straight decapitated (get it, because it's a horror movie). I know, it's Monday, what do you want from me?

Here are the results:

1.) Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail - $41 million (Accuracy of prediction - 82%)

Lord, I had no idea this film would be that kind of huge. Now, the drop off in the second week will likely be epic, but when you haul in a gross like that opening weekend, who cares? These films are money machines, costing in the low teens and twenties to make and hitting almost 60-70 in a matter of weeks. I mock the man's constant obsession with putting his name out there, but apparently, this is why I'm not rich.

2.) Taken - $11.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 79%)

Soon to be the second official 2009 release to cross $100 million (Gran Torino was technically a 2008 release), this film is just crushing expectations. I don't know what copycats will look like, because this was so generic sounding and looking to begin with, but somewhere Steven Segal is saying "See, I told you" in his creepy fat guy whisper.

3.) Coraline - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 71%)

It won't be sold that way when the tallies are tallied, but this is having a surprisingly solid run. No, the opening weekend wasn't gigantic, but the 3D features and no opposition is allowing this non-kids, kids film to rake in some decent dough. Props to all involved, as I love them all.

4.) He's Just Not That Into You - $8.5 (Accuracy of prediction - 85%)

I think enough time has passed for me to reveal a secret about this movie: It pretends to like women but it actually hates them. The moral is apparently that women are weak-willed and easy to trick. Beware the Trojan horse romantic comedy that appears to be targeted to praise an audience but actually slaps them across the face. This is a face slapper.

5.) Slumdog Millionaire - $8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 0%)

I think we've discussed this one enough. I will add that this will be crossing $100 million shortly as well. Impressive for a little film like this.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 63%

I'm always slot 5 away, aren't I? Oh well, all things considered, I think I'll take the Oscar victory.

Friday Free-For-All

I'll admit it, I'm ready for another Red Dawn

On the whole, the world scoffs at remakes (scoff, scoff) and "reimaginings" and then goes to see them like 10 times over and quintuples the gross. I'll admit, I dog on some remakes (a lot of remakes), but that's mostly because I can't believe we are incapable of doing better things, thinking new thoughts, dreaming new dreams, leaving shitty old TV shows alone! This is one of those times I'm begrudgingly kind of cool with the remake, especially after the interview that Devin at Chud did with Carl Ellsworth, the guy who is remaking Red Dawn. Basically, what Ellsworth and Faraci discuss is (A) what the new version could possibly do that a movie featuring C. Thomas Howell couldn't, (B) how you update a story based in our fear of the Russkies (a fear I still harbor...don't ignore the sleeping red giant, for one day, it shall crush us all), and (C) how "realistic" can you possibly make this thing? The answers to these questions appear to be (A) find someone who can act, despite the sad fact that most won't go on to star in The Da Vinci Treasure like Howell, (B) make the bad guys less Russian, but still plausibly big and dominant (cough, China, cough), and (C) set it against the declining US economy, which would give someone an opportunity to nut-stomp us if they had the inclination oh dear God did he just give a roadmap for US domination? The cool thing is, the Wolverines in that movie were insurgents. Pure and simple, they were the quick-hit, improvised explosion dropping resistance, which we've kind of come to hate recently. Whereas once we identified with the revolutionary upstarts, what with you know how our country came to be, we now tend to associate with the powers that be. Oh goodness, that seems like a reasonable reason to remake something. Now, where you're going to find anybody as visually appealing as Jennifer Grey pre-nose job or Leah Thompson pre "Caroline in the City," that's beyond me, but provided they don't give us the cast of a CW show, I'm there.

Weekend Battle Plan: Step 1 - Go to the Omaha Film Festival, Step 2 - Watch the Oscars

I usually use this space to talk about the movies that have been released this week, but we're talking about Fired Up and Tyler Perry's Medea Goes to Jail. Sure, I could make a few lame-ass Fired Up is to American Pie what The Jonas Brothers are to U2 (streaming their new album at myspacemusic right now by the way....very intriguing stuff) and Tyler Perry's Tyler Perry featuring Tyler Perry as Tyler Perry, written by Tyler Perry, Produced by Tyler Perry, directed by Tyler Perry, but then what? Well, then I start talking about the Omaha Film Festival. It has been well covered by us at "The Reader" (click that funky cover story tab over to the left there), as well as by every other news site in Omaha and the surrounding areas, which is a good thing. Simply put, go to OmahaFilmFestival.org, pick the best sounding flicks, and go watch an awesome festival held locally. I could spill volumes of cyber ink recounting the badassery of what the boys have put together, but again you can get that information in any of a thousand different places. There's nothing else good at theaters, the weather isn't too bad, you have no excuse not to support this. We bitch incessantly in Omaha about how we don't get cool shit (when we're not overly praising our music scene), now's the time to put your bitchin' in the closet and get to going to the "something cool" you wish would come. Do it.

Then, when you're done, WATCH THE GD OSCARS ALREADY. You don't know how sick I am of people who are too good to watch the show. That's fine, if you would rather watch whatever else is on Sunday night television instead, have at it, but don't bitch about it, don't pretend like you don't still care about hearing who wins, and don't act like it's because "none of the right films were nominated." Do you watch the Superbowl even if your team doesn't get in? If you like movies, you watch The Oscars. You have fun picking the winners, you hope that Hugh Jackman gets off a few good one-liners (which, thanks to Ricky Gervais, he just might), you hope for upsets, you get excited about Mickey Rourke's redemption (or meltdown), and you just generally celebrate movies. "Seen any good movies lately" is an icebreaker for a reason, this medium is a staple of modern culture. So, stop whining and celebrate already. It's Oscar time. Check out my predictions HERE and tune back here (as in right here) for my take on the thing.

That's my recommendation/demand: Watch the OFF and then the Oscars...dammit.

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

I'm currently streaming the new U2 album (legally, assholes) at MyspaceMusic, so nothing can make me unhappy today. I'm impervious to past previous box office prediction failures, I don't care that a Tyler Perry is going to be at the top of the charts this week, and I'm going to weep with tears of joy. Seriously, this thing will be savaged by a large group of fans who have come to think of U2 only as anthem rockers, Superbowl half-time performers, and "pop" artists who depend on singles. THIS is the album I've been waiting 18 years for (since the release of "Achtung Baby"). I could wax rhapsodic about the album (and might, somewhere, but only after listening to it about 100 more times), but know that when the first few strains of the song "Uknown Caller" came on, I thought "There it is, there it is again" and nearly cried. So. Happy. Anyway, on to the predicting stuff. Failure never felt so yummy.

Here's how I see it (or don't, you know, whatever):

1.) Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail - $26 million

These things have a formula and a roadmap to them. It will go as high as $30 million and as low as $20 million, so it will likely fall somewhere in between. Oh, and my favorite track on the new U2 album so far is "Moment of Surrender." It's an epic (almost 8 minutes), which I didn't think they'd do again.

2.) Friday the 13th - $19 million

I know the drop-off will be more than 50%, but given the strong holdovers lately, I'm going to go a bit more on the positive side and say it will only drop around 55% and not over 60%. Also, Bono repeats several lyrics across different songs on the album. They actually sample his "let me in the sound" from "Get On Your Boots" on two other tracks. It really gives the album some coherence.

3.) Taken - $14 million

This will pull the Liam Neeson vehicle to almost $100 million (about $98 million), which is an incredible achievement. Really, more remarkable than Blart because a comedy catching on is less rare than an action vehicle with no real stars. Oh, and I love that U2 has tracks that eclipse 6 or more minutes at least 4 times on the album. I know that radio friendly used to mean 3 and a half minutes, but we live in an age of the Internet, not radio. Plus, it holds the album itself together when a song can evolve and bridge the gaps between what came before it and what comes after.

4.) He's Just Not That Into You - $11 million

I can see Fired Up screwing me over and sneaking into this spot...but I don't think it will. My wife really wants to see this one, so I may (begrudgingly) take her, raising the total single-handedly. Also, the first vocals on "White as Snow" are practically like a hymn. In fact, I think he's following the melody of "Emmanuel" on the track. Only Bono could pull something like that off.

5.) Coraline - $9 million

As the only kids movie out right now, there's nothing to impede it's progress. Sure, that damn Fired Up could hang on to this spot...but I doubt it. Kids have gotta see something. Oh, and I've decided already (first listen) that "No Line on the Horizon" is better to me than "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb." Oh, sure, I'll sing songs from "Bomb" more often, but this is a better album. I'll stop now.

And...HUZZAH to our own Ben Coffman, whose wife delivered a bouncing baby boy last night. Congrats Ben and Lori!!!!!!

Quick clips for Thursday February 19

Marvel wants YOU (provided you work for ho-hos and bottle caps)

Okay, so in today's economy, it's not like $250,000 is anything to slouch at (or do any other form of inappropriate posture in the direction of). Still, it feels pretty low when you're talking to a guy who may win an Oscar on Sunday. Mickey Rourke, he of recent doggie-loss (rest in peace Chihuahua I'm pretty sure killed itself rather than talk to Lisa Rinna on the red carpet or perhaps after having seen what its species did with Beverly Hills Chihuhaua), he of recent career resurrection, he of strange-looking face was offered said measly amount to play a villain in Iron Man 2. He opted not to work for said low-ball amount, choosing instead to work on Sly Stallone's life-altering Expendables (more on that later...yes, every damn day if I feel like it, that's how often we talk about that work of brilliance). This is distressing, not because the success of the next movie hinges on Rourke, but because it is part of a trend. Consider that Samuel L Jackson (the first, last, and only choice to play Nick Fury) was also given an insanely low quote and has walked away (for now). Look, Marvel, I get negotiating tactics. Hell, part of me even respects you not just backing the truck up whenever asked like a helluva lot of other companies do for sequels. That said: WAKE THE FRAK UP! You have a chance (specifically with Jackson, not with Rourke) to do something never before done with comic book movies. Don't piss it away on a few million dollars that you DAMN WELL KNOW you're going to get back. Iron Man 2 is your free pass. It will make $300 million for existing. What you're playing with here is the future of your studio: Play your cards right, and you may have the next evolution of comic books (interwoven visual stories...it's not that hard to envision). Play your cards wrong, and you're looking at a lifetime of Nicholas Cage superhero movies. Oh, and you still need a villain for Iron Man 2, you can't just go with Justin Hammer (the evil weapons designer) because you tried the whole "suit-vs-suit" thing in the last movie and it was the worst part. You need a big bad guy who works, like the Crimson Dynamo (who Rourke would be perfect for). Just saying, head-out-of-ass time boys.

Your daily Expendables update

First, an apology: Yesterday when recounting the testosteronicity of the impending testicular explosion that is The Expendables, I left Randy Couture out of the mix...and he's the only guy of the bunch to have ever been good at hitting people in real life. My bad. Second, Danny Trejo (the meanest looking Hispanic man ever born) is going to join the cast. Who the hell else can possibly join this thing? (For the record, Ben tossed out Mike Tyson...he is not wrong). Sweet Jesus, the man is best known (or most fondly known) for his fake-trailer in Grindhouse where he plays "Machete," a dude who wants to put knives inside of your face. If you're having a bad day, just think about what's coming. Wife left you? Danny Trejo and Dolph Lundgren are gonna eff people up in South America. Kids in jail? Jet Li and Jason Statham are going to kick people in body parts. Home foreclosed? Schwarzenegger and Stallone are in a movie together. STD got you down? Randy Couture and Mickey Rourke have your back. If anybody but the following 10 bands does the soundtrack to this movie, there will be a revolution:

1. Iron Maiden
2. Winger
3. AC/DC
4. Ratt
5. Trixter
6. Warrant
7. Great White
   
8. Jackyl
9. Quiet Riot
   
10. The Ghost of Sam Kinison Screaming Over the Cries of Souls in Hell

Lost Recap: Second verse, same as the first

Well now, that's how you move some shit along! Just like that. You want us back on the island? Whammo, first shot, they're back on the island. Cut and print. Loves it. Pretty much everything in the first 10 minutes and the last 10 minutes last night was as good as "Lost" can be for me. Widening mysteries while still (literally) moving the story along, playing with characters that we've spent 5 years with now, so we can't help but know them well (Hey, Sayid's in handcuffs...he probably killed someone; Hey, Hurley's on the plane too...guilt must have gotten to him, probably because some ghost or figment talked to him; Hey, Kate's on the plane...she's always been a hopeless romantic and has always loved Jack and sought his love; Hey, Ben's on the plane...he probably lied, did something terrible, and will later do something terrible). I love how many questions I have, but how they are practical questions and not mythological ones. Oh, and next episode is the one I've been waiting for...AND I HOPE TO GOD THEY TELL ME WHY WALT DOESN'T HAVE TO COME BACK IN IT.

Here's what happened:

1.) In a scene ripped EXACTLY from the pilot episode, Jack opens his eyes on the island and hears screaming. He runs, and we see Hurley in the water, Jack taking a literal leap of faith to get to him, and Kate unconscious on some rocks (oh Lord, she even looks perfect comatose). They're back on the island (but where are all the others).

2.) 48 hours earlier, we see things moving quickly: Eloise explains that the station is the Lamp Post (out of CS Lewis's work...just go read Doc Jensen, I ain't covering that crap here, it's waaaay too much) and it was built to find the island by "a very clever fellow." My friend Ben (not the evil TV guy) called it: It was built by Farraday. No doubt. More on that later. She explains they use the swinging pendulum to find the island again by going through "windows" in time. They need to hop a ride on Ajira Air (we knew it) and go back...but they have to recreate as best as possible the situation. Which means Jack needs to give Locke's body something of his Dad's. Weird.

3.) Kate humps Jack.

4.) Jack is the luckiest man alive.

5.) Okay, so the majority of the middle of the episode is a bit boring, but not bad. We get old Jack back, determined to do something to help everyone, convinced his plan will work (although it hasn't ever, not one time ever, actually gone the way he intended). But things are different: We see that all this happened because Jack didn't believe. Remember the whole man of faith vs man of science? Jack was wrong, as Locke's suicide note even tells him. So, Kate ditches Aaron (but doesn't want to talk about it), Ben gets whomped on by someone (my friend Ben says it was Desmond because Ben tried to kill Penny or, worse yet, did kill Penny, noting that Evil Ben made the phone call from a marina and had threatened to off Penny earlier), Jack picks up some shoes from his Grandpa, and everybody gets on the plane.

6.) On the plane, we see a creepy dude who is clearly going to be a factor later (my guess - a Widmore guy) and the return of Frank Lupidus, who I knew was too cool to forget. I mean, sure, they punted the whole "Walt is special/Walt's in the jungle/Walt appears in dreams/Kidnap Walt" storyline, but Frank needs his story told. There's a flash (not a crash) and we end where we started, with Kate being woken up (I need that job). Interesting ending: Jin shows up and points a gun at them...WHILE WEARING A DHARMA OUTFIT.

Okay, that last part was the most interesting to me. I think that when they unstuck time (when Locke jiggled the time travel toilet handle), they got unstuck in the 1960s, when Dharma ran things. I think Farraday became a part of Dharma, built the Lamp Post for them as a way to help himself in the future (knowing others would be looking for them), and everybody is going to basically be responsible for their own fate later. A time loop that connects to itself. Mind blowing.

I am soooo excited for next week, in part because I just love watching a Locke-centric episode. I'm hoping we don't get too time-traveled out soon (as in, "but how could he know that he knew that she was going to go back and...blahblahblahblah). I'm hoping they keep it on track. For me, "Battlestar Galactica" showed me last Friday how to handle wrapping up loose ends. "Lost" has a season left, and I'm hoping they head the same way.

Quick clips for Wednesday February 18

Just when you think it can't, The Expendables gets more awesomer

I have spilled much cyber ink praising the impending cinematic equivalent of a steel-toed-boot-junk-kick that is The Expendables. Why? Because it has the potential to be one of the most transformational experiences not involving the loss of your virginity. When news came this week that Mickey Rourke was a definite in, I was excited. When it was leaked that Ben Kingsley's role would be filmed by Eric Roberts (yes, thank you, if you've ever played a pacifist or had a single pacifistic thought in your life, you aren't even allowed to see this movie), I was elated. But now that Aintitcool.com has reported that Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be appearing in the movie...I can't breathe. Sonnets must be written praising this development. Viagra should no longer be produced as it is totally unnecessary; when a man needs help with that all he needs to do is think about the upcoming Stallone, Lundgren, Li, Statham, Rourke, Whittaker, Roberts, Schwarzenegger movie and he'll be able to penetrate an armored delivery truck. Now, Arnie is supposedly going to play himself in the cameo, but that doesn't mean he still can't do something like kill a man for looking at him funny. I think we should also point out once more that Jean Claude Van Damme should have his testes permit repealed for having passed on this film...IN ORDER TO DO BLOODSPORT 2: BLOODSPORTIER. Not that he would have had the necessary testosteronicity to handle the role...that's what Eric Roberts is for. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go countdown the days until I'm watching this before humping a Wells Fargo truck.

Not all fan films involve perversity

You have to love the modern world we live in. Anybody can be a filmmaker, provided they have the desire. Now, that doesn't mean they're very good, but sometimes...sometimes they are. When it comes to nerd materials (by which I mean superheroes, sci-fi, and fantasy), fanfilms are a staple. They usually involve (A) some crazy stupid sexual pairings ("Dude, check out Spock dorking Kirk," Yes, that's a real one), (B) ridiculously geeky scenarios ("What if Batman fought the Predator AND Aliens," that one really exists as well), or (C) plotlines that couldn't fit into a bigger movie. For every 100 terrible, Superman-and-Wonder-Woman-doin'-it movie, you get one of the following:

THE HUNT FOR GOLLUM - FULL Trailer 1 from Independent Online Cinema on Vimeo.

Now, that is pretty obviously a labor of love. Made for $3,000, this 40-minute short was taken from the appendices of the Tolkien novels and will be provided for free on May 3 at the Web site listed above. This free business is why they aren't being sued. How cool is that? I mean, if I saw a preview like that in the theater I may be inclined to go and I KNOW for sure two of my friends will be sure to catch it. This is what makes me feel all good and tingly inside: People with talent who love something enough to do it for free just because they wanna. Loves it. Happy Wednesday.

Lost Preview: "316"

After having Smokey make such a prominent appearance last time out, I can't use my go-to first prediction this week. So, I guess I'm going to have to get, I don't know, intelligent about this. That sucks. Oh, side note, the last episode of "Battlestar Galactica" raised the bar for my hopes regarding the end of "Lost." Basically, what happened last night was the equivalent of Ben sitting down with Jack and Kate and going "Okay, so the island was made at this time, this date, does the following things, and here's the deal with Smokey." Yes, it was a lot to wrap my brain around, but I loved it. Just saying, "Lost" had best bring it if it wants the mantle of my favorite show ever. Side-side note, my friend Andrew questioned whether that most recent B-Star episode had been written by Doc Jensen it was so cerebral. This is funny, and means I must once more suggest you check out Doc's column at Ew.com today. It's really, really deliciously good, especially if you've read CS Lewis extensively. I mean EXTENSIVELY. I wish I got paid to study minutia in my favorite TV show.

Predictions for "316"

1.) We aren't lied to: The first wave of the Oceanic 6 goes back to the island tonight. I'm going to say Jack, Kate, and Sun go, but Hurley and Sayid do not...yet.

2.) Somebody is going to at least mention Walt. Even though they won't ask the logical question "WHY THE HELL DOESN'T HE HAVE TO GO BACK?!" Plus, somebody has to explain the whole "if they die, it's cool" thing. If death is also a balancing out of the whole space-time continuum, why wouldn't Ben just waste these muthas?

3.) Ms. Hawkings will reveal something about Desmond's role. He won't go back to the island because he has to play a special part off the island. I'm thinking that whatever happened to put HER on Ben's side and NOT Widmore's side has to do with Desmond. How interesting is it that Widmore may have had OTHER reasons not to like Desmond for his daughter. If he had knowledge of the future, he'd know that Desmond has some crazy things ahead of him.

4.) Sayid will kill somebody in a crazy cool way in an attempt to save Hurley. That's pretty much all he's doing these days. Side note: It's time to make my favorite characters cool again. I don't care what it takes. I love Sayid the Assassin, but I also love Sayid the smart guy who is always more right than Jack. I also miss Kate doing things other than saying "you leave my baby alone." This is the episode we need to start having CHARACTERS come back. We've done good getting some mythology going, now give us our boys and girls back.

5.) The island IS done hopping, the gang on the island will meet up with Alpert and the others, and will be shocked when they run into Jack and some of the gang. It should be emotional.

That's all I got. Not too crazy, but we're going to get nutty next week, with John Locke's off-island story in "The Life and Death of Jeremy Benthem" (ie, the episode I'm waiting for). Oh, but one more:

6.) I think Locke was resurrected last week. I don't have a good explanation, but I could have sworn when he unstuck the donkey wheel they cut to the coffin being open. So I think he's now alive. I'm guessing here.

Quick clips for Tuesday February 17

Austen vs Austen vs Aliens vs Zombies

When I first heard that "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" was going to be written, I was intrigued. As I have mentioned previously, I can find nothing wrong with Jane Austen's bland and overvalued writing that could not be improved with the consumption of a fair amount of human brains and flesh. That said, I did not realize at the time that we had entered into a "do crazy shit with Jane Austen novels" arms race. Variety is reporting that Elton John's film production company (the whosawhatsit now?) is fast-tracking Pride and Predator, in which the loving English characters must set aside terse flirtations and hand wringing when crazy aliens arrive. So, basically, it's a race to see who can be first to defile the memory of every snooty girl's favorite writer. Sadly, I think there's only room for one series here, and they should strike a bargain in which the survivors of the zombie apocalypse are able to find love...only to then be assaulted by evil aliens. The self-contained continuity would be epic. I would like to point out that, should either of these movies (A) happen and (B) make money, we will see a deluge of classic-novels-meet-crazy-bullshit movies happen. Picture Great Expectations...of Terror or The Old Man and the Sea Monster. You can do this all day. Oh, The Catcher in the Rye or Die Hard. Play at home.

This just twittered

For the record, I'm going to give credit to Slashfilm.com for this next tidbit and not the twitter from Production Weekly because (A) Slashfilm rules (it was just named one of the top 25 blogs by "Time Magazine"...I'm guessing we were 26th...next year dammit) and (B) I refuse to give credit to a twitter post. Apparently, Timur Bekmambetov (Wanted) is going to (potentially) direct Reese Witherspoon and Robert Downey Jr in The Days Before. In what can only be described as a melodramatic art film, the movie will tell the tale of aliens who attempt to destroy the human race by moving backward through time, wiping out humanity yesterday-to-yesterday, unless one man who is moving backward ahead of them can convince the world to stop them. Bekmambetov is known best for his Russian sci-fi/supernatural/WTF series Nightwatch and for Wanted, the most terrible film I've ever enjoyed. Witherspoon and Downey Jr will likely end up having some kind of romance, and I'll leave you to determine who gets the better of that deal. I will say, I like Downey Jr the movie star even more than Downey Jr the "actor." What I mean is, he has enough talent to be the douchey kind of "I only do serious work" type of guy, but instead he has fully embraced his post-Iron Man leading man-ness. This is great because we really don't have too many of these guys left, now that we've banished Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson to the island of misfit toys. Good on you, Bobby.

Producers of potential Johnny Quest movie unaware of "Venture Brothers"

I have no explanation for how you could make a Johnny Quest movie in a world where "The Venture Brothers" have turned him into a cracked-out psychopath. Seriously, that show (the latter, not the former) is one of the most inspired, hilarious television programs out there and I thought it killed any potential JQ movie. So much so that whoever it is that puts out the "best unproduced scripts" lists every year has had that one on for awhile now, because there was no way to make it when young people have come to know Johnny for his heroin addiction. This apparently isn't stopping Zac Effron and The Rock, who are angling to play Johnny and Race Bannon, respectively (although it would be funnier the other way around). Seeing as how Brock Samson is one of the, let's say, 10 best characters ever created and how we're all a little over the whole "cartoon-to-movie" shenanigans, why not let this one pass you by, guys? I mean, I get the appeal of an adventure movie (if National Treasure 2: Eff You Guys, We Can Slap Any Crap We Want In Here and Make Bank can happen, anything can), but why not strive to come up with new characters to put in those situations (I mean, besides the obvious "having to do extra thinking" stuff). I'm likely tilting at windmills here, as this has already made its way into The Rock's psyche, as he is the one "breaking" the news of his interest. In related news, "Ryan Syrek will be getting paid ludicrous amounts of money to do things." I want to see if we can make things happen through rumor mongering.

Quick clips for Monday February 16

Trading up

When it was announced that the colossal douchehammers at Fox would keep Emily Blunt from becoming The Black Widow in Iron Man 2 so that she could bring joy to dozens with her role in the I-can't-believe-this-isn't-an-Eddie-Murphy movie Gulliver's Travels (starring Jack Black), it looked like we were going to see a downgrade from epic hotness to marginal cuteness. Some CW floozy or model/actress/breast enhancement commercial was going to wind up with a role as a badass assassin and promptly render it inert. Well, not so fast my Russian-lusting friends. It looks like this bye-bye Blunt thing means we may have a crack at Scarlett Johansson in full leather bodysuitohmygodmyheadjustpopped. EW.com is reporting Scar-Jo is circling the role, which is good news for all involved because (A) she hasn't made a good movie in a long time, (B) it will allow her to be hot and (potentially) cool, and (C) it could be one of the few female action parts that would reasonably lend itself to future spinoffs or appearances in other films. Despite the promise that she showed in Lost in Translation (and the insane hotness that she carries with her), Scarlett hasn't exactly been killing it out there. I mean, to be honest, she's pretty much been sucking. Whether it's her mediocre and breathy Tom Waits covers, her poor choice in projects (mmm, The Spirit), or her generally blah performances in said mediocre projects, I've been waiting for her to really cut loose. Granted, the Black Widow isn't Oscar material, but I think she needs something like this to really get rolling again popularity wise before taking on a role that will see her be a bit more "Oscarly" (yes, it's a word this week...because I said so).

In praise of Transmorphers

I will never watch a movie from Asylum entertainment (or, maybe I will, but I will never watch one sober). That said, I love that they exist. Honest, I do. Why? Because when I go to the video store with the wife and we're doing our negotiation thing (Okay, what if I consent to What Happens in Vegas, provided you concede on the Nazi zombie movie), nothing breaks the tension of the situation like "Why don't we just rent Snakes on a Train or Transmorphers?" These guys make cheap, quick, awful knock-off movies...and make enough where I figure they have to be somewhat profitable. I don't know what the audience is for Sunday School Musical or Street Racer or AVH: Alien vs Hunter, but I like that they're out there. I mean, how great is it that they make these cheesy-ass rip offs in order to make a quick film buck? Get ready for their lates, The Terminators, which follows a group of soldiers fighting against a cyborg army that has taken control of the planet. What a wholly original and clever idea?! Did I mention that it was starring the guy who was in Mallrats? They usually use C Thomas Howell, who cracks my shit up, or somebody from the CW. I think what I like is that it kind of shows the spirit of creativity and a determination to do something involving movies, even if it's a shitty low-budget rip off. I know this is not movie news or anything, but I saw a poster for The Terminators and it made me laugh. Not funny to you? Okay, try this: "Hi, my name is C Thomas Howell. I'm the star of such films as Transmorphers and Snakes on a Train." Isn't your day better now? You can rent The Terminators in April or, if you're like the rest of the world, you can not rent it in April.

Weekend Box Office: Right, wrong, I'm just glad I didn't get slashed

Okay, so I know that it technically doesn't count, but I totally called the exact number for The International. I just didn't figure Coraline would have such a strong, strong holdover. Speaking of strongly heldover, can you BELIEVE the strength of return business lately? Consider these numbers: He's Just Not That Into You dropped a mere 29%, Coraline dipped just 9%, Taken fell only 6.5%, and Blart GAINED 7.5% (what with the fine print on that contract with Mephistophales). On the one hand, I'm happy for the health of the box office, which is SOARING above previous years (still), even if the price for that success is Blart 2. On the other, I wish I could predict worth a dookie. It's so hard right now (that's what she said) that I don't even know what to do with it (that's what she said).

Here's the results:

1.) Friday the 13th - $42 million (Accuracy of prediction - 98%)

Huuuuge Friday opening...itty bitty Sunday. These horror movies have huge, built-in audiences...for a weekend. But they are a fickle lot. I don't think this crosses $100 million, but you can't complain when you double your production budget in the first 3 days. Hope you like Jason, he'll be with us for awhile.

2.) He's Just Not That Into You - $19.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 84%)

Really nice holdover for a rom-com, which was smart thinking on the whole V-day front. Again, a longshot for $100 million, but a healthy $80 million haul and a long run on DVD is nothing to sneeze at. Despite Scar-Jo and Drew Barrymore's presence, I have yet to work up the estrogen to see this.

3.) Taken - $19 million (Accuracy of prediction - 80%)

Now this bad boy is going to CRUISE past the century club. I can't believe how well it's doing?! I mean, they would have been thrilled with a $19 million OPENING weekend, not a $19 million THIRD weekend. Wowza. Hats off to Liam Neeson. Literally, he hates hats and will eff you up if you wear one in his presence.

4.) Confessions of a Shopaholic - $15 million (Accuracy of prediction - 67%)

Alas, poor Isla Fisher. I thought she'd be a big star, but it looks like for the next few years it's girlfriend and wife roles for you, honey. Ugh. That's okay, we apparently hate female leads unless they also come with a billion other actors/actresses we know.

5.) Coraline - $15 million (Accuracy of prediction - 0%)

I'd like to point out how this happened. (1) It's from good quality people. (2) Stop motion rules. (3) This 3D thing isn't a passing fad, people love it. (4) If there's no other options, your kids movie, no matter how dark, will do money. I hope you all remember these lessons.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 66%

You know, the better the box office does, the worse I do. I don't know what that means, but that's how it goes. Still, I had a great weekend (nonmoviewise), so I don't care. Crap on me all you want Box Office Gods.