The world and I do not see eye to eye

And a good Friday morning to you, my bloggite lovelies. You've made it to the day at work that may as well not be a real workday! Hooray for lost productivity due to the insistence that we work 5 days a week! A little housekeeping, as per usual: I'll be back in a few hours with my long-gestating Inception review. I promise I've been thinking about it way too much and I will go way too crazy with my praise of it, so look forward to that.

Now, before we go any further, let's talk a little about two sets of images that hit the interweb universe in the last few days. This year had relatively few comic book movies, given that they normally saturate the market like a bedwetter soils his sheets. Instead, we only got Iron Man 2, which was a lot of fun but fairly inconsequential. Next year, the gloves are hella off, with Thor and Green Lantern arriving. Each represents something weird for their respective companies. For Marvel, Thor is the furthest from anything they've put on screen thus far, considering it's a mullet-wearing God who speaks in "thees" and "thous" and dresses like a cross between Gladiator and Gone with the Wind. For WB/DC, Green Lantern is their first sci-fi tinged character and the least known character they've debuted. As Eminem wisely put it, "my fillets are smoking weed/get back, cuz the steaks are high."

This week, we finally get to play fashion reporters, tearing into what Asgardians and defenders of the galaxy wear. Division occurred instantly, as the internets erupted with fury against the Thor photos, blasting them as (and these are real criticisms) "plastic," "gaudy," "reminiscent of Masters of the Universe," and "f**king awful." Were I willing to include homosexual slurs as adjectives, I would have far more to include, but I don't condone such hatred on account of not being an asshole. On the flip side, when "Entertainment Weekly" debuted the Green Lantern costume, which is entirely CGI rendered over Ryan Reynold's supple naked body, the general consensus was a reserved thumbs up. I totally, violently disagree. Let's look.
What you have in these photos appears to be...well...Thor. I don't get the same plastic vibe that others were getting, as the material looks fairly metallic to me, or at least metallic enough to pass on screen. Does Anthony Hopkins look like he's ready to overact the cape right off his back? Youbetcha. That's how we like that hammy, hamtastic ham bone. I don't know what people who even have a passing appreciation for Thor and his world were expecting. If they went all realistic, they wouldn't seem very God-like, right? It looks kind of cool to me. In the same way that others are giving a passing if unenthusiastic grade for the Green Lantern costume, I'm giving these the green light. Now, on to the other stuff.
This is the single most disappointing costume reveal I have ever seen. What the Sam Hell is this? Did a 15-year-old get a hold of some Photoshop? Oh wait, the PHOTOSHOPPED ONES LOOK BETTER. See?
Yeah, you thought I was kidding but some kid in his basement stopped touching himself while playing World of Final Fantasy or whatever long enough to digitally render the image immediately above using his mom's laptop while a major studio releases their expensive CGI costume on the front cover of a major magazine with all the detail and glitz of an etch-a-sketch drawing. Are you kidding me? Did you see the image above with the floating ring? What the flaming donkey crap is that? The Great Gazoo on "The Flintstones" was more realistic looking. These pics look AWFUL. And I didn't even include the ones of the villain and his throbbing, bulbous head. Like every single character in Star Wars and Hurley on "Lost," I've got a bad feeling about this. I don't know how the entire geek world and I got off track, but I'm scoring it Thor - 1, Green Lantern - 0.

Ryan Reynolds will not wear a costume while shooting The Green Lantern

I'm a clever cat. See, what I did was take some information that is true and word it in a way that will entice the ladies (and dudes) who want to get all touchie-touchie on Ryan Reynolds. I made it SOUND like he's going to shoot Green Lantern nekkid. I made it SOUND like he's going to be walking around like this on set:
For the record, I don't see why I'm not allowed to rock a beard if that guy gets to. I mean, really, what's the difference between us? His name is Ryan; my name is Ryan. He loves comic books; I love comic books. He can crush a steel girder with his nipple; I can watch. Anyhoodle, Slashfilm broke the news that the reason we haven't seen a leaked shot of Reynolds in costume (beyond the fact that most people want to see him OUT of costume) is that there is no costume. Huhbuhwha? Relax. It's all going to be CGI. Huhbuhwha?! Okay, it's like this: He is wearing a motion capture suit on set, and they're going to digitally drop it in during postproduction. Slashfilm points out that they have an awesome costume designer, so there's no real reason to get all freaked out at how they're handling this. Sure, it doesn't quite feel right...but let's be honest: who cares. So long as it looks good, nobody will care how they got the clothes on the man (again, most people are worried about how to get the clothes OFF of that man). I'm actually cautiously optimistic about Green Lantern, and considering that I consider most DC Comic characters to be written and conceived at a second-grade level, that's saying something.