Mad Max beyond Gibsondome

THR has put the nail in Mel Gibson's tenure as Mad Max's Max Rokatansky, the most leather-wearin', Thunderdome-rockin', post-apocalyptic NASCAR driver of all time. The trade mag reports that Thomas Hardy will take the lead from the sugar-tits-tosser. I'm also told that the Thomas Hardy referred to here is this man (shown all ripped for his role in Bronson):

It is apparently that large breasted gentleman and NOT the late 19th century/early 20th century British poet and novelist who wrote "Tess of the D'Urbervilles," which is kind of a bummer. Also, Charlize Theron IS reportedly in talks for a role in the film, she's shown here stalking me:

Okay fine, she's not stalking me, let's assume she heard that there will be a lot of car chases in the new Mad Max and wants to know what a car looks like from crouching behind it? I don't know what's happening here, but she looks like she just got caught doin' her lady business behind a Prius, doesn't it? Anyway, it sounds like the new Mad Max movie isn't a remake or a reboot, it's a straight-up continuation of the story, which is fine because I believe the story of Mad Max thus far is "post-apocalypse, people drive and fight." Should be able to pick right up. OH, I know, Theron is changing back into a tiger because the sun is setting? Sorry, that picture is going to keep bothering me.

Ryan's Junk Drawer

It's Thursday, which means you've come here for my junk. Oh, don't try to deny it, this is probably your favorite day on this blog...most likely because you get 5 times the information and I don't have the time to ramble on for so stinking long.

Here are the top 5 stories I chose not to desecrate with my runaway verbiage:

1.) Dial T for "Ten years Too late To care" - I don't know if I like Mad Max as much as I enjoy making references about Mad Max. Seriously, when is making a "thunderdome" reference not hilarious? Answer: Never. I was moderately excited when I heard that Jeremy Renner was potentially up for the role that shot Mel Gibson to antisemitic fame, but now comes word from E! Online that writer/director George Miller is considering some guy I never heard of by the name of Tom Hardy and a certain blonde actress pictured here:

For the record, if she looks like she does on the right in Mad Max, I'm in. Whoever that is on the right won an Oscar. The one on the left made Hancock and a movie with a month in the title where she died or something (Innocent February? or Sweet October? I can't remember). Best part of this story, Miller is auditioning actors by giving them characters identified only by a letter. Yeah, so Theron would be auditioning for P or something (that sounds really funny...Charlize Theron is auditioning for P). If Renner is in, so am I. If not, I could care less.

2.) Wicker Man 2: The Wickening - This is not a preview of that, although it may as well be. Remember how for awhile there Joaquin Phoenix was going on all sorts of talk shows looking like a homeless person...or really just looking like Benicio Del Toro, come to think of it. Everyone was asking "Hey, is this for real, or is this some kind of performance?" I'm beginning to believe that Nic Cage is doing some kind of meta-cinematic thing with his life. Like his determination to make shitty, shitty movies is some kind of statement on the industry or something? How else do you explain things like the following preview for Season of the Witch?



Like I said, it technically isn't Wickerman 2, but Lord it sure could end up feeling like it. Oh, and yeah, because I mentioned it:



3.) Me from the late 90s is angry - I loved, loved, loved The Crow when it first came out. You know what, eff that. I still love, love, love The Crow. When they reran it on MTV recently, I watched the whole stinkin' thing. Heck, I remember in college when The Crow II came out how excited I was...until I saw it. Since then, it's been a long series of disappointments with the whole concept, culminating in me wanting it all to stop. Of course, it isn't. Stephen Norrington, who directed Blade (yay) and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (uuuuuuggggghhh) is resurrecting the series in what he swears isn't a remake (in that it won't be the exact same character as the first film) but is totally a remake (in that it will be about a musician who goes through the exact same things that happened in the first film). I would love to believe that there's a chance this will be good, but I don't.

4.) Two trailers in, I still want to see Wolfman - If you had told me that I would be looking forward to a werewolf movie that didn't prominently feature Tracy Morgan singing "Werewolf Barmitzvah," I would have called you a liar. But here we are, two trailers later and I still want to see Wolfman. Even more shocking, they use some generic industrial rock riff for the score here...and I STILL like it. It looks atmospheric and whatnot, plus it has some wicked awesome looking transformation scenes and Anthony Hopkins looking all crazy (which is how I like him). Oh, and for those out there who like such things (like my cousin Jimmy), there's a shot of Emily Blunt kind of showing her Emily Blunts. Check it out, it looks kinda good, doesn't it?



5.) This isn't true...but it should be - Aintitcool was founded on the Star Wars prequels. It was how they got rolling, what drew me to them, and really what drew me to doing what I'm doing right now. So, it's only fitting that they should be the ones to debunk what was an obviously false, totally bullshit rumor about how they're contemplating a new trilogy to be shot in 3D and directed by Spielberg and Coppola. Now, obviously, this is not real. Why? Because it's perfect. Click the Aintitcool link to see it debunked by Lucasfilm directly, but then pause a moment to think about what an insanely great idea that would be. You know how during the Bush presidency everyone sat at home going "Seriously, does he NOT KNOW how terrible he is at this?" I feel the same way about Lucas. Like, there's no way he hasn't at least considered that he is sucking terribly right now. The only path to redemption for him is to give us what we've always wanted: The final trilogy, directed by people who know what they're doing, written by people who get it. The problem is that Lucas thinks that Star Wars is his. It isn't. It never was. It's all of ours, and to think otherwise is to fall victim to the myth that allowed Jar-Jar Binks to exist. I guess what I'm saying is, this rumor is totally false but really shouldn't be. We SHOULD see what a Spielberg Star Wars would look like. We SHOULD see what that final trilogy would hold. There is literally no reason this shouldn't happen other than Lucas won't do it because it's a good idea. That's my rant of the day. I want a new Star Wars trilogy. Yeah, I said it.

Jeremy Renner had best practice saying "Sugar Tits"

If it looks like I have a giant thing for Jeremy Renner today...well, don't tell my wife. There was little question after The Hurt Locker that the dude was going to blow up (really, really poor choice of descriptors there). Turns out, he's going to ride his "I'm a crazy" personality from that film into a potential turn as the tit-ular Mad Max (played with relish and zest...making him sound like a pickle...by actor-turned-sugar-tits-caller Mel Gibson). Renner told his hometown newspaper, "The Modesto Bee," that he is screen testing for the role with George Miller. That makes this one half-step above the normal BS rumors of such casting, which are normally based on some chubby dude's marijuana-enhanced "rumor mongering" (as in, "hey, Jessica Alba should totally play that one naked chick in her next movie). I have to say that my interest in a Mel Gibson-free Mad Max movie was at burnt sienna on the color-coded scale of anticipation. Renner's potential involvement cranks it up to fuscia without question. That said...I wonder what justification there is for a new Max movie? I mean, are there really aspects of that character or world we haven't seen yet, or are we just going back there to go back there. If Tina Turner doesn't close out your franchise, I'm not sure who can (anyone who said Cher, shame on you). I will say that Neil Marshall's Doomsday gave me a little big of vigor to see Max back, as his lunatic rip-off of the series fell somewhere between honest homage and Tarantino-ing the source material. Point is, at the end of the day, Jeremy Renner deserves to be crazy famous, so I'm really pulling for him hard on this one. If you just read the first line of this post and the line that proceeds this one, I'm going to need therapy.