Inside Ryan's Junk Drawer: Shhh, it's where I keep Patrick Dempsey.
Time for this week's peek into news that's just nowhere near interesting or complete enough to comprise it's own post (even for me and I can talk, at length, about virtually anything, as evidenced by the infamous "Why is Howie Mandell so popular?" discussion of 2003). I cleverly save the drool-inducing bit of tid for last to encourage you to read through the other stuff (I ain't no dummy, I know you'll close out after seeing my goodies without even staying to cuddle...or read about Patrick Dempsey). Without further ado, let's take a dive inside my junk drawer (Dempsey's running out of air in there).
1.) Variety is reporting that Scott Speedman (who has touched Kate Beckinsale), Bruce Greenwood (not the guy who sings "Proud to Be An American"), and Macha Grenon (I have no idea) joined the cast of Barnie's Version, which already stars Paul Giamatti (no, that's Philip Seymour Hoffman), Dustin Hoffman (the incredible shrinking man), and Minnie Driver (clearly not dead). The film is strange (something about a guy who has had three marriages and ends up embroiled in a missing persons case), but it was based on a novel, so it presumably has some semblance of plot (or not, I heard that one of the talentless she-vipers from "The Hills" is writing some kind of book...well, writing is a strong word, she's allowing her whorish name to go on the cover). I only mention this at all because Giamatti is always interesting and, once upon a time, so was Hoffman (no, that was not a Hook reference...although, bangarang).
2.) Variety is not done yet, as they also are providing you the news you've been lusting for, Patrick Dempsey is going to star in The Art of Racing in the Rain, the title of which could make me vomit unto itself. Supposedly, the book is (and this is a direct quote from the Variety story here) "driven by the reminiscences of Enzo, a family dog with a near-human soul and a philosopher's mind." Are. You. Effing. Kidding. Me. I'm not saying that Dempsey had integrity or a substantial career, but this is a sure sign that (in the twilight of his dreaminess), he's not going down without a fight. He won't play the dog, which is sad as that seems to be the plum role, but will play a race car driver. I can only assume that this decision is based on Dempsey's unwillingness to suffer his post-Can't Buy Me Love obscurity again. Said Dempsey, "I won't go back. I'LL DIE BEFORE I GO BACK! I'LL MAKE 10 DOG MOVIES BEFORE I GO BACK! I WON'T GO DOWN LIKE HAIM AND FELDMAN, YOU BASTARDS WILL SEE!"
3.) Switching over to America's second favorite press release site, The Hollywood Reporter has further information about the terrible idea that Rod Lurie had to remake Straw Dogs, a Sam Peckinpah movie. Thankfully, if you wanted anyone to remake the classic film, the first three names you'd come up with are Kate Bosworth, James Marsden, and Alexander Skarsgard (not Steven Saarsgaard or Stellen Staarsgaard or my favorite He-Man action figure Steel Scarsguard). Skarsgard was almost Thor in the new movie (he even tried on the costume!), so he was thisclose to touching Natalie Portman. Now, he'll have to settle for giving a classic film the dirty touch.
4.) Because I can't ignore Willem Dafoe news without threat of him harming me, The Hollywood Reporter is also reporting that the crazy son-of-a-bitch will star alongside Taylor Kitsch (who sucked while playing the sucky character, Gambit, in the sucky new Wolverine movie from the suckiest studio out there) in John Carter of Mars. I'm only okay with this film because it's based on a sweet-ass Edgar Rice Burroughs book and it is being helmed by the guy who did Wall-E (under the oversight of guys from Pixar). Less encouraging is the fact that Dafoe will be green. My guess is he's trying to avoid special effects and is willing himself to turn that color.
5.) Okay, you've waited long enough. This week has been a virtual tour of my favorite ladies to look at in Hollywood. We had Natalie Portman, Cate Blanchett, and now...the hottest keister to ever open a Sophia Coppola movie is back with our first look at her in her Black Widow costume on the cover of the next EW. Take a look:
Yeah, that's going to keep me going through today. Wowza! I don't know how her Russian accent will be (I'm guessing somewhere between Chekov's "Nuclear wessel" and Kevin Costner's Robin Hood), but she sure does look the part (ggggrrrrowlll). And with that, I take my leave of you...for now.
1.) Variety is reporting that Scott Speedman (who has touched Kate Beckinsale), Bruce Greenwood (not the guy who sings "Proud to Be An American"), and Macha Grenon (I have no idea) joined the cast of Barnie's Version, which already stars Paul Giamatti (no, that's Philip Seymour Hoffman), Dustin Hoffman (the incredible shrinking man), and Minnie Driver (clearly not dead). The film is strange (something about a guy who has had three marriages and ends up embroiled in a missing persons case), but it was based on a novel, so it presumably has some semblance of plot (or not, I heard that one of the talentless she-vipers from "The Hills" is writing some kind of book...well, writing is a strong word, she's allowing her whorish name to go on the cover). I only mention this at all because Giamatti is always interesting and, once upon a time, so was Hoffman (no, that was not a Hook reference...although, bangarang).
2.) Variety is not done yet, as they also are providing you the news you've been lusting for, Patrick Dempsey is going to star in The Art of Racing in the Rain, the title of which could make me vomit unto itself. Supposedly, the book is (and this is a direct quote from the Variety story here) "driven by the reminiscences of Enzo, a family dog with a near-human soul and a philosopher's mind." Are. You. Effing. Kidding. Me. I'm not saying that Dempsey had integrity or a substantial career, but this is a sure sign that (in the twilight of his dreaminess), he's not going down without a fight. He won't play the dog, which is sad as that seems to be the plum role, but will play a race car driver. I can only assume that this decision is based on Dempsey's unwillingness to suffer his post-Can't Buy Me Love obscurity again. Said Dempsey, "I won't go back. I'LL DIE BEFORE I GO BACK! I'LL MAKE 10 DOG MOVIES BEFORE I GO BACK! I WON'T GO DOWN LIKE HAIM AND FELDMAN, YOU BASTARDS WILL SEE!"
3.) Switching over to America's second favorite press release site, The Hollywood Reporter has further information about the terrible idea that Rod Lurie had to remake Straw Dogs, a Sam Peckinpah movie. Thankfully, if you wanted anyone to remake the classic film, the first three names you'd come up with are Kate Bosworth, James Marsden, and Alexander Skarsgard (not Steven Saarsgaard or Stellen Staarsgaard or my favorite He-Man action figure Steel Scarsguard). Skarsgard was almost Thor in the new movie (he even tried on the costume!), so he was thisclose to touching Natalie Portman. Now, he'll have to settle for giving a classic film the dirty touch.
4.) Because I can't ignore Willem Dafoe news without threat of him harming me, The Hollywood Reporter is also reporting that the crazy son-of-a-bitch will star alongside Taylor Kitsch (who sucked while playing the sucky character, Gambit, in the sucky new Wolverine movie from the suckiest studio out there) in John Carter of Mars. I'm only okay with this film because it's based on a sweet-ass Edgar Rice Burroughs book and it is being helmed by the guy who did Wall-E (under the oversight of guys from Pixar). Less encouraging is the fact that Dafoe will be green. My guess is he's trying to avoid special effects and is willing himself to turn that color.
5.) Okay, you've waited long enough. This week has been a virtual tour of my favorite ladies to look at in Hollywood. We had Natalie Portman, Cate Blanchett, and now...the hottest keister to ever open a Sophia Coppola movie is back with our first look at her in her Black Widow costume on the cover of the next EW. Take a look:
Yeah, that's going to keep me going through today. Wowza! I don't know how her Russian accent will be (I'm guessing somewhere between Chekov's "Nuclear wessel" and Kevin Costner's Robin Hood), but she sure does look the part (ggggrrrrowlll). And with that, I take my leave of you...for now.
Labels: Iron Man, Patrick Dempsey, Robert Downey Jr, Scarlett Johansson, Straw Dogs, Willem Dafoe
posted by Ryan at
7:16 AM
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