Speaking of black holes that suck...

Before we plunge into the expected tomfoolery and grabassery that you've come to know and love, let's talk about why there's suddenly a garish and awful ad banner up where there hasn't been previously. You see, friends, on the day when my wife's car decided to have even more problems, on the day when I realize that I have yet to buy a single Christmas present, on the day when I realized that I do far too much for far too many for far too little, I decided it was time to see if I could squeeze even a single, solitary nickel out of this here bloggery. No, I don't think that droves of you will suddenly start clicking on generic, lame-ass Google Ad Sense ads for products like...let me go look and see what it is right now...okay, well right now it's an ad for the DVD of Public Enemies, and I really recommend that movie, so maybe that's a bad example. I don't expect to get rich off of selling acne cream or Star Wars latex condoms or whatever else Google determines people who like me would buy. That said, if I made a hot penny from it, it would be one more hot penny towards trying to repair my finances. So, today may not be the day the music died, but it may be the day I whored myself. But if you've been reading my "Things You Should Buy Me" column, you'll know I've been looking to do so for awhile now. Anyhoodle, let's get right to the reason you woke up today: The Hollywood Reporter...reported that Disney announced a remake of The Black Hole. So, if you're a fan of floating turd bots like this:

You're in luck! Most notable for it's "advances" in special effects, the dumb-ass plot pretty much ignored all science. I'm not saying I want to see a two-hour documentary on gravitational flux, but if it's 120 minutes of a CGI-rendered blob-bot voiced by Robin Williams, I'll take my own life at the end of a sword. Just saying. Enjoy the new ad-crap, if you love me, you'll click on something.

Toot toot time

Don't tell people who have to use this mode of transportation for commuting purposes daily, but trains are, dare I say it, cool. In fact, I would hasten to say that were I born a century ago, I would have been a train conductor. I have no real skills in that area, but as far as I can tell, the job involves wearing a wicked-sweet jumpsuit and making a giant beast of steel go "toot toot" sometimes. I can do that. I bring this up because this weekend (starting tomorrow actually, but if you don't consider Friday part of the weekend, you don't have a job) the Durham Museum in Omaha (at 801 South 10th Street) is hosting the "Disney's A Christmas Carol" Train Tour, which involves a 3D sneak peek at the new movie starring an animated version of Jim Carrey...so this is sort of like that Avatar preview only you don't have to worry about tickets or unrealistic blue human kangaroo thingies. Okay, you do have to worry about the somewhat creepy motion capture technology, but since the movie is based on a story that has ghosts and a bit of creep-i-tude associated with it, I'm down with that (it was harder to accept when I was supposed to LIKE Tom Hanks in The Polar Express, when the whole time I thought he was there to take my soul). The exhibit will show off four classic train cars and will also feature fake snow and live carolers because, you know, August 28 isn't too early to start thinking about what you're going to buy me for Christmas (hint: Blu-ray player, Batman: Arkham Asylum, and my own professional sports team). Admission is free (to the event, not admission to my heart, which will cost you a Blu-ray player and Batman: Arkham Asylum at least), so you have no excuse not to go down and get yer train on.

Making a funny post about the new Anne Frank movie is hard.

I guess I'm going to have to focus on the David Mamet half of this news story if I hope to squeeze any modicum of humor out, as the playwright has decided to take on a reworking of the Anne Frank story, according to Variety. I can only assume that, in this version, Mamet will make her a filthy cursing machine, and that she will be played by Madonna...see, cuz Mamet curses a lot in his plays and Madonna has starred on Broadway in one of them...get it? Yep, ladies and gentlemen, that's the best I got for comedy, making a joke about Anne Frank swearing. Thank you and goodnight! I do think that it's interesting to see someone of Mamet's caliber taking on a story we're all so familiar with, but underneath Disney's umbrella is kind of a weird place to find Mamet and a story about suffering and death. Hopefully, they don't add some kind of dance number or cast Vanessa Hudgens as Anne or something. Seriously, if there are CGI special effects in this, or if the ending somehow involves product placement for Pepsi, I'm guessing that we won't have long to wait before we are all swallowed up by the apocalypse...and, Anne Frank-ly, I'd be okay with that. If Mamet is able to inject something that really grabs younger viewers who, by now, may not be as familiar with the Holocaust in general, it's all worth it. See, I did that whole post and didn't say anything likely to get me fired. Unless of course The Reader is now owned by the Pepsi/Disney corporation (their sodas take like mouses).