Weekend Box Office Results: Wow, do you guys like crotch hits

I knew Jackass 3D would be big, but I don't think anybody knew it would be THIS big. Apparently, we have all collectively underestimated the public's insatiable lust for dudes smacking other dudes in the naughty parts, sometimes with poo. Whatever. It's funny, it's harmless (to us), and I think enough ink has been spilled on pages and online contemplating the comic genius of the physical brand of comedy the merry junk-sters have created. If y'all want to spend a bunch of money to see 3D images of bodily fluids, have at it. It won't have a long box office shelf life, but it already cleared $30 million in profit, so I'm guessing nobody cares.

Here's how the rest of the weekend went, haiku style:

1.) Jackass 3D - $50 million (Accuracy of prediction - 78%)

The demand is high
for gross-out, violent humor.
I should have figured.

2.) Red - $22.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 88%)

Better than I thought,
both in terms of box office,
and in quality.

3.) The Social Network - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

Can't be mad at this.
Good movie does good money.
That's how it should be.

4.) Secretariat - $9.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 82%)

Are you shitting me?
This CAN'T have good word of mouth.
Man, I HATE those mouths.

5.) Life As We Know It - $9 million (Accuracy of prediction - 84%)

Listen up, Heigl.
I've had enough of your crap.
Go back to TV!!

Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 86.4%

That's respectable.
But I'm not here for respect.
I'm here for love, man.

Okay, that's it for now. Happy Monday. Get to work.

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Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

This week needs to end so I can start over. I need a clean slate and a clear head going forward. I doubt I'll get either, but it's nice to want things. This weekend is full of revenge, both in Red and with the Big Red taking vengeance upon the Longhorns of Texas for their bullcrap win last year in college football. It's also full of nut shots, hopefully for the jackasses of Jackass and the jackasses of Austin. I'm tired, you're tired, it's been a terrible week, let's just do this thing, k?

Here's how I see the weekend, haiku style:

1.) Jackass 3D - $28 million

Nothing is timeless,
quite like the classic nut shot.
It's always a hit.

2.) Red - $17 million

Bruce Willis is back!
But not the baddest ass here.
That's Helen Mirren.

3.) The Social Network - $11 million

This is a huge hit.
It is now worth a hundreth
of what Facebook is.

4.) Life As We Know It - $8 million

No one likes Heigl.
No one has heard of Duhamel.
So why is this here?

5.) Secretariat - $8 million

Wow did I hate this.
There is nothing good in it.
I am not kidding.

Okay, that's all I got this week. I'll try to do better next week, but I make no promises.

Kisses.

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