Weekend Box Office Results: With a whimper...

Yes, this weekend does end with a whimper and not a bang. And that whimper isn't just coming from me. It's the wheeze that represents the death-breath of Saw, a franchise that just lived so far beyond the life it should have had that even 3D-ing it could only reanimate it's corpse ever so slightly. Here's hoping we're done with that franchise...so everybody say hi to the second-place film, Paranormal Activity 2, which has now made $65 million collectively on a $3 million budget. I'm sure we won't be seeing one of THOSE every year now that Saw is leaving. May God have mercy on our box-office souls.

Here's this weekend's wrap-up, haiku style:

1.) Saw 3D - $24 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95.5%)

This is Saw 7
but they left that number out.
Maybe they can't count?

2.) Paranormal Activity 2 - $16.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89%)

A tiny budget
and zero big-name actors
means big-ass profits.

3.) Red - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 81%)

This is holding great!
Mostly because it is fun.
And for old people.

4.) Jackass 3D - $8.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 87%)

Poop jokes are ending.
Nut shots are moving along.
We'll miss you, Jackass.

5.) Hereafter - $6.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 88.5%)

It's an Eastwood flop!
Can we hold him in check now?
His last few sucked ass.

Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 88%

Forgettable week.
That's not good, life is too short.
Viva la MONDAY!!!????

Okay, that's it, gang. Go be productive. I'm going to try not to hurl and count down the minutes before I get back in bed.

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Weekend Box Office Results: Holy crap did you like Paranormal Activity 2

Well, I can safely say no one saw THIS coming. In a move that ensures we will be watching new low-budget Paranormal Activity movies for at least another few installments, America turned out in droves for the sequel to a film that I honestly can't believe ever got screened in the first place. Also, Red held well, Hereafter is not long for this world, and Jackass 3D plummeted but is still on pace for the $100 million club. Let's take a closer, mathematical look, shall we?

Haikus ahoy!

1.) Paranormal Activity 2 - $41.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 86.5%)

You know what this means?
Just as Saw is closing up,
this will take its place.

2.) Jackass 3D - $21.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96.5%)

So, how many times,
can you watch poo and vomit
in the theater?

3.) Red - $15 million (Accuracy of prediction - 93%)

This was a nice hold
for folks losing hair and teeth.
Get it? They are old.

4.) Hereafter - $12 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

Eastwood thinks on death.
That's really not surprising.
He just shouldn't share.

5.) The Social Network - $7.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96.5%)

People still click like
on the flick with a great script
and no good women.

Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 94.5%

Perhaps my best week.
That's not saying all that much,
But I will take it.

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Weekend Box Office Results: Wow, do you guys like crotch hits

I knew Jackass 3D would be big, but I don't think anybody knew it would be THIS big. Apparently, we have all collectively underestimated the public's insatiable lust for dudes smacking other dudes in the naughty parts, sometimes with poo. Whatever. It's funny, it's harmless (to us), and I think enough ink has been spilled on pages and online contemplating the comic genius of the physical brand of comedy the merry junk-sters have created. If y'all want to spend a bunch of money to see 3D images of bodily fluids, have at it. It won't have a long box office shelf life, but it already cleared $30 million in profit, so I'm guessing nobody cares.

Here's how the rest of the weekend went, haiku style:

1.) Jackass 3D - $50 million (Accuracy of prediction - 78%)

The demand is high
for gross-out, violent humor.
I should have figured.

2.) Red - $22.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 88%)

Better than I thought,
both in terms of box office,
and in quality.

3.) The Social Network - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

Can't be mad at this.
Good movie does good money.
That's how it should be.

4.) Secretariat - $9.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 82%)

Are you shitting me?
This CAN'T have good word of mouth.
Man, I HATE those mouths.

5.) Life As We Know It - $9 million (Accuracy of prediction - 84%)

Listen up, Heigl.
I've had enough of your crap.
Go back to TV!!

Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 86.4%

That's respectable.
But I'm not here for respect.
I'm here for love, man.

Okay, that's it for now. Happy Monday. Get to work.

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Weekend Box Office Results: Embracing the douche

This weekend, movie audiences spoke...and they loudly declared "We are somewhat interested in the development of social media but not to the point where it's like a phenomenon or anything but just the appropriate amount of curiosity!" Wow, what a statement! Let Me In got shut out, the creepy owls dug in their talons, and The Town continues to look like it's maybe a $100 million movie waiting to happen...and don't sleep on Easy A, as that $8 million gem keeps pulling audiences in even in its third week (probably because it's awesome). Let's take a quick deeper look, haiku style:

1.) The Social Network - $23 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95.5%)

A nice opening
for a movie with unknowns.
No offense, J.T.

2.) The Legend of the Guardians - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 60.5%)

Well, this is good news!
We've downgraded from major
to minor failure!

3.) Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

Money never sleeps?
Like, not even a catnap?
That sucks for money.

4.) The Town - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97.5%)

You can't stop Affleck,
you can only insult him.
Keep it up Big Ben!!!

5.) Easy A - $7 million (Accuracy of prediction - 93%)

Emma Stone kicks ass.
She deserves this huge success.
I deserve a kiss!!!

Overall accuracy of prediction - 89%

This would be higher
if it wasn't for the owls.
Damn you, dirty birds!

Okay, that's it gang. Happy Monday. Stay alive out there.

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Weekend Box Office Results: Greed is mediocre

Well, you can't call a first-place finish for a sequel that's more than 13 years in the making a disappointment, even if it was a tiny win. I mean, the success isn't exactly Affleckian (see how I do for you, Ben, I'm trying to make your name into an adjective for awesome), but it was a non-disappointment. Wall Street 2: Financial Boogaloo will likely drop off precipitously now, but hey, it won't be viewed as a flop. Oliver Stone's first sequel was also his first number one hit in a long, long time. In other news, America hates owls. At least ones that stab each other. And Betty White love or no Betty White love, nothing could save a generic movie like You Again. In other news, though, how about STRONG holds for Easy A and The Town, both dipping in the 35% range. That's kick-ass word of mouth for two kick-ass movies. Enough non-poetic talk, let's haiku this bitch.

1.) Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps - $19 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89.5%)

Money doesn't sleep
because it isn't alive.
This title is dumb.

2.) Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'hoole - $16.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89.5%)

So, "no" on the owls?
Kids don't LIKE to pee themselves.
I mean, sure, SOME do.

3.) The Town - $16 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

Keep on chugging, Ben!
I love a good redemption!
You lucky butt chin!

4.) Easy A - $10.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 83%)

Holy HOLDOVER!
I told you you would love it!
Now tell all your friends.

5.) You Again - $8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 65%)

No love for this crap.
We may all love Kristen Bell,
but just not this much.

Overall Accuracy of Prediction -85%

This should be higher,
but Betty White screwed me up!
Stupid Betty White!!!

Okay, that's it folks, see you tomorrow for more fun and adventures.

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Weekend Box Office: Sly can buy more steroids

Nobody spent a lot of time going to see movies this weekend, so I'm not going to spend a ton of time discussing them. The take-home messages are as follows: (1) - Stop seeing parody movies, even if they are making fun of crap that needs to be made fun of. Why? Because it empowers stupid people. (2) - Sly will make another Expendables, giving Segal and Van Damme a reason to live. My prediction: One of them will be the bad guy next time out. (3) - Jennifer Aniston is not a movie star and we need to stop pretending she is. (4) - Comedies that appeal to the black community are always going to find some level of success...imagine what would happen if any of them were truly exceptional and found other audiences too.

Okay, let's get it on, haiku style:

1.) The Expendables - $17 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94%)

All hail Sylvester!
Remember kids, steroids suck
unless you make films.

2.) Vampires Suck - $12.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 78%)

Hello and good bye.
This is a one-week wonder.
I hate these movies.

3.) Eat Pray Love- $12 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94%)

This is about right.
A fine film for a small group.
Hope they enjoyed it.

4.) The Lottery Ticket - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 85%)

This will fade fast, too.
But it didn't cost too much.
It's all relative.

5.) Piranha 3D - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 50%)

Ouch. This one bit me.
Not quite as bad as Ving Rhames.
That dude went crazy!

Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 80%

Too many movies
for me to do a good job.
I need things simple.

Okay, gang. Happy Monday to ya. Go out there and eat it up!

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Weekend Box Office: I was wrong. Again.

Okay, really? Seriously? You're being serious now? Who went to go see The Expendables with that kind of force? Not only did it achieve the high totals I thought it would miss...it EXCEEDED THEM. It's Stallone's biggest opening EVER. How is this possible? Y'all just have a thing for veiny arms and incomprehensible dialogue? Is this going to open a wave of popularity for Eric Roberts? WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?!?!

On the other side of the coin, I have seen a great wailing and gnashing of teeth about the failure of Scott Pilgrim to set the world ablaze. Um, really? It was based on an INDIE comic book, appeals to a very small window of people (like, nobody older than 45), and was shown a ton of times to that audience already in various screenings. I kind of figured it would fizzle a bit, being that it's not a cross-demographic movie. Inception was too smart to catch on, I feared, but it appealed to every quadrant. Pilgrim just didn't. It would be like expecting Eat Pray Love to win the week, even though it only appeals to about 60% of people out there. You have to start with a wide base. To put it another way, you could make the most transcendent, amazing film about Polka ever, and even though I'll see it and love it because I love movies, it's not going to be a big hit.

Anyway, on to the results, haiku style:

1.) The Expendables - $35 million (Accuracy of prediction - 84%)

Given his hobbies,
of course Stallone's film took some
box office steroids

2.) Eat Pray Love - $23 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

A solid open.
This film will have some great legs.
That sounded sexist.

3.) The Other Guys - $18 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94%)

A good holdover,
on its way to a nice sum.
The credits still suck.

4.) Inception - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 85.5%)

No signs of stopping,
I would never have guessed this.
Nolan wins again!

5.) Scott Pilgrim vs the World - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 62.5%)

Quite disappointing.
I did really like the film,
but it had limits.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 84%

Scott Pilgrim killed me.
I suppose that means I'm now
just a pile of coins.

Okay gang, Happy Monday to ya! Now get out there and be productive...or else!

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Weekend Box Office Results: This just in, Will Ferrell's career not totally dead

After a few uber bombs and insignificant displays of ineptitude, it looked like Will Ferrell was on the Jim Carrey train to wherever it is we store humans we used to find hilarious until they can reemerge as old people we find hilarious. Hang in there a few more years, Jim, you'll get there. Thankfully, The Other Guys debuted as Ferrell's second biggest opening ever, which is kind of shocking when you think about it. Hopefully this will build some momentum for Anchorman 2, as Ferrell tries to cling to what fame he has left and the studio sees him as more financially viable. In other news, Step Up fell down and Dinner for Schmucks barfed.

Here's the haiku breakdown:

1.) The Other Guys - $35.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89%)

Bigger than I thought,
I don't like that it out grossed
Hot Fuzz already.

2.) Inception - $18.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 86%)

This is just insane.
This could do $300 mil
just domestically!

3.) Step Up 3D - $15 million (Accuracy of prediction - 70%)

I don't get you folks.
It's the same as the last flick,
but it's in 3D!!!

4.) Salt - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 85%)

Another good week,
It is not remarkable,
but a solid job.

5.) Dinner for Schmucks - $10.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 80%)

A rather big drop.
This means word of mouth is bad.
Sorry there, Paul Rudd!

Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 82%

It was an off week.
Summer must be at an end.
I should try harder.

Okay, that's it. You have a great Monday. Hang in there!

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Weekend Box Office Results: Inception, Inception, Inception

It's Inception's world, we're just living in it. I'm not even getting sick of saying this: the film is just dominating right now. It's going to clear $200 million domestic today, has taken in something like $150 in the rest of the world, and has a strong shot at $300 million domestic and a cumulative total of somewhere in the neighborhood of $500 million. For an original movie that is complex, sophisticated, and intelligent. I wanna cry. In other news, everything else went pretty much exactly to plan. You'll see below. This is the last post of the day for me, so back atcha tomorrow y'all.

Here's the haikus:

1.) Inception - $27.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 99%)

This is like a dream,
another week in first place.
Keep it going, gang!

2.) Dinner for Schmucks - $23.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

A solid debut
for something run-of-the-mill.
No harm and no foul.

3.) Salt - $19 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

An impressive hold.
Not too shabby, Miss Angie.
Now, go eat something.

4.) Despicable Me - $15.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 88%)

No signs of slowing,
for this inexplicable
semi-juggernaut.

5.) Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore - $12.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 72%)

On the positive,
this should be gone really soon,
and it beat Efron.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 90.5%

As always, not bad.
Who knows what I could have done,
if I had tried hard.

Okay, happy Monday gang!

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Weekend Box Office: Wowza did you like Inception

I'm so happy right now that if I sneezed, I would blow out a double rainbow (yes, I'm still making that reference). The normal drop-off percentage from a big opening weekend (and anything over $40 million is big) is somewhere around 50-55%. If you manage less than 50%, you get a shiny gold star. If you manage less than 40%, you are given your choice of firstborn children to steal from the studio executives that made the movie. If you manage 30.7%, you instill within me the belief that America is a great nation capable of embracing great movies. Inception fell to a range that would have been near acceptable for an OPENING weekend. Suddenly, the $150 million "gamble" doesn't seem to be that much of a gamble at all, as the film will likely roar past $200 million domestically quite easily. Not too shabby for a big-budget art film. Also of note, Angelina Jolie's perfectly acceptable action film, Salt, posted a really nice weekend. It's a female-driven action film, so it's really nice to see a box office turnout for it. Here's how the rest of the stuff shook out, haiku style:

1.) Inception - $43.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

This is such great news.
America gets an "A."
I like you today!

2.) Salt - $36.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 91%)

Nothing to sneeze at.
This total is really nice.
I smell a sequel.

3.) Despicable Me - $24 million (Accuracy of prediction - 87.5%)

This is hanging well.
And that has little to do
with the damn 3D.

4.) The Sorcerer's Apprentice - $9.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 82%)

Well, the bleeding stopped.
But the damage has been done,
Nic Cage is over.

5.) Toy Story 3 - $9 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89%)

$400 million
Now seems rather likely here.
That's no kid-sized haul.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 89%

A great weekend, gang.
Big box office chosen well.
Now, remember this.

Okay, that's it for now. Have a great Monday!

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Weekend Box Office Results: A good start...

Okay, nicely played. Inception is Leo's biggest opening weekend ever, it's one of the top weekends ever for an original movie, and it picked up business over the weekend (it didn't peak opening day). That's all well and good. Now, you're going to have to go see it multiple times, tell your friends and family to see it, and generally promote it like hell. Why? Because it's the easiest way to make sure that we're going to see more stuff like it. Just like the success of District 9 has lead to a slew of short-film directors getting their work optioned for movies, the success of Inception will allow for more artists to be given bigger canvases. It's in your hands, folks. Now, let's take a look at what I done this weekend.

Here's the box office results, haiku style:

1.) Inception - $60 million (Accuracy of prediction - 87.5%)

Not too bad so far
but we all can do better.
Let's keep it up, folks.

2.) Despicable Me - $32 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95%)

A super-big hit,
this cost just $70 million.
It has doubled that.

3.) The Sorcerer's Apprentice - $17.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 93%)

Nice try, Nicholas,
but we are done with this crap.
You too, Bruckheimer.

4.) Twilight Eclipse - $13.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94.5%)

It is almost gone.
There is no better feeling,
than Twilight's absence.

5.) Toy Story 3 - $12 million (Accuracy of prediction - 87.5%)

$400 million
is a possibility.
Not too shabby, toys.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 91.5%

I love the summer.
Not for the warmer weather,
I just score better.

Okay, that's it for today. Have a great Monday, y'all.

Weekend Box Office Results: Daffy would be proud

Good weekend for the box office, as we're poised to enter the most promising weekend of the year (Inception weekend). Speaking of which, I'll be attending said premiere of that tonight and will be sure to give you my spoiler-free thoughts upon return! But now, back to the business behind us.

Despicable Me did well for itself, Predators proved that producing matters (it should be profitable by mid week), and Toy Story 3 is now the top-grossing Pixar movie ever. Eventful!

Here's what happened, haiku style:

1.) Despicable Me - $60 million (Accuracy of prediction - 83%)

Animation rules!
At least in terms of 3D...
and beating Twilight.

2.) Twilight: Eclipse - $33 million (Accuracy of prediction - 91%)

Things are changing fast!
There is a big dropoff here!
It's almost over!!!!

3.) Predators - $25 million (Accuracy of prediction - 92%)

As I've said for years,
Action has only one name:
Adrien Brody

4.) Toy Story 3 - $22 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89%)

$400 million
Is a possibility.
Not bad for those toys.

5.) The Last Airbender - $17 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

Sequel talk will hinge
on the foreign box office.
It's up to you, France!

Overall accuracy of prediction - 90%

I am on fire, folks.
Just call me "The Predictor."
Actually, please don't.

Okay, that's it. Be good this Monday, you'll regret it!

Weekend Box Office results: We're almost done with Twilight

With only 2 more insipid Twi-movies to endure, this last box office assault by the shiny vampires doesn't feel quite as bad. Oh, sure, the movie is that bad, even judging on a sliding scale like a lot of people seem to be doing, but the notion of this entire experience ALMOST being over is nice. Plus, as you all know, we are soooo close to seeing the batshit crazy ending to this whole shebang in blood-flicking 3D. Mmmmm. Other news of note: The Last Airbender is trying to survive, despite dialogue that feels like swimming in sulfuric acid. It may just cling to profitability long enough to become a series. If so, again let me remind the world that Shyamalan need not write to direct. Put him behind the camera and take his pen away.

Let's see how the weekend shaped up, haiku style:

1.) Twilight: Eclipse - $69 million (Accuracy of prediction - 79%)

A box office dip,
means this will not beat New Moon.
Small victory, folks.

2.) The Last Airbender - $40.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

The fan base is big.
That or deaf people loved it.
All of the words sucked.

3.) Toy Story 3 - $30 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)

Just passed $300
soon to be Pixar's top flick.
Good, but not my fave!

4.) Grown Ups - $18.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 99%)

Technically a hit,
but let me specify where:
It is in the nuts.

5.) Knight and Day - $10.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

This is not Tom's fault.
We all know where the blame goes.
It's on YOU, Diaz!

Overall accuracy of prediction - 93%

I've been good lately.
The summer makes things easy.
I'll soon be sucking.

Okay, that's it gang. Happy Tuesday that looks and feels like a Monday!

Weekend Box Office Results: Why do you still like Adam Sandler?

Seriously? I want to know. Do people go see Adam Sandler movies because they're just used to doing it? Nobody's really excited by them, right? I mean, nobody saw the clip for Grown Ups where they pee in the pool and squealed with laughter, right? Nobody owns Click on Blu-Ray, right? I get that his sense of humor is supposed to be mainstream, but he peaked about 15 years ago by my estimation, how is it that he still has a fan base? Shouldn't they have aged past his antics? I'm so confused right now. It's going to make like $110-$120 million and be another standard successful film, encouraging his studio to keep doing the same damn thing until the sun swallows the earth in 2012. I'm not even necessarily mad, as trying to hate an Adam Sandler movie seems like it would take more energy than the film deserves or used while in production. I'm just confused is all. Really confused.

Here's the box office results, haiku style:

1.) Toy Story 3 - $59 million (Accuracy of prediction - 92.5%)

Top summer movie?
If it can beat out Twilight,
then I think it is.

2.) Grown Ups - $41 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95%)

Look at what you've done.
We were free of Rob Schneider.
But now he is back.

3.) Knight and Day - $20.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

This is not a flop.
People will say that it is.
They just wish it was.

4.) The Karate Kid - $15 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)

Is this one done yet?
I mean, it was fine and all,
but can we move on?

5.) The A-Team - $6 million (Accuracy of prediction - 75%)

On the other hand...
this one is a big ole flop.
So much for "franchise."

Overall accuracy of prediction - 90%

Summer is easy.
They make the choices for me.
I like it that way.

Okay gang, happy Monday to ya! I hope you have a nice one.

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Box Office Results: Suck on that, White!

Okay, so technically Toy Story 3 didn't set a record, but it's early. Given the relative lack of family films (or any films) of quality this summer, there's every chance that TS3 is going to set the all-time animation record. Yeah, I said it. There's virtually nothing standing between it and unparalleled success, and it even has 3D going for it. The world is Buzz and Woody's oyster. In other news, tip your cap and bow your head, Megan Fox's career died on Sunday, June 20th. If she can't even portray a hooker effectively, she has no further hope. She will now commence a career consisting entirely of appearing in gentlemen magazines where's she almost shows booby but never does. You make women with talent proud, Miss Fox!

Okay, here's the rest of the box office results, haiku style.

1.) Toy Story 3 - $109 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95%)

These toys aren't playing.
They're out for box office blood!
Faster, Buzz, KILL KILL!

2.) Karate Kid - $29 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95%)

The younger Smith rules.
Back at home, there will be blood.
Only one can rule!

3.) The A-Team - $14 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)

It's not a big flop.
But it is a mini-bomb.
So it's like kaboom

4.) Get Him to the Greek - $6.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)

A nice little film
taking in a nice tally.
That's...what's the word? Nice!

5.) Shrek Forever After - $5.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 82%)

The summer's big flop,
and yet nobody says it.
Let me then: This sucked.

Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 90.4%

Summer is now here!
And yet I am not on break.
This is so not fair.

Okay, that's it guys, happy Monday, be productive.

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Weekend Box Office Results: Holy high kick!

I knew there was a chance that The Karate Kid would do better than The A-Team, I just didn't think it would do a spinning jump-kick to its throat. Sweet suffering sweep kicks did the tween fight flick wind up with some serious dough. This just means that the future is now set: We're going to see Will Smith pass all of his roles down to his son one day. Trust me, we'll be talking about the reboot of Men in Black, the continuation of Independence Day, and the sequel to Ali all starring Jaden Smith (okay, maybe not the last one). On a side note, The A-Team should blame their lack of box office boom on Jessica Biel. Seriously, who did that? Who put her in there? She's kind of cute (sorry, she's not THAT cute) and she's almost Alba-esque in her acting. I blame her for this.

Here's the results, haiku style:

1.) The Karate Kid- $56 million (Accuracy of prediction - 67%)

Holy spawn of Smith!
Here's the Summer Messiah!
And he's eleven!!!!

2.) The A-Team - $26 million (Accuracy of prediction - 72.5%)

Sorry Hannibal.
Plan did not come together.
You're on the B team.

3.) Shrek Forever After - $16 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

Soon, you will be gone.
Soon yes, but not soon enough!
I hate you green turd.

4.) Get Him to the Greek - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97.5%)

This deserves better.
I hope it has a long run.
And Jonah Hill too.

5.) Killers- $8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

This was a big flop.
Hopefully it falls upon
Katherine Heigl.

Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 87%

Good Summer weekend!
This is a rare thing this year.
It could soon heat up.

Okay, that's it for Monday. Take it easy but be productive. We have a long week ahead of us, y'all.

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Box Office Results: Shrek this

First off, no movie news happened this weekend. I would tell you about it if it did, but it didn't. Apparently the world was watching the MTV Movie Awards to see if Twilight could pull off the win (spoiler alert: teenagers still love it and still watch MTV). Actually, quick note about that show (not that I watched it): People bag on Kristen Stewart too much. I like her. Yeah, I said it. I've mentioned my support of her in the past based on her loathing of that which made her famous, but to watch her on stage is to see someone ill prepared to be that famous. What others see as cocky and aloof I think is fairly obviously anxiety with her degree of popularity. Also, gal's got some sticks. I say in 5 years we're talking about her as a quality actress, just my hunch.

Anyhoodle, back to the box office bonanza. Much has been made recently of this year's summer swoon. Here's a hint, Hollywood: Make better movies. Turns out you can 3D and IMAX your ass off, but if the movies suck we won't go. Tallies are down across the board, and one can't help but think if we're still seeing a combination of the fallout from the writer's strike and a general tipping point for quality. Yes, we're just a few months removed from Avatar becoming the biggest thing since Jonah Hill's waistline, but I think we're seeing the consequences of quality. Nobody saw Marmaduke. That in and of itself is a victory, right? I mean, Beverly Hills Chihuahua was a hit.

Here's this week's results, haiku style:

1.) Shrek Forever After - $25 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

A riddle for you?
What's green and shouldn't be picked?
Hint: Not a booger.

2.) Get Him to the Greek - $17 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

You should see this one.
It's the only film this year
where Diddy gets laughs.

3.) Killers - $16 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

Hey, Katherine Heigl
looks like you have your first flop.
Miss your TV show?

4.) Prince of Persia - $14 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95%)

This is an epic,
there's no denying it.
It's an epic fail.

5.) Sex and the City 2 - $12.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 0%)

Damn you, Marmaduke!
I thought you'd keep these whores out!
You're good for nothing.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 77%

I almost had it.
Damn you S-A-T-C-2
Be gone forever!

Okay, that's it gang. Happy Monday to ya. Let's do it to it this week, right?!

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Box Office Results: Suck it Sex and the City!

Yes, technically you could spin this to be good news for Shrek (it isn't, as the fourth film is still waaaay off of what was expected), bad news for Prince of Persia (it is, but not that bad), or "it is what we expected" news for Sex and the City (it isn't). If you consider the frenzy over that first day of release, when the film took in a TON of money, and you remember what the first film did it's opening weekend in just 3 days ($57 million), then the total for this holiday stretch is particularly weak. Personally, I'm going to just believe that the brilliant review from Lindy out in Seattle did in the stupid, reprehensible flick.

Here's how the weekend shaped up, haiku style:

1.) Shrek Forever After - $55 million (Accuracy of prediction - 66%)

Damn you, green ogre!
Why can't you even flop right?
Be gone forever.

2.) Prince of Persia: Sands of Time - $38 million (Accuracy of prediction - 58.5%)

By Gyllenhaal's abs!
I can't believe this total!
Video game CURSE!

3.) Sex and the City 2 - $37 million (Accuracy of prediction - 58.5%)

Ha, ha. Take that, douche!
I love that this is failing!
Maybe it's the last!!!!

4.) Iron Man 2 - $20 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97.5%)

I love Iron Man.
He will never let me down.
I love you tin man.

5.) Robin Hood - $13.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94.5%)

It's almost over.
Russell Crowe can go away.
Back to his ho-hos.

Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 75%

The bombs really hurt.
Persia and Sex both sucked it.
And thus, so did I.

Okay, that's it for today. Short week for us, so let's really make today count...right?

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Weekend Box Office Results: Maybe people didn't go see Shrek because of "Lost?"

I know I dedicated pretty much all day yesterday to "Lost," so maybe there's just a huge crossover between Shrek audience members and "Lost" fans. Right, and maybe there's also a big crossover between people who own a Lindsay Lohan record and Nobel Prize Winning physicists. The reality is, Shrek 3 sucked butt. Shrek 4 looked like butt. So nobody went to see Shrek 4. Okay, not nobody. $70 million is a ton of money, but not for this series. Every prediction had it doing something like $100 million, so this is unquestionably a big fat sign that we're finally done with Shrek. Also interesting: People apparently did not care that reviews for MacGruber were generally quite positive. They did NOT care to see it. I'm a little surprised, although I still hold out hope for a slow burn. Maybe people will flock to it later? Guessing not.

Okay, I'm tired, I've got a lot to do. So here's the final tallies (haiku style):

1.) Shrek Forever After - $71 million (Accuracy of prediction - 72.5%)

This isn't my fault.
The last few did huge money.
People don't like crap?

2.) Iron Man 2 - $27 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

Keep on flying, man!
You're the early summer champ!
Let's see if it lasts....

3.) Robin Hood - $18.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 98.5%)

So much for a flop.
It is even holding well.
You go, sweet fat man!

4.) Letters to Juliet - $9 million (Accuracy of prediction - 79%)

Oh YEAH! I forgot!
It's the only female flick.
It wins by default!

5.) MacGruber - $4 million (Accuracy of prediction - 45%)

Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch
No new movie stars are born.
At least they have jobs.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 78%

Well, I guess that's it.
I did not have a good week.
But I did love "Lost!!!!"

Happy Monday to ya! See you tomorrow!

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Weekend Box Office Results: Fatty's still a draw

I do hope the world realizes that I'm just having fun with the "Russell Crowe is fat" jokes. It's amuses me because he's a douche. So, fatty had a good weekend, as his film did far better than I thought it would. It's not going to last, because the buzz is NOT strong on the film, but hey, it's not going to be a flop like I thought it might be. I wonder what the first huge misfire of the season will be (fingers crossed it's Shrek 4). For now, let's talk about what is firing on all cylinders.

Here's the weekend box office results, haiku style:

1.) Iron Man 2 - $53 million (Accuracy of prediction - 88.5%)

Believe it or not,
This has made 200 mil...
and that's not enough.

2.) Robin Hood - $37 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

Fatty's still got it!
I think the draw was Blanchett.
I'd rather look there.

3.) Letters to Juliet - $14 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96.5%)

Something for ladies?
Actually, Iron Man 2
has had more women!

4.) Just Wright - $8.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

Hey Common, what gives?
Didn't you used to do rap?
Please do that again.

5.) How to Train Your Dragon - $5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95%)

Please go away now.
You've got oh so much money.
So please just leave now.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 95%

Look at that total!
Do I know what I'm doing?
Likely it's a fluke.

Okay gang, happy Monday to ya. Go be productive.

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