Hold your hobbitses

On Friday, the world rejoiced and you never heard it. Well, maybe you did if you dared to read blogs other than mine. That...that isn't true, though, right? You ONLY use the Internet to respond to emails about Viagra and read movie news on this one blog, right? Well if you accidentally typed in the wrong address and ended up pretty much anywhere else that even considers movies, you read this headline "Jackson Returns!" At first, you probably thought, "I knew that Michael Jackson was just playing possum!" Then as you read on, you realized that the internets were confirming the wet dream of every man, woman, and child who ever wore Legolas footie pajamas: Peter Jackson was returning to The Lord of the Rings world in the form of actually directing The Hobbit! Joy! Triumph! Well...it sounded wrong to me. I know the studio wants it, I know that Jackson would consider it for the sake of the franchise that made him, and I know that it would be the best choice. But the things that kept the two sides apart in the first place still existed: He wants waaaaay too much money and he's booked up six ways to Sunday. AICN spoke with "a source" (who is apparently Jackson himself) who said nothing has changed. The studio wants him, but he still can't quite do it. So, it looks like as good a time as any to bust out my all-time favorite graph. It applies nicely to the director's seat:

The real culprit here isn't Jackson, just to be clear. The real culprit is MGM, whose inability to sort out their finances to any degree has resulted in a clustercluck of disorganization that makes them about as attractive to purchase as a Twilight novel. I hope Jackson does it. I just don't think he's going to. I think he's going to find a passable, lesser known director and puppet him or her (hahahaha, LADIES can't direct! They have lady parts?!?!? How could a lady possibly get performances out of actors or point a camera without a wiener?! I crack myself up). It's not a bad play on his part if he can get it to happen.

Hobbit inherited?

Peter Jackson is too busy to do The Hobbit and, wisely, probably doesn't want to return to the series where he last won an Oscar. It was part of the deal, I think...that we all understood that to be the last time he'd visit the Shire. With Guillermo Del Toro bowing out and Jackson saying no, who does that leave? What about...Neill Blomkamp? District 9 may be about as far away from Hobbitses as possible, but it did show that he's able to take fantastical ideas and make them totally believable. Plus, he's Jackson's bitch. And by bitch, I mean protege, which is far nicer sounding because it's French (right?). This is by no means a sure thing and likely is not going to happen, mainly because Blomkamp is shockingly committed to making his own original ideas, an attitude likely to get him stoned to death by copycats in Hollywood. It does, however, represent the most logical solution in front of the players involved. Jackson wants to only relinquish the series to someone he trusts. That list is small (just like hobbits). I would be thrilled, absolutely thrilled, if this came to pass, but none of it means anything so long as MGM has its finances in a wad. How does a studio that has a hand in both James Bond and Lord of the Rings shit the bed so bad that they're in bankruptcy? It's beyond me.

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