A Young Adult project with zero vampires

There's no reason to be hatin' on Diablo Cody.

I never understood it, really. Yeah, she has a few goofy slang things that she inserts into her scripts as awkwardly as inserting a Hummer in a Minicooper's parking spot. Who cares? Juno was good, and the last time I checked getting your script noticed as a female was tough enough without worrying about an arbitrary backlash just because you happened to win a friggin' OSCAR for your work. Point is, I'm a fan. So I'm excited to hear that her script for Young Adult may have just hooked a major director, as old buddy Jason Reitman may be teaming up with his gal pal. This time, they're not bringing along the pocket-sized droll doll that is Ellen Page. They're opting for a much taller, much hotter drink of water.


Someone yesterday actually suggested that Theron deserved a place on that list of top actresses I put together yesterday. Huhbuhwha? Oh, sure Monster was good, not great, but good. And I actually gained a huge deal of appreciation for that well-assembled human after her appearance on Zach Galifiankis' brilliant "Between Two Ferns," but this is still the gal who made Aeon Flux and Reindeer Games. I'm not saying she's bad, lord knows I wouldn't say that to someone who apparently spends their free time laying on an endless sea of white sheets in their underpants doing whatever that is with her legs. She's fine with the potential to be good. This could be a chance to do more of that good stuff. Deadline says the movie is about “a ghostwriter of young adult novels who realizes she has no identity with her pseudonym and plots to reclaim her identity. Her campaign involves going back and rekindling a relationship with her high school boyfriend–who’s freshly married, is a new father, and wants no part of her.”

Sounds like a character-based indie dramedy that is right up the alley of all folks involved. I'm giving this trio of creators and actors a Syrek Stamp of Approval. I should really design one of those so I can drop that image here. It should be a cartoon version of me giving a thumbs up. I can't draw though, so it looks like for now you're just going to get me saying "Stamp of Approval." That's so much less fun, huh.

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Ryan's Junk Drawer

What's up kittie cats? Welcome to another chance to see my junk. I know it's the moment you wait all week for, impatiently looking at your calendars, asking "is today the day? Is today the DAY I VIEW RYAN'S JUNK?!" Yes, yes it is. Now, about 90% of people asking that question are well aware that by junk, I mean "movie tidbits that aren't big enough to warrant a full post." The other 10% are really, really disappointed right now. Chin up, perverts, maybe next week. As is our special Thursday tradition, we begin by looking at the creepy, creepy ass junk drawer image from Highlights Magazine (FOR CHILDREN) above and pick an item from it to make up a weird story about. Today's item is the tiny rope in the upper left-hand corner. Despite the impressive effort it took to create such a thick, sturdy rope of appropriate length from the few strands of browned grass, Paul couldn't let things proceed. Try though he might, Paul couldn't think of a single reason that Papa Smurf wanted to kill himself that badly. "I'm surrounded by smurfin' half-wits," Papa had explained, "I need a smurfin' out, man. You don't know what it's smurfin' like here. Sweet Jesus I want to smurfin' die. I swear to you, I'm one wacky adventure away from smurfin' mass murder." Although Paul knew Papa would try to find a different way, by keeping the noose in his junk drawer, he ensured that he would never one day look down on the mushroom kingdom to find its ruler swinging in the wind.

Now, on to this week's movie nuggets!

1.) I know the title of the last episode of "Lost" - It's so ground-breaking, so shocking, so revelatory that I can't even...pretend that this is the truth. It's called "The End." Not exactly jaw-dropping, is it? On the one hand, it actually makes me happy, I mean, not as happy as this:

The reason the title brings some joy to my life is that it seems to suggest that they are at least TRYING to fully wrap up the story. I know that's what they've promised for a long time now, but they also lied to us a whole lot. Remember the whole "everything has a scientific explanation" bullcrap line? Unless Jacob is suddenly revealed to be a time-traveling robot, I don't think that's true. I do think that they'll leave numerous dangling participles and hanging chads, but for the most part, the title seems to indicate an intent to be declarative about the series' finale. That makes me happy. Not slapping-Claire happy, but happy.

2.) El Diablo strikes another deal - I love me some Diablo Cody. That fiesty ex-stripper deserves better than the backlash she's unfairly suffered for years now, and she makes a damn good point when talking about the script she just sold: Young Adult. First off, she describes it as "f**ked up," which I love. THR reports that it's about “a thirtysomething, divorced, young-adult fiction writer in Minneapolis who returns to her hometown to chase the ex-boyfriend, who’s now married with a kid, that got away.” That doesn't necessarily sound f**ked up, but that's because we instinctively think of the neutered, Sandra Bullock-friendly version that we've become accustomed to. Sorry, I know it's too soon to be making Bullock references, what with the fact that her marriage fell apart. Seriously, what's with people making such a big deal about that. Does it suck? Hell yes it sucks. That tattooed, hog-faced douche-nozzle ought to be ashamed of himself for pumping the exhaust of a tranny-looking, fake-boobed Nazi. But it's one of about a billion Hollywood marriages that have ended this way, and the global decision that we care most about Bullock's is weird to me. Anyhoodle, back to Diablo's movie. Diablo explains that the f**ked up part is that the female lead is an anti-hero. Not a freakshow like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, but more fundamentally broken a la Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler. This is interesting to me. It sounds like a complex role that is nuanced and different...and it's for a female?! I know it may be older than the "30-something" that Diablo described, but I'd get Julianne Moore for this and get her an Oscar. Just my opinion.

3.) Mission Impossible 4 is for the Bird? - I won't defend Mission Impossible 3 ad naseum again (but it was really good, jerks), but my excitement for MI4 just picked up even further. So should yours. You see, HeatVision is reporting that Brad Bird may direct. Who is he? Well he just so happened to direct The Incredibles, Ratatouille, and Iron Giant. Now, I know what you're thinking, but when you really stop and consider it, is directing a cartoon really that different from directing Tom Cruise? Especially when he'll be against a green screen a lot with tons of computer-generated effects. Bird isn't just a good director, he's a great one. I adore each of those movies listed above, and he has more than earned the good will to do whatever project he wants in my humble opinion. I'd get him to have a hand in the screenplay too. I think the decision to skew this franchise more towards fun was a good one, as the first one took itself far too seriously and the second one took itself far to John Woo-y. I know that nobody but me is saying it, but I'm saying it loud enough to be obnoxious: I CAN'T WAIT FOR MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 4.

4.) Rewarding evil with evil - This is the world we live in: You write poopy poop poop and you get a big payday to write even more poopy poop poop. Fact is, even if you LIKED Alice in Wonderland, it wasn't because you thought Linda Woolverton's script rocked. It was because you're an unabashed Tim Burton/Johnny Depp apologist or you're 13 and gothy. The script was not just stupid, it was a savaging of the work of Lewis Carroll...for no good reason. From my perspective, this was a literary hate crime. So the fact that THR is reporting that Woolverton is writing Maleficent, a retelling of Sleeping Beauty from the point of view of the evil queen, fills me with all the excitement of waiting to be cut in half by a chainsaw. Plus, this only increases the chances that Tim "I'm a hack, follow me off this cliff lemmings!" Burton is going to get involved. Okay, if you get Johnny Depp to play the evil queen MAYBE I'm interested, but if it ends up being Helena Bonham Carter, I may have to genetically turn myself into a dragon and breathe fire on every print of the film. I like the "evil-perspective" concepts of stories, like "Grendel," and we haven't seen many of them. This could be good...or could have been good until Woolverton got to it. Yucky.

5.) Trailers, parked - We've got nothing but new versions of old trailers this week, but that doesn't mean they're not entertaining.

First up is the last Last Airbender trailer...okay, I don't know that, but I don't think there's much else to show. If you set aside the hatred that we've all justifiably accumulated for M. Night Shyamalan, this looks good.


Despicable Me looks slightly more Pixar than Ice Age to me, but I may be getting fooled here. I like how they've done the advertising, and I love the voice talent. Heck, I really love that the score is being done by Pharrell and Hans Zimmer. This could be fun.



Adele Blanc-Sec looks like wacky French joy to me. I liked the first two trailers and I didn't even have English subtitles. This is one I'll likely have to catch on DVD, but I'll be happy to do so.


Okay, that's all the junk I have to show today. Come back tomorrow for our usual Friday excitement...and by excitement I mean fairly boring crap. But it's all made with love.