Fantastic four lies continue

The Fantastic Four rumor mill is spinning faster than Fox news. We heard rumors of Amber Heard and Adrien Brody being considered for The Invisible Woman and Mr. Fantastic already, but now comes news that Fox wants Bruce Willis to voice the entirely CGI Thing!
Now that is a great bit of vocal casting. Maybe this is the next stage of Willis's career? He's going to be too old to do the stunts himself, so he can just voice computer-generated versions of himself doing things. That's what Stallone is doing these days, right? I mean, that guy is 82 years old, so I know he's not ACTUALLY filming explosive stunt sequences.

Comic Book Movie also reports that they're close to naming a director for the do-over. It's down to Joe Carnahan (who somehow has potential even though he ate doody with The A-Team), James McTeigue (who somehow has potential even though he ate doody with Ninja Assassin), and David Yates (who did some good Harry Potter stuff). Obviously, Yates is the guy for the job, with the feel of Potter and The Fantastic Four sharing more overlap than ninjas or B.A. Baracus. So look for Carnahan to get it. My hopes aren't sky high for this, but I do love the characters, and they are currently being written so well in the comic that it makes me yearn for a good adaptation. Here's hoping.

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Movie Review: Predators

The second review this week comes from one Ben Coffman, who was tasked with seeing a certain movie about bloodthirsty, dreadlock-wearing monsters (no, not Glenn Beck's home videos of him playing dress up in Jamaica). I'm going to see this movie, whether it's advised or not. Why? Because Predator was the first R-rated movie I saw. Not in the theater, mind you, but on VHS. It was awesome. I was so enthralled by the splatting of organs and the mud-covering of Arnold Schwarzzennipples that I could barely wait to go outside and reenact those scenes...the ones with the shooting and jumping, not the ones where my face split in half and stuff. Anyway, the new one seems like dumb fun, and it's worth noting that it only cost $40 million to make, meaning it doesn't even have to make that much money to be profitable, a nice note for producers out there. Here's Ben's take.
Thin Action Figure
Stallone was busy, so Brody gets bad-ass in Predators
Ben Coffman

Obviously, because of The Expendables, a film featuring Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham, Steve Austin and every other available life-size He-Man figure in the universe, there was a dearth of muscle-bound action stars when Predators was being cast.

Would any director in his right mind willingly fill roles previously played by Arnold Schwarzenegger (California politics, steroids) and Jesse “The Body” Ventura (Minnesota politics, steroids) with actors like Academy Award-winner Adrien Brody (The Pianist, being skinny) and Topher Grace (“That ‘70s Show,” wearing skinny jeans)? Unless, of course, Predators was supposed to bend the genre and become a sci-fi shoot ‘em up that blended great action with great acting.

Unfortunately, all of the potential an actor like Brody brings to a project like Predators doesn’t mean squat if his character only has lines like “You gotta problem with that?” In Predators, Brody plays Royce, a character who could’ve just as easily been referred to as “Bad Ass #1” in the IMDB credits, had he not introduced himself to another character in the final five minutes of the movie. Yes, you just read that last sentence correctly.

The action starts instantly, with Royce waking from a nap mid free fall while plummeting toward an unnamed planet. Luckily, his parachute deploys. We’re introduced to the characters one by one, amid the rattle of chain-fed Gatling guns and the chaos of battle. We meet the token female character, the token Russian guy (played by mixed martial arts pioneer Oleg Tektarov), the token Mexican guy (Danny Trejo) and the token intellectual, a physician (Grace). We’re “introduced” to a few other characters as well, but they die in short order (and spectacular fashion).

Director Nimród Antal, who was responsible for the Luke Wilson/Kate Beckinsale torture porn flick Vacancy, seems to very clearly grasp his role: do no harm. Borrowing from the conventions of its progenitors (which includes the original, a sequel and a couple of Alien vs. Predator spinoffs), Predators toes the genre’s line and plays it safe, never daring to exceed its audience’s expectations.

With that said, Predators does plenty right: Its chase scenes are intense, its fight scenes are filled with arterial sprays and it ups the ante on the earlier films in the series, introducing a super predator. (Yes, you heard right, the deadliest hunter in the universe is now available in version 2.0.) Antal also elicits some surprisingly good acting from his supporting actors, especially those not wearing giant dreadlocked masks.

Unfortunately, it’s an unimaginative script and an out-of-place Brody that keeps Predators from reaching its full potential. Bulked up with bandoliers and growling in his best Christian Bale-as-Batman voice, Brody’s tough-guy act comes across as an ego-driven opportunity to show off some hard-earned (and nascent) muscles.

Predators has few scares and even fewer surprises. Like Chris Hansen’s “To Catch a Predator,” most of the narrative is spent waiting for the players to figure out what the audience already knows—that the players aren’t where they think they are. If that sounds good to you, well then, why don’t you have a seat over there?

Grade: C+

Movie Review: Splice

I'm not reviewing every single movie out there in the world, so here's someone else's opinion for a moment. Justin got to see the creepy Splice this weekend, and here's what he had to say!

It’s Alive!
Splice is Shelley via Cronenberg
Justin Senkbile

Despite its jumping, shrieking trailer, director Vincenzo Natali’s Splice has a lot in common with James Whale’s 1931 Frankenstein and David Cronenberg’s The Fly; these are movies that are not so much terrifying as they are strangely unsettling…and as far as unsettling movies go, Splice certainly earns its place on that list.

After creating Ginger and Fred, two grotesque lab-made creatures that prove the viability of new gene-splicing techniques, scientists Clive (Adrien Brody) and Elsa (Sarah Polley) probably should've just gone on vacation. Instead, with hopes of making an even larger mark on scientific history, Elsa coerces Clive into joining her on the next step: adding human genes to their DNA cocktails.

What results is a clicking, hissing creature, distortedly human in appearance but mysterious in every other sense. Clive, sensing the possible consequences, wants to kill it. Elsa, on the other hand, finds a long-buried maternal instinct beginning to blossom.

This is where Splice takes its defining turn, devoting its attention to the dynamic within this synthetic family unit. At first, Elsa dotes on her faux daughter, whom she’s named Dren, dressing her up and showering her with gifts. But as the “specimen” matures (it ages several days in a matter of minutes and is, as a young adult, played by Delphine Chanéac), Elsa becomes cold and harsh, like an exhausted mother losing patience with her temperamental teenager.

Polley clearly dominates the film, her manipulative matriarch Elsa being the driving force behind the experiment itself and the story's eventual fall into violence. Her counterpoint, Clive, is played aptly by the perpetually languid Brody. Submissive but not exactly timid, Clive's inability to stand up to Elsa earns him an equal share of the guilt.

Though Chanéac's is the most exciting role, it's also a pretty thankless one. Because she's heavily made-up, partially computer generated and spends most of the film twitching and squirming, it's easy to miss fact that there's also a bit of acting going on here. Despite of the burden of all the physical alterations, Dren ends up as frightening and heartbreaking as Boris Karloff's lumbering monster from 1931, and all of Splice's most moving moments belong to her.

Things do get pretty bizarre near the end (Macgruber has officially lost the "Most Uncomfortable Sex Scene of 2010" award), but Splice is really more of a close-quarters character study than a hunter-versus-hunted scare-fest. After all, Natali is toying with some weighty moral issues here. Technological and scientific responsibility is the most obvious, but the most striking is the focus on the sticky business of parenting, which, as you might imagine, only gets hairier when you're not sure just how human the kid is.

With all of the hyper-weirdness in the third act, it's debatable as to how successful Splice is in raising and articulating its questions. What's undeniable, though, is that it's magnificently creepy, a smart, surprising piece of early summer entertainment that manages to really leave a mark.

Grade: B

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Movie Review: The Brothers Bloom

I don't know what's better...the fact that I was able to find the exact clip I needed for my explanation that's about to occur, or the fact that it's randomly subtitled in Spanish. We didn't review This Is It this weekend, because it's not a movie. I find it interesting that so many people were willing to praise the footage-hobbled-together-from-rehearsal-of-a-concert-I-wouldn't-have-been-interested-in-if-it-actually-happened-with-no-story-that-isn't-a-behind-the-scenes-documentary-but-just-shitty-footage-of-a-dress-rehearsal-of-a-concert. My take is, it's NOT a MOVIE. I use this phrase because I'm reminded of that line of dialogue from Joey on "Friends" when describing Rachel's cat. See below:



So, instead of reviewing the non-movie, Ben went to see Big Fan at the Dundee, and I finally reviewed The Brothers Bloom on DVD. I really loved the first half hour, and the rest was good if not great. Very enjoyable.

DVD Discovery
Bros and Cons
The Brothers Bloom displays blossoming talent

The first half hour of The Brothers Bloom is so relentlessly endearing, so pathologically enjoyable that it’s hard to notice it sliding into a tangential universe in which children wear bowler’s hats and Adrien Brody can bag Rachel Weisz. Writer/director Rian Johnson’s sophomore effort demonstrates a stylish whimsy exceeded only by his slavish addiction to film noir themes. Although the film’s payoff is only slightly less obvious than Brody’s proboscis, the who’s-conning-who-twisty-turny tale flirts with delightful and settles on exceedingly pleasing, reminding audiences that the beauty is not in the score, but in the grift itself.

The aforementioned charming-as-hell introduction reveals the sibling con artists as orphaned children via a voiceover from Ricky Jay, who ought to be congressionally mandated to deliver all opening narration. Character beats are symbolically thumped, as Bloom (Brody) is shown to be a romance-obsessed sad panda and his brother, Stephen (Mark Ruffalo), is depicted as a well-intentioned scheming mastermind. Stephen writes confidence games like novels, intersplicing nuanced subplots and metaphors in grand charades that bilk the unsuspecting targets while forming a cohesive narrative. This pisses Bloom off.

Thus, the eternally suffering Bloom, tired of the gamesmanship, longs for something real. He agrees to one last grift on a particularly appealing mark. Penelope (Weisz), also an orphan and eccentric heiress of a vast fortune, willingly engages in the shenanigans designed to liquidate her assets out of sheer boredom. Aided by their silent partner and explosives expert, Bang Bang (Rinko Kinkuchi), the brothers deploy a continent-spanning shell game in which no one is entirely sure what the plan actually is. Although the final resolution is more smoke than fire, it’s hard not to find a measure of satisfaction when Johnson pulls the nickel out from behind your ear.

Wisely, Johnson isn’t content to rely on his modestly clever writing and the exceptional set and costume design. Realizing that his primary trio of actors are possessed of potent personality, Johnson deploys each of their strengths like well-timed concussive blasts. Between Ruffalo’s knowing smile, Brody’s woe-is-me sunken eyes and Weisz’s downright devastating genuine giggles, it’s impossible not to buy whatever it is the film is selling.

That said, too often the script pauses to dole out information obviously designed to be used later. Cracking the foreshadowed code doesn’t require a degree in cryptology so much as it requires basic brainwaves. Not everything boils down to plot devices, and the characters certainly mature as the minutes tick by, but had Johnson added shock to the final proceedings it would have multiplied the effect to an exponential degree.

Sporting a playful score that would have been at home in an old west saloon, The Brothers Bloom is a lovely little ditty sung by a group more than able to carry a pleasing tune. In only his second time at the helm, Johnson’s career can now be firmly placed in the “future star” file. If hindsight reveals this film to be one of the writer/director’s minor works, we’re all in for something major.

Grade – B+

Adrien Brody has forgotten he is Adrien Brody

Adrien Brody, who looks like a slightly emo Gonzo from the Muppets, has agreed a role similar to one held by Arnold Schwarzenegger (and no, it's not sleeping with Maria Shriver...Brody and Shriver humping would start another Californian wild fire). No, Variety is reporting that Adrien Brody...that's this guy:

is going to play the lead role of "heroic mercenary" in Predators. Yep, you are reading that right. The guy who is dressed like a combination of Gilligan and Fred from "Scooby Doo" above is going to play a warrior brought to the Predator's home world to do battle with various aliens. Yes, I mean Adrien Brody. Not this Adrian:

or this Adrian

This Brody

I think the aliens feel pretty safe.