Hulk pants = Revolving door

Weekends are usually tame on news, as publicists and movie stars like to get pissed and slack off on days that start with S just as much as we do. I mean, sure, they do it on $1,000 bottles of liquor we normal folk don't know has been invented yet while sitting on top of nude, attractive people, but the idea remains the same: They take weekends off. This weekend was no different, with only three pieces of news worth noting:

(1) JJ Abrams is supposedly on the shortlist to direct Wicked.
Although nothing in his bio would suggest this to be a significant possibility (unless the songs are all going to be replaced by aliens), it's intriguing as a distant thought. Should this gain momentum, I'll care harder. For now, I'm going to note that the other directors on the shortlist all have experience with musicals and don't seem more interested in producing projects under their own labels. In other words, I do not believe JJ Abrams is going to direct Wicked any more than I believe Sarah Palin is going to start stringing together complete sentences that respect proper grammar.

(2) Kevin Bacon is in talks to play the villain in X-Men: First Class.
This one is actually interesting, but unclear at this point. Which villain? We already know Magneto is in it (and will be played by Michael Fassbender). Theories range from Mr. Sinister to Sebastian Shaw, neither of whom will wet the whistle of mainstream audiences. To be honest with you, I think I'm placing a casting moratorium on First Class for now. Like the cap intended to finally free us from B.P.'s tiny little gaffe, I'm containing all news spewing forth like vile bilge regarding who is playing who in this reboot until I have some good reason to believe it's all actually finished.

3.) Now, the interesting one: Ed Norton gets invited to suck it - There was an interesting squabble this weekend involving once-famous Ed Norton and Marvel Comics. Remember when Ed Norton was making movies? Me too. He played The Hulk once, right? Well looks like his days of heroism are over.
Marvel put out a press release saying they didn't want him back to play The Hulk in The Avengers. They more or less said he was a Class-A douchenozzle unwilling to play nice with others. This prompted a response from Norton's peeps, who promptly noted that Marvel had been deep in negotiations to bring back Eddie to said role, that they wanted to announce it at the San Diego Comic Convention, and that the two sides were close to a very amicable deal when Marvel suddenly changed their mind without telling anyone and issued the angry press release. Who's telling the truth? Who is more greedy/stupid? Eh, who cares. I mean, tales of Norton's jackassery are pretty common. The guy is talented, but exudes buttweasel pheromones that you can smell through the screen. That said, Marvel is INSANELY cheap, has a history of mistreating actors (cough, Terrence Howard, cough), and definitely fired the first shot here. So where do we go from here? Well, the next, most reasonable step is to fill the role with someone reliable. The last thing you want to do is find another temperamental actor who, although clearly talented, has a reputation for quirky behavior and may prove difficult to wrangle in an ensemble movie of the size and scope we're dealing with here.

CHUD is reporting that Marvel put out an offer to Joaquin Phoenix (shown here on the right).
Let that sink in, folks. Swish it around in your mouth for a minute. Joaquin Phoenix. The Hulk. You know what...it kind of makes sense. That's the strangest story on a Monday I've ever had. So...enjoy!

Norton may once more nurse at the Hulk's teat

Note to Marvel Films...wait, I guess they aren't really "in charge" anymore after the Disney pick-up. Okay, note to the head of Disney's live-action movie division. Oh, right, that guy just quit, too. You know what, this is probably just for me and the few loyal, intelligent, kind-hearted, virtuous, attractive, well-endowed, special people who read this blog anyway (that's not kissing up, I truly love you). So, if any of you could pass along this message to the makers of The Avengers, it would make you even sexier. The Hulk needs to be the villain in the upcoming superheroic cluster-frak that The Avengers will be. Not only would it work neatly into the material you've already established on screen, but I think it may allow you to convince Ed Norton to come back. See, right now, Ed Norton is on the fence (not literally, that would be painful), as demonstrated by his MTV interview wherein he doesn't quite confirm, deny, or laugh about coming back for another go at ole saggy green boobs so much as he suggests he needs a reason. Howsabout squaring off against Robert Downey Jr? That's a good reason. Ed's a good actor, even if he seems like a category 5 D-bag in most interviews, and I liked The Hulk a lot. It was pretty much spot-on Hulkage, so if you didn't like that, you didn't like the Hulk, which is cool. I'm just saying, if cards are played correctly, Norton could come back, and I think that's a good thing. I realize this is not a lot of info to warrant a whole blog post, but people aren't doing anything interesting today and it's not my fault.