This just in: Comic book property to become MOVIE!

Right now, if you have an idea for a comic book about a cybernetic armadillo you can probably sell the idea for half a million dollars, even if you haven't written a single word or drawn so much as a bug-eyed rendering of Robodillo on a napkin. So, if you're a comic creator who has, you know, actually created good stuff that has been published and everything, you pretty much have gold on your hands (and not in a creepy Goldfinger way). If you wanted to, you could do a "comic book-turned-movie news of the day." Case in point: Variety is reporting that Watchmen producer Lloyd Levin (oh, and piss off, Watchmen was really good, if you don't agree, you are wrong) has acquired the rights to Echo, a comic book written and drawn by Terry Moore (best known for writing realistic and interesting female characters and then drawing them with huge bazooms). The comic follows one of those aforementioned interesting big-knockered women who gets in the way of a military experiment and becomes a walking nuclear bomb. She's a hot female who could destroy everything (kind of like Megan Fox). I like Levin, whose Hellboy movies kicked ass and whose upcoming Green Zone could blow us away (remember that), and I really like that we have a female character to follow here...but COME ON! This idea is like the origins of 99% of superheroes since the first time a muscular dude put on some spandex. I mean, seriously, she gets "science experiment metal" poured on her and becomes a walking bomb?! 1972 called and they would like their concept back! Sigh, this is just anger that I feel for not having created my own comic that would be instantly optioned into a movie. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go try to sell Robodillo for six figures to Miramax.

When will I NOT write about Natalie Portman?

Let's get something straight: When there's news about Natalie Portman, I'm going to run it. When Natalie Portman does virtually nothing of consequence, but still can do this with her face:



I'm also going to run it. Thankfully for those of you who still consider this site to be a place of modest information alongside immodest cursing and vulgar speculation, there is a bit of news to go along with the above image (despite my assurance to you that there need not be for me to opine for several hundred words about what lingers above). Everyone on the whole Internet is reporting that this lovely lass:



(hominahominahomina) is going to star in Thor as the blonde-haired chunk-a-burnin' man's human love interest. I'm not sure how this is going to work because, in the comic, Thor turned into a regular dude named Donald, and it was Don who bagged his nurse (to ironically be played by the goddess above...whose eyes could command me to commit a litany of illicit activities should she so choose, seriously I just committed arson because I thought it's what she would want). Rumor has it that Donald is not in the script...so does this mean that Nat will be gettin' with a full-on, ridiculous hat-wearing God? A guy who looks like this?

With apologies to my man John Romita Jr (who straight-up drew the shiznit out of the guy in that cover), his costume is so ridiculous, I buy him as a viable superhero almost as much as I buy Ann Curry doing the news (one day we shall battle, Curry...one day). Still, if Natalie WANTED to bag herself a dude who looked like this, she could, as I'm pretty sure she could seduce a building should she so choose. Also, Jessica Biel (who many people freak out over as well, but I'm a one-gal obsessive) is rumored to have a part (likely as the evil enchantress or Lady Sif, a fellow Norse God), but she's as terrible an actress as Natalie is a good one, so I don't care. This has been your "marginal news (Natalie Portman officially cast in Thor) but really just a big excuse to look at Natalie Portman" movie blog of the day. Happy Tuesday!

Quick Clips for Wednesday July 23

You need some Spaced

Simon Pegg is one of the three British people my wife claims to love (the other two are Hugh Grant and some girl with an accent from the Obama campaign who called her the other day). Although most people fell for Pegg in Shaun of the Dead, the funniest film to ever feature cannibalism (which is weird because cannibalism is inherently hilarious), he first demonstrated his hilarity capability in the BBC series Spaced, which is the funniest straight-up sit-com I've ever seen. After years of begging, a nearly disastrous and thankfully scuttled American remake (which would have been helmed by McG...shudder), and more critical praise than a certain movie featuring a leather-clad mom beater (sorry Christian, alleged mom beater), Spaced is finally available for purchase here in the US of A. No need to rent it, just buy it outright then come back here and tell me how awesome it is.

In my day, they waited to adapt comics until after they came out

Rob Liefeld, who is to comic book artists what Carrot Top is to comedians, has had his latest as-of-yet unpublished comic "Capeshooters" optioned by Warner Bros, who must be high on bat-fumes to option a comic created by a man whose best idea to this point has been his semi-retirement. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the film will follow slackers (uh oh, I thought Judd Apatow had a copyright on the slacker character) who videotape superheroes and end up on the run after they determine a good guy is actually a bad guy. Sort of like YouTube meets Spider-man (see, I can do Hollywood pitch meetings). Brian Singer, who did what Lex Luther couldn't do by defiling Superman, is slated to direct, but that will likely change after his long-gestating, rumored-to-be-God-awful Valkyrie finally comes out. Why? Because Tom Cruise will likely scream "By the power of Xenu" and rip him in half.

I have two digits I'd like to present to Disney

In what can only be described as the single most irritating thing since horse-hair underwear, Disney has opted to punt Ebert & Roeper At the Movies. Sure, Richard Roeper has been begging for a kick in the pants so relentlessly I've often thought about driving to Chicago and obliging him, but Roger Ebert is the Godfather of movie critics. He's literally the reason I started doing this. I know Leonard Maltin's beard is technically the oldest movie critic in the country and people have long worshipped at the afro of Gene Shalit, but Ebert's thumb is the single greatest critical body part in the history of criticism! Variety is reporting that E! blogger Ben Lyons and Ben Mankiewicz are the replacements for Ebert and his partner, but Ebert and Gene Siskel trademarked the phrase "Two Thumbs Up," leaving Disney the choice of accepting my proposed replacement only two fingers away.