It's Colin Farrell's world, we just live in it

David Cronenberg is a visionary filmmaker who is suddenly becoming a prolific visionary filmmaker. He's currently making A Dangerous Method, with these guys:

I can only hope for her sake does not involve a steam bath with Viggo because that would not work out well for her mental state. Cronenberg has decided to roll full steam ahead setting up a new project while working on this project with the following folks:


That's right, even though he looks like he wants to say "shhh" in the image above, Farrell is screaming about his career right now, as Variety is reporting that these two are going to star in the adaptation of Cosmopolis, which is about an asset manager who loses all his wealth over the course of one day. He must not be a very good asset manager, because all those other dudes on Wall Street lost a ton of money in 5 minutes last week. This is interesting to me because what I remember of Cronenberg is all body horror and weird; it's all The Fly and Crash (the one about people borking after car crashes, not the one that wants us all to sing kumbaya after finding racial harmony) in my memory. Now Cronenberg is Eastern Promises and A History of Violence. So, basically, he went from body parts falling off to Viggo Mortensen showing clearly that his body parts have not fallen off (yep, that's a second Mortensen showing his no-no joke in one post, happy FRIDAY!). I find the latter Cronenberg actually more compelling, even though many of my peers would disagree. Then again, who are my peers? Dudes with blogs making Viggo Mortensen peen jokes? We're a rare breed.

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Ryan's Junk Drawer

Because I am having a busy week and because the world hath decided that this news week is slow, there is but one post forthcoming today (the one you're reading) and even this contains information that is pretty weak sauce. Look, every day can't be full of winners, okay?

Here's the top 5 stories that didn't even get to be big-boy grown-up posts on a slow-ass news week:

1.) Director of The Fly to remake The Fly? - This doesn't happen...it just doesn't. You don't hear news about a remake of a classic film that makes you want to do anything but vomit. The 1986 version of The Fly, which was itself a remake of the 1958 movie with Vincent Price, is being remade. So why is this remake of a remake of a remake interesting? Because David Cronenberg, who directed the 1986 epic of bodily horror, is coming back to direct the new one. Huhbuhwha? Well, shit, that sounds...good? No stupid rumors of 3D effects or some crazy new direction seem to be prompting this, just an acknowledgment from Cronenberg that new technology makes him want to revisit the story...which sounds reasonable. In fact, I give the idea three naked Jeff Goldblums about to transport himself:

2.) The shitty superhero cavalcade of crap! - Have you been patiently waiting for someone, ANYONE, to make a sequel to your favorite superhero movie of all time, Ghost Rider? You have?!!! Well f**k you because it's happening. David Goyer is supposedly in talks to work on Ghost Rider 2, and you know Nic Cage will come back because he'll do anything (seriously, I gave the guy a 10-spot to clean some gun off from beneath a bench in a public park, not because I wanted it clean, but to show him who was boss). Also sitting in the "waiting to suck" pile is news that Fox...sorry F**ks Studios is developing a new Daredevil movie and a new Silver Surfer movie, despite having this happen the last time these characters were on screen:

I forgive Jennifer Garner...because she looks like that, but both she and her future impregnator were both so glaringly miscast and the film was so mundane that I can't imagine how they can make something worse...but this is F**ks Studios we're talking about, so they'll find a way. Also, nobody likes the Silver Surfer. Nobody. If you find someone who's favorite character is the Silver Surfer, you've found someone who probably also likes the taste of lead.

3.) Barbie and He-Man still won't procreate to form the perfect toy - Barbie and He-Man have both found homes, although sadly they won't be shacking up under one roof boffing away to produce the best pile of plastic since 1990s-era Pam Anderson. Barbie is a go at Universal...although I thought they made that movie already and called it Legally Blonde, and He-Man is a go at Columbia, which is great because we shouldn't live in a world where this is the only Orco that ever gets to exist on the screen:

4.) Now that's a title change - I love the beautiful, lyrical, haunting Swedish film Let the Right One In. As you may know, it is being remade for US audiences because many, many people think subtitles are icky. The big rumor of the week (that was shot down) was that Philip Seymour Hoffman was considering a role. The bigger rumor in my opinion is that reports have come in that the film is being retitled from it's original retitle, Let Me In, to Fish Head. That's right, Fish Head. Man, for awhile there I was worried they were going to mess this up. Thankfully, I can put all that concern to rest. Fish Head? Jesus, this is setting a record for how terrible things can go. I want to believe this is a lie. It likely isn't.

5.) Diablo gets it - As I told you yesterday, Diablo Cody is hard at work adapting the "Sweet Valley High" series. Good news abounds, as she confirmed via twitter yesterday that the film will be set in the 1980s. Perfect. Setting it in modern day would be a reach, and since it is really a nostalgia bomb anyway, why not set it where it belongs. Kudos, Diablo! As a prize, you get a naked Jeff Goldblum about to transport himself.

That's the bloggery for today, people. I gots to move it.