It all leads to this...

We've done this, you and I. Our tolerance, our compassion, our general willingness to not find and bludgeon Adam Sandler has lead to Jack and Jill, a movie in which Sandler will play twins...a brother and a sister. When we looked the other way on Chuck and Larry, refusing to lower ourselves to homicide just to save human dignity; when we didn't riot in the streets after Grown-ups tallied a ton of cash this summer; when we chose not to light everyone and everything Sandler touched on fire in the wake of Click, we were inherently asking for such a thing to happen. Oh, and news came out today that he's taking some folks with him on his final quest to destroy joy and human history.

Katie Holmes, shown here in the position in which she gets tossed onto the couch after an escape attempt.

And Al Pacino, shown here acknowledging he probably gave up his dignity around the time he began posing with 50 Cent.

What you have here is perhaps the saddest collection of words I've ever strung together, what with the Sandler playing a female twin, Pacino starring in a Sandler movie, and Holmes inevitably trying to act like she's sexually attracted to Sandler (although, to be fair, this is good casting given her experience). I don't even need to check the release date to see that this will be arriving in December of 2012, as the Mayans long ago told of this day. I believe it was Nostradamus who once said "There will be an unfunny man who looks like a potato in a microwave. He will hire a midget's wife and a former king. Together, they will ruin the world." Enjoy, America!

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Impossibler mission is for the Bird

As I've said many, many times before, I don't care that the haters be hatin', I'm stoked about Mission Impossible 4. They bumped the date back this week to December 2011 (moving just a bit outside of that summer frame), but I don't care. That's not the news that made me as giddy as Tom Cruise tells Katie Holmes she's supposed to feel when he tells her to. No, I'm stoked because Brad Bird (The Incredibles, Iron Giant) is making his live-action directing debut. Ya-boo, baby. That news is sweeter than caramel-glazed cotton candy. Bird has shown himself to be adept at guiding character-based action properties, even if they're animated. I have to say that, as a character, I could give a squat about Ethan Hunt (which is the name of the Mission Impossible lead, for those who have never bothered to even learn or remember that). If somehow Bird is able to blend that goofy action with some measure of substance, even if it's fleeting, we're in for something special. And not "Tom Cruise dancing with Katie Holmes" special.



If you can find the whole video, do yourself a favor and invest the three minutes. It could be the most awkward thing you've ever watched, even if you've overheard a discussion between your grandmother and your mother about lady grooming. Point is, I'm stoked about Mission Impossible 4, even if this post failed to stay focused on that point.