Little red riding huh?

I'm kind of intrigued by the proposed "gothic retelling" of Little Red Riding Hood that's going to be directed by Catherine Hardwicke. Although on the surface it sounds terrible, and despite Hardwicke's involvement with Twilight the first go-round, I'm holding out hope. Oh, and there's also the fact that The LA Times compares the upcoming flick to both Twilight and Shutter Island. That's awesome. I should describe more things with diametrically opposite means of comparison. "It's like The Shining meets House Party 2." I swear, people should shut up sometimes. Just give us the plot and move on, don't try to target your demographic while describing a movie that's not even made. I know that's difficult when your movie is a retelling of Little Red Riding Hood that will likely involve a werewolf and suggestive sexual situations, but them's the breaks.

The reason I'm excited is because Hardwicke is talented, and the take she wants to use sounds a little more grown up. Oh, and I'm also excited for this:
I know that Amanda Seyfried just got done terrorizing the tear ducts of teens around the globe with Dear John, or as I liked to call it, F**k John. Still, I loved her in Mama Mia and she has a definite presence about her. The LA Times story suggests that Seyfried is being brought in to get the project rolling again, because she's hot doody right now. I don't know if this will be a hot mess of crap or something truly inspired. All I know is that the last time I saw a retelling of this story, I got Freeway. The language below is salty, as a warning. It also rules.



If I get something half that good this time out, I'm in.

Reese Witherspoon and I shared a moment whether she remembers or not

The year: 1998(ish). The place: Barnes and Noble at Omaha's Crossroads Mall. The scene: A young blond (this one)



is inconspicuously walking through the store, with large sunglasses and her head down. Unfortunately for her, I was one of the seven people in the world who had watched the movie Freeway, a retelling of Little Red Riding Hood, set in a trailer park world with a serial killer (played by Kiefer "Hide yer Christmas trees" Sutherland) terrorizing a girl who very much looks like said blond above. In that second, I realize "Great ga-shmoigity! That IS the girl from Freeway! THAT'S REESE WITHERSPOON!" She was a star on the rise! She starred against friggin' Marky Mark in the perpetually-playing-on-cable-TV-nonclassic Fear! I HAD JUST SEEN ALL OF HER GOODIES IN THE PAUL NEWMAN MOVIE TWILIGHT (no, not that version of Twilight, although, for the record, reanimating Newman's corpse is the only way to get me interested). What could I do?! What SHOULD I do? I did what everyone in the world would have wanted, NAY demanded if they knew me at all. I walked away without saying a word. Fastforward five minutes, I'm taking out some trash at the behest of my boss...when I pretty much run directly into her. Yowza. What do I say, trash in hand, stupidity ready to flow? "I loved you in Freeway." Her response, "Thanks." Not "Oh my God, did you really just compliment me on a role where I played a crazy white-trash version of Little Red Riding Hood, where I curse like a sailor? In a film that all but went straight-to-video?!" Just "thanks." That, ladies and gentlemen, is why Reese Witherspoon is a classy lady. She told the garbage-totin', barely coherent, Freeway watchin' yokel, "thanks."

Oh, yeah, what was my point...Oh, Variety is reporting that Leonardo DiCaprio's production company is pursuing a "gothic" version of Little Red Riding Hood that keeps the creepy ending and whatnot. It will likely feature some shitty CGI wolf and a score by Danny Elfman. Let's start the Tim Burton rumors right now. Hell, Depp would be perfect as Little Red Riding Hood. No matter what they do, they won't come close to matching the twisted perfection of this (NSFW if your boss can hear your speakers):



This is the performance I complimented her on.