Look upon Tyrese and weep

Folks, we can now resume our daily lives: We now have photographic evidence that Tyrese is, for sure, in Transformers 3: Michael Bay Hates All of Us.
5 things we can tell from this first leaked image from Transformers 3: Poop Strikes Back:

1.) We can finally get some answers to the complex character Tyrese has portrayed in two previous films. Like, how does he feel about skull caps? Is he willing to duck lower than Shia LaBeouf? Does he like military-esque fanny packs? How about elbow tattoos? These questions and more will be answered in Transformers 3: Look at What You've Done, America.

2.) Shia LaBeouf will win any stupid reaction contest you can hold.

3.) The characters in the third movie still think they can shoot giant alien robots with bullets and be effective.

4.) LaBeouf is holding firm to his "only leather jackets" wardrobe clause in his contract.

5.) God still isn't swayed by the evil of Bay enough to have the earth swallow the production of Transformers 3: Nazibots, Teaparticons, and Bigotmachines.

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Shia "the truth" LaBeouf

This is by no means groundbreaking or earth-shattering news, but much like a White Stripe who "fell in love with a girl," it bears repeating now. Shia LaBeouf feels guilty about what he and those monkeys did to our Indiana Jones franchise.

Amidst revelations that he "dropped the ball on the legacy" while at Cannes promoting a sequel to one of the most revered films of the 1980s from a legendary director (ruh, roh Raggy...could he have pooped on TWO classic film icons in just a few years?) came more interesting info, like how Harrison Ford kind of felt the movie sucked too. He also mentions that papa Spielberg, to whom LaBeouf owes everything as it was Stevie who ensured that LaBeouf didn't end up a child-star-meth-addict (a move I now call "Pulling a Sweetin"), is gonna be pissed about him breaking the family trust on this one. Yes, if it weren't for Shia LaBeouf mentioning it, no one would have thought that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was anything other than cinematic perfection. On the one hand, this admission makes me like LaBeouf even more. He even tries to take the rap for not pulling off that infamous monkey scene (Paul Newman couldn't have pulled off that scene if Daniel Day Lewis played one of those monkeys, just to be clear Shia). On the other hand, shut up LaBeouf, this ain't about you. Let's not take the eyes off the prize here. This is about Spielberg and Lucas...mostly just Lucas. This is about the fact that your character existed at all. This is about the goofy-ass missteps and general half-assedness of the entire final sequence of the film. Now, having been one of the few who actually didn't really mind good chunks of that now near universally loathed flick, I'll tell you that the shortcomings of the film are almost all Lucas's fault (and Spielberg by association). This isn't just another case of piling on the throat-bearded douche again, this is about making sure that we don't let a few comments change our assignment of blame. LaBeouf didn't write "cut to shot of gopher" in the script and he didn't go out and shoot that. What sucked did so because Lucas was struck by douche lightning and is now a supervillain. Now there's a quote I'd love to see get picked up by other media.

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