Friday, May 7, 2010

Movie Review: Iron Man 2

As promised, here's my thoughts about everybody's favorite man-in-a-tin-can.

Loud Sounds and Nick Fury
Iron Man 2 is bigger, bolder but not quite better

Deciding whether the Iron Man armor worn by Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr), with its funky, zappy-laser thingies, is cooler than the War Machine armor worn by Lieutenant Colonel James “Rhodey” Rhodes (Don Cheadle), with its “Say hello to my little friends” full-on arsenal, may be easier than deciding whether Scarlett Johansson’s cleavage is more impressive than Mickey Rourke’s heaving bosom. Iron Man 2, a love song to excess, is filled with these kinds of bigger-better-more pairings; it’s all about doubling everything, not just the pleasure and fun.

Screenwriter Justin Theroux (Tropic Thunder) delivered unto director Jon Favreau a kludge script. It gets the job done, welding giant action set pieces with subplots that sorta-kinda fit together if you squint hard enough. The sequel picks up shortly after Stark’s ego led him to admit to his alter ego. The uber-tattooed Ivan Vanko (Rourke) crawls out of a vodka bottle somewhere in Siberia to discover that his father’s designs for a power generator had been stolen by Stark’s papa. So he does what any good son would do: He creates a cyber exoskeleton with huge whips and goes to Monaco with murder on his mind.

Meanwhile, Stark is busy fending off demands from the U.S. Government to turn over his suit, dodging attacks on his company and legacy from his competitor Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell) and trying not to die from palladium poisoning—it’s best to leave that particular storyline alone. Thankfully, he has friends in all places: his best bud Rhodey is in the military; his would-be lady love, Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow), is the new Stark Corporation C.E.O.; his hand-sculpted-by-God new assistant, Natasha (Johansson), is at his beck and call and his cryptic, cyclopic ally Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) is there to show up at just the right time with a box full of deus ex machina.

Oh, it’s a mess. Theroux’s subplots don’t tangle so much as they run parallel to one another, screaming at the top of their lungs the whole way. Still, it’s often a very fun mess. Between Rockwell’s foppish, flopping foil and Downey’s nuclear arsenal of charm, it may be physically impossible to not at least have a good time. That in and of itself is somewhat of an accomplishment in this post-Dark Knight era, when glee is often swapped out for “realistic” gruff. The biggest gaffe revealed is the weakness inherent to the mythos of Iron Man himself: his villains mostly suck. Vanko doesn’t so much present himself as a terrifying nemesis so much as a whack-a-mole who needs to get rock-em sock-em robot-ed every once and awhile.

What is most interesting is Marvel Comics’ commitment to their larger motion picture agenda. “Easter eggs,” the nickname given to the cinematic practice of tiny winks-and-nods to the audience, regarding Thor and Captain America are delivered by the double baker’s dozen. Although the claim that Iron Man 2 is nothing more than a set-up to the upcoming Avengers flick is overly dismissive and kind of pissy, there’s no question that the only truly consequential events in the film involve Fury and his soon-to-be-assembled team.

In some ways, Iron Man 2 is one of the most comic book-like of all comic book adaptations, with its superfluous-but-kinda-cool crossovers (as with the sometimes delightfully spandexed but wholly unnecessary Johansson) and dialed-to-11 storytelling. The first film was a surprise, riding the charisma of a redeemed former-cokehead superstar. The second doubles down hard in every department and uses Downey’s rapscallion nature as the glue that holds it together. It’s by no means a well-oiled machine, but this bucket of bolts is still blockbuster-bound.

Grade = B

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Wednesday, April 7, 2010

It's like Clash of the Titans...on acid

Tarsem Singh was going to be the next big thing...right up until The Cell. For the record, it's a great movie. Sure, J.Lo has the acting talent of a Snickers bar, but she was asked to just pose and look pretty, which was the reason for her creation. Still, people did not feel the same, which is why today there are so many discarded copies of that DVD that I believe they are used for currency in Lichtenstein. Singh's last movie, The Fall, buttered our boy Ben Coffman's bread to the point where it made his best films of that year. Thus, it is with great anticipation that I am looking forward to War of the Gods, which as of today is no longer War of the Gods but Immortals, which doesn't sound as cool but will still star the following:

Freida Pinto
Isabel Lucas
Mickey Rourke

Yeah, I know...how hot is that cast? You see Freida and Isabel and you're all, "how can this get better" and then WHAMMO...Mickey Effin' Rourke. Growl. Also featuring Henry Cavill, Stephen Dorff, Luke Evans, and Kellan Lutz, I want to see the thing because of Tarsem's description of the screenplay (about men fighting the Gods) alone: "Basically, Caravaggio meets Fight Club. It’s a really hardcore action film done in Renaissance painting." If it were only a film about a God war featuring Freida Pinto, I would likely see it. Add in Tarsem and that description and I am pretty much going to start working on a time machine to make this movie come to me sooner.

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Friday, January 22, 2010

You know what I haven't said lately? Crom!

I've never been a huge Conan fan, but I get the appeal of the character. It's a big hulking dude with a big-ass sword who kills the shit out of bad guys with said big-ass sword. See?
I liked the versions that starred the Governator, but I wasn't totally enamored with them. That said, when I heard that Brett Ratner was going to be directing the relaunch of the series, I threw up a little. Not because I felt a great character was about to get violated, but because I honestly thought someone had killed Brett Ratner by now. Then he went off the project, and I breathed a sigh of relief because I assumed he is once more returned to the underworld where the demons who used to puppeteer Strom Thermond feast on his flesh. Now the film is being directed by Marcus Nispel, whose last name sounds made up. I haven't seen the Friday the 13th remake by Nispel, so I only know that he looks like a serial killer who used to belong in the Village People. See?Well LatinoReview informed me (and the rest of the world) that Nispel has his Conan! And it's a guy who used to be on a "Baywatch" spinoff and a "Stargate" spinoff (not the proud mothership version with the pre-chub MacGuyver). His name is Jason Momoa, and he looks bad ass. See?

So that's the exciting news! To me, it's cool that he's not a whitey mcwhite white, as I usually have a hard time believing that our ancestors had the European pasty thing going on. Also, he seems like he could shit a cougar, so there's that. Oh, but the real scoop is from LatinoReview's quick hit that the role of Conan's dad, Corin, has been offered to Mickey Rourke, who is crazy. See?
That's not for a movie. That's a Saturday afternoon for Mickey Rourke. Seriously. I'm curious about Conan now, and not 100% for the "right" reasons but somewhat because we're going to see Mickey Rourke's exposed moobs again.

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