Weekend Box Office: Sly can buy more steroids

Nobody spent a lot of time going to see movies this weekend, so I'm not going to spend a ton of time discussing them. The take-home messages are as follows: (1) - Stop seeing parody movies, even if they are making fun of crap that needs to be made fun of. Why? Because it empowers stupid people. (2) - Sly will make another Expendables, giving Segal and Van Damme a reason to live. My prediction: One of them will be the bad guy next time out. (3) - Jennifer Aniston is not a movie star and we need to stop pretending she is. (4) - Comedies that appeal to the black community are always going to find some level of success...imagine what would happen if any of them were truly exceptional and found other audiences too.

Okay, let's get it on, haiku style:

1.) The Expendables - $17 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94%)

All hail Sylvester!
Remember kids, steroids suck
unless you make films.

2.) Vampires Suck - $12.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 78%)

Hello and good bye.
This is a one-week wonder.
I hate these movies.

3.) Eat Pray Love- $12 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94%)

This is about right.
A fine film for a small group.
Hope they enjoyed it.

4.) The Lottery Ticket - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 85%)

This will fade fast, too.
But it didn't cost too much.
It's all relative.

5.) Piranha 3D - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 50%)

Ouch. This one bit me.
Not quite as bad as Ving Rhames.
That dude went crazy!

Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 80%

Too many movies
for me to do a good job.
I need things simple.

Okay, gang. Happy Monday to ya. Go out there and eat it up!

Follow me on Twitter!

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

It's a smorgasbord of crap this week! An all-you-can-eat buffet of mediocrity and absolute swill! Hooray! The real question is, will a holdover from last week win or will a new crap-tender rise to the top of the trash heap? It's so thrilling I can barely bring myself to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Oh, sorry, dozed off. Let's just get this over with, right?

Here's how I see the weekend, haiku style!

1.) The Expendables - $15 million

Sly does it again!
Uh oh...Expendables 2?
This shit just got real.

2.) Piranha 3D - $14 million

Horror in 3D?
Sure. But throw in 3D boobs?
Now everyone wins.

3.) Eat Pray Love - $13.5 million

This should keep rolling,
as there's no direct challenge.
Ladies still love it.

4.) Vampires Suck - $13 million

I agree with this,
but only on the title.
Parodies are hard.

5.) Nanny McPhee Returns - $12 million

A hit overseas,
it's the sequel no one needs.
So...it's a sequel.

WILDCARD - Lottery Ticket - $10 million

This film stars Bow Wow.
Do I need to keep going?
I really hope not.

Okay, that's it. Have a great weekend and see you on Monday!

Follow me on Twitter!