Spider-man still not chosen, Don Glover still not screened

I like to believe this Donald Glover for Spider-man movement is bigger than it is. By Dong Lover's own conversations, he's flattered at how far it did get. Hell, Stan Lee acknowledged it, and that was more than enough for DG, who grew up idolizing comic book creators. Stop and think about that for a moment. We're having to try and beg these numb-nutted teenage male douches into considering a role and a guy who is just perfect for it, who has such passion for it, can't get a screen test. Yes, it still pisses me off. I believe the fanboy reaction has been unduly racist but the Hollywood fatcat rationale isn't overtly racist so much as it is "pragmatic." They don't want to court controversy, they want to just make money.

So here's an idea for them: Give him a screen test. "Wait, but Ryan, that sounds exactly like what you were asking for anyway!" I know, that's because I'm a f**king genius. See, all the suits need to do is give him a test and tell the world about it. Whammo, there would be unprecedented publicity for the reboot. Last time I checked, it was a good thing to have free press still, right? I'm not talking about giving him the gig, I'm talking about giving him a very public test screening. Telling fans "we did this for you, because you demanded it" would make them feel empowered and like a part of the process. It would be a chance to make a splash with the casting process in a way they're not going to now. They are demanding it, just check out the awesome art that's still being made:

This whole post came from the fact that Sony is getting real close to naming one of the following people to be Spidey: Jamie Bell, Anton Yelchin, Aaron Johnson, Andrew Garfield, Alden Ehrenreich, and Logan Lerman. Exactly what kind of overwhelming fan response is going to come from "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your new Spider-man: Alden Ehrenreich!!!" Seriously? I mean, yes the Interwebs will fire up with searches for the new lead's name within minutes of his announcement as having the role, but the most intriguing, most talked-about name is the one not mentioned in that sentence. If you give Donny G a shot in the suit, you would satiate the hunger of a vocal minority. You would look classy. You would possibly actually find your Spidey, but that's beyond the point. A guy who loves Spider-man would get a chance to dress as Spider-man and would never forget it. So don't do it because it makes sense, or because it's your best option. Do it because it will make you money down the road from fans who would be instantly supportive after your bold willingness to listen to them. It's not too late to win this one, guys. And don't forget, America: go to twitter and type #donald4spiderman. Let's keep the dream alive.

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Web of Lies: Reborn

Well here we go again. This guy is now in charge of Spider-man.
His name is Marc Webb, and he scares the living shit out of me. Oh, it's not just because two of the FIVE projects he has completed as a director are 3 Doors Down and Greenday videos (although, let me just say, 3 DOORS F**KING DOWN? the new Spidey director is a guy who worked with 3 Doors F**king Down?!?!?!) but because Sony signed him to a three-picture deal as Spidey director based off of one movie he made that I sort of, kind of thought was okay. In fact, one could argue that what made Webb's only film, 500 Days of Summer, adorable and appealing was Joseph Gorden Levitt and not the stolen quirk from other films shoehorned into a semi-original rom com. I know of no unique Webb visual style, although we have but one film to judge by, and the fact that this new mega-billion dollar franchise is pretty much his sophomore effort means that this guy will be such a Sony puppet that he may as well be made of felt and be receiving a permanent rectal exam. Can this be fixed with the right casting? Sure. Raise your hand if you knew that Jon Favreau was going to kill Iron Man like he did (we liked him, yes, but what about Zathura made you go "this is going to be goooood"). It was Robert Downey Jr who saved that day. Then again, Iron Man is no Spider-man, and what Webb is "known for" (I put that in quotation marks because THIS IS HIS SECOND FULL-LENGTH FILM) is romance. This move is akin to watching a kid excel at an airplane video game so you give him the keys to the Lear Jet. It sounds like Sony is preparing us for less action (ie, cheaper), more romance (ie, designed to bring in the tween/Twilight set...which isn't the target audience by the way, they won't just come and watch anything with half-wit teens in love), and a rather bland style. Things are moving faster than I thought, so we will likely be talking casting shortly. My warning still stands: You cast a single male Twilight actor in this and I'm stomping balls. All of the balls. Your balls.

Web of Lies: Spider-man 4 no more...ever

In just the last few minutes, Nikki Finke had the following (heart) breaking news: "Mike Fleming and I have just confirmed that Sony Pictures decided today to reboot the Spider-Man franchise after franchise director Sam Raimi pulled out of Spider-Man 4 because he felt he couldn't make its summer release date and keep the film's creative integrity."

Wow.

Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Look, we knew things were bad and getting worse, what with a script that had been passed around like a fifth-grade beer that had gotten so water-down with studio backwash that it was no longer palatable. Sam Raimi said enough was enough, realized he made the best Spidey movie he could make (Spider-man 2) and walked away. Good. For. Him. Now, the hard part: What comes next.

The word reboot causes my testes to find a new nesting place. We don't need another origin story. We don't need another "who is Spider-man" movie. We need to do what they do with Bond: recast and move on. Why back up? Why not move forward? The exciting part is thinking of the directors I would LIKE to see playing with this sandbox, and the actors/actresses I'd like to see up in there. We'll no doubt be exploring those in the coming days, but for now let me say that I'd rather have no Spider-man 4 than the Spider-man 4 that was on the way. Weak-script, lame-villain bullshit does nothing to further my love affair with this character. Hats off to everyone for this trilogy (well, everyone but Kirsten Dunst). Now let's see what someone else can do...oh, I should mention that is IF they can do anything. Not only are there major copyright lawsuits coming up (Jack Kirby's estate just filed one), but there's also the whole "curse of Spidey" to consider. Filming the guy once was hard; starting over may be impossible. Sadface.