Ryan's Junk Drawer

If you're like me, which would really help you to enjoy reading this blog but could greatly damage your chances at happiness in life, then you celebrate the fourth of July weekend with the kind of reckless abandon reserved only for participants in a Toby Keith video. Thus, I'm so pumped on this Thursday that I can barely wait to just show you my junk so I can get on with it! Obviously, by junk I mean movie tidbits that are too small to warrant their own blog post and not the man firework in my pants. Much like Americans celebrate their independence by encouraging rednecks to injure themselves with gunpowder, I celebrate my junk by taking a look at the image above (the creepiest junk drawer in the world, taken from Highlights Magazine FOR CHILDREN). I then choose one item and write a ridiculous story about it. Today's item is the white glow in the back of the drawer. Although for years it was suspected that Michael Jackson had been bleaching his skin to make it more white, the truth was something far, far more sinister. An alien parasite from the planet Bleepblorp found that the best way to hide itself was in plain sight, as the white skin taking over the most famous face in the world. Little did the alien realize the terrible, terrible things it would be forced to watch and endure. By the time it realized that the plastic surgery had permanently enjoined it to the face of the freakazoid, it also knew that the only release would come at the death of the King of Pop. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, it wasn't a doctor or drugs or Tito that killed MJ, it was the secret face alien that made his skin white now living in a junk drawer just waiting for a new celebrity to parasite on to!

Okay, now that we've done that, let's get to some movie news!

1.) Meryl Streep would still like another Oscar please - Hey, let's NOT make a joke about how Meryl Streep is always nominated for an Oscar and never wins and say we did, okay? You know why that joke is effing stupid? Because Sandra Bullock just won an Oscar. We're so afraid of OVER-recognizing Meryl Streep (who hasn't won an Oscar since before Miley was just a mistake Billy Ray hadn't made yet) that we do things like give Sandra Bullock an Oscar. Think about that for a moment. I mention this because I think recognizing the best actress perhaps of all time is a good idea, and clearly she thinks so too. Why do I think she's still statue hunting? Because THR is reporting that Streep will play Margaret Thatcher in a film about the 1982 conflict between England and Argentina over the Falkland Islands. I was 4 when that happened, so I don't remember it, but I can only assume it went a little something like this:

Thatcher: Eat our crumpets you Argentinian swine!
Argentinian Person in Charge: Suck it, limey!
Thatcher: Blood pudding!
Argentinian: Our country has a good soccer team!
Thatcher: TEA!
Argentinian: What's a Falkland?

Annnnnnnnd SCENE! You're welcome for your new Oscar, Meryl.

2.) Note: It takes 20 years for your career to recover from public masturbation - We now have an official tally on the penance needed after jerking your gerkin in a public way whilst wearing a bow tie. After 20 years of being a cult classic that nerds of a certain age remember, Variety says that Judd Apataow is producing a new Pee-Wee Herman movie. Nobody knows what the plot is, and I don't so much know that anybody cares. There's a charm to the character that I don't think has disappeared, so it's entirely possible that someone like Apatow, who has fallen into a fairly predictable pattern, working with weird material like this could really hit one out of the park. Depends on the director, though. You know, Tim Burton did direct a Pee-Wee endeavor of some note. I now present "Pitching the idea of directing a new Pee-Wee movie to Tim Burton"

Tim Burton: How do you feel about black?
Pee-Wee: I don't really wear black.
Tim Burton: How do you feel about being played by Johnny Depp?
Pee-Wee: No, this is a Pee-Wee movie, so Pee-Wee will have to be in it...and I'm Pee-Wee.
Tim Burton: We could have Helena Bonham Carter play you.
Pee-Wee: That wouldn't....
Tim Burton: And we'll give her really ridiculously huge feet!
Pee-Wee: Why?
Tim Burton: And there will be lots of pale people looking sad!
Pee-Wee: I'm okay with that one.

Annnnnnd SCENE!

3.) Donald Glover still not white for Spider-man - Slashfilm has done a great write up of the latest Spider-news, including this awesome image of the rumored winner of the mask alongside an illustration of Peter Parker.

You'll notice they're both honkeys. Although the whole Donald Glover for Spider-man campaign was never really going to win out, it does surprise me that the studio never acknowledged it, especially given the fervor of the fanbase and the relationship Sony has with Donald Glover (they own "Community"). As far as the choice, it appears to be Josh Hutcheson (Hutcherson? I don't remember and I'm too lazy to find out). It's not an exciting choice, but they don't want to excite us with this remake. They want to bore the crap out of us for some reason. I imagine the discussion to go something like this:

Studio Executive 1: You know what we should do?
Studio Executive 2: Shake up the casting?! Cast a talented young black actor with great comedic timing and show we're imaginative and make the remake mean something?!
Studio Executive 1: I was going to say get the dude with the tiny nipples from Twilight to make a cameo, because the tweens would flip their shit.
Studio Executive 2: Waaaaay better idea. Someone get us tiny nipples on the phone!!

Annnnnnd SCENE!

4.) Lindelof returns! - "Lost" is still dividing fanbases and causing all kinds of great geek discussions. I still loved the finale, and the show as a whole, and I still think Damon Lindelof kind of needs a good nut shot. Dude, fess up to f**king things up a little and we'd probably cut you a break. Instead, he's constantly taking shots at his critics, showing how thin-skinned he can be about things. He usually uses his twitter to wildly swing at his verbal assailants, which is too bad because I think the guy is really talented and quite funny...if about 10 shades of too insecure. So I usually read his twitter to see what thinly-veiled "leave me alone, we done good with 'Lost' dammit" quote he gives me that day. The other day, he posted this:

That's right, he's going to begin working on the Star Trek 2 script. It won't be called Star Trek 2 or even Star Trek XIVIVI or whatever it would be according to the original numbering. It will be something with a colon, much like mammals. What's the plot? Who's the villain? Only Damon knows! And his thought process...goes a little something like this:

Damon Lindelof: Having Khan be the villain is the way to go.
Damon Lindelof: Damon, you're awesome, nobody knows how awesome you are.
Damon Lindelof: I am, in fact, pretty awesome.
Damon Lindelof: Did you hear that some guy mentioned on a forum that having Khan would be a terrible idea.
Damon Lindelof: QUICKLY DAMON LINDELOF, TO THE TWITTER! I'll tear that faceless Internet doubter a new asshole in 140 characters or less if it's the last thing I'll do!

Annnnnndddddd SCENE!! Okay, I'm done with those for today.

5.) Trailers, parked - Hoooooo DOGGIES do we have some good ones today! First up is Let Me In, the American remake of the best Swedish vampire film ever. Guess what? It not only looks good, it looks faithful. I think somehow, against all odds, they may have found the perfect way to adapt it, being incredibly accurate to the original while still bringing something new to it. I kind of am getting excited. Who would have thought?!


Rango is a movie in which Johnny Depp voices a lizard that looks like he did while playing Hunter Thompson. If you don't like that, I have nothing for you.



Space Battleship Yamato translates roughly into "We kick you in the face with action, okay?" Somehow this adaptation of the 1980s beloved (?) animated series looks on point. What say you all?



The Social Network also dropped a trailer this week, making it one more thing I have to talk about. Seriously, this blog post is HUUUUUUGE today. It's Aaron Sorkin writing, so I'm there, even if it's about the facebook.



That's it for me today, folks. I hope you enjoyed my massive junk. Let's meet here tomorrow and discuss the weekend, mmmmkay?

Web of Lies: Your new Peter Parker?

He may have a superhero name, but Logan Lerman does not inspire a great deal of confidence in me despite having been supposedly cast as Peter Parker. Mostly because it looks like he has yet to get pubes. I get going younger, but was the second choice a fetus?
Spider-man, Spider-man, does whatever a spider can...provided that isn't driving a motor vehicle, consuming alcohol, or achieving "second base." Seriously, what's going to be the big romantic story element? Will Mary Jane check "yes, no, or maybe?" BREAKING NEWS: They've just cast Mary Jane.
I know my hopes weren't high for this reboot/relaunch/total clusterf**k going in, but this has done little to assuage my fears. I know it's all rumor for now, but they're going to have to make a splash in the toilet water soon if they want to hit their LOCKED IN STONE release date. There's nothing quite like realizing that you're a whole generation and as much as a decade away from seeing your favorite character show up in the movies in a form that doesn't work like ipecac. Le sigh.

Web of Lies: Sometimes, it pays to wait

The way this whole Spider-man reboot debacle has played out thus far, I decided to bite my razor-sharp, frequently flapping tongue yesterday when the interwebs freaked the eff out about rumors that Logan Lerman (Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief) was the top choice to play Peter Parker.
I watched as site after site glommed on to the news and ran with it, bemoaning his age (dude is 17), his emo look (I chose a picture with lotsa hair but he is sporting a rather Effron-esque do right now), and his lack of experience (although he did just wrap a major movie with tons of effects). Turns out, waiting is sometimes a good idea, as according to today's THR, he's not the top choice. Both the studio and Lerman's own peeps are saying he's not the top candidate. In fact, the only person really talking about the possibility...is Lerman himself. In related news, I Ryan Syrek am also being considered for the role of Peter Parker. Somehow, I doubt that will catch on. Okay, so Lerman may still may be a candidate, he's just not the top one. I do think this shows that our worst fears are taking shape, however. Columbia does seem to want to Twilight this franchise by making it skew younger, featuring more romance than action, and keeping the budget somewhat slimmer, and casting rumors like this only demonstrate that stupid-ass approach. If you want to take some other unknown series out there and do that, it's fine with me. But there's no need to trash Spider-man like this. It's going to backfire. It really will. If you are satisfied making an $80 million production and getting $300 million back globally, that's cool. It's a nice return on your money. That said, if you want to make a good movie, spend $150 million and get back $700 million, all you have to do is not suck. This is a hard one for me to let go, but I'm learning quickly that this franchise is circling the toilet like a porcelain-phobic who has the trots.

Web of Lies: We've got some good news and bad news

It's been awhile since last we weaved this tangled web of lies. When last we spoke, it was revealed that Marc Webb had been slated to direct the rebooted Spider-man (presumably on the basis of his pun-spawning last name). FYI: This reboot should no longer be called Spider-man 4 (since it is not); it should be called Amazing Spider-man but will likely be called Spider-Man Origins: Rise of the Spider-Man or something equally as atrocious. Or not. Follow me on this interesting (and somewhat frightening) tangent, won't you.

It goes like this (give yourself five points if the phrase "it goes like this" makes you think of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah"...but deduct 15 if you thought of any version but Cohen's or Buckley's and deduct 35 if you thought of Timberlake's recent slo-mo version): UK gossip mag OK says that Zac Effron may be the new Peter Parker, a fact that only furthers the fear of potential singing (what with Webb's now famous song in 500 Days of Summer and Peter Parker's unholy dance number in Spider-man 3). That's terrible. But what may not be terrible is how this came to be. Right now, as Slashfilm points out, Effron is linked to a project involving Brian Michael Bendis (the writer of "Ultimate Spider-man" comics and various other awesomeness). So, there's a chance that Sony, who wants more high-schooly Spidey stuff, has sought out Bendis, who primarily writes high-schooly Spidey stuff, to polish up some scripts...and he connected the gang to Effron, who is a terrible choice. The quesiton for me is, am I willing to take an Effron if I get a Bendis?
Well, maybe if he cuts his damn hair. Seriously, the villain in the movie can't win on the basis that emo Spidey smacks into a building because his mask pushed his hair in his eyes. I don't know squat about Effron, being that I've avoided his movies as though they came with free herpes. Maybe he's okay, maybe not. I do know that if Bendis is involved, things just got better.

Ryan's Junk Drawer

Good morning you sexy basterds (FYI: it's how all the cool cats are spelling it these days, like how everybody in the 90s called burgers "Royale with cheese"...or at least I did). It's Thursday, which means your spirit is just about crushed from the work week and yet it isn't even Friday! Hooray! To make it up to you as best I can, today's the day we peek in my "junk drawer," a clever euphemism for news tidbits too tiny to take up their own post but still worth mentioning. It's a euphemism because I spend the rest of the day walking up to friends and asking "did you see my junk today" and finding strangers and saying "you look like a kind person, I would like to entertain you with my junk." Also, every Thursday (though I've never heard a soul mention whether or not they like it), we explore the drawer in the image above (which is from Highlights Magazine for Children...FOR CHILDREN) and come up with some creepy thing about it. Also, I apparently use the royal "we" a lot on Thursday. Anyhoodle, today's eerie thing from the image above is the poisonous cloud of white gas emanating from the drawer. Paulie thought that if he hid the airborne Ebola virus in the kitchen, no one would ever find it. His incorrect assumption cost the lives of Maine.

Okay, and now on to this week's junk!

1.) The dead have risen, and I loves it! - AMC makes the insanely popular awards magnet "Mad Men," which I have deemed unwatchable despite assurances from every single person I know (hey, I gave it a chance but that shit was like Ambien...sexist Ambien). The only reason I mention this is context, because the station seems to have a grasp on quality material (even if I disagree). This is good because THR announced AMC has picked up a TV series based on the brilliant comic book series "Walking Dead."
It's a no-brainer, really (get it...zombies eat brains). The series is practically a pre-made TV show, complete with storyboards. Far more character-based than zombie-based, I can see this being a huge smash hit, especially with Frank Darabont directing the pilot. For zombie enthusiasts who have somehow not read the book, it's a typical survival plot, but the zombies are slow movers and the humans aren't one-dimensional. I am so excited for this that it almost makes me forgive everyone handing awards to "Mad Men" because they think they're supposed to.

2.) Boy had they better not screw this up - If it's up to me, I don't make an MLKJR biopic. I just don't. Period. His words are the only legacy that's needed and a biopic will incite people who feel it is too glowing or too damaging. Oh, yeah, and most biopics are boring as shit. Far more boring than watching a documentary where Dr. King plays Dr. King. I see no benefit in fictionalizing the life of the single most important civil rights leader and speaker in American history when we are all acutely aware of his impact. I mean, oh yeah they're going to do it, but I wouldn't if it were me. Variety just announced that Ronald Harwood is penning the script. He won an Oscar for writing The Pianist. He also penned Mandela and Cry, Beloved Country, two films focused on race. He's also white. I don't think that should necessarily matter, but I don't think they should be making it, so it more speaks to my point that this is a can of worms that should stay canned. The only film sanctioned by King's estate, the stakes are high on this...so high that I can't believe it's going to happen. Steven Spielberg is producing (and maybe directing), which is good news, but seriously...there are better ways to preserve the man's legacy.

3.) Wacky Brits, Avatar isn't right - The nominees for the BAFTA Awards, famously referred to as the British Oscars (which I imagine is a fairly insulting nickname), have been announced. As Slashfilm.com points out, these are actually a decent predictor of Academy Award nominations, due to their position on the calendar. Quick side note, do you like how everybody pretends they don't care about the Oscars but then mentions every award show in their context and still describes performances as "likely to score a nomination." Me? I'm up front. I love the stupid ceremony. I love everything about it even though I know it sucks. What's interesting about the BAFTA nominations, which you can view here? Well, Avatar is everywhere. District 9 racked up some serious love, and nobody in England saw The Blind Side (poor, poor Sandra...who I still think may win an Oscar...shudder). This reminds me, I know I didn't talk much about the Golden Globes, mostly because I was traveling at the time, but also because they sucked. Ricky Gervais was tepid; Avatar, Sandra Bullock, and "Mad Men" won; and Robert Downey Jr scores a win...for Sherlock Holmes?! It was the People's Choice Awards, really. Anyway, Oscar nods come out soon and I am super-interested. Also, this week will debut my top 10 films of 2009 list, so look for that. Or don't, just don't tell me if you don't because that will hurt my little feelers.

4.) My greatest fears, realized - Devin from Chud.com has a great write-up of why the new Spider-man is going to suck balls. All of the balls. Between the $80 million budget (which would barely cover an Ant-Man movie), news that the focus won't be on "fighting villains" but "teenaged romance," and the fact they're going with "young unknowns," he safely concludes that we are watching the Twilight-ing or "Smallville"-ing of my favorite character ever. For those who wondered why I carried such rage at Twilight, this is why. Because Hollywood is a lame-ass, copycat town with no new ideas, so when they see shit like Twilight turning lead into gold (or $50 million into $700 million worldwide), they assume they should do the same. Oh, and they are making it an origin story, which is the worst part. God this is demoralizing. It's like watching a loved one get poop thrown at their face by a monkey in a cage and all you can do is yell "you stupid monkey, you leave my loved one alone." But the monkey just keeps flinging poop. The monkey just KEEPS FLINGING THE POOP. Ugh.

5.) Trailers parked - A few interesting gems this week. First up is the MacGruber

I have to say that I kind of want to see it now. In part because fat Val Kilmer as a villain makes me more excited than skinny Val Kilmer made most women (and men). Seriously, "I was talking to the missile" was perfectly delivered. Perfectly. Also, Kristen Wiig looks great. Color me shocked, but this is looking more like Austin Powers than Superstar.

Next up is Buried, which stars Ryan Reynolds as a dude who is...um...buried.



I may not be able to watch that, as I am TERRIFIED of being buried alive. TERRIFIED. Like, more scared of that than watching a full segment of Glenn Beck. That's serious. I'm not sure how they're going to make a whole movie last of this, but I said the same thing about Phone Booth...oh yeah, that kind of sucked. I do like Reynolds, and I am slightly intrigued. So, let me know if it's good because I may vomit in the theater.

Okay, that's my junk for this week. Hope you had fun with my junk, I know I did.

Web of Lies: Reborn

Well here we go again. This guy is now in charge of Spider-man.
His name is Marc Webb, and he scares the living shit out of me. Oh, it's not just because two of the FIVE projects he has completed as a director are 3 Doors Down and Greenday videos (although, let me just say, 3 DOORS F**KING DOWN? the new Spidey director is a guy who worked with 3 Doors F**king Down?!?!?!) but because Sony signed him to a three-picture deal as Spidey director based off of one movie he made that I sort of, kind of thought was okay. In fact, one could argue that what made Webb's only film, 500 Days of Summer, adorable and appealing was Joseph Gorden Levitt and not the stolen quirk from other films shoehorned into a semi-original rom com. I know of no unique Webb visual style, although we have but one film to judge by, and the fact that this new mega-billion dollar franchise is pretty much his sophomore effort means that this guy will be such a Sony puppet that he may as well be made of felt and be receiving a permanent rectal exam. Can this be fixed with the right casting? Sure. Raise your hand if you knew that Jon Favreau was going to kill Iron Man like he did (we liked him, yes, but what about Zathura made you go "this is going to be goooood"). It was Robert Downey Jr who saved that day. Then again, Iron Man is no Spider-man, and what Webb is "known for" (I put that in quotation marks because THIS IS HIS SECOND FULL-LENGTH FILM) is romance. This move is akin to watching a kid excel at an airplane video game so you give him the keys to the Lear Jet. It sounds like Sony is preparing us for less action (ie, cheaper), more romance (ie, designed to bring in the tween/Twilight set...which isn't the target audience by the way, they won't just come and watch anything with half-wit teens in love), and a rather bland style. Things are moving faster than I thought, so we will likely be talking casting shortly. My warning still stands: You cast a single male Twilight actor in this and I'm stomping balls. All of the balls. Your balls.

Web of Lies: Spider-man 4 no more...ever

In just the last few minutes, Nikki Finke had the following (heart) breaking news: "Mike Fleming and I have just confirmed that Sony Pictures decided today to reboot the Spider-Man franchise after franchise director Sam Raimi pulled out of Spider-Man 4 because he felt he couldn't make its summer release date and keep the film's creative integrity."

Wow.

Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Look, we knew things were bad and getting worse, what with a script that had been passed around like a fifth-grade beer that had gotten so water-down with studio backwash that it was no longer palatable. Sam Raimi said enough was enough, realized he made the best Spidey movie he could make (Spider-man 2) and walked away. Good. For. Him. Now, the hard part: What comes next.

The word reboot causes my testes to find a new nesting place. We don't need another origin story. We don't need another "who is Spider-man" movie. We need to do what they do with Bond: recast and move on. Why back up? Why not move forward? The exciting part is thinking of the directors I would LIKE to see playing with this sandbox, and the actors/actresses I'd like to see up in there. We'll no doubt be exploring those in the coming days, but for now let me say that I'd rather have no Spider-man 4 than the Spider-man 4 that was on the way. Weak-script, lame-villain bullshit does nothing to further my love affair with this character. Hats off to everyone for this trilogy (well, everyone but Kirsten Dunst). Now let's see what someone else can do...oh, I should mention that is IF they can do anything. Not only are there major copyright lawsuits coming up (Jack Kirby's estate just filed one), but there's also the whole "curse of Spidey" to consider. Filming the guy once was hard; starting over may be impossible. Sadface.

Kirb your enthusiasm

If you're a fan of Marvel Comics (I cannot fathom the subhuman pig person who isn't, so let's just assume you are), you have respect for Jack Kirby.
The man was, in this Marvel Zombie's opinion, the most influential and important comic book artist of all time (suck a duck, Todd McFarlane). Thus, today's news about Kirby troubles me. I'm divided worse than those issues of the Incredible Hulk when they split Bruce Banner and the green monster, I'm more conflicted than the Silver Surfer's sexuality, I'm more confused than Thor's word choice, I'm more troubled than Peter Parker after finding out that Harry Osborn was riding the heroin train to Whitney Houston-ville, I'm...you know, I could do this all day. You get the idea. See, Kirby's estate, having seen how Seigel and Schuster's estate (the guys who created Superman), is now suing Marvel and all related enterprises to get some of the rights to these characters back. Virtually every character in that picture up there (save for Spider-man, who was co-created by artist Steve Ditko) is up for grabs. I'm not sure how I feel about this, as it seems from various reports that Kirby's departure from Marvel wasn't a straight-up case of him getting jobbed by the company but more of a creative difference kind of thing. Plus, unlike the Seigel and Schuster families fighting together, Stan Lee co-created almost all of those characters and is STILL at Marvel. Then again, the Kirby estate got the lawyer who just WON the Seigel and Schuster case, which is going to have very, very serious and real implications for how and when you see Superman (if you do). The whole thing is far too troubling for a simple man who just loves his comics and comic movies. Really, it just makes me sad because I love everyone involved. Why do mommy and daddy have to fight? Is it because I'm bad?

Spider-man vs the studio

According to Variety, Spider-man's fate rests in the pen of this guy:



His name is James Vanderbilt, and I'm going to try to forgive his unfortunate facial hair, his Axe-body-spray hair cut, and the fact that this looks like a date rapist's mug shot. Oy. The bigger concern than my obvious snap judgment about people's appearances, is that Sony has hired the man to write Spider-man 5 and 6, without knowing if they'll have to reboot because Maguire and Dunst are leaving. Look, this ain't Harry Potter, we know the chances are high that this role will be replaced, but knowing whether you're going to be following a literal extension of a storyline from what has been established or kickin' the do-over button is important. Supposedly, the idea that good-ole "Douchey Magee" up there has will span two movies and will involve a simultaneous two-picture shoot. After the vortex of suck formed around the last movie (I know, I reviewed it positively, but thankfully The Reader only keeps an online archive of like 2 weeks or something, so I can start denying it...thank God they have no faith in the sustained viability of the Internet"), a ton is riding on this next endeavor, which Vanderbilt wrote the first draft of...before playwright David Lindsay-Abaire was brought in to rewrite...before Gary Ross was brought in to rewrite that. So, yeah, apparently Vanderbilt's work was so vital they had to bring on two more writers to poke at it (please don't let the villain in this one be male-pattern baldness, the only enemy Vanderbilt TRULY fears). Raimi supposedly did not care for all of Vandy's ideas, which is really reassuring, considering he is the most talented thinker involved on the series. Now, the good news is that Vanderbilt had a hand in Zodiac, which was good if really, really boring, and he also penned The Losers, based on the comic book, and that will likely see the light of day before Spider-man 5 and 6 get rolling, so there's time to fire Captain Pornstache before it's too late, if needs be. Look, I'm just protective, okay, I really love Spidey and the last outing was so bad that I need to believe again. Plus, the Spidey musical is having funding problems, so I may never get that Bono/The Edge Spider-man music that I need to survive (just typing that was hard through my tears). Please, help me Sergeant Soul-Patch, you're my only hope.

The movie rumor that launched a friendship

The year was...oh Jesus, let's not do that, it's too depressing. Long ago (very long ago), in the land of Illinois, two young boys discovered...okay, now this sounds like gay porn. Um, howsabout...When I was in middle school, I met my best friend Andrew because we were both nerds. I was talkative, obnoxious nerd (I know, shocker), and he was quiet, introspective nerd. Andrew will tell you that he loathed me when he first met me, a natural reaction that I am told is powered by my potent hate-inducing pheromones. What bridged the gap (besides a crazy kid we both knew), was the rumors of James Cameron directing a Spider-man movie. It mean seem like no biggie now, but consider that at the time, there had been exactly two good superhero installments (Superman 2, and Batman)...EVER. So news that the guy behind Aliens was contemplating making a Spider-man movie wasn't just nerd catnip, it was the sort of thing that could be discussed and analyzed ad nauseum (seriously, we made people vomit). Fast forward a boatload of Oscars and two great Spider-man movies (and please-oh-please at least one more) from Sam Raimi, and it is somewhat intriguing that Cameron still hasn't fully kicked the Spidey bug. In an interview with MTV, Jimmy C noted that "Spider-Man was the only one I ever wanted to do. I wasn't really personally that driven to do a superhero movie per se, but I wanted to do Spider-Man because he was my guy when I was 14," insightfully adding "Spider-Man was the shit and everybody else sucked." Amen, Mr. Cameron. Amen. Now, this isn't "news" per se, as the likelihood of Cameron hopping in line to direct the FIFTH Spider-man movie (especially after Avatar and the long-long-long rumored "Battle Angel Alita" adaptation) is somewhere between "sha-right" and "as if." Still, if Avatar drains the fluid from our bodies like it's supposed to, and if Raimi begs out of the Spidey series (as he likely will because of World of Warcraft) it isn't TOO crazy to think someone would at least gauge his interest. I want to go on record that I am NOT in any way saying this non-story should be labeled "Cameron wants to do next Spider-man movie," so much as I am reminiscing about once discussing such things and noting that I like living in a world where it's still, no matter how improbable, possible.