Well, this is unexpected

Some days are stone-cold quiet, and some open with a nuclear bomb. There I am, reading through my weekly edition of Doc Jensen's insanity, trying to figure out what predictions I am going to wrongly make for "Lost" this week, when suddenly:

"Chris Nolan will mentor Superman 3.0 and prep 3rd Batman."

That sound you hear is a thousand blogger typewriters clicking and clacking away. Nikki Finke, the much maligned rumor mongerer, is reporting that Nolan will basically play Godfather to the new Supes while working on getting the third bat installment ready (no, we still don't know what he'll be doing on that). Chances of him directing the new Super-movie seem nigh impossible; his involvement seems more about getting things "ready" and "right" or "the opposite of Superman Returns." Now, you can read Ms Finke's story if you'd rather hear about the industry ins and outs of why Warner Bros switched gears and decided to move full-steam ahead on Superman stuff NOW instead of back burnering him as had been the plan; she's also got tons of other details about who has and hasn't flirted with the character. She's good at that industry bullpuckey...and she can have it. I personally care more about considering what the eff this means.

Three quick questions:

1.) Why is Chris Nolan considered the go-to for this? Oh, The Dark Knight was a hot, sweaty ball of awesome, but that's ONE movie. Batman Begins was good, but not revolutionary...and everything Nolan has done has had some edge of darkness to it, which is distinctly the OPPOSITE of Superman. What in his body of work suggests that he knows this character? When has he ever even expressed a profound love of comics in general? Plus, he's not a guy who seems to have a lot of associated industry talent. I don't hear about any of his famous director buddies. He's a talented, talented director. He's a very good writer. He also made Insomnia, which was awful. My point is this: I have seen nothing that suggests Nolan on Superman is anything other than a desperate move by a studio to get buzz going behind a project that keeps stalling out and has tons of legal issues.

2.) Does this mean an origin story? I need another Superman origin tale like I need a fourth nipple. His origin may be the single most well known origin ever. If you want to spend some time on Krypton, fine. That's cool with me. But don't labor for hours on finally getting him in the suit. Nolan doesn't have a reputation for action-heavy material, by the way. The Dark Knight had some capable action scenes but was mostly character based. That approach was just tried and epic failed with Superman Returns. We need Superman in action, not emoting. Again, this isn't quite an easy home run.

3.) What does this mean for a cross-over? Obviously, the most exciting possibility is the least likely. With one creator overseeing two projects, and given the success over at Marvel of crossing characters over, what are the chances we finally see Superman AND Batman together? The odds probably just went from 10% to 50/50, which is interesting. I think it's more likely we see Batman in a Superman movie than vice versa, as the tone won't work for whatever Nolan is setting up for Bats. This is the most interesting of the elements regarding this news...and the one we're likely to not hear about for ages.

With Nolan ramping up Inception materials, it's likely he'll only field 100 billion questions about this stuff, so look for tiny nuggets of truth to be pooped out over the next year. We won't KNOW anything for awhile, though. So happy wild speculation, everyone!

Friday Free-For-All

Step-Brothers will satisfy your Will Ferrell scrotum curiosity

Look for my full review in Thursday's edition of The Reader, but here's a quick suggestion for those thinking about seeing Step-Brothers: Don't. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly, who were actually funny together in Talladega Nights, prove that too much of a good thing can make you want to die inside. Director Adam McKay refuses to reign in the improvising, which means scenes that would be amusing for a minute are stretched into 10 minutes of comedy-free discomfort. Moreover, with absolutely no plot, no likable characters, no technical moviemaking skills and way, way, way too much of Ferrell's breeding bag, the whole thing feels like a homemade movie crafted by two kids who just learned how to curse. It's more amusing than Semi-Pro, but so are most war crime tribunals. I don't want to settle on an official grade for the movie yet, but something tells me that the first few letters of the alphabet can go ahead and take the weekend off.

Weekend battle plan - Have you heard about this Dark Knight movie?

In an effort to try new things, we'll try to post suggestions for weekend film consumption every Friday based on things we've already seen. What I'm saying is, two people shouldn't have to see X-Files: I Want to Believe.

In theaters - Yeah, chances are you'll either see Batman again or for the first time if the line of nerds dressed in leather and clown paint scared you away last weekend. Oh, and just so you know, if anyone shows up dressed in murder-clown face paint this weekend, it isn't for the Batman premiere and you have full permission to call the authorities. That said, if you aren't going to see or re-see The Bat, avoid Step-Brothers and X-Files. Give Hellboy 2 some more love, it really deserves it. You won't find a more visually entertaining film all summer (yeah, Batman's pretty but Hellboy is pretty to look at without making you want to pee with fear). Oh, and your mom will go ga-ga for Mamma Mia! So earn some brownie points with that.

To recap: See The Dark Knight, Hellboy 2 and Mamma Mia! and avoid Step-Brothers and X-Files.

On DVD: Rent or buy Spaced, the funniest British thing on television since the Margaret Thatcher Wacky Fun-Time Hour. Also, 21 isn't bad, but you can do better.

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Another weekly offering will see me taking a stab at weekend totals for the top 5 flicks. If I'm right, I win a pony. If I'm wrong, the pony dies. No pressure.

1. The Dark Knight - $75 million

A 50% drop would be incredible, but I think it could do even better. I wouldn't be surprised if it did in the neighborhood of 80-90 million, but I'm a Spider-man fan, so I won't give Batman the satisfaction of that prediction. This flick has an outside (and I do mean outside) chance at beating Titanic's $600 million tally. After this weekend, it should be over $300 million with very little competition in the coming months to challenge it. If the heat doesn't burn off too fast, it could become at least the second-highest grosser ever (right now that's Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope with $435 million). It's outpacing Pirates of the Caribbean 2 by nearly $40 million at this point, notable because that film ended up past $415 million and is the 6th highest grossing film of all time. What I'm trying to say is, Warner Brothers is raking in so much money, they can actually afford to gas up the batmobile.

2. Step-Brothers - $25 million

I warned you. Just remember that. I warned you.

3. Mamma Mia! - $17 million

Meryl Streep is an unstoppable juggernaut who will scissor-kick you in the face if you don't take your mom to see this movie. In the name of ABBA, this film will continue to rake in the dough.

4. X-Files: I Want to Believe - $15 million

I want things too, X-Files, but we don't always get our way. Turns out, making a movie based on a TV show that's been off the air for the decade isn't a safe financial bet.

5. Journey to the Center of the Earth - $7 million

It was a fight between Hancock and Journey to see who grabbed the fifth spot. I couldn't bring myself to care, so I picked the one that didn't feature a head-in-the-ass joke.

That's all for this week gang, see you next week for more shenanigans and tomfoolery.