Ryan's Junk Drawer

How is it Thursday again already? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of inching towards the weekend, but seriously...didn't we just do this? And by this, I mean stare at my junk. And by my junk, I mean movie news tidbits that weren't important enough to stand on their own (like any member of Destiny's Child whose name doesn't rhyme with Shmimonsay Smowles). As is our special Thursday tradition, we begin by looking at the creepy ass junk drawer image taken from Highlights Magazine...FOR CHLDREN. Each week we pick a new element of said image and make up a whacked out backstory for it. Today's image is the cylinder with the lightning bolt on it. By removing the oversized "Lightnin' Bolt" battery from the garage door remote, Carol ensured that her husband would have to exit his car in order to gain access to the house, buying her a few precious extra seconds with which to both hide the bodies and finish a lovely Turkey Pot Pie.

Okay, enough creepy, let's dive into my junk!

1.) Breaking news: George Lucas f**ks with his own movie! - Technically, Lucas is only an "executive producer" on Red Tails, a movie about the Tuskegee Airmen that he's been dinking and doinking with for an eternity (about 20 years or so). The film was directed by Anthony Hemingway (the TV show director, not the writer...he's dead), but First Showing suggests that the Lucas is gettin' all up in the movie's business. Word has it that this isn't about changing framing on a few images or making a few new cool fight scenes...they're changing THE MAIN CHARACTERS AND THEIR STORYLINES. Wowza. I don't have any hopes or expectations for this movie. And as much as I would LIKE to believe this is Captain Throatbeard deciding to make better the crap he crappily wrote the first time, it likely is just more micromanaging for the sake of ego. I have no faith in the man anymore. Why should I? Forget whether the prequels were any good, he hasn't made a significant film in 30 years.

2.) I ain't gonna lie, I don't care about this movie - I'm only posting this so I can talk about Carla Gugino, one of the most desperately underused, beautiful, talented actresses in movies today. Seriously. This is Carla Gugino.
Yeah. Alright, so she's apparently replacing Salma Hayek in Faster, a movie that sounds awful. Billed as a "revenge-thriller," it stars The Rock, Maggie Grace (who signed on to return to "Lost" FYI), and Moon Bloodgood, who was in Terminator Salvation and has the dumbest name not in use by a stripper. I don't care so much about the movie so much as Gugino still working. More of that. More of that please.

3.) A documentary about a comic convention? It's sure to be R-rated fun! - E!,
the only place I've ever cited that is so excited to be quoted that they deploy exclamatory punctuation, is reporting that Morgan Spurlock (who, despite only having one successful film [Supersize Me], may be the second best known documentarian somehow) is teaming with Joss Whedon for a docu-flick following 3 nerds at the San Diego Comic Con. I can dig that. Do I wish that Whedon were, instead, hard at work writing a movie of his own? Yep. See, his TV SHOWS keep getting canceled...so I'm kind of hoping the talented nerd starts making more MOVIES, which can't be canceled halfway through. Yes, he'll have to cram all his goodness into two hours, but I believe in Whedon's goodness cramming powers. Anyway, this will likely be the obligatory "check out the virgins as they act like dorks" combined with "but, wait, see how sweet and funny they are" look at nerd culture. What I really wish they'd do is follow some of the totally normal folks who attend, then a total freakshow (preferably one who is a mean-spirited asshole...they attend cons en masse), and a girl. The girl who realizes her powers while attending the comicon. Seriously, if you have boobies at a con...you are pretty much the supreme ruler. I am not exaggerating. I'll likely see this documentary, but I don't have to, because I've lived it.

4.) DC = Doofuses and chumps - I kid because I love comic books. See, I'm a Marvel guy, but I have nothing but respect for DC. I collect Batman and Robin, Ex Machina, and JSA because they rule, and if they put out something that grabs my attention, I buy it. I like some of their characters, even if for the most part they leave me cold because I can't relate to the legion of aliens, the magically empowered, or the frequently replaced. Still, I'm excited by news that Geoff Johns has been named Chief Creative Officer of DC Comics today, because he's talented. I am, however, saddened that Jim Lee and Dan DiDio are now the Head Co-publishers. Why? Because DiDio is the DiDouche who wants to make more "Watchmen" stuff and because Lee hasn't proven himself to be anything other than a once engaging pencil jockey. I have been left cold and dead by any "concept" Lee touches, and I feel like art in the comic world has passed him by. So even if his job is to screen and manage the artists, I don't have strong faith there. Seriously, DiDio is going to do a TERRIBLE job, too. I have a lot of friends who are DC loyalists and God bless you. My chosen company does incredibly stupid shit on a near weekly basis (although, that whole having Captain America blast the Tea Baggers for being racist thing...that ruled). Still, this only SOUNDS like good news in my opinion. You'll be weeping when "Watchmen 2" hits.

5.) Trailers, parked - Not a lot this week. But we do have two new looks at movies we've already previewed.

First up is Defendor, which looks to be taking a back seat to Kick-Ass despite covering the same subject matter only a bit more grown up.



I think there's room enough in this world for two movies like this, and I actually think it's part of a new wave of moving past the familiar superhero movies we've all gotten a little tired of. I for one, am going to see this.

Next up is the international Toy Story 3 trailer, which I'm only including because (A) I love Toy Story and (B) it shows SOME different stuff.



I wish all kids movies were made by Pixar. How does this not appeal to every demographic in the world except the "largely dead inside" demo? I'm pumped.

Okay, that's it for this week's junk gang. I'll see you tomorrow for our Friday hullabaloo.

Ryan's Junk Drawer

Hey, hey, hey. Welcome to the weird and wacky world that is my junk drawer, where we collect tiny movie news tidbits that don't quite warrant their own blog post (or do, but I'm too lazy). As per usual, we begin this week by looking at the above creepy-ass image taken from Highlights for Children (CHILDREN!) magazine and making up a ridiculous backstory about something we see. Today's object is the tiny pink square in the upper left corner. Had her father not intercepted the note that Suzie was going to pass to Matt, he would have known of her undying love. In fact, the two would have begun dating in middle school, briefly gone their separate ways in high-school and early college, before once more uniting at a reunion when Matt recalled the wonderful note she had given him. But with the note now trapped inside her father's junk drawer, Suzie ended up going out with Jason, who convinced her to take up huffing paint and committing small acts of vandalism. After a stint in Juvie, Suzie emerged hardened, and stabbed a math teacher when he dared correct her on her algebra. To think, if Suzie's dad had just minded his own business, she wouldn't be doing 25 to life. Oh well!

Now, on to all the glory my junk has to offer!

1.) Alicia Silverstone is not dead - Although the world thought she had perhaps died after her last failed television pilot, as it turns out, Alicia Silverstone is alive and somewhat kicking. Not only is she willing to get bare-ass naked to prove she likes vegetables (seriously, I would put images up here, but it ain't proper, google it), she's apparently going to reunite with Clueless director Amy Heckerling. Screen Daily is reporting that the pair are reuniting for Vamps, which is another f**king vampire movie. Now, even though the description of "two young vampires in New York city" sounds dumb as all get out, my hope is that Heckerling is able to bring some of the subversive genius she dropped with Clueless, but I'm guessing that's too much to hope for at this point. Instead, we're probably dealing with just another middling entry into the ever-expanding body of vampire films. Seriously, centuries from now, when our descendants finally figure out how to operate a DVD, they're going to be very disappointed in us. Very.

2.) I will refrain from all Cruz/cruise jokes - THR reports that Penelope Cruz doesn't mind scurvy...or at least she wants to hump Johnny Depp's peg leg. Why, whatever do I mean? I mean that this lovely lass:
Is going to wear an eyepatch. Or not, She's going to appear in the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie is what's actually going to happen, but she's likely going to just be filling the corset-stuffing quota. She's an improvement over the bland Kiera Knightley, that's fo sho, but why she wants to basically play a thankless supporting role is beyond me. Oh, wait, there's that whole Johnny Depp angle. Apparently, women will do all sorts of strange things to get near him, even though he looks like he would smell like the bathroom in a French bar. I liked the first of the series, didn't mind the second, and pretty much loathed the third, so here's hoping that cutting the fat (as in the skinny Orlando Bloom and Knightley) helps.

3.) Spider-man will be in 3D, so we can see all the angles of love - The only thing Avatar really did was to make everybody want to release their movies in 3D. Between Clash of the Titans going back and 3D-ing their movie and the announcement that just about any movie that can get away with it is going to dump their flick into the 3D bin, I'm about over this whole thing. It's a gimmick. It's a gimmick that they can use to charge us a lot more money. I'm not saying I won't ever go 3D again, but it's just not what gets my motor running. So news that Spider-man's reboot is going to be 3D fills me with the same meh feeling that the rest of the news about the project has left me with. Although, I would like to point out how stupid it is to drop your budget to $80 million, return everyone to high school so you can get cheaper, younger actors, and focus more on the love story...only to do this all in 3D?! I mean, seriously? Are the lovey dovey moments going to look more impressive if we see Peter Parker's emo hair flopping in all 3 dimensions? I'm guessing the device will be used like twice in the movie, so they should pro-rate the ticket price to reflect how little of it is actually in the third dimension. Whatever.

4.) Robocop is alive...but on life support - I want to see what Darren Aronofsky does with Robocop sooooo bad. I've loved each and every one of his movies and I cannot, cannot, cannot wait to see what he would do with a cyborg cop. Don't get me wrong, he can't excite me more than he already is by pairing up Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman in a carnal sense for his upcoming Black Swan, but Robocop is a distant but respectable second place. So here's some good news/bad news, screenwriter David Self tells STYD that he and Aronofsky are STILL on the project...but that MGM has its head up its ass. They can't agree on the rating (Aronofsky wants an R, because he's not an idiot...you can't do a PG-13 Robocop, you just can't) or the whole (sigh) 3D angle (here we go again). I'm not sure if this will be worth Aronofsky's trouble, or if he can deliver the movie I want him to deliver given the constraints of stupidity he's being shackled with. That said, the dream is flickering but still burning. I can only pray...and count down the days until I see Portman and Kunis and become Portikunis.

5.) Trailers, parked - Some REALLY good ones this week y'all. I'm not even going to flap my gums too much about it.

First up is Toy Story 3, and it looks as great as you'd expect. Plus, they get a "great ascot" joke AND a wonderful chase sequence. I'm so stoked, it's like I'm 5.


Toy Story 3 Trailer #2 in HD

Trailer Park Movies | MySpace Video

Speaking of children's stuff that shouldn't excite me but I'm not a real grown-up, check out the new Last Airbender trailer. Although I am a little unclear why I haven't heard the main character SPEAK in any of the trailers (oh, please don't let him be as terrible as it appears he may be), I'm very interested in a property I had never before had any interest in whatsoever. This is your last chance, though, Shyamalan. Your LAST CHANCE.

That's it folks! I hope you are having a good week. Let's meet up again tomorrow for Friday, the only day of the week that everybody loves. Sorry every other day, but we do play favorites.

Prepare to get misty-eyed, as the first official trailer for Toy Story 3, perhaps the most anticipated animated sequel of all-time (yes, that is saying something), leans heavily on some Randy Newman schmaltz. If you don't at least get a bit emotional (and have a sudden, strong urge to head to the basement or garage and begin sifting through your old toys to free them from the hell that you unknowingly sentenced them to...DEAR GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE), you're a terrible person.



3D gimmick or not, I am really looking forward to this. Not quite as much as I am looking forward to the Where the Wild Things Are preview tonight, but still really looking forward to it.