Ryan's Junk Drawer

It's one of those slow, lazy kind of days. The kind where I am, at best, going to give you a peek inside my junk drawer and then call it a day. Oh, don't act all sad like you want more than that, this blog is verbose, and I prattle on for way too long each time out anyway. You probably just skim through it, so you can make do with this one-stop buffet of tasty film nuggets until tomorrow...mmmm, tomorrow. Do you think if the days of the week were people that they would all hate Friday, who would obviously be the most attractive one? You think Thursday would be all "Friday has herpes, I heard it from Tuesday." Meanwhile, Monday is constantly attempting suicide, only to find that the universe won't allow the sweet release of death...this is what I think of when I'm tired.

Here's what's in my junk drawer this week:

1.) Because nobody can get enough Bruce Campbell - Slashfilm.com alerted me (okay, and other people as well) to the fact that Evil Dead is being re-released in theaters as a midnight feature. This is not that big of a deal to people who live in Omaha (we're that cool), as The Dundee Theatre has shown Evil Dead 2 as a midnight feature several times (including, you know, Tomorrow and Saturday). Still, what it represents is a potential move by certain production companies to attempt to get "classic" cult films back into movie houses. This is a great idea...so look for it to be abandoned soon. I remember that years and years ago (before Dundee was doing it), a local theater brought Raiders of the Lost Ark back to the big screen. I had never seen it that way, and so my Dad and I went. It was probably one of my top 5 movie-going experiences. Anyway, I'm rambling (go figure), but look for this:

To be coming back near you sometime soon. Rad.

2.) This is why I'm mad at someone you know - Unless one guy has built a house out of copies of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, there's a lot of sick bastards in this world, as Variety is reporting that the mongoloid-made movie for morons sold something like 109 billion copies of the DVD. Okay, that's a little high, but it really was like 7.5 million, which is about 7.5 million too many. I'm not talking rentals, I'm talking PURCHASES. As in, someone SAW the movie already and WANTS to see it again. Yeah, I know, sick isn' t it? The answer is probably that it is as close as 7.5 million fanboys are going to come to having Megan Fox in their home, but still. When Transformers 3: In Your Face, Bitches rips a hole in the space-time continuum, this is on you 7.5 million jerks who bought the DVD. The only way I'm in for the next movie is if this is the new Transformer:



3.) You best watch yoself Iraq, Bourne's comin' - The trailer for The Green Zone hit like a sack of bricks to my naughty bits. Holy crap does this look good. I mean, what do you expect from the director of the best Bourne movies and Mr. Bourne himself, but seriously...wowza. Prediction: Because it directly takes on that whole "whoopsie, what WMDs" thing, it's going to piss off die-hard, extremist conservatives (not the regular folks, the ones who swear there are still WMDs in Iraq, we just need to find 'em). These are typically the folks who love them some action movies where things go boom and bad guys get face-shot. I'd like to do my impression of one of these people watching this trailer. "Hey lookie there, that Jimmy Bourne guy is doin' some more fightin'. Hey there, lookit him punchin' those guys in the face. You deserve that face punch terrorist! Hey, why's he yellin' at that white guy? That don't seem right. OH YEAH EXPLOSION! Hey wait, why is the bad guy sound American? That ain't patriotic. HELL YEAH, EXPLOSION!" This is going to cause some serious confusion. Still, the trailer's bad ass.



4.) Just so long as nobody invites Sting, we're cool - The Interwebs reported, and then Chud.com (who I trust) confirmed that director Peter Berg is off of Dune. I really don't care about that part, so much as I care that the current rumors (that are likely crap) have offers out to Neils. That's right, I'm talking about two Neils: Neil Marshall and Neil Blomkamp. Chances are that even though the latter would just straight-up MURDER this adaptation, making me want to see it so bad that I could barely stand it (an accomplishment, since my current anticipation for the project mirrors my excitement to eat oatmeal), it's not going to be Blomkamp. Chances are that it's going to be Marshall if it is either of them. This is also okay to me, because I loved Doomsday. I caught it on HBO recently and I loved it even more. Oh, it's terrible, but in such a great way. I don't know how this B-movie sensibility would translate into a serious franchise, but it's at least intriguing to me. The important thing is, until they bring in some boring-ass guy I've never heard of, I'm somewhat interested in Dune. This feeling is fleeting, I'm sure of it.

5.) What did you think you'd get if you crossed Kanye and Spike Jonze? - Spike Jonze directed a short film starring Kanye West inspired by Kanye's song "See You in my Nightmares." It's called We Were Once a Fairytale and it's totally f**ked up. At first it's just a cool riff on Kanye's somewhat annoying personality, but then it turns into...well, just watch it. It's been out there in bootleg form for awhile, but it's now now officially online on iTunes, so spend the 2 bucks or whatever and watch it legally (or find it illegally but I won't help you). I personally love it, but go figure I love both of the artists involved. I think Kanye is one of the most intriguing artists of the new century, and I mean that sincerely. His whole personality is this bizarre show, and he is so obviously tormented by that, a point emphasized by the totally batshit insane ending of the short film, which just proves to me that Spike Jonze needs to be making more movies. If you watch it, hit me up (preferably here so everyone can see it) and let me know what you think. You've been warned...totally batshit crazy...like it makes bats that are batshit crazy more batshit crazy. But I loved it.

I KNOW WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE!

If you aren't excited for the upcoming Spike Jonze-directed Where the Wild Things Are, I'm sorry that the child in you died. You should have that thing taken out of you immediately. Dialing my excitement level up to near "ohmygodspider-manisreal" levels is the fact that one of my favorite novelists, Dave Eggers, wrote the screenplay and...wait for it...A NOVEL "inspired by" the movie and children's book. I don't even know what that effing means and I'm over the moon! The best news? YOU CAN READ PART OF IT NOW! The New Yorker has a friggin' 8 page excerpt from the work! Sure, you have to endure those indecipherable cartoons on nearly every page (if you look at them too long, you go cross-eyed, you've been warned), but are you kidding me? That's a huuuuge excerpt! Why are they doing it? Because it's sooooooo good it makes you want to both go out and buy the book and go out and watch the movie. I won't go on a big rant here (just an itty bitty one), but what makes Eggers's excerpt truly remarkable is that it perfectly captures the tone of the book AND the spirit of that work. Max is angry and confused. Life is beautiful, yes, but our introduction to it can be violent and totally disorienting. There's something glorious about it, but something terrifying and maddening and frustrating and magical about the whole thing. Eggers gets it. From the footage, Jonze does too. I am so excited it's almost enough to make me forget that Brett Favre is all over my TV and Internet again. I wish a monster would eat his face. Anyway, here's an image to get you even more pumped. Now, go to that link and read! READ DAMMIT! Phylicia Rashad told me it's fundamental.

And you thought your winter sucked

I pretty much go apeshit for anything Spike Jonze touches (I've even considered changing my name to Ryan Zyrek in his honor...well, in his honor and because that's still how my father-in-law pronounces my last name). Even without Jonze directing, his name association with a project is enough to pump up my interest girthier than male enhancement products (too much?). Thus, Variety's news that Jonze (who, by the way, has bagged a veritable who's who of eccentric looking/acting celebs, including Karen O from the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs and Sofia Coppola) has acquired the rights to a novel has piqued my interest (yesssssss, I can finally cross "using the word piqued in a post" off of my list...seriously, the word is adorable...the little bottom of the "p" and bottom of the "q" face each other like they're hugging the "i"). The book, titled "Light Boxes" is not about boxes of light (well, it could be, but that's not in the plot description). The story follows a town that endures a 1,000 day winter (which I would be cool with if that was how long football season lasted). That's all we get in the way of description, beyond a note that some guy who has never directed a major motion picture (named Ray Tintor, which sounds like an upscale beverage) will be directing this. Don't worry, though, he directed two short films titled " "Jettison Your Loved Ones" and "Death to the Tinman," so I'm sure this film will be horrifyingly weird. Still, I'm excited. You could say....(wait for it)...I'm JONZE-ING for it. Bwahahahahaha.