Web of Lies: Malko-victory?

Despite the fact that Spider-man 4 is officially progressing with all of the speed of congressional reform, John Malkovich is still flapping his yapper about his involvement. Slashfilm.com found an interview posted elsewhere in which Malko-maniac mentioned that he was, indeed, circling the project...like a (wait for it)...VULTURE! Ya-Boo (again, that's Boo-Ya backwards...I'm determined to make that stick). Malky confirmed that the script is being reworked, so he isn't really sure whether or not he will survive the purge, and chances are that the "disagreement over the villains" that is being reported wasn't a bunch of studio suits demanding the box office might of John Malkovich. I'm guessing Sam Raimi wants the weird thespian to be out there doing his thing, but the execs want somebody more bankable. Apparently, kids don't find 60-year-old dudes wearing green feathers to be bad ass. One of the more interesting rumors I heard (though I cannot remember where, but I swear I'm not inventing this out of thin air), is that Willem DeFoe is willing to come back as the Green Goblin. Personally, I don't hate this idea. In fact, I'd bring back Green Goblin AND Doc Ock. Why? Because villains come back in the comics ALL THE DAMN TIME, plus they're the best two villains Spidey has, plus it would be a cool way to end Raimi's run. It's not going to happen, but still, it's a thought. Also, I meant to tell you that by all accounts, the Vulturess (which was to be played by Anne Hathaway) ain't gonna happen. So we may get:

But not

Yeah, that seems unfair.

Web of Lies: Spider-man 4...no more?

What's funny about Twitter is that it often becomes the urinary trough for peeing contests between competing movie rumor sites. Over the last few weeks, IESB (one of the legends in "the game"...and by "the game," I mean talking about movies, which is far less tough than anything else that has ever been referred to as "the game") reported that Spider-man 4 was in trouble...big trouble...the kind of trouble you may not recover from. Then along came MTV's Splash Page (which is kind of douchey in that they mostly just suckle from the teat of Twilight and bilk the comic book fanboys by tossing out wild rumors and aspersions) to say that this was hogwash. The battle lines were drawn. In the end, the winner was...IESB, as various news outlets began reprinting an email from inside one of the visual effects groups noting that production was cancelled "because Sam Raimi hates the story." Good for you, Sammy! The supposed bone of contention is the villain. Raimi apparently wants John Malkovich and ONLY John Malkovich (likely to play The Vulture) and the studio wants (or wanted, depending on the reports) Anne Hathaway to play The Vulturess (a character invented for the movie). Good news! We have an excuse to post a picture of Anne Hathaway.

The obvious problem is that (A) two villains is not a good idea and (B) the Vulturess is stupid. Why not include The Black Cat as was rumored...or punt the whole thing. The reason this whole "not having a script thing" is important is because the principle players are locked into contracts and are quite busy. What I'm saying is this: If this drags on, and rewriting or creating an entirely new script is not a quick process, Raimi may lose his players (please lose Kirsten Dunst, please lose Kirsten Dunst). Were I a betting man, I'd say...this film isn't going to happen as it was conceived. I'm saying no Raimi, no Maguire, no Dunst. I'm saying back to the drawing board. This reminds me of the original quest to bring Spidey to the big screen, only back then we were talking about director James Cameron and star Leonardo DiCaprio, back when Kirsten Dunst was only a whiny, misshapen pup. I want a new Spidey movie. Bad. But I don't want a new bad Spidey movie. I hope Raimi holds out until it's right or walks away.

Web of Lies: Good news/bad news

Once more we return to the sticky wicket that is the Spider-man 4 casting process. As you may recall, we have moved through a veritable who's who of hotties in a quest to find a new female figure in the new Spidey outing. When the rumors began flying like bagels in a bagel fight (if you don't know about a bagel fights...you're lucky...damn lucky), we created Web of Lies to document the continued falsehoods and excuses to post hot pictures of lovely actresses. Well, here we are again, and we get to post more awesome images:

Wow, there may be nothing worse than seeing John Malkovich when you think you're about to see something beautiful. Seriously, if he and James Carville were to have a freaky-face contest, humanity would be destroyed. Now, the scuttlebutt right now is one that should cause people like me, a dude with more Spider-man comics than he has DNA strands, into a frenzy. See, according to Movieline, Malkovich will play The Vulture. That much is actually cool, because he is a talented actor and looks the part (see):

It's the second part that will send fans nuts. Apparently, the Vulture will have a daughter named Felicia Hardy who becomes the Vulturess. In the comics, Felicia Hardy is the Black Cat, a skin-tight-suit wearing cat burgler with bad luck powers. Of course, this may be a little too close to Catwoman for some people, and as we all know, after Halle Berry's effort, no one should be close to Catwoman. This irritating news is buffered by the fact that this is the lady playing The Vulturess (who needs a better name, STAT):

Now, allow me a brief aside here. I'm cool with this. I'll tell you the reasons why as briefly as I am able and if you stay, I'll give you another Anne Hathaway picture.

1.) I like it because it mirrors the father/son Green Goblin stuff. Thematic echoing is big for Raimi and it works here.

2.) I like it because the Black Cat, while hot, was a stupid character. She had BAD LUCK powers, for the love of God, and when ISN'T a woman in comics dressed in skin tight leather. If she were any less original of a character, she'd have been "created" by Stephanie Meyers.

3.) I like it because it will provide great mid air visuals, which have been my favorite effects moments in the series.

4.) I like it because it isn't Venom.

5.) I like it because movies are not comic books. Let's face facts, people, everybody flipped shit over the "organic web shooters" in the first film and it was great. Purists don't seem to understand that the biggest issue at hand is whether or not the movie is good. I don't care that Felicia Hardy is going to be the Vulturess, I care that the Vulturess not suck like Topher Grace did.

So, there you go, the latest in our web of lies. Now, as promised, less of me and more Anne Hathaway.

You're welcome.

Web of Lies: So...Spider-Man 4 rumors are a daily thing now

What happens when something gets so routine that I seem to be doing it every single day? I give it a whimsical column name. In this case: Web of Lies. Seeing as how everyone is tripping over themselves to see that my dream of Rachel McAdams as the Black Cat is appropriately shat upon, I figured I would name this column after the heartbreak I feel. Only one thing can comfort me.

Okay, all better. Today's Black Cat rumor is from UGO, who report that Julia Stiles has been taking meetings about possible involvement in Spider-Man 4, presumably in the role that McAdams had stolen from her by miscreants and ne'erdowells. Go figure, Stiles is also a pretty girl (as opposed to the wretched dogbeasts that are most actresses in Hollywood) and she has also done fine in a few films (The Bourne Identity series wasn't exactly demanding on her artistically). I'm just not sure if I'm sold on it.

Sure, really attractive...but when you can have a Lamborghini you don't drive the Rav-4. There's still time to do the right thing, Sam Raimi. Turn this web of lies into a paradise of hope! Pretty please.

An excuse for more Spidey chatter and McAdams pics

In my daily trolling to bring you the best of the best of the bullshit news, I have been stumbling across people stumbling over themselves to talk about Spider-man 4. See, the film is starting production soon, which means we are very quickly going to having things we thought to be rumors confirmed and things we thought to be totally confirmed blown apart. Case in point, Slashfilm.com verified with Hey U Guys that the Black Cat is in the new script and that the following actresses HAVE been considered for the role:

(Rachel McAdams...shown once more at what had to be the best photo shoot in the history of photos and shooting)

and

Romola Garai (who looks almost exactly like Bryce Dallas Howard)

Supposedly, this version of the Black Cat will be the daughter of someone who usurps the Daily Bugle from J. Jonah Jameson (egad!). Her daddy may or may not himself be a villain, potentially the Vulture, but that would be kind of lame. Personally, I would like to see them work with a smaller villain or bring back Doc Ock (not going to happen), but I think that tying the Black Cat to the Vulture seems kind of like the sort of thing Sam Raimi has liked doing in this series. The only problem I foresee is that Raimi is going to try to convince us that Peter Parker would choose this:

over this

Yeah, didn't think so.

If this is true, the cat is in the bag

Stop the presses, folks. The inter-blog-o-net-o-sphere just erupted with the following rumor: Rachel McAdams is going to be the black cat in Spider-man 4. Visually, that means:

is gonna play

Heart...stopping...in...chest....

I'm so happy right now.

Supposedly, hit mania.com has it on good authority that McAdams's Black Cat (wow that feels good to say) will be paired with a male villain who will not be the Lizard. Because the kitty is a thief, my brain instantly flashes to the Kingpin, which would be great if they have the rights to him. If not, I hope it's another mafioso type guy, because it would be great to see all of the effects money go to Spidey himself, not some whacked out baddie. They've done big, let's try small. Plus, this fits with what worked in the second movie, a bad guy who Peter is connected to as well. This could sooooo redeem the franchise...and change my life.