Weekend Box Office results: We're almost done with Twilight

With only 2 more insipid Twi-movies to endure, this last box office assault by the shiny vampires doesn't feel quite as bad. Oh, sure, the movie is that bad, even judging on a sliding scale like a lot of people seem to be doing, but the notion of this entire experience ALMOST being over is nice. Plus, as you all know, we are soooo close to seeing the batshit crazy ending to this whole shebang in blood-flicking 3D. Mmmmm. Other news of note: The Last Airbender is trying to survive, despite dialogue that feels like swimming in sulfuric acid. It may just cling to profitability long enough to become a series. If so, again let me remind the world that Shyamalan need not write to direct. Put him behind the camera and take his pen away.

Let's see how the weekend shaped up, haiku style:

1.) Twilight: Eclipse - $69 million (Accuracy of prediction - 79%)

A box office dip,
means this will not beat New Moon.
Small victory, folks.

2.) The Last Airbender - $40.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

The fan base is big.
That or deaf people loved it.
All of the words sucked.

3.) Toy Story 3 - $30 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)

Just passed $300
soon to be Pixar's top flick.
Good, but not my fave!

4.) Grown Ups - $18.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 99%)

Technically a hit,
but let me specify where:
It is in the nuts.

5.) Knight and Day - $10.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

This is not Tom's fault.
We all know where the blame goes.
It's on YOU, Diaz!

Overall accuracy of prediction - 93%

I've been good lately.
The summer makes things easy.
I'll soon be sucking.

Okay, that's it gang. Happy Tuesday that looks and feels like a Monday!

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Okay, Friday housekeeping: I'll be back later with a Last Airbender review, but I know you're all taking off early to get your "blowing stuff up for freedom" on. So, be safe this weekend, don't drink and f**king drive, and don't blow your genitals off. That's about the best advice you could give for such a thing.

Oh, and maybe one more, don't see Twilight. I know your girlfriend (or boyfriend) wants you to, but you're better than that. I can allow that the books may be able to be injected with your own imagination enough to make them passable, but there's no way you can listen to Robert Pattinson and Shirtless McTinyNipples for two and a half hours and not lose part of your soul. I'm not exactly advocating that you go see The Last Airbender either. So, maybe go outside or watch Toy Story 3 again? I don't know.

Okay, last thing before we get to this: I'm a flaming liberal, as you can tell by a ton of my jokes. Somewhere along the line it became common thinking that somehow we're less patriotic or supportive of our troops than the other side. That's just not true. I love this country, from our continued commitment philosophically as a nation to beautiful ideals to the continued belief that we can and will rise above any problem at any time. And I love the troops that are far braver than me who do what I could never do in order to make people in this nation and (just as importantly) many others safer. Thank you to the troops, I love you to America, and let's do some box office haikus.

Oh, and these are for grosses from Friday through Sunday, even though Twilight came out Wednesday and Airbender came out Thursday. What ever happened to releasing movies on Friday like normal people?

1.) Twilight: Eclipse - $98 million

This title fits well.
When it comes to eclipses,
you don't look at them.

2.) The Last Airbender - $38 million

STOP WRITING, M. NIGHT!
You are a fine director,
and a shit writer.

3.) Toy Story 3 - $36 million

Kudos to Pixar
for what will be their top flick.
Keep it going, gang!

4.) Grown Ups - $19 million

I have a question.
When it comes to Kevin James,
when is it enough?!?!

5.) Knight and Day - $10.5 million

So sorry, Tommy.
You should listen to me now.
Go play a villain.

WILDCARD - The Karate Kid - $9 million

I would pay to see
Jaden Smith matched up against
the airbender kid.

Okay, that's it! Happy 4th everyone!

Weekend Box Office Results: Why do you still like Adam Sandler?

Seriously? I want to know. Do people go see Adam Sandler movies because they're just used to doing it? Nobody's really excited by them, right? I mean, nobody saw the clip for Grown Ups where they pee in the pool and squealed with laughter, right? Nobody owns Click on Blu-Ray, right? I get that his sense of humor is supposed to be mainstream, but he peaked about 15 years ago by my estimation, how is it that he still has a fan base? Shouldn't they have aged past his antics? I'm so confused right now. It's going to make like $110-$120 million and be another standard successful film, encouraging his studio to keep doing the same damn thing until the sun swallows the earth in 2012. I'm not even necessarily mad, as trying to hate an Adam Sandler movie seems like it would take more energy than the film deserves or used while in production. I'm just confused is all. Really confused.

Here's the box office results, haiku style:

1.) Toy Story 3 - $59 million (Accuracy of prediction - 92.5%)

Top summer movie?
If it can beat out Twilight,
then I think it is.

2.) Grown Ups - $41 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95%)

Look at what you've done.
We were free of Rob Schneider.
But now he is back.

3.) Knight and Day - $20.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

This is not a flop.
People will say that it is.
They just wish it was.

4.) The Karate Kid - $15 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)

Is this one done yet?
I mean, it was fine and all,
but can we move on?

5.) The A-Team - $6 million (Accuracy of prediction - 75%)

On the other hand...
this one is a big ole flop.
So much for "franchise."

Overall accuracy of prediction - 90%

Summer is easy.
They make the choices for me.
I like it that way.

Okay gang, happy Monday to ya! I hope you have a nice one.

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