Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

I'll be back at some point with my Due Date review. It was...okay. That's all. It's going to do CRAZY business that first week, that's for damn sure, as my MIDNIGHT SHOWING was pretty much sold out. People love this kind of broad-based, mass-appealing, semi-raunchy comedy these days. It won't be number one because Megamind gets the families, but it's going to be strong, mark my words. As for that latter film, I will also file that one under "meh." Wake me when Dreamworks designs a different looking character. They all look the same. Anyway, onward and upward to some Box Office Haikus!

Here's how I see the weekend:

1.) Megamind - $60 million

The voices are great.
The animation? It ain't.
The verdict is meh.

2.) Due Date - $33 million

Galifianakis.
One name is a haiku line.
Just thought I'd mention.

3.) For Colored Girls - $22 million

It's Tyler Perry!
Directing, but not his script.
No name in title!!!!

4.) Saw 3D - $7.5 million

A one-week wonder,
this franchise now goes away.
Right? IT PROMISED US!!!

5.) Red - $7 million

Keep it up now, Bruce.
That sounded rather dirty.
I meant it that way.

WILDCARD - Paranormal Activity 2 - $7 million

Longer legs than Saw.
But that's because Saw sucks ass.
My last Saw joke? Please!!!!

Okay, that's it until I return with a review for your faces. Enjoy your weekends!

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Weekend Box Office Results: With a whimper...

Yes, this weekend does end with a whimper and not a bang. And that whimper isn't just coming from me. It's the wheeze that represents the death-breath of Saw, a franchise that just lived so far beyond the life it should have had that even 3D-ing it could only reanimate it's corpse ever so slightly. Here's hoping we're done with that franchise...so everybody say hi to the second-place film, Paranormal Activity 2, which has now made $65 million collectively on a $3 million budget. I'm sure we won't be seeing one of THOSE every year now that Saw is leaving. May God have mercy on our box-office souls.

Here's this weekend's wrap-up, haiku style:

1.) Saw 3D - $24 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95.5%)

This is Saw 7
but they left that number out.
Maybe they can't count?

2.) Paranormal Activity 2 - $16.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89%)

A tiny budget
and zero big-name actors
means big-ass profits.

3.) Red - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 81%)

This is holding great!
Mostly because it is fun.
And for old people.

4.) Jackass 3D - $8.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 87%)

Poop jokes are ending.
Nut shots are moving along.
We'll miss you, Jackass.

5.) Hereafter - $6.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 88.5%)

It's an Eastwood flop!
Can we hold him in check now?
His last few sucked ass.

Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 88%

Forgettable week.
That's not good, life is too short.
Viva la MONDAY!!!????

Okay, that's it, gang. Go be productive. I'm going to try not to hurl and count down the minutes before I get back in bed.

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Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

I'm just going to get right to it because I really don't have that many deep thoughts this weekend. One crappy new movie comes out, that will be number one. Other than that, you enjoy the last nice weekend of weather, have yourself some trick-or-treating shenanigans, and generally frolic and be merry. K?

Here's the box office prediction haikus all the kids love these days.

1.) Saw 3D - $26 million

This is the sixth Saw.
So why not call it Saw 6?
Those guys can't count good.

2.) Paranormal Activity 2 - $20 million

Look! Now you see it,
now you don't...or now you won't.
In which case, nice call.

3.) Jackass 3D - $9 million

One day, we'll look back
and we'll ask why everything
was in damn 3D.

4.) Red - $9 million

Old people need love,
or at least movies to see.
That explains this one.

5.) Hereafter - $8 million

This one is scary.
Not in terms of on-screen stuff,
just scary boring.

WILDCARD - The Social Network - $6 million

Soon this will be gone,
but it's legacy remains!
See you Oscar night!

That's it. You have a blast this weekend. Figuratively, no more explosives for you.

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