Weekend Box Office Results: Greed is mediocre

Well, you can't call a first-place finish for a sequel that's more than 13 years in the making a disappointment, even if it was a tiny win. I mean, the success isn't exactly Affleckian (see how I do for you, Ben, I'm trying to make your name into an adjective for awesome), but it was a non-disappointment. Wall Street 2: Financial Boogaloo will likely drop off precipitously now, but hey, it won't be viewed as a flop. Oliver Stone's first sequel was also his first number one hit in a long, long time. In other news, America hates owls. At least ones that stab each other. And Betty White love or no Betty White love, nothing could save a generic movie like You Again. In other news, though, how about STRONG holds for Easy A and The Town, both dipping in the 35% range. That's kick-ass word of mouth for two kick-ass movies. Enough non-poetic talk, let's haiku this bitch.

1.) Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps - $19 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89.5%)

Money doesn't sleep
because it isn't alive.
This title is dumb.

2.) Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'hoole - $16.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89.5%)

So, "no" on the owls?
Kids don't LIKE to pee themselves.
I mean, sure, SOME do.

3.) The Town - $16 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

Keep on chugging, Ben!
I love a good redemption!
You lucky butt chin!

4.) Easy A - $10.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 83%)

Holy HOLDOVER!
I told you you would love it!
Now tell all your friends.

5.) You Again - $8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 65%)

No love for this crap.
We may all love Kristen Bell,
but just not this much.

Overall Accuracy of Prediction -85%

This should be higher,
but Betty White screwed me up!
Stupid Betty White!!!

Okay, that's it folks, see you tomorrow for more fun and adventures.

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Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

We have ourselves a box office battle this weekend for the top spot. In one corner: Talking owls with armored razors on their claws. In the other: Shia "The Boof" LeBeouf" and nostalgia. It's anyone's game at this point, with The Boofster having a slight edge on the grounds of him really wanting success outside of the giant robots and Megan Fox booby umbrella...ella...ella. I'm now going to get tons of hits from people looking for a Megan Fox Booby Umbrella...I should make one. Anyway, there are some other movies coming out this weekend, but not like last weekend, which was a glorious return to quality, however brief. Let's take a peek at what this weekend holds, haiku style!

1.) Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps - $23 million

Gordon Gekko lives!
But now he faces The Boof.
You don't cross The Boof.

2.) Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole - $20 million

Talking owls that fight.
Is this movie for children?
Or just drug users?

3.) The Town - $15 million

You keep rolling, Ben.
I hope this does mega jack!
Suck on that, J-Lo!!

4.) You Again - $12 million

No more Betty White.
I think we have had enough.
Why does this exist?

5.) Easy A - $9 million

This deserves better.
The funniest film out there.
Do you hate to laugh?

No wildcard AGAIN this week, I feel that good about it. Okay, I'm going to spend my weekend thinking of the forensics team who I should be with but am not, cleaning out a giant messy garage, and sleeping. Lots of sleeping. Hope yours is as jam packed with goodness, and I'll catch you Monday.

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