Weekend Box Office Results: Embracing the douche

This weekend, movie audiences spoke...and they loudly declared "We are somewhat interested in the development of social media but not to the point where it's like a phenomenon or anything but just the appropriate amount of curiosity!" Wow, what a statement! Let Me In got shut out, the creepy owls dug in their talons, and The Town continues to look like it's maybe a $100 million movie waiting to happen...and don't sleep on Easy A, as that $8 million gem keeps pulling audiences in even in its third week (probably because it's awesome). Let's take a quick deeper look, haiku style:

1.) The Social Network - $23 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95.5%)

A nice opening
for a movie with unknowns.
No offense, J.T.

2.) The Legend of the Guardians - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 60.5%)

Well, this is good news!
We've downgraded from major
to minor failure!

3.) Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

Money never sleeps?
Like, not even a catnap?
That sucks for money.

4.) The Town - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97.5%)

You can't stop Affleck,
you can only insult him.
Keep it up Big Ben!!!

5.) Easy A - $7 million (Accuracy of prediction - 93%)

Emma Stone kicks ass.
She deserves this huge success.
I deserve a kiss!!!

Overall accuracy of prediction - 89%

This would be higher
if it wasn't for the owls.
Damn you, dirty birds!

Okay, that's it gang. Happy Monday. Stay alive out there.

Follow me on Twitter.

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Okay gang. We're almost at that point where we part until I'm finished with my Social Network review (spoiler alert: I press the like button). But before we separate, we must consider the dollars and cents about to be parted with by movie goers. The movie we once mocked in concept form ("A movie about Facebook...yeah, like that'll be good") is now set to hit the tops of the box office, riding the wave of critical buzz and the curly hair of Jesse Eisenberg and Justin Timberlake...seriously, them boys got CURLZ...with a Z yo. Less popular will be the American remake of Let the Right One In, which people who loved the original loathe for existing and people who never heard of the original have no real interest in seeing. So, much like people who spend too much time at the gym, this weekend is pretty simple.

Here's how I see it, haiku style:

1.) The Social Network - $25 million

Much as with Facebook:
I like it, but how is it
that this makes money?

2.) Let Me In - $10 million

Why remake a gem?
Because folks hate subtitles.
"Readin' is like work!"

3.) Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps - $10 million

Money never sleeps
that's why my cash is tired.
I'll be here all week.

4.) The Town - $9.5 million

Ben's flick keeps rolling,
he's now the hot director...
and has a hot wife.

5.) Legend of the Guardians - $9 million

Who went to see this?
Get it? Because owls say "who!"
Yep, still here all week.

WILDCARD - Easy A - $8 million

Good for Emma Stone!
She may soon meet with Spidey!
I wish I was there.

Okay, that's it! I'll be back later with my review!

Follow me on Twitter!

Weekend Box Office Results: Greed is mediocre

Well, you can't call a first-place finish for a sequel that's more than 13 years in the making a disappointment, even if it was a tiny win. I mean, the success isn't exactly Affleckian (see how I do for you, Ben, I'm trying to make your name into an adjective for awesome), but it was a non-disappointment. Wall Street 2: Financial Boogaloo will likely drop off precipitously now, but hey, it won't be viewed as a flop. Oliver Stone's first sequel was also his first number one hit in a long, long time. In other news, America hates owls. At least ones that stab each other. And Betty White love or no Betty White love, nothing could save a generic movie like You Again. In other news, though, how about STRONG holds for Easy A and The Town, both dipping in the 35% range. That's kick-ass word of mouth for two kick-ass movies. Enough non-poetic talk, let's haiku this bitch.

1.) Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps - $19 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89.5%)

Money doesn't sleep
because it isn't alive.
This title is dumb.

2.) Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'hoole - $16.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89.5%)

So, "no" on the owls?
Kids don't LIKE to pee themselves.
I mean, sure, SOME do.

3.) The Town - $16 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

Keep on chugging, Ben!
I love a good redemption!
You lucky butt chin!

4.) Easy A - $10.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 83%)

Holy HOLDOVER!
I told you you would love it!
Now tell all your friends.

5.) You Again - $8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 65%)

No love for this crap.
We may all love Kristen Bell,
but just not this much.

Overall Accuracy of Prediction -85%

This should be higher,
but Betty White screwed me up!
Stupid Betty White!!!

Okay, that's it folks, see you tomorrow for more fun and adventures.

Follow me on Twitter!

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

We have ourselves a box office battle this weekend for the top spot. In one corner: Talking owls with armored razors on their claws. In the other: Shia "The Boof" LeBeouf" and nostalgia. It's anyone's game at this point, with The Boofster having a slight edge on the grounds of him really wanting success outside of the giant robots and Megan Fox booby umbrella...ella...ella. I'm now going to get tons of hits from people looking for a Megan Fox Booby Umbrella...I should make one. Anyway, there are some other movies coming out this weekend, but not like last weekend, which was a glorious return to quality, however brief. Let's take a peek at what this weekend holds, haiku style!

1.) Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps - $23 million

Gordon Gekko lives!
But now he faces The Boof.
You don't cross The Boof.

2.) Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole - $20 million

Talking owls that fight.
Is this movie for children?
Or just drug users?

3.) The Town - $15 million

You keep rolling, Ben.
I hope this does mega jack!
Suck on that, J-Lo!!

4.) You Again - $12 million

No more Betty White.
I think we have had enough.
Why does this exist?

5.) Easy A - $9 million

This deserves better.
The funniest film out there.
Do you hate to laugh?

No wildcard AGAIN this week, I feel that good about it. Okay, I'm going to spend my weekend thinking of the forensics team who I should be with but am not, cleaning out a giant messy garage, and sleeping. Lots of sleeping. Hope yours is as jam packed with goodness, and I'll catch you Monday.

Follow me on Twitter!

Weekend Box Office: Fear the might of Affleck

Woohoo!!! Not only did The Town open well, it opened REALLY well. Clocking in way above estimates, the film looks to secure financing and demand for more Affleck-directed movies. Although I'd trade places with Affie most days, today is high on the list. Also killing it was Easy A, which clocked in at double the budget for the film. That's not a bad way to make an impression. Less dramatically awesome was The Devil, which suffered from no cast recognition and Shyamalan repulsion. It could have some legs though.

Okay, enough chitter chatter, let's get to recappin' haiku style:

1.) The Town - $24 million (Accuracy of prediction - 85%)

Now that's how it's done.
Keep racking up the dough, Ben!
I think you earned it.

2.) Easy A - $18 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89%)

I love Emma Stone.
I also loved this movie.
Highest recommend.

3.) Devil - $12 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

I can't believe it.
The biggest twist for this one,
is the critic love.

4.) Resident Evil Afterlife - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

Bye bye zombie folk.
The next time I see you guys...
will be a sequel.

5.) Alpha and Omega - $9 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94%)

Poor CGI wolf!
You can't catch a break, can you?
Good thing I don't care.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 94%

Check out that total!
WOW! I am incredible!
I like this Monday.

Okay, that's it. Go forth and be merry. See you tomorrow!

Follow me on Twitter!

Movie Review: Easy A

This is the first of 3 movie reviews I'll be posting in a row, so hang on to your hats. The best part? It's mid-September and the lowest grade one of these films got was a B+. It was a good weekend, y'all. Let's start with the biggest surprise for me. I knew Easy A would be funny, I just didn't realize it would also be fantastic. From clever insights that capture the modern zeitgeist better than the internet critics believed Scott Pilgrim did to scathingly hilarious dialogue and delivery, I have nothing really bad to say about this little gem, other than you need to go see it. Now.

Dishonor Rolling in the Aisles
Easy A FTW


It’s fitting that the review of a movie about whoring through words should start with a verbal money shot, in the form of a pull quote: Easy A is easily the funniest movie of the year.

Sporting chlamydia as a subplot, discussion of vagina gnomes and multiple “Huckleberry Finn”–based biracial gay sex jokes, first-time screenwriter Bert Royal truly earned the marketing descriptor “not your typical teen comedy.” Bucking the trend of visual-based, low-brow guffaw moments, Easy A is all about the wordplay, with dialogue sharp enough to shave with and a cast comfortable using their tongues as razors. Death by a thousand cuts never felt so good.

Like Hollywood’s oppressive standard for actresses, Easy A’s plot is thin but sexy. Olive (Emma Stone) is a clever, cute nobody who only gets noticed when the high-school equivalent of Christine O’Donnell, Jesus-enthusiast Marianne (Amanda Bynes), overhears Olive lie about losing her virginity. When Olive’s gay friend Brandon (Dan Byrd) learns she allowed rumors of her fake sex life to persist, he begs her to engage in faux boot-knocking with him, in a genuinely moving, teary-eyed soliloquy about the life of a gay public school student.

Of course, when other social pariahs learn of Olive’s willingness to spread-eagle her reputation, they begin begging her to lie about fictional trysts with them. Faced with judgment from everyone but her adoring parents (Patricia Clarkson and Stanley Tucci) and favorite teacher (Thomas Haden Church), Olive embraces her role as a high-school Hester Prynne by emblazoning a red “A” on her increasingly skanktastic clothes. But Olive quickly learns that chaste behavior and a whorish reputation still make for a miserable existence.

Beyond the brilliance Royal brought to the page, director Will Gluck’s confident willingness to let his uber-talented cast freely riff breathes life to even the most mundane bridge scene. Tucci and Clarkson, professional scene stealers the both of them, gleefully plunder, while Stone proves herself to once more be blessed as much with perfect comic time as with anime-eyes and a gravel-road voice. Her supernova fame is simply inevitable.

Raunchy but packed with social skewering of holier-than-thous and reminders that girls should guard their reputations as stringently as their loins, Easy A is as laugh-laden as it is smart. It is further proof that female-centric comedies need not pander or lower themselves into rigid adherence to formula; they just need to be, you know, good.

Grade – A-

Follow me on Twitter!

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Eat it up, Ben!

It's your world right now, you detachable-jawed, married-above-your-paygrade dude. I love you. I always have. Now the world gets to love you too because after Gone Baby Gone and now The Town, nobody can deny you got chops, boy. This weekend is going to be awesome for you, hopefully for me too, but mostly for you. Enjoy what should be the number one movie and your wife. ALWAYS enjoy your wife.

Here's how I see the box office, haiku style:

1.) The Town - $17 million

Ben Affleck kicks ass.
I have said that for years now.
Now everyone knows!!!

2.) Easy A - $14 million

Emma Stone kicks ass.
I have loved her since day one.
Now everyone does!!!

3.) Devil - $12 million

M Night kicks no ass.
I hate him quite a bit now.
Everyone agrees.

4.) Resident Evil Afterlife - $10 million

Some zombies bite ass.
I used to love them a lot.
Now they're just okay.

5.) Alpha and Omega - $8 million

This is about wolves.
Few people really love wolves.
Their T-shirts tell you.

That's it. No wildcard needed today, I'm that ballsy and confident. Have a great early fall weekend. Enjoy football, go Bears (ahem, please God, keep the momentum of barely winning going).

Follow me on Twitter!