The last Terminator post for awhile, I swear

Considering that I only loved Terminator 2, and merely liked The Terminator and Terminator 3, while LOATHING Terminator Salvation, I sure do spend a crapload of time talking about the franchise. I guess it's just that I see the juicy potential and hate to see good juice wasted (mmm, juice). The latest news about the maligned franchise is that McG was thinking of suing to get to direct the next two movies, or he did start suing and lost, or something. I don't know. All I know is that if it takes a congressional act to get McG to NOT direct these movies, we'll make it happen. In fact, let's go ahead and draft the McF**k McG bill RIGHT NOW and prohibit him from ever directing ANYTHING ever again. Supposedly, McG's movies would have followed the story he barfed up in the last movie, potentially taking the robot war entirely back in time to London...or something? I don't know. Again, it's not happening. What MAY happen is presented to us from Deadline Hollywood, who says that the uncredited co-writer of the original two films, William Wisher, has penned a treatment to wrap up the last two movies in this series. He's part of what it's about.

“It takes place in a post-apocalyptic battleground, and factors in an element of time travel that allows for Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese to interact beyond their single fateful meeting when he traveled back in time to protect her in the original film. Wisher has created a role for Arnold Schwarzenegger that is as surprising as his shift from villain in the first film, to John Connor’s bodyguard in the second. Schwarzenegger wouldn’t be needed until the final film. …”

Okay. That's fine. I'll be down with that if it happens and you totally ignore the waste of time and energy that was T4, which you can do pretty easily. I am all for wrapping this up and either starting over or starting in a new direction, which is what I think McG was trying to do when he massively McFailed. You know what else just popped into my mind, a bridge between my earlier Twilight post and this one!

Bryce Dallas Howard is lovely, right? Look how pretty.

But she appeared in Spider-man 3; the first two installments of the series were good, then ker-splat on the third. She appeared in Terminator 4, the first 3 installments were mostly good, then ker-splat on the fourth. She's slated to appear in Twilight 3, the first two installments were crap...what if she makes it good? That would be crazy?!!! I think this is a theory worth investigating. The Bryce Dallas Howard theorem is born!

Clint Eastwood apologies to me

Look, Clint, I'm not saying I don't understand why everybody trips balls over your work. I get it, really. I mean, you're old and shit, so everybody in Hollywood knows you from when you were a mediocre actor with only two emotions: seething rage and gruff love. You're beloved by suits because you tend to make blatant Oscar bait that leaves little if any lasting impression (for realsies, when was the last time anyone you know said "You know what I want to watch? Mystic River.") You are lauded with praise even when your movie is racist (seriously, Gran Torino isn't good...it just isn't), and your latest effort has Morgan Freeman playing Nelson Mandela, which is casting so obvious and so destined to be praised that it almost doesn't even need to be filmed to win awards. So, yes, I get that you don't HAVE to do anything that I like in order to be hailed as a cinematic genius, even if that's like considering twinkies to be an elite food because a billion people eat them daily (that's a statistic...it's wrong, but it is a statistic)...but I really appreciate you making an effort by casting Bryce Dallas Howard in your new supernatural thriller, The Hereafter, starring Matt Damon.

Bryce is still the best work of Ron Howard's life, and I'm eager to see her in just about anything that has the potential of not totally sucking. Meanwhile, I wonder if Eastwood will use super ripped Matt Damon or goofy fatty Matt Damon. Either way, he'll win.

Clint, now this doesn't mean we're friends. I'm not going to start endorsing your crap for awards season, but you knew that anyway. Also, I want it on record that every year you age, I get slightly less convinced you could take me in a fight. Right now, I'm about 35% sure I could whip you.

Like ill-prepared Mexican food...WE'RE BACK!

In what I can only assume is the opening salvo in the impending and inevitable war in which the machines kill each and every one of us, The Reader's server went all Hal on us for a few days there and turned this blog into something that was updated as infrequently as Mischa Barton's IMDB page. I wasn't at the office for the resolution, which I assume ended in a standoff with the server on one side of the room and a brave soul holding a blowtorch next to an iPod declaring "Turn it back on or I'll do it, you metal son of a bitch, I'LL DO IT!" Point is, we are back and more Australian than ever. This is what counts as an apology for my absence, I'd send flowers but I'm not a wuss.

As luck, fate, and divine intervention would have it, Thursday is the day that I peek inside my "junk drawer," which is a clever construct in which I hit a bunch of news blurbs of interest all at once. Let's recap all of the fun news that you would have gotten sooner if the R2D2-lookin' compu-asshole hadn't decided to wonk out.

• Some chick from Twilight I've never heard of is not going to continue being in Twilight and is somehow acting as though she wasn't just spared from a firing squad. Her name is Rachel Lefevre (her last name is French for "Favre"), and she looks like this (thanks to Slashfilm.com for the image):
I could walk past her in a grocery store without noticing. Anyhoodle, she was replaced by Bryce Dallas Howard, a much hotter and more well-known actress (and fruit of Opie's loins), in a move summed up by someone on Twitter (I forget who, it was DAYS ago now) who noted that between Spiderman 3, Terminator 4, and Twilight 3, Howard has really earned her high-school reputation of "girl with worst taste in sequels." What makes this story "interesting" (those were sarcasm quotes) is that the lovely redhead above wasn't so much told by Summit that she was being dumped. This is not the first dick move from the studio, who dumped Catherine Hardwicke after her first directorial effort, as though it were her fault that the Twilight series has all the intellectual integrity of a shitty episode of "Dora the Explorer." Every time you think that this franchise can't sink lower, it manages to abase itself further. Next up: Jennifer Love Hewitt is honestly actively seeking a part. I say do it.

• Everyone is peeing their pants over this new Coen Brothers trailer. That includes ol' soggy-pants Ryan
  
• You can't see the Iron Man 2 footage they showed at the San Diego Comic Convention, but you can see a re-enactment that is hilarious.
  
• Not totally geeked for the geek-out-geekfest that is the new Tron movie? Here's the theme for it performed by Daft Punk, who is scoring the film and touring in support of it. Suck some techno, fools.
  
  Tron Legacy Theme by tuxboard
  
  
• Universal is doing The Lorax as a 3D animated feature. It has subtle themes of environmentalism, if you think Kathy Griffen is subtle. I am actually really looking forward to this. They should totally get Al Gore to do the voice.
• Devin at Chud.com like GI: Joe. I have now slid this movie up a notch on my anticipation scale from "Hey what smells so bad? Oh, God, it's what I'm eating!" to "I'm not sure if this hurts or feels good."

That's it for now. I guarantee there was more I missed, but blame the evil machines for me missing it. It feels so good to be back.