Weekend Box Office: I was wrong. Again.

Okay, really? Seriously? You're being serious now? Who went to go see The Expendables with that kind of force? Not only did it achieve the high totals I thought it would miss...it EXCEEDED THEM. It's Stallone's biggest opening EVER. How is this possible? Y'all just have a thing for veiny arms and incomprehensible dialogue? Is this going to open a wave of popularity for Eric Roberts? WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?!?!

On the other side of the coin, I have seen a great wailing and gnashing of teeth about the failure of Scott Pilgrim to set the world ablaze. Um, really? It was based on an INDIE comic book, appeals to a very small window of people (like, nobody older than 45), and was shown a ton of times to that audience already in various screenings. I kind of figured it would fizzle a bit, being that it's not a cross-demographic movie. Inception was too smart to catch on, I feared, but it appealed to every quadrant. Pilgrim just didn't. It would be like expecting Eat Pray Love to win the week, even though it only appeals to about 60% of people out there. You have to start with a wide base. To put it another way, you could make the most transcendent, amazing film about Polka ever, and even though I'll see it and love it because I love movies, it's not going to be a big hit.

Anyway, on to the results, haiku style:

1.) The Expendables - $35 million (Accuracy of prediction - 84%)

Given his hobbies,
of course Stallone's film took some
box office steroids

2.) Eat Pray Love - $23 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

A solid open.
This film will have some great legs.
That sounded sexist.

3.) The Other Guys - $18 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94%)

A good holdover,
on its way to a nice sum.
The credits still suck.

4.) Inception - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 85.5%)

No signs of stopping,
I would never have guessed this.
Nolan wins again!

5.) Scott Pilgrim vs the World - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 62.5%)

Quite disappointing.
I did really like the film,
but it had limits.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 84%

Scott Pilgrim killed me.
I suppose that means I'm now
just a pile of coins.

Okay gang, Happy Monday to ya! Now get out there and be productive...or else!

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Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Alright, as per Friday usual, I'm slow-cooking a review that will post for your consumption of its deliciousness later this afternoon. In the meanwhiles, howsabout we talk a little about how much I think everyone is overpredicting The Expendables. The bad guy is Eric Roberts. Let that sink into your brain noodles a bit: ERIC ROBERTS. I know you've got a bunch of people who collectively represent the finest in steroids and fake face punching, but really, none of these men have had a hit in years (if ever). So...why is it we think that putting all of them together is going to be a massive success? I joked about this film for years (still am), but in reality I don't think the R-rated, dumb-action flick is going to reach in and grab the audience it thinks. I'm calling this (and I'll probably eat crow...or Sly's malformed fist for saying it): I think it's going to underperform. Most places have it in the high 20s or low 30s, I'm saying low to mid 20s tops.

As far as the counter-programming, Eat Pray Love will find its audience. They will be loyal to the order of what Julie and Julia did, delivering numerous weeks of solid performance. It may seem unremarkable but it will do well and I wish it the best because I like Julia Roberts and her teeth. The other new opening is Scott Pilgrim vs the World, which I will have more to say about later. It is unquestionably, undeniably the most over-praised movie I have ever read internet reviews of, with younger online critics pooping their cyber pants over it, calling it a "game changer" or something we'll look back on in a decade as a defining moment. Nope. Inception? Yes. THAT was a game changer. Scott Pilgrim is a fun, hyper-energetic, zeitgeist-grabbing ride that I thoroughly enjoyed and everyone should see. I liked it a lot. But it isn't even the best movie I've seen this summer. Anyway, don't let that dampen your enthusiasm for a film I highly recommend, just be prepared that if you're someone who has read the reviews online, you're not going to have angels massage your shoulders while you watch it.

Here's how I see the box office going this week, haiku style of course:

1.) The Expendables - $24 million

Of all the big names,
the posters leave out one man:
Eric Roberts, bitch.

2.) Eat Pray Love - $21 million

I hope this does well.
My wife just adored the book.
I want her happy.

3.) The Other Guys - $16 million

How is this a hit?
I mean, it's not bad and all,
but it's not a hit.

4.) Scott Pilgrim vs the World - $15.5 million

I'm done with Cera.
His schtick is just grating now.
Even with sword fights.

5.) Inception - $12 million

The end is nearing.
I will miss you so, so much.
I will keep dreaming.

Okay, that's it for now lovers. I'll be back later with some Pilgrim action for your asses.

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Michael Cera will kick your ass

I'm about to be shunned by two groups: (1) people who don't really like or read comics at all, although those people probably don't read this blog with frequency, and (2) people who really love and read comics all the time. I've never read the "Scott Pilgrim" graphic novels. I always meant to, but I'm a lazy bastard with limited financial resources, so it never happened. That said, I have been looking forward to the film adaptation with great enthusiasm, most notably because director Edgar Wright has yet to make a bad movie. Hell, he has yet to make an average movie. The buzz surrounding the film has been somewhat legendary, with well-known directors making it known that they'd totally make sexytime with the movie if it were a person. The biggest thing I heard was that it was "groundbreaking" in its use of playful violence. Well, part of the wait is over...here is the trailer.



Things I loved:

The fake-out "this is another Michael Cera indie-romance-love-movie where hipsters you kind of hate make out."
The smokin' hot Mary Elizabeth Winstead with her inexplicably hot multicolored hair.
The use of comic book words like WHAP that haven't been displayed like this since the original "Batman" television series.
The music, which I believe is new Beck.

Things I'm not so in love with:

Michael Cera. I'm still pissed about Year One. Asshole.
The tone of the acting isn't quite clear yet, but they need to be quite serious and not self-aware. The film will collapse if it's all wink-and-noddy.

I'm excited, I really am. I think it looks like a total blast, but it does not look "revolutionary." This looks like a fun version of Sin City. I don't want it to sound like I'm bagging on it, I'm not. I'll be there opening weekend if only because I love me some Edgar Wright...but as we learned from Avatar, let's not be saying "game changer" when we mean "good movie." It looks good. The teaser teased me appropriately.