Wednesday, September 1, 2010

A programming note and a thought

First, I am busy as a pastor on the night of the living dead. I have no time for love, Dr. Jones, so here's the skinny: I'm off Friday and quite possibly Monday, I'm keepin' it short today, and I'm only half sorry about it. I'm breaking bad enough to win an Emmy that someone else deserved, so pray for me and let this little disappearance slide.

Second, I read this piece at Slashfilm that pointed me to a Gadzooks blog about Chris Nolan's treatment of women. Specifically, he "fridges" them. The term is defined this way:
"Fridge (v): To kill off a female character solely for the purpose of giving the story's main male hero a reason to angst. Coined by Gail Simone in response to a storyline in The Green Lantern in which the hero's girlfriend is killed and literally stuffed in his refrigerator. In 1999, Simone started a website, Women in Refrigerators, that lists all of the comic book women who have been fridged."
First, that awesome image is from Slashfilm and documents the original fridging in question. Second, how f**king depressing is it that we live in a world where this is a term. Without even getting into the depressing aspects of what films do and don't pass the Bechdel Test (the one where two women have to talk about something OTHER than a man in order to "count") or the even-more-depressing statistic that 30% of dialogue goes to women overall across all movies, it is stunning to actually see compiled in one spot what Nolan has done thus far. Before I really get into it, kudos to Gadzooks (and I believe the blogger to be Rachel Marie Mohr) for what was an impressively considered, insanely well researched and written, and perfectly articulated argument that not only merits conversation but far exceeds the trifling crap that 90% of us spend our blogs dealing with (check back later for my Things You Should Buy Me segment!).

My biggest problems are context and motives, one seems to be ignored and the other unfairly assigned. Without walking step by step through every movie and character (see comments above about being busier than a hungry frog on free cricket day), I will take on a few specifics that I think speak to a different fixation with Nolan. We'll get to my conclusion after some evidence.

First, I grant you the death of Rachel Dawes in The Dark Knight was fridging. Plain and simple. I do think it fits in a larger context, but again, that's not going to be evident until the whole pattern is laid out. Although, I grant you, it's going to be hard to ignore the decision to off the ONLY female character established in the whole universe of Batman for dramatic effect.

I'm ignoring Insomnia because it's worth ignoring. The real crime against women is encouraging one to watch that movie. It is worth noting that this was based on another film, and yes you can grant that Nolan was attracted to the work, but it wasn't his concepts.

Now, getting into Memento, I don't feel this was a clear case of fridging the women on the grounds of Carrie Ann Moss's character, who was actually a rather complex figure. You could choose to read her as victim or antagonist, and at no point did I find her trite or extraneous. The two wives referenced also don't fit for me, most notably because at least one of them doesn't exist. Was one of them fridged? Maybe. But the context here was less the "hero's wife or girlfriend being murdered to antagonize the lead" and more "what the hell did he do?" Keep that thought in mind.

Now we're on to The Prestige, a movie in which two women die due to male neglect, one in an accident and the other by suicide. This doesn't look good, but again, consider the aspect of neglect here. It's worth mentioning that Scarlett Johansson got away here. Why? Because she was the one who rejected the males involved for freedom. Interesting.

Now Inception, where Ariadne does not fit with any of these patterns and Mal is far more complex. What do I mean? Well...once again we see a woman who is either victim or villain, which is interesting and COULD be boiled down into the Madonna/whore discussion but that would be a dramatic oversimplification. Whether the film is actually a complex con in which Cobb is dreaming the whole time and thus Mal is "right" is irrelevant as the thing to focus on is that Cobb again is responsible for her death. Neglect. Again.

Okay, so what am I saying? I'm saying that while Nolan does appear to have a very bad obsession with offing his female characters, something I'm not a big fan of, the point doesn't seem to be "fridging" so much as it does to be casting a specter on the men involved. I think it's pretty obvious to draw the conclusion that Nolan is suggesting that these men have failed the women in their lives, that through self-absorption and neglect they have killed them. With Ariadne and Johansson's characters all but saying "get away from these guys," with Memento showing that trusting them will kill you (perhaps twice over), with The Dark Knight proving that they will not "rescue" you, I think the real context here is that Nolan is condemning his male characters more than torturing them for the sake of strife.

Again, this doesn't excuse the fact that he tends to kill them all, and Lord knows I'd sure like to see one of his movies pass the Bechdel Test, let alone perhaps feature a female lead of note, but I don't think he has a "woman problem." I think he has a relationship problem that manifests itself as women dying because men are neglectful, narcissistic bastards. Am I giving him too much credit? Does this absolve him of the other sins? I don't know. I know that his movies are by and large great, but that questions like these, blog posts like Rachel's, and conversations of this nature are absolutely imperative.

Oh, and we need more female writers, directors, and lead characters.

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Monday, August 16, 2010

Weekend Box Office: I was wrong. Again.

Okay, really? Seriously? You're being serious now? Who went to go see The Expendables with that kind of force? Not only did it achieve the high totals I thought it would miss...it EXCEEDED THEM. It's Stallone's biggest opening EVER. How is this possible? Y'all just have a thing for veiny arms and incomprehensible dialogue? Is this going to open a wave of popularity for Eric Roberts? WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?!?!

On the other side of the coin, I have seen a great wailing and gnashing of teeth about the failure of Scott Pilgrim to set the world ablaze. Um, really? It was based on an INDIE comic book, appeals to a very small window of people (like, nobody older than 45), and was shown a ton of times to that audience already in various screenings. I kind of figured it would fizzle a bit, being that it's not a cross-demographic movie. Inception was too smart to catch on, I feared, but it appealed to every quadrant. Pilgrim just didn't. It would be like expecting Eat Pray Love to win the week, even though it only appeals to about 60% of people out there. You have to start with a wide base. To put it another way, you could make the most transcendent, amazing film about Polka ever, and even though I'll see it and love it because I love movies, it's not going to be a big hit.

Anyway, on to the results, haiku style:

1.) The Expendables - $35 million (Accuracy of prediction - 84%)

Given his hobbies,
of course Stallone's film took some
box office steroids

2.) Eat Pray Love - $23 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

A solid open.
This film will have some great legs.
That sounded sexist.

3.) The Other Guys - $18 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94%)

A good holdover,
on its way to a nice sum.
The credits still suck.

4.) Inception - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 85.5%)

No signs of stopping,
I would never have guessed this.
Nolan wins again!

5.) Scott Pilgrim vs the World - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 62.5%)

Quite disappointing.
I did really like the film,
but it had limits.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 84%

Scott Pilgrim killed me.
I suppose that means I'm now
just a pile of coins.

Okay gang, Happy Monday to ya! Now get out there and be productive...or else!

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Friday, August 13, 2010

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Alright, as per Friday usual, I'm slow-cooking a review that will post for your consumption of its deliciousness later this afternoon. In the meanwhiles, howsabout we talk a little about how much I think everyone is overpredicting The Expendables. The bad guy is Eric Roberts. Let that sink into your brain noodles a bit: ERIC ROBERTS. I know you've got a bunch of people who collectively represent the finest in steroids and fake face punching, but really, none of these men have had a hit in years (if ever). So...why is it we think that putting all of them together is going to be a massive success? I joked about this film for years (still am), but in reality I don't think the R-rated, dumb-action flick is going to reach in and grab the audience it thinks. I'm calling this (and I'll probably eat crow...or Sly's malformed fist for saying it): I think it's going to underperform. Most places have it in the high 20s or low 30s, I'm saying low to mid 20s tops.

As far as the counter-programming, Eat Pray Love will find its audience. They will be loyal to the order of what Julie and Julia did, delivering numerous weeks of solid performance. It may seem unremarkable but it will do well and I wish it the best because I like Julia Roberts and her teeth. The other new opening is Scott Pilgrim vs the World, which I will have more to say about later. It is unquestionably, undeniably the most over-praised movie I have ever read internet reviews of, with younger online critics pooping their cyber pants over it, calling it a "game changer" or something we'll look back on in a decade as a defining moment. Nope. Inception? Yes. THAT was a game changer. Scott Pilgrim is a fun, hyper-energetic, zeitgeist-grabbing ride that I thoroughly enjoyed and everyone should see. I liked it a lot. But it isn't even the best movie I've seen this summer. Anyway, don't let that dampen your enthusiasm for a film I highly recommend, just be prepared that if you're someone who has read the reviews online, you're not going to have angels massage your shoulders while you watch it.

Here's how I see the box office going this week, haiku style of course:

1.) The Expendables - $24 million

Of all the big names,
the posters leave out one man:
Eric Roberts, bitch.

2.) Eat Pray Love - $21 million

I hope this does well.
My wife just adored the book.
I want her happy.

3.) The Other Guys - $16 million

How is this a hit?
I mean, it's not bad and all,
but it's not a hit.

4.) Scott Pilgrim vs the World - $15.5 million

I'm done with Cera.
His schtick is just grating now.
Even with sword fights.

5.) Inception - $12 million

The end is nearing.
I will miss you so, so much.
I will keep dreaming.

Okay, that's it for now lovers. I'll be back later with some Pilgrim action for your asses.

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Monday, August 9, 2010

Weekend Box Office Results: This just in, Will Ferrell's career not totally dead

After a few uber bombs and insignificant displays of ineptitude, it looked like Will Ferrell was on the Jim Carrey train to wherever it is we store humans we used to find hilarious until they can reemerge as old people we find hilarious. Hang in there a few more years, Jim, you'll get there. Thankfully, The Other Guys debuted as Ferrell's second biggest opening ever, which is kind of shocking when you think about it. Hopefully this will build some momentum for Anchorman 2, as Ferrell tries to cling to what fame he has left and the studio sees him as more financially viable. In other news, Step Up fell down and Dinner for Schmucks barfed.

Here's the haiku breakdown:

1.) The Other Guys - $35.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89%)

Bigger than I thought,
I don't like that it out grossed
Hot Fuzz already.

2.) Inception - $18.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 86%)

This is just insane.
This could do $300 mil
just domestically!

3.) Step Up 3D - $15 million (Accuracy of prediction - 70%)

I don't get you folks.
It's the same as the last flick,
but it's in 3D!!!

4.) Salt - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 85%)

Another good week,
It is not remarkable,
but a solid job.

5.) Dinner for Schmucks - $10.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 80%)

A rather big drop.
This means word of mouth is bad.
Sorry there, Paul Rudd!

Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 82%

It was an off week.
Summer must be at an end.
I should try harder.

Okay, that's it. You have a great Monday. Hang in there!

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Friday, August 6, 2010

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Woo hoo! If we're doing prediction haikus, we must be at the end of the week's bloggery! Huzzah! This week's box office doesn't really inspire much fanfare, as Inception finally sulks away from number one, albeit with tons more money than most people (including myself) thought was possible. In it's place comes a Will Ferrell comedy. Oh, the days when that used to mean something. If my guess is right, this will have a nice opening weekend and then disappear. If I were Ferrell, I would be INSISTENT upon Anchorman 2. His career needs it more than anyone else's in that film. I mean, Carrell is a bonafide box office draw now after Date Night and Dinner For Schmucks in the same year, Rudd can continue to make mildly funny rom-coms in which he's the straight man to some wacky other character until the cows come home, and Christina Applegate is available...like, really available. So, make that happen. I imagine that almost all of you will be out seeing Step Up 3D this weekend. Feel free to not mention that to me ever. I kid. But really don't tell me about it if you see it, I want to think better of you. Okay, enough already, let's predict!

1.) The Other Guys - $28 million

Will Ferrell was king
or at least the head jester.
Now he makes this stuff.

2.) Step Up 3D - $21 million

Does this way suck less?
If you see 3D booties,
is the movie good?

3.) Inception - $17 million

You keep going, you.
I may squeeze one more screening.
God I love this flick.

4.) Dinner for Schmucks - $12.5 million

They should know better.
Other Guys is targeting
the same demo. Duh.

5.) Salt - $10 million

Quite respectable.
Not particularly great,
but respectable.

WILDCARD - Despicable Me - $9.5 million

A nice little run.
Actually, not so little.
$200 million!

Okay, that's it for today. Be good. Be productive. Be lazy this weekend!

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Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Was Inception a heist?

I'm in a bad mood today, so be warned. The normal snarkiness and smirkitude presented here has given way to a semi-serious "don't mess with me" tone. That's really not the tone with which to present a story like this, so it's sure going to seem like I'm more invested in this than I really am. First, read this:
Substitute a fancy device that looks like a heroin-dispensing octopus in a briefcase, swap out the "beagles" for Eaves, Ariadne, and Arthur, exchange Donald for Cobb, replace Scrooge with Fischer...you see what we're saying here? Yes, Christopher Nolan stole the general idea for the most original, creative American mainstream film in decades from a Scrooge McDuck comic strip from 2004.

Obviously, this is not true. There's no world in which this was the inspiration for or had anything to do with Inception. It's more of a fascinating example how the same idea can be present in multiple places. For example, my friend and I were once discussing an idea for a comic book that involved some other plane of reality. The easiest way for him to explain his idea to me was that the entire world in question disappeared every time we turned to look at it, that it was constantly "just over your left shoulder." That was the same phrase used to describe "Midnight Nation," a comic about someone who slips through into a world "over your left shoulder." That's weird, right? There's a bunch of those things out there, and I hope that nobody actually tries to link a hand-drawn duck gag about dream invasion (which has had MANY, MANY stories written about it) to something awesome like Inception. I hope they just laugh at it because it's funny.

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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

X-Men: Third pass?

Still a slow news week, so everybody who is rabidly grabbing on to this story (like me) is only doing so to mate two popular themes lately: X-Men and Inception. I haven't been posting casting updates for the new X-Men First Class movie, mostly because there are like 1000 young actors in it that you've never really heard of.
So, just go ahead and assume a bunch of young, hard-bodied, nubile actors and actresses are going to appear in various costumes and skin-revealing circumstances. Now, as far as this bit of news, it's a tiny one: The LA Times is reporting that director Matthew Vaughn (Kick-Ass) saw Inception over the weekend, went home, and promptly ditched 12 pages of script that featured a zero-G style fight that would be too easily compared with the Christopher Nolan masterpiece. Well, good. I mean, I've heard that this script has been passed around like an 8th grade beer, but who cares? The question is, can they get it right? True, the more times a script gets worked, the more it usually feels disjointed and whatnot, but why not try getting it correct? It's not like this is some delicate piece of Renaissance art here. This is a comic-book adaptation. So long as it feels right at the end of the day, I'm fine with it. So there's your non-news news of the day. What? I could have gone with YET ANOTHER "is Catwoman in Batman 3" story. For the record, I'm saying if she is, we're going to see Marion Cotillard in that role. I could die that's such a good idea.

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Monday, August 2, 2010

Weekend Box Office Results: Inception, Inception, Inception

It's Inception's world, we're just living in it. I'm not even getting sick of saying this: the film is just dominating right now. It's going to clear $200 million domestic today, has taken in something like $150 in the rest of the world, and has a strong shot at $300 million domestic and a cumulative total of somewhere in the neighborhood of $500 million. For an original movie that is complex, sophisticated, and intelligent. I wanna cry. In other news, everything else went pretty much exactly to plan. You'll see below. This is the last post of the day for me, so back atcha tomorrow y'all.

Here's the haikus:

1.) Inception - $27.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 99%)

This is like a dream,
another week in first place.
Keep it going, gang!

2.) Dinner for Schmucks - $23.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

A solid debut
for something run-of-the-mill.
No harm and no foul.

3.) Salt - $19 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

An impressive hold.
Not too shabby, Miss Angie.
Now, go eat something.

4.) Despicable Me - $15.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 88%)

No signs of slowing,
for this inexplicable
semi-juggernaut.

5.) Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore - $12.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 72%)

On the positive,
this should be gone really soon,
and it beat Efron.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 90.5%

As always, not bad.
Who knows what I could have done,
if I had tried hard.

Okay, happy Monday gang!

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Friday, July 30, 2010

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Hey beautiful blog puppeteers. You really pull my strings, you know that? I've crossed my needed payment threshold early because of you sweet, sweet ad clicking nuggets of joy. Combine that with this being a Friday, a payday Friday at that, and the fact that it's poised to be a very productive finish to the week for me, and you get the rarest of all sightings: A Ryan Syrek good mood. Howsabout them apples? Oh, sure, I'm tired, but I'm also about to predict that Inception will hold over for the third week as number one. I don't think I have ever been more proud of the American movie-going public as I have been these past few weeks. You're talking about Inception, analyzing it, recommending it, seeing it twice...and it's paying off. I promise you that right now, between this and District 9, studios are suddenly looking for the right combination of artistry and originality instead of only looking for remakes. Oh, they'll still do those like crazy, but this really has ushered in a huge change I think. I love you all so much. I'm about to make some predictions and then peace out on y'all since it's Friday and you have better things to do.

Here are the haikus for this week:

1.) Inception - $28 million

This has brought me joy.
Box office domination
is finally sweet.

2.) Dinner for Schmucks - $25 million

I love you, Paul Rudd.
And I don't care who knows it.
No one tell Abbie.

3.) Salt - $18 million

This should hold quite well.
I should say it will "preserve."
Tell me you get that.

4.) Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore - $17 million

This isn't real, right?
I am imagining this.
This should not exist.

5.) Despicable Me - $15 million

Despicable what?
This thing just keeps making cash.
Have respect for that.

WILDCARD - Charlie St. Cloud - $15 million

Dead kids are freaky.
They are almost as creepy
as pale Zack Efron.

Okay, that's it gang, have a slam-bang weekend for me, okay?

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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Hey, have I mentioned this great movie called Inception?

Like a burrito that cost only a quarter and GOP hypocrisy, Inception is the film that never stops giving. I love it more than most actual human beings at this point, although, to be fair, I'm kind of an unpleasant fellow. We have two Inception-related pieces of business to attend to. The first is but a little treat, a savory after-dinner mint on your pillow. I actually think the degree to which the film was "complicated" is overblown by a large degree. That, or a lot of stupid people stepped up to the plate, as I really haven't heard of that many people who "didn't get it." The complexity is the best sort, in that you can enjoy it while having a head mostly filled with used napkins or you can dive in so deep that every background extra with no lines of spoken dialogue has some measure of meaning. I prefer the latter, obviously, but even with that mentality I can appreciate the cool beauty of this infographic designed to help people befuddled by the interweaving planes of reality and time bending.
Pretty sweet, huh? It's like a pyramid of the food groups, only every one of them is delicious (take that vegetables). See, that's a cute, sweet little diversion. That's an "oh that's nice" treat for us Inception-eers. The next one...the next one may just change everything. I mean that. Watch.



On the surface, this is another "oh, that's cool." But for those of us who are attempting to earn a PhD from Dr. Christopher Nolan, whether he sends us a certificate or files a restraining order has yet to be seen, this is perhaps the holy grail of clues. Why? Consider that the music played, "Non je ne regrette nien," is the signal for "the kick." Okay, that's great, what does sampling a slowed down version mean? Well...time works slower the deeper down the rabbit hole you go, we know that. What I'm asking is...is this a slight tip of the cap, a wink that suggests that Cobb is in Limbo still? That he's so far down, so deep inside of a dream inside of a dream inside of a dream that the music is slowed to the point of a crawl? Oh, I'm sorry, did I JUST BLOW YOUR FRIGGIN' MIND?!?! I realize this could be incidental, that it could mean nothing or be just a cool little thingie they did for funsies. That's possible. What I love about truly exceptional works of art is that you can find and argue for meaning everywhere. Tell me this isn't a pinnacle of modern mainstream movies and I'll slap you upside the face hole with a live salmon.

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Monday, July 26, 2010

Weekend Box Office: Wowza did you like Inception

I'm so happy right now that if I sneezed, I would blow out a double rainbow (yes, I'm still making that reference). The normal drop-off percentage from a big opening weekend (and anything over $40 million is big) is somewhere around 50-55%. If you manage less than 50%, you get a shiny gold star. If you manage less than 40%, you are given your choice of firstborn children to steal from the studio executives that made the movie. If you manage 30.7%, you instill within me the belief that America is a great nation capable of embracing great movies. Inception fell to a range that would have been near acceptable for an OPENING weekend. Suddenly, the $150 million "gamble" doesn't seem to be that much of a gamble at all, as the film will likely roar past $200 million domestically quite easily. Not too shabby for a big-budget art film. Also of note, Angelina Jolie's perfectly acceptable action film, Salt, posted a really nice weekend. It's a female-driven action film, so it's really nice to see a box office turnout for it. Here's how the rest of the stuff shook out, haiku style:

1.) Inception - $43.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

This is such great news.
America gets an "A."
I like you today!

2.) Salt - $36.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 91%)

Nothing to sneeze at.
This total is really nice.
I smell a sequel.

3.) Despicable Me - $24 million (Accuracy of prediction - 87.5%)

This is hanging well.
And that has little to do
with the damn 3D.

4.) The Sorcerer's Apprentice - $9.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 82%)

Well, the bleeding stopped.
But the damage has been done,
Nic Cage is over.

5.) Toy Story 3 - $9 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89%)

$400 million
Now seems rather likely here.
That's no kid-sized haul.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 89%

A great weekend, gang.
Big box office chosen well.
Now, remember this.

Okay, that's it for now. Have a great Monday!

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Friday, July 23, 2010

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

As you know by now, I'm praying with every fiber of faith that Inception will retain its hold over humanity and continue pummeling the box office like a prize fighter in his prime. Help the film do that. See it if you haven't and see it again if you have. That's an order soldier. I'll be back later with a review of Salt, but the basics of that are this: If you wanna see it, that's cool. You'll think it's okay. It is. It's not great, but it's okay enough. That's my in-depth analysis at this point, it's all I have to give on this Friday. Now, quickly, to the haikus before I tire completely.

1.) Inception - $40 million

I know this is high,
but so are my hopes and my dreams.
Make this a huge hit!!!!

2.) Salt - $30 million

Angie kicks some ass,
but let's just be honest here,
hers is too skinny.

3.) Despicable Me - $18 million

Still the best option
for families that have seen
Toy Story enough.

4.) Ramona and Beezus - $8 million

I remember this!
I read some Ramona books!
I'm still a tough guy!!!!

5.) The Sorcerer's Apprentice - $8 million

Poor Nicholas Cage
dressing up like he did here,
only for a flop.

WILDCARD: Toy Story 3 - $7.5 million

All things someday end.
This is the end of the road
for a great movie!

Okay, that's it for now. Back with a review later. Must run!

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Monday, July 19, 2010

Weekend Box Office Results: A good start...

Okay, nicely played. Inception is Leo's biggest opening weekend ever, it's one of the top weekends ever for an original movie, and it picked up business over the weekend (it didn't peak opening day). That's all well and good. Now, you're going to have to go see it multiple times, tell your friends and family to see it, and generally promote it like hell. Why? Because it's the easiest way to make sure that we're going to see more stuff like it. Just like the success of District 9 has lead to a slew of short-film directors getting their work optioned for movies, the success of Inception will allow for more artists to be given bigger canvases. It's in your hands, folks. Now, let's take a look at what I done this weekend.

Here's the box office results, haiku style:

1.) Inception - $60 million (Accuracy of prediction - 87.5%)

Not too bad so far
but we all can do better.
Let's keep it up, folks.

2.) Despicable Me - $32 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95%)

A super-big hit,
this cost just $70 million.
It has doubled that.

3.) The Sorcerer's Apprentice - $17.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 93%)

Nice try, Nicholas,
but we are done with this crap.
You too, Bruckheimer.

4.) Twilight Eclipse - $13.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94.5%)

It is almost gone.
There is no better feeling,
than Twilight's absence.

5.) Toy Story 3 - $12 million (Accuracy of prediction - 87.5%)

$400 million
is a possibility.
Not too shabby, toys.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 91.5%

I love the summer.
Not for the warmer weather,
I just score better.

Okay, that's it for today. Have a great Monday, y'all.



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Friday, July 16, 2010

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

This weekend, I am begging you to make Inception a big, fat, nasty hit. I mean like really freak the studios out with how much you are willing to spend to see an original, unique American movie that is totally inspired and thrilling. Buy tickets for friends, see it 7 times in a row, set records for this thing so that everyone realizes we can and will support the crap out of good, quality material. I could give a wet sparrow fart if you choose to see The Sorcerer's Apprentice but BY GOD get thee to Inception so many times that your wallet hurts from opening it too often.

Now, onto my predictions for Inception's success. Here's how I see the box office, haiku style.

1.) Inception - $75 million

This number is huge
for what is an art movie
disguised as action.

2.) Despicable Me - $35 million

People love this flick,
mostly for the yellow dudes.
That's just fine by me.

3.) The Sorcerer's Apprentice - $20 million

This is in trouble.
They are giving FREE tickets.
That is not a joke.

4.) Twilight: Eclipse - $15 million

Hey, stupid vampires,
you can't hang in the summer.
Now, leave my top 5.

5.) Toy Story 3 - $15 million

I still love Pixar,
no matter what others say.
A damn fine sequel.

WILDCARD - Predators - $14 million

It looks like a flop,
but thanks to a small budget,
it really isn't.

Okay, that's it. I'll be back later with an Inception review to knock your socks off of your ass. Wait...

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