Weekend Box Office Results: Alice can (wonder) land in hell...

Okay, how long is this going to keep going? The success of Alice in Wonderland has officially made me root for How to Train Your Dragon to win next week. How do you think that makes me feel? I want the derivative Dreamworks 3D animated movie to topple the derivative Disney 3D movie. This is like choosing to date one gal above another because "she has more teeth." The only other news of note this box office day is that Diary of a Wimpy Kid overperformed. It's not really news that Repo Men underperformed (because that shit is weeeeeiiirrd). This weekend didn't really warrant any further reaction than this. I shall move on.

Here's the weekend results, haiku style:

1.) Alice in Wonderland - $34.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95%)

If I were Burton,
I'd just use the same haiku
I already wrote.

2.) Diary of a Wimpy Kid - $21.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 75.5%)

Not a bad first week,
for a film I thought was dead.
It may get sequels.

3.) The Bounty Hunter - $21 million (Accuracy of prediction - 80%)

We'll forget this one
in a very short time frame.
Like right about now.

4.) Repo Men - $6 million (Accuracy of prediction - 67%)

Jude Law flops again
Why is it he's still famous?
His time may be done.

5.) She's Out of My League - $6 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

Nothing left to say
This doesn't warrant more talk.
Um, I got nothing.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 83.5%

Yet another "B."
I suppose that's not too bad.
But no honor roll.

Okay gang, that's it for me. Happy Monday. Stay positive for the week ahead!

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

If the adage in real estate is "location, location, location," the adage for movies is "scheduling, scheduling, scheduling." Nothing is positioned to compete against Alice in Wonderland. Now, the rationale from the other studios is "boy howdy, look at all the money that movie is making, I'm glad we didn't open anything against it!" What they don't realize is that it's making that much money because they didn't open anything against it. In a move akin to Pepsi saying "you know, a lot of people are buying Coke, so why don't we just wait until they're done spending money on that," Hollywood often confuses wisely avoiding the first or second weekend of a big film with stupidly abandoning a whole month. What's happening right now with Alice is positive to me in one way and one way only: It's making Summer-type money in the first three weeks of March. As I've said before, if you release something people want to see, even if it's off-season, even if other things are in the theater, people will go see it. In this case, I wish people didn't want to go see Alice, but you get the idea. That's my very topical box office rant. I now return you to your predictions:

Here's how I see the weekend, haiku style:

1.) Alice in Wonderland - $38 million

Lessons can't be learned
by T. Burton and J. Depp
with this much success.

2.) The Bounty Hunter - $17 million

This looks like a turd.
Aniston's career is crap.
Hmm..."Friends" reunion?

3.) Diary of a Wimpy Kid - $15 million

The books are well known,
but the movie has no hype.
That does not bode well.

4.) Repo Men - $10 million

Jude Law has talent
but is kind of a creeper.
That won't help him here.

5.) Green Zone - $7 million

More Iraq War flop...
People would rather forget
how bad we effed up.

WILDCARD - She's Out of My League
- $6 million
Forgive me for this:
She's Out of My League...and this
is out of my list

Weekend Box Office Results: Stop seeing the bad movie, please

I know there isn't much else out there and that you feel that you MUST now see every major 3D release (including the soon-to-be-released Kraken), but you can stop seeing Alice in Wonderland any day now. Seriously, it's not good. You don't HAVE to go do that to yourself. You can just not see something that sucks. Nobody will be mad at you. I realize this probably won't matter, as 99% of America has already seen the damn thing, but howsabout we agree not to see it twice. Can we do that? Okay, good.

Here's the weekend results, haiku style:

1.) Alice in Wonderland - $62 million (Accuracy of prediction - 93.5%)

Tim Burton you suck
This success just makes me mad.
But nobody cares.

2.) Green Zone - $14.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 74%)

Iraq War don't sell.
We try to forget it's real.
I think that's just dumb.

3.) She's out of my League - $9.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 71.5%)

A soft opening
But it's kind of expected.
This is not a hit.

4.) Remember Me - $8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 52.5%)

Robert Pattenson
Your fame may just be fading
it's in its...twilight

5.) Shutter Island - $8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

One Hundred Million!
Just the third time for Marty.
This makes me happy.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 78%

Back down to "C" grade.
I blame Tim Burton for this
Because, well, why not?

Okay, that's it for Monday. Go be productive.

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

This is a special week. Why? Because it is the first Avatar-free week since...OH DAMMIT. Who let Robert Pattinson in here? Oh, and we still have the nut punch that is Alice in Wonderland on the list. You know what? I was all set to be excited for this changing of the guard, this turning over of a happy leaf. But no, Hollywood has to go and ruin it for me. Jerks.

I guess there's nothing left to do but make haikus happen. Here's how I see the suddenly not quite as cool weekend.

1.) Alice in Wonderland - $54 million

When it comes to "holes,"
the rabbit has a big hole
as does Depp's career.

2.) Green Zone - $22 million

Damon is a star,
but the shaky-cam action
still makes people puke.

3.) Remember Me - $14 million

Tell people the end,
just to see their reaction.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

4.) She's Out of My League - $13 million

Non-Apatow flick
That LOOKS like Apatow flicks.
Will this ruse still work?

5.) Shutter Island - $8 million

This had a great run,
Marty's budgets just increased.
Give him what he wants.

WILDCARD - Our Family Wedding - $8 million

Never heard of it
Seriously, not one time.
I don't think that's good.

Okay guys, that's my predictions for the week!