Weekend Box Office Results: 'Tis Better to Suck in 3D

Ah, the power of 3D. I love how horror movies are acting like this is something new, like Jaws 3D never existed. How dare you forget Jaws 3D? That movie changed the world, dammit. Anyhoodle, here's the horror-flavored sloppy seconds that was the first non-summer weekend.

Here are the (haiku-d) results:

1.) The Final Destination - $28 million (Accuracy of prediction - 93%)

3D glasses rule
Remind me of Max Headroom.
I miss the 80s.

2.) Inglourious Basterds - $20 million (Accuracy of prediction - 84%)

QT saves the day!
The Weinstein Company lives!
Is that a good thing?

3.) Halloween II - $17.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 78%)

Bye bye Rob Zombie.
Your mainstream days are over.
I will not miss you.

4.) District 9 - $10.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 98%)

I will own this film.
I can't wait for the extras.
I want more right now!

5.) GI Joe: Rise of Cobra - $8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 91%)

So far, just boys toys.
Live-action Rainbow Brite time?
It's only fair now.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 89%

If I keep this up.
It may look like I'm not dumb.
But you know better.

That's it. Happy Monday gang!

Weekend Box Office Results: Beautiful Basterds

I nearly forgot that today necessitates haikus and recappage (which is like re-cabbage, which tastes just awful). It was a good weekend for the Weinstein company, who get to keep making crappy movies thanks to one good one. They hadn't had a movie that grossed more than $35 million total or opened number 1 in more than a year. They achieved both of those in one weekend thanks to Brad Pitt's desire for Nazi flesh. Let's take a peek at how things went.

Here are the results, haiku style:

1.) Inglourious Basterds - $37.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 84%)

Overachieving.
Not Tarantino's forte.
Good job you bastard.

2.) District 9 - $19 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

100 million
is all but guaranteed now.
An Oscar nod next?

3.) GI Joe: Rise of Cobra - $12.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 92%)

Big worldwide grosses
means we're in for more of Joe.
I demand Shipwreck.

4.) The Time Traveler's Wife - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

It's not quite a flop
but not quite a hit either.
Mmm, mediocre.

5.) (WILDCARD) Julie and Julia - $9 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94%)

Four weeks is too long
My material ran out.
Time for new movies.

Overall accuracy of predictions - 94%

An all-time record!
How do you like them apples.
God bless the Wild Card!

That's it. Happy Monday movie lovers.

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Smart money this week is on some serious Nazi killin', but there's also some stiff competition from shrimp-lookin' aliens. How great is it that we live in a world where that's our choices! Good stuff out in theaters right now people, which means that you should be out there livin' it up. Otherwise, you may end up finding yourself in September, looking around at all the total dogshithaircut movies that are out there and wondering why you waited to get to the theater. Don't be a sucka, go see some block-bustas.

Here's how I see it (haiku style), as per usual:

1.) Inglorious Basterds - $25 million

Hey, Tarantino!
That's not how you spell Bastards.
But who really cares.

2.) District 9 - $19 million

A runaway hit!
A sequel now seems likely.
This makes me happy.

3.) GI Joe: Rise of Cobra - $10.5 million

It would have been cool
if they kept the gay sailor
given the title.

4.) The Time Traveler's Wife - $10 million

This does just OK
and gets a TV spinoff?
That does not make sense.

5.) Shorts - $9.5 million

Rodriguez loves kids
almost as much as violence.
Do not combine those.

WILDCARD - Julie and Julia - $8 million

This just keeps cookin'.
Get it? It's about baking!
Sometimes I'm stupid.

Okay, that's the new content for the week gang. Happy Friday to ya!

Box Office Results: I always get hurt by guinea pigs in the end...wait

On the plus side...WOOO HA did District 9 nail it! I saw most projections coming in at the $27-30 million range, and those projections were happy ones! I mean, this thing had a $30 million budget and now has a CLEAR shot at the $100 million club, especially given the word of mouth around it and the fact that there is very little coming to challenge it (maybe Inglorious Basterds but it isn't a serious or long-term threat). So, for that, thanks, America! Also worth noting, Rachel McAdams should be in more movies. She stars in an obvious clunker that sat on the shelf FOREVER and still makes nearly $20 million opening weekend...imagine what would happen if you gave her a good movie. Make note, studios, when you say "I wonder if Cameron Diaz or Charlize Theron is available" you scratch that note out and make one that says HIRE RACHEL McADAMS! Finally, the one negative of the week, the GD guinea pigs ruined my good run. All good things come to an end, and once more I have guinea pigs in mine...wait...

Here are the results (haiku lovin'):

1.) District 9 - $37 million (Accuracy of prediction - 93%)

Holy crap! I'm shocked!
A GREAT movie did huge bank!
This cannot be right.

2.) GI Joe: Rise of Cobra - $22.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

Cobra had less rise,
it couldn't hop to the top.
They have pills for that.

3.) The Time Traveler's Wife - $19 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

Oh, Miss McAdams.
The depths to which I love thee.
...not enough to watch.

4.) Julie and Julia - $12 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

Smells like a winner.
Also, kind of smells like fish.
Maybe it's just me.

5.) G-Force - $7 million (Accuracy of prediction - 0%)

Thanks again you pigs.
Rodents haven't been this mean
since Richard Gere's day.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 77%

It just gets harder,
summer box office is fun.
The fall makes me cry.

That's it gang, go back about your Monday business.

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Hey, you. Yeah, you! I need you to see District 9 this weekend. Oh, come on, what have you done for me lately? Oh, yeah, sure...that...but still, I think you owe me. Look, this isn't just for me, okay, it's for you. I'm trying to help YOU here. Oh, don't be like that, baby. You know that I love you! I want this for both of us, so that we can collectively share in the glory. This is going to bring us closer together, I can feel it. Sounds good? Okay, I'm also going to need you to bring a bunch of your friends as well. WHAT?! I said YOUR friends, I thought you'd be excited! No, it won't be weird, it will be awesome. There will be like 10 of us just yelling and cheering and crying. Oh, God, and when that one thing happens, I think everybody will be sick. Hey, where are you going? I hope to District 9!

Here's how I see the box office (requisite Haiku style, bitches):

1.) District 9 - $32 million

Grown-up sci fi RULES!
I can't wait to go again!
EXCLAMATION POINT!

2.) GI Joe: Rise of Cobra - $21 million

People split on this.
Some say it is goofy fun.
Others say it sucks.

3.) The Time Traveler's Wife - $18 million

I love you, Rachel.
It's okay, my wife does too.
Is that weird for you?

4.) Julie and Julia - $13 million

Poor Amy Adams.
She's stuck with the boring half.
Damn you to hell, Streep!

5.) Bandslam - $8 million

This is Twilight's fault.
The new trailer is attached.
So it will make bank.

WILDCARD - The Goods - $7 million

Piven is the lead.
Piven can't lead worth a shit.
Yeah, I just said that.

Okay, that's it gang. Have a great weekend!