Weekend Box Office Roundup: Tyler Perry is un-flippin-stoppable

Don't try to resist Tyler Perry, it will only hurt more. This week's box office was unremarkable and unsurprising, as most people were home watching the NFL. Like I did. Only to have my team rip out my heart and poop on it. Thanks, Chicago Bears for once more reminding me of the futility of hope and the impossibility that any of my dreams will come true. Happy Monday!

Here are the box office results, haiku style:

1.) Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself - $24 million (Accuracy of prediction - 93.75%)

Oh, Tyler Perry,
is there nothing you can't do?
Your touch is Midas.

2.) 9 - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 83%)

Not quite terrible,
but it wasn't great either.
Mediocrity!

3.) Inglourious Basterds - $6.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 71.5%)

The Weinsteins are glad
they don't have to sell their stuff.
They owe the nazis?

4.) All About Steve - $5.8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 0%)

Thanks a lot for this.
This total screwed my whole week.
Damn Sandra Bullock!

5.) The Final Destination -$5.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 82%)

Please, no more of this.
I have nothing funny left.
Just go. Please, just go.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 66%

What a sad result.
I expect this from Perry.
But not from Sandra.

Happy Monday y'all!

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

I'm not going to mess around with this introduction. I'm too tired, and y'all know the drill by now.

Here's the box office predictions, haiku style:

1.) Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself - $27 million

I am always wrong
when it comes to Perry's films.
So, just ignore this.

2.) Sorority Row - $12 million

The chick from "The Hills?"
The spawn of Moore and Willis?
What the hell is this?

3.) Nine - $9.5 million

Too scary for kids.
Too cartoony for adults.
It is a tweener.

4.) Whiteout - $9 million

Oh, Kate Beckinsale.
So pretty...such bad acting.
You're no Kate Winslet.

5.) Inglourious Basterds - $7.5 million

I have nothing left.
You only get 5 haikus.
After that, I suck.

WILDCARD - The Final Destination - $7 million

Not to be too gross,
But horror in 3D sells...
I think porn is next.

That's it gang. Have a great weekend. Watch some football. Go Huskers, Wolverines, and (most importantly) DA BEARS!!!

Weekend Box Office Results: Labor Day? More like Stupid Day. I didn't mean that.

Well, I was pretty far off in the actual rankings but not too far off in the dollar amounts, but what really matters is that people are still referring to this as the LAST Final Destination movie (even though we all know it won't be) and football is back baby (I can't breathe I'm so excited). So without further ado, here's your haiku recap that is posted on Tuesday but smells like Monday.

4-DAY Labor Day Weekend Totals:

1.) The Final Destination - $15.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 77%)

Congrats on the win.
I suppose something had to.
Now, BE GONE dammit.

2.) Inglourious Basterds - $15 million (Accuracy of prediction - 83%)

No more Nazi jokes.
I'm totally out of them.
I still hate them, though.

3.) All About Steve - $14 million (Accuracy of prediction - 87%)

Poor Sandra Bullock.
They dressed her up like a whore.
Wait, SHE produced this?

4.) Gamer - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 51%)

Oh, Gerard Butler.
It looks like you're not famous.
Who would have guessed it?

5.) District 9 - $9 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94%)

I'm going to miss you
You were my favorite so far.
I'll see you real soon.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 78%

Barely pulled a "C"
But it's not that big a deal.
I don't think you care.

That's it. Let's have a good short week everybody.

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Short day today, most people are taking a long weekend, so I'm keeping the blog nice and short today and we'll be off on Monday. Don't cry, just go outside and play.

Here are the weekend's box office predictions (we're doing the full four-day weekend from Friday through Monday because I'm not a big ole girl) haiku style:

1.) Gamer - $15.5 million

This looks like horse shit.
It can't possibly do well.
I mean, it cant...right?

2.) All About Steve - $15 million

Sandra and Bradley
You both had a good summer
Until now, that is.

3.) The Final Destination - $14.5 million

Someone I just met
thought I recommended this.
Could you imagine?

4.) Inglourious Basterds - $13 million

What a nice total.
Could be QT's best finish.
We all hate Nazis.

5.) District 9 - $8 million

I'm out of kind words.
Good job to all involved.
I can't wait for more.

WILDCARD - Extract - $7 million

Wow, Milla Kunis
She looks hot, movie looks good.
Sounds like a winner.

That's it, gang. I may or may not post again with new material today, probably just a wrap-up. Like I said, I'm tapped and the week has been soooooo slooooow. So, enjoy the weekend, grill something, drink something, and whatno

Weekend Box Office Results: 'Tis Better to Suck in 3D

Ah, the power of 3D. I love how horror movies are acting like this is something new, like Jaws 3D never existed. How dare you forget Jaws 3D? That movie changed the world, dammit. Anyhoodle, here's the horror-flavored sloppy seconds that was the first non-summer weekend.

Here are the (haiku-d) results:

1.) The Final Destination - $28 million (Accuracy of prediction - 93%)

3D glasses rule
Remind me of Max Headroom.
I miss the 80s.

2.) Inglourious Basterds - $20 million (Accuracy of prediction - 84%)

QT saves the day!
The Weinstein Company lives!
Is that a good thing?

3.) Halloween II - $17.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 78%)

Bye bye Rob Zombie.
Your mainstream days are over.
I will not miss you.

4.) District 9 - $10.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 98%)

I will own this film.
I can't wait for the extras.
I want more right now!

5.) GI Joe: Rise of Cobra - $8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 91%)

So far, just boys toys.
Live-action Rainbow Brite time?
It's only fair now.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 89%

If I keep this up.
It may look like I'm not dumb.
But you know better.

That's it. Happy Monday gang!