Weekend box office results: Harry finally beats hairy

I could dress this up or I could be honest. I'll take your inability to respond in any way as a call for honesty: This week was boring with a capital PBS. I mean, seriously, the top grossing film in the last week of July made $23 million all weekend, which is what Transformers 2 made before the opening credits played once. I really hope that Hollywood is taking notice: Following the cool kids to the front of the summer line means there isn't enough food to go around, you dig? SPREAD. YOUR. RELEASES. OUT. Dingbats.

Here's the weekend results (haiku style):

1.) Funny People - $23 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89%)

Poor, Adam Sandler.
This year will break his hot streak.
Thank the Lord, Jesus.

2.) Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - $17.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 84%)

Harry beat the pigs!
By the power of IMAX.
It's a potent spell.

3.) G-Force - $17 million (Accuracy of prediction - 78%)

The pigs should be proud...
Actually they shouldn't be.
Sigh, but such is life.

4.) The Ugly Truth - $13 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)

Heigl is a diva,
so says all of the reports.
I just don't know how.

5.) Aliens in the Attic - $7.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 60%)

Well, this one is dead.
Sayonara Miss Tisdale.
We hardly knew ye.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 80%

I got a low "B."
But that is just fine with me.
I can do much worse.

Happy Monday gang!

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

I know you were all worried earlier in the week that the blog down-ness was going to prevent you from getting your Haiku on. No way. Nothing can stop me from droppin' some ancient Asian poetic form on your face every Friday, and that's a promise (more like a luke-warm suggestion, really). This week is another odd one, as Hollywood seems to have fired both barrels of their blockbuster gun before Summer is even officially half over (premature cinematic release, really).

Here's how I see this weekend (haiku style):

1.) Funny People - $28 million

Sandler is worried,
his $100 million film streak
may come to an end!

2.) G-Force - $21 million

Guinea pigs are good.
But guinea pigs in 3D?
Now that's just divine.

3.) Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - $15.5 million

Buck up, young Harry.
Transformers wins the U.S.
But you're tops elsewhere!

4.) Aliens in the Attic - $14 million

Wants to be Gremlins,
but is nowhere near Gremlins.
Suck on that, Tisdale.

5.) The Ugly Truth - $13 million

Heigl is on my list.
And I don't mean the good list.
I mean the bad one.

I don't even need a wildcard this week, I feel that good about things. I'm going to regret that.

Happy Friday, gang!

Weekend Box Office Results: Harry Potter takes a guinea pig in the rump

What's more embarrassing: (A) that Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince couldn't top a guinea pig movie in its second weekend or (B) that America loves guinea pigs voiced by Owen Wilson? I'm going with the latter. I hope America is ready for 7 more direct-to-video spy-based guinea pig movies, and I also hope America is proud that they hurt Harry's feelings. What a bunch of pig-obsessed bullies we are. I only hope this means that, next year, we aren't all shocked when the second week of Iron Man 2 is thwarted by the new movie Action Frogs: Frogs Who Love Action.

Here are the results (haiku style):

1.) G-Force - $32 million (Accuracy of prediction - 79%)

Don't doubt the rodents.
They may be quite disgusting,
so is Kevin James.

2.) Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - $30 million (Accuracy of prediction - 87%)

Voldemort aside,
Harry's biggest foe is us!
We prefer rodents.

3.) The Ugly Truth - $27 million (Accuracy of prediction- 91%)

Now Hiegl's a star.
Sandra Bullock is one too.
I smell a team-up.

4.) Orphan - $13 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

Blink and you'll miss it,
this movie will be gone soon.
Like it never was.

5.) Ice Age 3 - $8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 82%)

Nothing left to say.
Let's talk about something else.
I like burritos.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 87%

Respectable week.
Nothing to write home about.
Happy Monday gang!

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

I'll be in Chi-town this weekend, watching my beloved Cubbies try to surge into first in the NL Central. This means I'll be so blotched by the second inning that I'll make out with the mascot. Since I'm in this wonderful mood, I'm going to give you a limerick introduction to my haiku predictions (I'm that rhythmic).

New movies this week are craptastic,
quite possibly written by spastics.
But I'll guess their take,
and if mistakes I do make,
I may have to do something drastic.

Here's how I see it (haiku style):

1.) Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - $32 million

Harry gets older,
and his movies get wiser.
Sounds like a win/win.

2.) G-Force - $25 million

This flick might just win.
Mostly because of 3D...
and rodent lovers.

3.) The Ugly Truth - $22 million

Could not care any less...
and Heigl has baby teeth.
This one won't last long.

4.) Orphan - $12 million

Creepy kids scare me,
that is not an endorsement.
Please do not see this.

5.) Ice Age 3 - $11 million

Next week it's all over.
I won't mention this again.
Make room for more crap.

WILDCARD: Transformers 2 - $9 million

Please, please go away.
How I hate you Michael Bay.
That would make my day.

Happy Weekend. Go Cubbies.