Weekend Box Office Results: Earth and box office destroyed

Wow. I knew that people loved disaster effects, but I had NO IDEA they loved them this much. I think that 2012's success is also a sign that there hadn't been anything to energize the box office in quite awhile. Oh, sure, there was Paranormal Activity, but horror is a niche genre. I'm just saying, at some point studios are going to at least try dropping a big movie in, say, the middle of October. Mark my words. Anyway, you didn't come here for idle conjecture, you came here for Haikus. Let's do it.

Here are the results:

1.) 2012 - $65 million (Accuracy of prediction - 92%)

Sure, it won this week
how will it fare with Twilight.
Now THAT'S disaster.

2.) A Christmas Carol - $22 million (Accuracy of prediction - 88%)

I still don't get it.
This film has zero appeal.
But it's here to stay.

3.) The Men Who Stare at Goats - $6.2 million (Accuracy of prediction - 83%)

This will now fade fast.
We'll barely remember it.
Clooney's minor work.

4.) Precious - $6 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)

This is quite shocking.
The buzz here is enormous.
I smell an Oscar.

5.) This is It! -$5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 55%)

I can't believe it!
The day is finally here!
This IS it! Hooray!

Overall accuracy of prediction - 81.6%

I don't know what's good
as far as accuracy.
Am I good at this?

That's it, gang. Happy Monday.

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

You jerks have voted in small quantities on the Twilight issue and have resoundingly voiced an opinion for me to review the films. Thus, I will do just that. I can't promise an exact time frame (I'm thinking sometime in 2060), but it will happen. Okay, it won't be decades, it will likely be sometime in December (sorry, but I do have to actually review movies I get paid for reviewing before causing myself harm for your amusement). I will likely organize a gathering of people who like the film and loathe the film to give myself the appropriate audience. I cannot promise fairness.

Anyway, I'm reminded of this impending disaster because this week brings us 2012, the mother of all KABOOM movies. Roger Ebert gave the damn thing 3 and a half stars because it was a perfect version of what it promised to be, so I look forward to taking my wife (who has an odd lust for disaster films) to go see the world end. How much money will the durn thing do? Let's see.

Here's how I see it (haiku style):

1.) 2012 - $55 million

The Mayans were smart.
This movie likely is not.
I hope both are wrong.

2.) A Christmas Carol - $17 million

This isn't a flop,
nor can it be called a hit.
I guess it's a flit.

3.) This Is It - $7.5 million

They just keep lying.
They promised a two week run.
WHEN WILL IT BE GONE?!?!?!

4.) The Men Who Stare At Goats - $7 million

A strong first weekend
for an odd little movie
that we'll all forget.

5.) The Fourth Kind - $6.5 million

The time is now, gang.
Demand MORE Fifth Element!
We can do this, folks.

WILDCARD - Precious - $6 million

I can't make jokes here.
This film is too serious.
I hope it does well.

That's it, folks, have a good weekend!

Weekend Box Office Results: It's official, nobody likes mo-cap

Here we are again, wondering why A Christmas Carol failed a little. Could it be November 6 is too early to celebrate Christmas (the fat man hasn't even waddled in the Macy's parade). Could it be that motion capture is still freaky and non-engaging, that it's not cuddly animation like CGI and not realistic (like, you know, with people)? Could it be that we've seen this story a bazillion-jillion times? Who knows. Point is, I am only a fan of motion-capture as a tool to compliment other animation, not unto itself. I loved Beowulf but I would have loved it more if it was mostly live-action. I don't get Robert Zemeckis's devotion to it and I never will. Maybe things change with Steven Spielberg's Tintin comes out...but probably not.

Here's the results (haiku style):

1.) A Christmas Carol - $31 million (Accuracy of prediction - 80.5%)

Motion capture sucks
There, I finally said it.
Can we move on now?

2.) This is It- $14 million (Accuracy of prediction - 83%)

Why is It still here?
Why will It not go away?
When is It over?

3.) The Men Who Stare At Goats - $13 million (Accuracy of prediction - 61%)

George Clooney is God.
How else do you explain this?
Large goat audience?

4.) The Fourth Kind - $12.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94%)

Jovovich is hot.
Another Fifth Element?
And less of this stuff?

5.) Paranormal Activity - $8.5 (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

$100 million
for a flick that cost 10 grand.
Now that's how it's done.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 85.7%

Not a bad total
Given the weird week it was.
Next week is Cusack's.

That's it gang. Happy Monday!

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

This week is going to be a rootin' tootin' slugfest...not at the top, but in the muck that is the middle. It's sort of like the Big 12 North, nobody seems to want to win, but somebody has to. This means I'm going to be putting forth my prognostication prowess with the full knowledge that I'm likely going to lose. To use another sports analogy, it's sort of like the College of Charleston playing Florida in college football...I have to try, but it will likely hurt and be embarrassing.

Here's how I see it (haiku style):

1.) A Christmas Carol - $43 million

I don't get these films.
Why not just use real people?
It kind of scares me.

2.) The Box - $15 million

I hope this does well.
Richard Kelly has talent.
Cameron Diaz don't.

3.) This is It - $12 million

Hold on...THIS is it?
You said that last week was IT.
When is IT over?

4.) The Fourth Kind - $11 million

This is the FOURTH kind?
Do the other three suck too?
That was not funny.

5.) Paranormal Activity - $8.5 million

This scary is out
making room for new scary:
Yep, the holidays.

WILDCARD: The Men Who Stare At Goats - $8 million

With farm animals
starring alongside Clooney
how can you go wrong?

That's it, have fun this weekend gang!

Weekend Box Office Results: Please let this be it for This Is It!

I heard rumors that This Is It was going to shatter all box office records and blow us all away. I also heard rumors that Lady Gaga is a dude. I am more inclined to believe the latter (and far less concerned with the consequences of that being true). It did win the weekend but should soon fade back to obscurity, hopefully taking with it the end of our Michael Jackson-laced year. He was a hell of a pop singer, likely a child molester, and definitely crazy. I am over it.

Here's the results (haiku style):

1.) This Is It! - $21 million (Accuracy of prediction - 65%)

Ha! My guess was low
compared with most predictions.
Take THAT non-movie!

2.) Paranormal Activity - $16.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95%)

Good job little film!
I have nothing left to say.
It's November now.

3.) Law Abiding Citizen - $7 million (Accuracy of prediction - 86%)

This is not a trend.
No more tepid action flicks.
DAMN YOU, JAMIE FOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

4.) Couples Retreat - $6 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)

This needs to go, too.
I have no more Vince Vaughan jokes.
Um...he got real fat?

5.) Saw VI - $5.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95.5%)

Now you see this crap...
Now you do not see this crap...
I like that better.

Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 86%

Hey, not too shabby!
I hope this means a good week!
...but probably not.

Happy Monday, gang. Have fun!

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

You want to know what people on movie blogs do when there isn't a lot of action going on? I have read 20 different versions of "Hugh Jackman can't host the Oscars, so who should?" I think Jackman did a fine job, but really the answer starts and ends as Ricky Gervais, who was already picked up by the Golden Globes. Beyond that, I could give a rat's dingus. Seriously, they're going to find some bland choice that is in no way dangerous or exciting. So, my suggestion is to get somebody surprising (like George Clooney) or go with what you know and bring back Jon Stewart, who did a way better job than people remember. Oh, also, I don't care. I watch to see what wins, so sue me. Anyway, moving on to this weekend's box office...who gives a shit. Really, the creepy Michael Jackson non-movie movie is going to win and everything else is bad or old. So, there you go. Still, a promise is a promise, and I promised to do this every week. Here goes nothing.

Here's how I see it (haiku style):

1.) This Is It - $29.5 million

Not sure what This is
No more Michael Jackson news?
I hope This is It!

2.) Paranormal Activity - $15 million

This had a nice run
It should end on Halloween.
There's no shame in that.

3.) Law Abiding Citizen - $9 million

I can't believe this.
This is making great money.
DAMN YOU, JAIME FOXXXXXXXX

4.) Where the Wild Things Are - $7 million

No $100 mil
But you can't call it a flop.
Not bad for good art.

5.) Saw VI - $6 million

Could Saw be over?
I really hope that's the case.
Which means it won't be.

WILDCARD - Couples Retreat - $6 million

Kristen Bell is hot.
I just wanted to say that
while I was able.