Weekend Box Office Results: Holy high kick!

I knew there was a chance that The Karate Kid would do better than The A-Team, I just didn't think it would do a spinning jump-kick to its throat. Sweet suffering sweep kicks did the tween fight flick wind up with some serious dough. This just means that the future is now set: We're going to see Will Smith pass all of his roles down to his son one day. Trust me, we'll be talking about the reboot of Men in Black, the continuation of Independence Day, and the sequel to Ali all starring Jaden Smith (okay, maybe not the last one). On a side note, The A-Team should blame their lack of box office boom on Jessica Biel. Seriously, who did that? Who put her in there? She's kind of cute (sorry, she's not THAT cute) and she's almost Alba-esque in her acting. I blame her for this.

Here's the results, haiku style:

1.) The Karate Kid- $56 million (Accuracy of prediction - 67%)

Holy spawn of Smith!
Here's the Summer Messiah!
And he's eleven!!!!

2.) The A-Team - $26 million (Accuracy of prediction - 72.5%)

Sorry Hannibal.
Plan did not come together.
You're on the B team.

3.) Shrek Forever After - $16 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

Soon, you will be gone.
Soon yes, but not soon enough!
I hate you green turd.

4.) Get Him to the Greek - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97.5%)

This deserves better.
I hope it has a long run.
And Jonah Hill too.

5.) Killers- $8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

This was a big flop.
Hopefully it falls upon
Katherine Heigl.

Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 87%

Good Summer weekend!
This is a rare thing this year.
It could soon heat up.

Okay, that's it for Monday. Take it easy but be productive. We have a long week ahead of us, y'all.

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Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

If nothing else, this will be the end of Shrek's reign of terror. That's something, right? The battle between The A-Team and Karate Kid is going to be closer than expected, thanks to the family appeal of the latter and the "you seriously want to see that?" reaction of most people trying to take spouses and loved ones unfamiliar with the joy of the original 1980s TV show. The seed of Will Smith will do his high-kicking damndest to win the week for his poppa, but it's hard to top shooting a plane with a tank that's falling in the air. Thankfully, I'm here to weigh in on the tough issues of tank-splosions versus flexible, kung-fu using offspring.

Here's my predictions, haiku style:

1.) The A-Team - $35 million

My favorite show,
when I was but a wee lad.
Nostalgia kicks ass.

2.) The Karate Kid - $30 million

It's not a remake.
It should be the Kung Fu Kid.
Nary a crane kick!

3.) Shrek Forever After - $16 million

Go away green man.
You've overstayed your welcome
by at least 3 films.

4.) Get Him to the Greek - $9.5 million

This is quite funny
and deserves some more success.
Jonah Hill must eat!

5.) Killers - $7.5 million

Heigl may be done.
She thinks she's famous, but no.
She can disappear.

WILDCARD: Prince of Persia - $6.5 million

This is a big flop.
Jake got all yoked for nothing.
Sorry about that.

Okay, that's it for predictions, I'll be back later with a Karate Kid review!

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Box Office Results: Shrek this

First off, no movie news happened this weekend. I would tell you about it if it did, but it didn't. Apparently the world was watching the MTV Movie Awards to see if Twilight could pull off the win (spoiler alert: teenagers still love it and still watch MTV). Actually, quick note about that show (not that I watched it): People bag on Kristen Stewart too much. I like her. Yeah, I said it. I've mentioned my support of her in the past based on her loathing of that which made her famous, but to watch her on stage is to see someone ill prepared to be that famous. What others see as cocky and aloof I think is fairly obviously anxiety with her degree of popularity. Also, gal's got some sticks. I say in 5 years we're talking about her as a quality actress, just my hunch.

Anyhoodle, back to the box office bonanza. Much has been made recently of this year's summer swoon. Here's a hint, Hollywood: Make better movies. Turns out you can 3D and IMAX your ass off, but if the movies suck we won't go. Tallies are down across the board, and one can't help but think if we're still seeing a combination of the fallout from the writer's strike and a general tipping point for quality. Yes, we're just a few months removed from Avatar becoming the biggest thing since Jonah Hill's waistline, but I think we're seeing the consequences of quality. Nobody saw Marmaduke. That in and of itself is a victory, right? I mean, Beverly Hills Chihuahua was a hit.

Here's this week's results, haiku style:

1.) Shrek Forever After - $25 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

A riddle for you?
What's green and shouldn't be picked?
Hint: Not a booger.

2.) Get Him to the Greek - $17 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

You should see this one.
It's the only film this year
where Diddy gets laughs.

3.) Killers - $16 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

Hey, Katherine Heigl
looks like you have your first flop.
Miss your TV show?

4.) Prince of Persia - $14 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95%)

This is an epic,
there's no denying it.
It's an epic fail.

5.) Sex and the City 2 - $12.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 0%)

Damn you, Marmaduke!
I thought you'd keep these whores out!
You're good for nothing.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 77%

I almost had it.
Damn you S-A-T-C-2
Be gone forever!

Okay, that's it gang. Happy Monday to ya. Let's do it to it this week, right?!

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Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Wow is this week hard. I mean, there are no less than 8 movies that have a chance at the top 5. Even with my underhanded trick of the Wildcard, this may end terribly for me. Also ending and beginning terribly: Marmaduke. I hope that the indie-horror flick Splice does well, and that Get Him to the Greek doesn't woefully underperform as I fear it will. I have no care in the world for whatever happens to the Heigl/Kutcher bomb-to-be, but it would be nice for something to take down the latest Shrek movie. How can it suck, be a flop, and STILL be atop the charts. It's maddening. Enough already, it's Friday and you have places to be. Here are this week's prediction haikus!

1.) Shrek Forever After - $23 million

Forever After?
Or it's The Final Chapter?
Either way, BE GONE.

2.) Get Him to the Greek - $18 million

Russell Brand kicks ass.
Jonah Hill is sometimes good.
Let's hope this does well.

3.) Killers - $17 million

Katherine Heigl sucks.
She bugs the crap out of me.
And has baby teeth.

4.) Prince of Persia: Sands of Time - $15.5 million

Not the hit I thought.
Too bad for Jake Gyllenhaal.
He should lose an "a."

5.) Marmaduke - $15 million

Marmaduke is real?
How did we let this happen?
This is a new low.

WILDCARD - Splice - $14 million

I hope this does well.
Intelligent horror rules.
I want more of it.

Okay, that's it. Enjoy your weekend. Behave. Relax. I will try to do both and do neither.

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