Cutting Room Floor is home to a sea of snark and snippets about upcoming movies, rumors about films, and other assorted nonsense. Sure, the information is mostly accumulated from other reputable sources, but the sarcasm is 100% home grown.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Too good to be true
Happy Friday morning to you! Yes, it's grim and gray outside if you call the Omaha Metro area home. Yes, this weekend is staring me down with a variety of tasks and a funeral. Yes, I'm practically delirious with exhaustion to the point where I had those meta-dreams last night where I dreamed about sleep. But you know what? Brett Favre looked like a clown last night (best moment: when the announcers finally conceded that his completing one pass in the second half might just have something to do with not being on the same page as his receivers...on account of him SKIPPING ON CAMP). Not only that, but my Bears play on Sunday and I'm decked out early in my Forte jersey (mostly so I can be photoshopped in to the CD105.9 image that featured all of the NFC North except my beloved Bears). So, it's weekend time, and that's always a good thing.
Now I'm going to get your hopes up for no good reason.
Sorry, I don't mean to do it. But comic artist Brendan McCarthy mentioned that he had a meeting with Disney (who now owns Marvel, remember) during which they discussed Pixar potentially doing a Dr. Strange movie. BY THE HOARY HOSTS OF HOGGOTH! This is perhaps the best idea that doesn't start with "We should give Ryan Syrek all of this money" or "I'm Natalie Portman, and I have too many clothes on and am nowhere near Ryan Syrek." We have no reason to believe there's even a chance this will take shape. I mean, it would take years for them to get such a project ready, and supposedly the film is in more advanced state than that...but COME ON! This is literally the best option for this material. Dr. Strange is going to have a hard time fitting into the world Marvel has already established. Plus, if you're going to do it right and live action, the budget is going to be absolutely enormous for a character that, let's face it, isn't a household name (maybe it's the ridiculous facial hair?). However, if you slap Pixar's brand on it, you INSTANTLY get more people into it. The only reason this won't happen is because someone hates things that are good and hates me. Of course, this is based on the conversation that one comic book artist I've never heard of had with Disney months ago. Oh, Internets, why do you taunt us so? Follow me on Twitter!
The budget of this blog consists of a nickel and a wish, and I spent the wish on that Portman photo below (psst, it was worth it). So I do not have a correspondent down in San Diego for the Comic Convention. Thus I am forced like a bad parent to live vicariously through others. We're gonna do it like this: The news from yesterday will be wrapped up in this one post, the weekend news will be wrapped up in Monday's post. Yes, all this news will be secondhand, but to be fair, it's a bad-ass red right hand. I can't promise you information you won't find anywhere, but can I ask you this: Is any other blog going to give you news of the Comic-con with a summary that consists of doing an impression of the angry, hate-filled doucheasaurus rex that is Mel Gibson if he were a weatherman? I didn't think so. Okay, and just so we're clear on the joke, tapes of Gibson saying the most terrible, awful things ever recorded in the English language have been surfacing recently. Thus, I have decided to mock his evil by turning him from an Oscar winning actor into a lowly weatherman describing my level of excitement about upcoming movie stuff, complete with his brutal racism and a look into his increasingly unstable psyche. Remember, he only wins if we don't laugh at him in his face and don't hope he falls into a Lassie-proof well.
1.) Can I have permission to be excited forSucker Punch yet? - I have enjoyed both Zack Snyder movies so far, and I think his computer-generated owl movie looks bad-ass. There, I said it. So, really, it's no surprise that I think the first glimpses into Sucker Punch are stunning...and not just because, you know, hot chicks with weaponry is hard to mess up. Yeah, so there's a girl with a gun and a sword whose name is Babydoll wearing a schoolgirl outfit in front of a snowy Asian temple and a girl named Sweat Pea who is wearing murder-stockings and holding a sword in front of a dragon. If you tell me that this movie is going to suck, I'm going to play a game called "Find Your Spleen" in which I will find your spleen. There are other character posters up all over the internet, but these are my favorites. I would put them all here, but I'm a busy guy, okay? I cannot wait to see more about this movie, but don't take my word on it. Take it away Mel Gibson, professional weatherman who describes Comic-con news.
Mel: This movie is like a hot front moving in, and I'm not talking about increased humidity, I'm talking hot like the fires of hell that I am destined to burn in for things I have said about virtually every race on the planet. Sugar tits. Freeeeeeeeeeeedoooooooom!!! Flibbledee floooo!!!!
2.) Unlike the stories circulating about my skin condition, the Internet gets one right! - Turns out, as we have suspected...NAY foretold in detail for what seems like eons now, Joss Whedon is directing The Avengers. Right now, many of you are saying "so what, I already knew that" or "tell me something I don't know" or "this Ryan fellow is one charming and entertaining character, and I, Natalie Portman, should send him some of my underpants." Even though this was not a surprise, it is relatively good news, with the relatively being the caveat that this man hasn't directed anything of this size or scope before and the best actor he's worked with to this point is arguably Neil Patrick Harris who, while good, has been in 2 Harold and Kumar movies. Ah, don't worry fanboys and fangirls, I'm just bustin' your chops a bit. It's going to be fine, right? What do you think racist, hate-filled weather personality Mel Gibson?
Mel: This news is falling like a cool rain, building up a giant pool of water that black people can't swim in because that's an unfounded stereotype that I believe in because I'm the byproduct of God's bowel movement. Fargledee flibbit! Someone get me a Fosters!
3.) As in, the same one that Eddie Murphy did? - Disney just remade The Haunted Mansion a few years ago. Now they're getting all Jedi mind trick on us and saying "that never happened." Look, how you are going to convince all 7 people who saw that movie that they didn't see what they saw is beyond me, but hiring Guillermo Del Toro is a good start. Everyone freaked yesterday and started twittering and tweeting and cyberspazzing about GDT directing the movie and asking questions like "does this seem like a good career move?" Let's get something straight, directing ANY movie that you can make decent is a good career move. Making bigoted, awful remarks while threatening your ex-wife's life, that's a bad career move. Del Toro is not directing. Del Toro is just producing, and while I don't care at all about the sanctity of Disney's ride or movie involving said spiritually inhabited residence, it's at least worth mentioning. I don't know, what do you think worst human being in the world who has become a weather guy?
Mel: There's a storm front moving in behind this one. A dark storm cloud likely to rain on people's backs, making them wet. Get it! Because I hate Hispanic people for no reason as well, because I'm just that horrible and were the earth to swallow me, it would be totally expected. Bargledy boo! Jesus beatings and making out with Jodie Foster rule!!!!
4.) Muppets and Pixar together for...I can't breathe...too...excited..to...breathe.. - They are using Pixar over at Disney like a staff mechanic, calling in the big boys of box office and storytelling to fix broken parts left and right. First was the Pixar staff pitching in to help fix Tron Legacy, then comes news that they are meeting with the people behind the new Muppet movie. Folks, I live in a world where there is not only going to BE a new Muppet movie, but the best studio in the world is going to help make it great. I know they're not solely responsible for it, but it can't help to be asking the best people in the biz at this sort of stuff to pitch in. In the name of Kermit, I bless this decision. I cannot put into words how unbearably excited this makes me, so I'd better allow the human vermin that is Mel "the weatherman" Gibson get to it.
Mel: This is like a hurricane! A big giant hurricane that there's no escape from. I call it "Hurricane Jew." Speaking of the Jewish people, if one of them were to shank me in the stomach with a homemade shiv, it would be totally excusable in both a court of law and of public opinion. Swizzledy dee!!!! I made out with a Mayan chick while filming Apocalypto!!!
5.) Something from Green Lantern that doesn't suck ass - I've been, shall we say underwhelmed by the images from GL so far. Mostly because they're awful. Well, good news, I like this: This is a full-scale prop of the dead Abin-Sur, the alien who gives Hal Jordan his ring before he dies. As you can see, Abin died because he had his skin removed before someone decided to wrap him in a green tortilla that only covered his no-no. Seriously, this looks great, and it's the sort of thing that gives me a degree of hope for the film. Because it's real, they don't have to use their CG guy, who apparently failed community college. I'm pumped because I like something from the flick, so YAY! Let's wrap up this excitement by talking to the worthless piece of excrement shaped to look like a person, weatherman Mel Gibson everybody!
Mel: This item is like a bright, summer day with the perfect temperature. Only it's pink, and girls like pink, and girls are inferior to men because men rule over them! Women are stupid and...what's that? It appears to be a small demon creature shaking his head at me and pointing. Now there's a lot of them. Oh, God, where are they taking me?! Giggilty gooooooo!!!! They can take my life, but they can also take my eternal freeeeeedoooooomm!!!!
I've been a wee bit grumpy lately, sharing doubtful, angry news as readily as I can. In order to rectify that, I bring you two doses of happy news here, shared in as pleasant a form as I can think: Rhyming couplets.
Good news part one
When last I told you this news, it likely gave you the blues. Pixar was making a no-no, a spinoff was given the go-go. It would go direct to DVD, but that hurt no less, obviously. Planes was to branch out from Cars, the worst Pixar flick by far. But today brings us a switch, and gives us less reason to bitch. Disney Toon Studios is making the movie, the one that you don't want to see. So Pixar remains on the top of the heap, it's that old Mouse that's the money-grubbing creep!
Good news part two
Remember how people hate on Thor, calling the pictures eye-sores? Well check this shit out, it will remove doubt. See, what did I tell you, did your eyes pop out of your head too? It's technically just a preview poster, but I believe that if you look closer, you'll see that it suggests something rad, a fight as has never been had. If the film even looks somewhat like this, into my pants I feel I will piss. But wait, there's more, my good chap! Howsabout a poster of Cap! Focus on the scope of the scene. Doesn't that landscape look mean? God this will be fun, just don't look at his gun. He normally doesn't go packing, but into war, I wouldn't go lacking.
God himself almost prevented me from writing about my junk today. I know, it's shocking that the almighty would so directly interfere with the generally innocent practice of me showing friends, family, and strangers my junk on the internet, but it almost happened. For nearly 8 hours last night, we were without power. It started fine, the first few hours passed with a few giggles of adventure, lighting candles and whatnot. By 8:30 pm, I began to get concerned, what with the total darkness coming soon. By 9:30, I realized life would never return to normal. I set up a military perimeter using furniture and guarded it with a sharpened end of a broom stick. By 10:15, I had resorted to cannibalism and started my own religion. By Midnight, I had developed an advanced society unlike any the world had before seen. Then I went to bed. Thankfully, the power was returned during my slumber. All that's left to do is quickly sweep up the evidence, I MEAN, "mess" and show you my junk. Of course, by junk, I mean movie tidbits too small to warrant an entire blog post and nothing untoward that would actually indicate to the Heavenly Father that he should smote me.
As is our tradition, each Thursday's column begins by looking at the image from Highlights Magazine FOR CHILDREN above. It's supposed to be a junk drawer, but it terrifies me for some reason. To make myself feel better, I select an item from it, and make up a fake story about it. Today's item is the pink square in the upper left corner. When Molly created the first processing chip that would allow filmmakers and artists to cross the uncanny valley, allowing computer generated creatures to look 100% real and not scarily undead, she knew she was on the verge of fame and fortune. The images created by the technology were so perfect, so accurate, that mothers were unable to distinguish photographs of their real babies versus the computer generated ones. Molly was going to be rich! Famous! Celebrated by peers! Then she heard that the first project to use the chip would be directed by Brett Ratner. For the good of humanity, the chip was never seen again.
Alright, enough japery, it's time to do this thing. Here's the top 5 tiny news nuggets almost worth talking about!
1.) Greek tragedy - There's a clip from "Seinfeld" where Kramer breaks up with his girlfriend and Jerry and Elaine start trashing her. They both bitch about her in general before Jerry says "Honestly, I can't believe someone hasn't killed her yet." Then they get back together. I won't lie, I thought someone had finally shivved Brett Ratner. I thought maybe the CIA disappeared him for reasons of national security (or just good taste). Lo, the story I told above involving the fake computer chip was inspired by reality, as the LA Times says Brett Ratner is considering directing Hercules. This is as much a shame because I love Greek mythology as because I think Ratner is as charming as a seasick crocodile. Normally, news of a full-blown action version of a Greek hero or heroine would fill me with Olympian joy. This is how you ruin something good: Add the words Brett Ratner to it. "I'm enjoying this sandwich!" "Really? It was made by Brett Ratner." "I really love these pants." "Really? Brett Ratner tried them on in the store right before you." "I want to go out with that beautiful girl." "Really? She liked a Brett Ratner movie." It works every time.
2.) Elizabeth Banks hates pants - I like Elizabeth Banks. I always have. I find her range to be impressive (just watch W sometime), I find her tenacity to find work incredible (she's never really headlined anything and yet has been everywhere), and I find her to be well assembled (she's got good parts). We're going to see all of these assets in her next film, as Variety claims that Banks will play Tinkerbell in a live-action Tink movie. As you can see from this shot above that just screams Disney (okay, it actually screams "this underwear is a doily), Banks looks the part and has no problems with the pantless costume. I'm not sure the plot of the upcoming Tink, but Banks isn't a preteen, so it's kind of refreshing that they'll be making the character a full-blown adult. Wouldn't it be great if the film actually detailed the anguish of a bite-sized person in love with someone 2000% of her size. I mean, come on, you can't blame Peter Pan for not finding her interesting. I don't get aroused by a housefly, even if it wears the right heels. Seriously, that would be like me falling in love with Optimus Prime. Okay, bad example, I do kind of love him.
3.) Pixar sells out a little more - I really like Devin from Chud. I do. He's clever and insightful, and I have never been bored while reading his work. At times, I do loathe his obsession with being the voice of negativism though. Take for example this weird crusade of his to declare Pixar, a company whose worst crime to this point has been making an OK movie in Cars, on the road to ruin. Why does he claim this? I don't know, because if he's not saying something angry or controversial he is attacked by gremlins that live in his beard? His evidence is that the company is getting sequel happy (Toy Story 3, Monsters Inc 2, Cars 2), which would be fair if the sequels they've made so far (Toy Story 2, Toy Story 3) weren't, you know, really friggin' good. His main source of ire is that Pixar is making Planes, which is a direct-to-video spinoff of Cars that will feature, um, talking planes. Yep, it's stupid. Yep, it's the sort of direct-to-video bullshit that John Lasseter jumped in to stop with Toy Story 2. No, it doesn't mean the company is on the road to ruin...or even mediocrity. Ernest Hemingway wrote a few bad short stories. Alfred Hitchcock made some terrible movies. Apple's latest iPhone may need to be recalled. Sometimes people make bad decisions, ranging from small to big. That doesn't mean they aren't geniuses. I think Devin's main problem is that people slobber effusive praise over Pixar without qualm or equivocation of any kind. You know what? I have no problem with that. If we want to over-praise, over-hype a studio that by and large is doing the best, most consistent work of any production house out there right now, I'm good with that. Yes, it's probably a bit much. Yes, we could realistically stand to level some criticisms from time to time. No, I don't care if we are overly encouraging because it just might suggest to other studios and other executives that we will go apeshit for quality. So, yes, Pixar appears to be grabbing a little more cash at the expense of originality a bit. The minute their quality significantly declines, we'll have something to talk about. For now, howsabout we just remember that they haven't made a bad movie yet. That's enough for me.
4.) I'll trade you a Ruffalo for a Norton - After reports surfaced that Joaquin Pheonix would possibly be hulking out in a way that didn't involve a hobo beard and meetings with Diddy, we are now being told that's not true. Deadline reports that it is Mark Ruffalo who is all ready for his purple pants, as he is all but signed on to play the Hulk in The Avengers. Then along comes THR, who says hold on a tick, this isn't a done deal yet. Ruffalo, shown here presumably stealing a baby, is a perfect choice for the part. Why? He's talented, has that indie cred, can stand his ground with Robert Downey Jr, and apparently comes into your house at night and claims your children. I may be wrong on that last one. He hasn't met with Joss Whedon yet, and that dude is directing The Avengers, so nothing is for sure. We also know that Marvel's negotiating tactics go something like this: "Mark, we want you for the Hulk." "Really, okay, that sounds good." "We'd like to sign you to a 17-picture deal and we would like to pay you with this bag of chalk and a coupon to Long John Silvers." Who knows if it will come to fruition, but you aren't losing talent in my book if you go from Ed Norton to Ruffalo, which is nice.
5.) Trailers, Parked - Some good trailers this week after a stinker week last time out. First up is Due Date, which Robert Downey Jr has called the second best movie of his career. He didn't specify which was the first best movie of his career, so I'll assume it was The Shaggy Dog with Tim Allen. This features the omnipresent Zach Galifianakis, who also appears in the next preview I'll show you. This one looks a bit...broad...but if RDJ says it's good, I'll trust him. For now.
Next up is quirky indie dramedy, It's Kind of a Funny Story, which has a great title. It also has Zack-G tearing it up again. This one could be a Little Miss Sunshine-esque breakthrough...or it could be totally forgotten by the time I finished writing this...hey, look a pony!
M. Night Shyamalan is doing the opposite of what I said. I told him to STOP writing and KEEP directing. Here's a movie he wrote but didn't direct. It's called Devil, and it would be appealing to me if I didn't know who was behind it. They're still promoting that fact like it makes people want to see it. Hit me after the trailer and I'll show you why this is crazy.
This is an infographic that shows the tomatometer scores of Shyamalan's movies. It is projected at this rate that his next project will have to go into negative ground. It's perhaps the finest example of the man's career slide I have ever seen. Okay, that's it. I'm glad that the power was restored enough for me to have this junk sharing experience with you. Enjoy your day and come back tomorrow for some Friday fun!
As is prone to happen during this wacky paddleboat ride down the stream of life, people have begun turning on U2. How you turn against the greatest rock band whose name does not rhyme with the Schmeetles is beyond me. Making fun of Bono's persona? Fair game, he can act sorta douchey. Making fun of him as a person given how he has transformed from an angst ridden youth to a world-changing leader? You're the douche, douche. I don't need people to concede that they're the greatest band that ever lived, that would be silly. Like I said, they're the SECOND greatest band that ever lived, and the best band living now. Duh. Oh, and the only person capable of appropriately mocking Bono was Ben Stiller back when he was funny.
Plus, their music is amazing and you know it. If I sound defensive, that's just because at some point they finally slipped out of the youth culture and now the only people I know who violently defend their heart stopping brilliance are people my age, or as I like to put it, people who have listened to music long enough to finally have an opinion that's valid. People who know me know that the passion I have for U2 is only equaled or exceeded by my passion for Spider-man. So when I was told there would be a Spider-man musical with music written by U2, I pretty much pooped my denim Pampers. Then I watched as that project slowly unraveled, like Miley Cyrus.
Now comes word of a new potential pairing that excites me beyond reasonable expectations. Pixar + U2 = Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Supposedly, Brave, which is the first classic-style fairy tale from Pixar, is going to get music from the boys from Dublin. Now, it's just a rumor at this point, and there's still plenty of time for some studio suit to drop a deuce on my heart like what happened with the Spider-man musical (I was going to go to Broadway for that shit...for real). Still, if I am watching a Pixar film and there's a U2 song in it, people should take photographs so they know what nirvana looks like.
Pixar, the best studio in history (yeah, I said it), is doubling up in 2012, proving that even if the Mayans are right, I'm going to die happy. First up in the summer will be The Brave, which is Pixar's first fairy tale (just typing that gave me chills). The provided plot of that film, which was once titled The Bear and the Bow, is as follows: “impetuous, tangle-haired Merida (Reese Witherspoon), though a daughter of royalty, would prefer to make her mark as a great archer. A clash of wills with her mother compels Merida to make a reckless choice, which unleashes unintended peril on her father’s kingdom and her mother’s life. Merida struggles with the unpredictable forces of nature, magic and a dark, ancient curse to set things right. Director Brenda Chapman and the storytelling wizards of Pixar conjure humor, fantasy and excitement in this rich Highland tale.” You hear that? A female lead who isn't a captured princess but a warrior? A female director? A PIXAR FAIRY TALE?!?!?! I love it. If that wasn't enough, and it was for me, Monsters Inc2 will finally hit in November of 2012, 11 years after the original debuted. I always thought that particular world had much, much more to explore. Plus, it gives me hope that The Incredibles 2 may happen one day (ohpleaseohpleaseohplease). So, even if the year ends with us being swallowed up by the sun's neutrinos (oh, 2012, you were so stupid), I'm going to be okay with it so long as the apocalypse waits until December.
Hello, hello, hello! Welcome back to the wacky world of my junk. Once more with feeling, this is the weekly column in which I jam pack a whole bunch of tiny tidbits that don't warrant their own entire blog entry. Think of it like a bucket for leftover pocket change, only I actually do something with the extra dough, it's not mostly GD pennies, and there's nary a button or stick of gum to be found. Also, the creepy image above, which is from Highlights Magazine for Children, is studied every week, as I come up with some disturbing take on the image, because we all know that's John Wayne Gacy's hand. Today's take involves the strangely disappearing hand. Just as entropy was consuming the universe thanks to that proton collider which was guaranteed not to rip open a hole in reality, Gary remembered where he kept his lucky rabbit's foot. Were it not for the end of all that is finally disintegrating the world behind him, he would have grabbed it, too. Sad.
Now on to the weekly news nuggets too scrawny to make the big leagues. Grab a hold of something...here comes my junk.
1.) Just FYI, if Robert Pattinson plays Spider-man, I'm blowing up earth - The only reason I haven't included the rumor that Pattinson is up for the role of Peter Parker in a huge ranting blog post despite hearing it from multiple sources is because I refuse to even entertain it. If that bushy eyebrowed, half-wit, homeless-looking, talentless, pasty, British object of 40-year-old-women-who-love-cats-and-13-year-old-girls-who-don't-understand-statutory-rape is cast as the greatest superhero of all time (yeah, I'll fight you on that one too if you disagree), I will straight up find a way to nuclear proliferate my own home and end this world as we know it. This is not an idle threat, this is the threat of a man with a billion comics, an undying love for the character of Spidey, and the means to create a geek army to do his bidding (right...right, guys?). I don't care that f**king Marc Webb may ride his medicore 500 Days of Summer into the director's role in order to deliver a f**king teeny-pop take on the iconic superhero. I don't care that they'll probably have music from the f**king Jonas Brothers. Okay, I do care about all of that, but I care mostly about not having the disheveled walking corpse, the greasy hack that is Pattinson as my favorite character. You could say it downright bothers me.
2.) So long as the fifth brother is an animal... - I could watch Andy Sandberg's Mark Wahlberg talking to animals for about 2 weeks, maybe more. Each and every "how's it goin' chicken?" sends me into fits of hysteria. So,with THR reporting that Wahlberg has engineered a sequel to the little-seen but somehow still slightly enjoyed Four Brothers (the movie that made Andre 3000 think he should do movies instead of providing more insanely groovy music) is getting a sequel. It will be called Five Brothers but would get a bigger audience if it was Four Brothers and a Goat. I would see the latter movie 10 times in the theater. There's really no word on a plot, but that's not all that surprising given that it's a sequel. No director is set to attach, but John Singleton will probably return because he's not exactly busy at this point. He was set to direct The A-Team for forever, so I can imagine he's in a world of pain right now after seeing the trailer. Oh, his take on it might have sucked more, but there's no denying his BA Baracas wouldn't be the ridiculous biscuits that Rampage Jackson appears to be. Oh, and I wasn't going to leave you hanging. Enjoy.
3.) If Pixar made toilet paper, it would be the best toilet paper ever - Few studios have done no wrong...actually, I think it's just Pixar to be honest. One of the more interesting developments at the studio is the upcoming John Carter of Mars. The reason? It's not an animated film...well, at least not entirely. According to one line over at THR, "The movie will be a hybrid of live action and CGI." Whether or not this is 100% accurate, the prospect of Pixar doing adult fare (with real people in it or not) is about as exciting as you can get, because their kids movies are more fulfilling and satisfying for adults than most adult movies. The movie follows John Carter (to be played by "Friday Night Lights" hubba-hubba hunk Taylor Kitsch), who is a Civil War vet who winds up transported to Mars, where he fights in another war...so dude can't catch a break. The cast now includes Lynn Collins, Willem Dafoe, Samantha Morton, Polly Walker (rejoice Polly Walker fans...who's Polly Walker again?), and most recently added, Emmy Award winner Bryan Cranston from "Breaking Bad" (who is likely thrilled that is now his reference point instead of "Malcom in the Middle"). I can't say for sure that this is going to be the live-action hybrid promised, but I don't care. I'm so ready to see what Pixar does by branching out that I feel the exact opposite as when I think about Robert Pattinson as Peter Parker.
4.) Daniel Craig desires Downey Jr.'s sloppy seconds - Cowboys and Aliens is a project so obviously Hollywood that it's insane that it has taken over 10 years for the film version to get this far. The latest setback is Robert Downey Jr stepping away from the project, presumably to count his Iron Man and Sherlock Holmes money (you could really argue that RDJ is getting into that rarified Will Smith/Hugh Jackman/George Clooney movie-star range again...and good for him). The replacement may be somewhat disappointing, not from an acting standpoint (that's assuming that they're going to be acting in Cowboys and Aliens), but what it means about the other project this replacement cowboy would not be shooting. Confused? It's Daniel Craig. If he becomes a cowboy this summer, as Collider is suggesting, he will not be shooting Bond 23 this summer. I've been salivating for this next Bond film, given how much I've loved the revamp (yes, even Quantum of Solace, asshats). This third film should payoff with a fight against the big bad guys and it's written by the playwright behind Frost/Nixon. God, I want it so bad it hurts me. Still, with MGM (007's studio) suckin' tail right now, chances are Craig will be donning a cowboy hat before a tux.
5.) Trailer's parked - This week has a few interesting trailers, the first two being new takes on movies we've already seen trailers from and the last being a Kevin Costner movie...I know.
A-Team - The preview is pretty much what you'd expect, although I've begun hearing about some discontent on the set, including some Sharlto Copeley concerns...which sucks. I say "pretty much" what you'd expect, because it goes full-retard in the last minute. The tank thing...shudder.
Kick-Ass - Hands down one of my most anticipated films for this next year, the buzz among people I follow who have seen it is absolutely incredible. This trailer shows why. I'm super amped.
Company Men - Finally, the weirdest of the bunch. A downsizing drama (with a weird, weird trailer) featuring Chris Cooper (YAY!), Tommy Lee Jones (YAY!), Maria Bello (YAY!), Ben Affleck (okay), and Kevin Costner (wait a minute...). It looks all poignant and shit, which means it could actually be touching or could be touching in a bad touch way. Not sure.
That's almost too much junk to handle, so try to take it all in and I'll see you tomorrow.
Hey, hey, hey. It's time for my junk! Wait...that doesn't sound right... This week brings us a veritable plethora (doesn't "Veritable Plethora" sound like a hard-core Christian rock band?) of movie nuggets, including some Pixar potentials, dueling super-prisons, a further shuffle down for The Road, and a pair of trailers that could not be more different. Let's dive in.
Here are the 5 top stories that didn't quite deserve their own post:
1.) Pixar poo-pooed - When Disney bought Marvel, the only thing that stopped some die hard Marvel zombies from eating their own brains was the thought that Pixar could both serve as a model for involvement between the two entities AND the thought that Pixar might play (not pee) in Marvel's pool. The rumor that quickly came up was that John Lasseter, head of Pixar and rich, richer motha-trucka, was eyeing Ant Man for their first foray into fanboy fare. Hell, Entertainment Weekly reported that the news was true, and they are never wrong (except when Owen Glieberman lies about seeing a movie...did I say that out loud...YES I DID! I DON'T FEAR YOU GLIEBERMAN, BRING IT). Well, CHUD.com contacted Edgar Wright, who has long been associated with the project, and it turns out that if this rumor is true...neither Wright nor Marvel's honcho of movies Kevin Feige know anything about it. Wright is tonally perfect for the film and, although Pixar's involvement sounds great on any subject, I tend to believe Feige and Wright on this one. Now, maybe both are true, and Pixar DOES want it, and Wright and Feige haven't been told yet. In that case, my money is on Pixar gettin' what they want. They are the most powerful company not trying to currently block health care reform.
2.) Supermax vs Supermax - So for an eternity now, David Goyer and Justin Marks have worked on a bad-ass sounding script that saw the Green Arrow trapped inside a prison for supervillains titled Supermax. It sounds fun, doesn't it? Well, Sony just bought a script called Supermax and that made all the nerds get excited because the description was this: "Supermax takes place in a Maximum Security Prison for the Super-Natural as a skilled guard must join forces with a lethal inmate after a riot ensues in order to fight his way through various monsters and mad-men in order to survive." Beyond the fact that apparently supernatural beings from the beyond get funky capitalization rules, that synopsis sounds pretty much like the OTHER Supermax. Yeah, that's right, there are TWO scripts called Supermax and they sound damn near identical. I smell a lawsuit...and bacon (that may be my fingers...my fingers always smell like bacon). So, long story short, we may get one movie called Supermax...or two...or none. See why this didn't make the regular news.
3.) Winding on down, The Road - So I got an email from a PR rep that The Road is moving...AGAIN. This film has done more shuffling than the 1985-1986 Chicago Bears. It was supposed to be practically on DVD by this point, and now we have to wait AGAIN as the film is due in November...Thanksgiving to be exact. This makes no GD sense. (A) The date is PACKED with movies, including Fantastic Mr. Fox, Ninja Assassin, Old Dogs, and Nine, which is a movie FROM THE SAME COMPANY that is also hoping for Oscar. WTF? This isn't a sign of a lack of confidence to be sure, it's not like they're dumping it...but what the hell is going on with this movie? An early screening review I read called it one of the most important films of the last 20 years. A review in Variety last week called it a turd. I just want to see the thing. This is the strangest release tango I've ever seen.
4.) Get high - Part of Up in the Air was shot in Omaha, and one of my friends may or may not have a tiny frame or two that he appears in. That's not why I'm excited. Vera Farmiga is one of the reasons I'm excited (yum), but the real reason is that Jason Reitman's film looks like a tender, tragic Thank You For Smoking (his first and best film). Don't take my word on it, watch this and tell me how good it looks.
5.) It's not that good - You'd be hard pressed not to think that Black Dynamite is going to be awesome, but EVERYTHING I heard has been pretty much meh on this faux exploitation film. Oh, I'm still going to have to see it, but I don't have that high of hopes.UPDATE: There is a reader out there who knows his, her, or hermaphroditic-track-star stuff. I have been alerted to several positive things said about the entire affair and must have imagined people other than one critic hating it. My B yo. Still, the trailer rocks, right?
That's the junk for this week. I promise to find more juicy bits of tid next week...provided you scroll down on the blog a bit and pick me up one of those items I asked for. What? It seems like a fair trade.
What has two thumbs and turns in columns late? THIS GUY! Wow, that does not translate without the visual. Lo siento about this being a day late, but on the upside, my junk drawer has stuff in it now. Yesterday, it was just a drawer, an empty, boring drawer with nothing but sadness and ennui inside. Today, it's packed-to-the-motherlovin-gills with useless bits 'o tid. Now, aren't you glad I waited?
Here are the top 5 marginally interesting-but-not-interesting-enough-to-warrant-their-own-post stories of the week
1.) Who is this man, and why does he love dinosaurs - Pixar is sooo beloved. "How beloved are they?" They are so beloved, that we will all stare at this guy's cubicle: No, not just because he has dreamy eyes and a beard that says both "I may be homeless" and "I'm saving that pizza for later." Because behind him there be dinosaurs...and because he works for Pixar. Now, before you go too far, this man is Greg Dykstra (no relation to Lenny...actually, I have no way of knowing that). He has not directed a movie for Pixar, so it is very likely he's going to be making a short film for them (that's how they roll at the best studio in America...they treat those pre-feature short films like triple A baseball affiliates, warming up their talent for their shot at the big time). No matter what, it looks like this tiny clip of a behind-the-scenes featurette has given us conclusive, dare I say rock-effing-solid proof that Pixar and dinosaurs may meet in a world other than my imagination. I just got the good tummy tingle.
2.) I will stare at this movie- These days, what passes for a comedy concept is as follows: Option 1 - "Hey, what would happen if the guy from Paul Blart turned into a chicken at night?" Option 2 - "Hey, we should make a sequel to Man-Chicken." Option 3 - "Hey, we should turn Roots into a movie...only we'll make it a comedy starring Ashton Kutcher and Renee Zellweger" That's why I'm excited about The Men Who Stare at Goats, which isn't a Cohen brothers movie, but sure looks like one. I don't have much to say, other than, watch this trailer and tell me you won't see it.
3.) So, this means the White Zombie reunion tour is still off? - If you were sitting there thinking, I sure do like Rob Zombie...well f**k you. I kid, of course, you're entitled to love whoever you want so long as you promise not to want to marry them. Anyhoodle, Variety is reporting that Zombie isn't done with the remake-shenanigans and tomfoolery, as he is going to make a $30-million, R-rated version of The Blob, presumably because the people at the studio are too tired to light their money on fire. Given the groundbreaking special effects work on "The Biggest Loser," there is a chance that the visuals alone will be worth it. That said, there's no reason for this film to exist other than a contractual obligation between all of humanity to duplicate every single work of art before we are wiped off the planet by swine flu or whatever. So, thanks Rob Zombie for agreeing to keep us on pace for extinction!
4.) Here's how this works, you say Rachel Weisz and I agree to see your movie - Alejandro Amenabar is a talented filmmaker who looks like he's ready to take a big step. How big? Like the start of the Dark Ages big. Like giant Roman setpieces and Rachel Weisz in a toga big. Supposedly, Angora is about a woman who tries to reason against religious fanatics who threaten to usher in the Dark Ages. Wait, religious fanaticism that results in backward progress of humanity? A woman who is shouted down for using reason by people with pitchforks and fire? It is a good thing this is in no way applicable to modern life. You know what you never see? A logic fanatic. "I'm going to burn this whole place down in the name of rational thought." Here's the foreign trailer.
5.) We now begin the slow, inevitable march towards District 10 - We all know it's going to happen. You don't make a movie as good or as profitable as District 9 and not have Hollywood hook up a milk machine to the creative teat until the thing runs dry. So, no shock that Neil Blomkamp told Scifiwire that he's begun kicking around ideas. One of which is the inevitable District 10, which would follow the main character of Wikus (somehow) and yet will take place on earth still. There's also the chance that a prequel may be considered, though I think we've explored a lot of those concepts in the shorthand within District 9. Blomkamp doesn't seem to want to take the film off earth, but allow me to offer a bit of advice: The shaky-cam, docu-style of this film was a surprise. It won't be next time. Don't try to repeat the same thing. Go Aliens to your Alien and make a united-but-different movie. Take it off world. Use the budget they'll give you. You have a great voice, now use it! Supposedly, the man of the sci-fi hour will be making another project first. I'm there. Whatever it is. I'm there.
That's it for the junk drawer. Sorry it was late. It will likely happen again.
BY THE HOARY HOSTS OF HOGGOTH! This is perhaps the best idea that doesn't start with "We should give Ryan Syrek all of this money" or "I'm Natalie Portman, and I have too many clothes on and am nowhere near Ryan Syrek." We have no reason to believe there's even a chance this will take shape. I mean, it would take years for them to get such a project ready, and supposedly the film is in more advanced state than that...but COME ON! This is literally the best option for this material. Dr. Strange is going to have a hard time fitting into the world Marvel has already established. Plus, if you're going to do it right and live action, the budget is going to be absolutely enormous for a character that, let's face it, isn't a household name (maybe it's the ridiculous facial hair?). However, if you slap Pixar's brand on it, you INSTANTLY get more people into it. The only reason this won't happen is because someone hates things that are good and hates me. Of course, this is based on the conversation that one comic book artist I've never heard of had with Disney months ago. Oh, Internets, why do you taunt us so?
BY THE HOARY HOSTS OF HOGGOTH! This is perhaps the best idea that doesn't start with "We should give Ryan Syrek all of this money" or "I'm Natalie Portman, and I have too many clothes on and am nowhere near Ryan Syrek." We have no reason to believe there's even a chance this will take shape. I mean, it would take years for them to get such a project ready, and supposedly the film is in more advanced state than that...but COME ON! This is literally the best option for this material. Dr. Strange is going to have a hard time fitting into the world Marvel has already established. Plus, if you're going to do it right and live action, the budget is going to be absolutely enormous for a character that, let's face it, isn't a household name (maybe it's the ridiculous facial hair?). However, if you slap Pixar's brand on it, you INSTANTLY get more people into it. The only reason this won't happen is because someone hates things that are good and hates me. Of course, this is based on the conversation that one comic book artist I've never heard of had with Disney months ago. Oh, Internets, why do you taunt us so?
