Weekend Box Office Results: We all owe Jimmy Cameron an apology

It's too early to do this, I know, but somebody has to ask...does Avatar have a chance at taking the global box office all-time title? After next weekend it is going to be number two all-time and will likely eclipse $400 million domestic, making it 2009's top-grossing film (I don't care if it was split between 2009/2010, it helps to wipe the poop stain that is Transformers 2 off the collective cultural underpants). Jimmy C will officially have the top 2 films EVER. That's insane. What say you? Does it have another $700 million in it, or is 2nd all time where it stops? Lord, go back in time about 2 months and tell me that I'm asking this question and I won't believe you. Actually, if you came from the future and THAT was what you wanted to ask/tell me, I would do more to you than just not believe you. Anyway, here's this week's results, haiku style.

1.) Avatar - $68 million (Accuracy of prediction - 92.5%)

I can't believe it.
James Cameron really IS king.
He should so Knight me.

2.) Sherlock Holmes - $38 million (Accuracy of prediction - 92%)

A franchise is born!
Who will play Moriarty?
Still hoping Brad Pitt!

3.) Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel - $36 million (Accuracy of prediction - 92%)

Two chipmunk movies,
and no Thundercat movies.
Where is the justice?

4.) It's Complicated - $18.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

Hey, I had a thought:
This is kind of like Twilight...
but for old people.

5.) The Blind Side - $12.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 86%)

I have nothing left.
This movie won't go away.
I have New-Moon-itis.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 92%

Wow! I got an A!
Twenty ten has a good start...
but this too shall pass.

Okay gang, happy Monday! Remember, Christmas vacation is a mere 50 weeks away!

Fearless, Flawless Predictions

As you likely guessed by this post, I ain't bloggin' tomorrow. Sorry. You'll be hung over anyway. So will I. I want you to enjoy yourself out there. Eat some food. See a movie. Drink a beer. Eat a beer movie. Live it up.

Here are the last predictions of aught nine (haiku style):

1.) Avatar - $58 million

I guess we were wrong.
This is a big, fat ole hit.
It's budget was fine.

2.) Sherlock Holmes - $44 million

Elementary
Downey Jr is a God.
Johnny Depp, suck it.

3.) Alvin and the Chipmunks The Squekquel - $30 million

The Chipmunks won't leave
They're little high-pitched assholes.
Does that sound bitter?

4.) It's Complicated - $17 million

Old people love this
They remember Steve Martin.
Meryl Streep does rule.

5.) The Blind Side - $9 million

200 million?
For a Bullock football film?
Where is the punchline?

WILDCARD - Up in the Air - $9 million

Oscars are coming
Best believe this has a chance
It's Clooney-rific!

That's it gang! Happy, happy, happy New Year. Click on my ads. That's the last desperate plea for cash I'll make this year!

Weekend Box Office Results: Avatarded

James Cameron, king of the world, is not the king of weather patterns. If he was more like Storm from the X-men and less like the douche who runs The Gap at the mall and thinks he has some immeasurable amount of power, he would have been able to stave off the Eastern snowstorm that probably took a good $5-10 million from his total. The numbers would have been records, and everyone would be squawking about how "Jimmy boy has done it again." I mean, it did nearly $250 million worldwide opening weekend, so I think he's okay, but do remember that the film doesn't earn a dime (allegedly) until he doubles that. I sincerely believe that Jim's next "leap forward" in technology will likely be a weather controlling device now.

Here's how the weekend went (haiku style):

1.) Avatar - $77 million (Accuracy of prediction - 98.5%)

That's a huge number
But it should have been huger
Will they go...again?

2.) The Princess and the Frog - $12 million (Accuracy of prediction - 71%)

Hey, what's going on?
This is SUCH a great movie.
You saw Ice Age 3?!?!!?!

3.) The Blind Side - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 85%)

This film just won't stop.
Double digits every week.
Bullock owns us all.

4.) Did You Hear About the Morgans? - $7 million (Accuracy of prediction - 64.5%)

Bye bye SJP.
Beyond "Sex and the City"
You are just worthless.

5.) Twilight: New Moon - $4.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 0%)

No, no, no, no, no
How is this still happening?
Twilight ruins it ALL!

Overall accuracy of prediction - 63.8%

A dreadful outing.
I can only blame Twilight...
for so very much

Sorry it was late guys!

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Folks, I'm about to go on vacation for like 2 weeks. I wouldn't be more excited if the Bears were still in playoff contention...okay, yes I would. Point is, I'll keep on blogging as often as possible, but the times are going to be irregular from here on out. Not that you care, but I do. I am so happy. Happy, happy, happy. Thus, the box office prediction haikus may not be as bitter this week! Yay.

Here is how I see the weekend shaking out (haiku style):

1.) Avatar - $79 million

Warrior smurf time!
3D effects should be great...
but not the writing.

2.) The Princess and the Frog - $19 million

Enchanting for kids
Entertaining for adults
I loved this movie.

3.) The Blind Side - $13 million

Oh, Sandra Bullock,
a DOUBLE Golden Glober.
Who would have thought it?

4.) Did You Hear About the Morgans? - $12 million

Bad choice of title.
It gives me too many jokes.
Like "Yes, and they suck."

5.) Invictus - $7 million

No award love here?
If it can't score Golden Globes,
it WON'T score Oscars.

WILDCARD - A Christmas Carol - $7 million

It just keeps going.
The "hit" I tend to forget.
It will be gone soon.

Okay, that's it folks. I could not be more excited for a Friday. Good luck out there shopping, and I'll catch you later.

Weekend Box Office Results: My dead heart feels joy

I've had a rough few weeks for being chipper. Between car troubles, a schedule that has prevented Christmas preparation, and now a plumbing leak, I'm ready to off Cindy Lou Who with a hatchet. Yet, it brings my cold, dead Heston-esque heart joy to see that The Princess and the Frog is the number one movie this week. How pleasing that a sweet, hand-drawn tale claimed the crown (and will hopefully keep raking in money). Why, it's enough to make one want to pen poetry.

Here are the results (haiku style):

1.) The Princess and the Frog - $25 million (Accuracy of prediction - 80%)

This is a classic,
for once Disney didn't err
when it came to race!

2.) The Blind Side - $15 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)

You can't stop Sandra.
You can only contain her.
This is her world now.

3.) Invictus - $9 million (Accuracy of prediction - 65%)

Nelson Mandela?
Clint Eastwood and Matt Damon?
How is this not first?

4.) Twilight: New Moon - $8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94%)

Last week...THE LAST WEEK!
I will suffer no longer.
Be gone vile movie.

5.) A Christmas Carol - $6.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

It just keeps going.
I'll never be free of this.
But it's not New Moon!!!!

Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 85%

Not a bad outing.
I oft overestimate.
I'm an optimist.

Okay, that's it, I'm off to fix leaks and cry.

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

If there's a skip in my step and a wiggle in my waggle, it's only because this is probably the last week Twilight: New Moon will be haiku captured. That's right, as of next week, we return to 100% angstwolf/bipolarvamp free coverage...can I get an AMEN? This week also sees the return of Disney's hand-drawn animation and Morgan Freeman as Nelson Mandela. It's about as inspiring a weekend as ever has been seen. Rejoice, movie fans, the time is now for awesome!

Here's how I see it, haiku style:

1.) The Princess and the Frog - $35 million

Ah, my youth RETURNS!
Goofy songs, hand-drawn cartoons...
I am so happy.

2.) Invictus - $18 million

Hey, Morgan Freeman,
be like Nelson Mandela,
in your REAL life, too.

3.) The Blind Side - $15 million

This is a monster.
It may make 200 mil
Suck on that, Twilight.

4.) Twilight: New Moon - $7 million

For now, it leaves us.
But the series is not done.
Oh, it will return.

5.) A Christmas Carol - $6 million

This movie lingers,
like unwanted Christmas guests.
It's time to go home.

WILDCARD - Brothers - $5.5 million

I love Natalie.
She is everywhere right now.
It's still not enough.

That's it gang. Have a good weekend!

Weekend Box Office Results: The reign of terror is finally over

We live in a new world today, my bloggies. If you feel like you're no longer weighed down by an invisible but incredibly obese squirrel perched on your shoulder, that's because Twilight: New Moon is no longer the number one movie in America. How bad is this franchise? I'm excited that a movie in which Sandra Bullock's Southern accent sounds like a grade-school paste eater trying to pronounce "broccoli" with rocks in his mouth is now number one.

Rejoice with me as the ancients did...with haiku:

1.) The Blind Side - $20 million (Accuracy of prediction - 98%)

Some facts are just facts.
This is Sandra Bullock's world.
We just live in it.

2.) Twilight: New Moon - $15 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)

Dropping like a rock,
this reign of terror is done.
But, yes, it still hurts.

3.) Brothers - $9.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 67%)

Better than I thought.
Why did I doubt Natalie?
Can you forgive me?

4.) A Christmas Carol - $8 million (Accuracy of prediction - 0%)

I say BAH HUMBUG!
The Muppet take is better.
Michael Caine's Scrooge rules.

5.) Old Dogs - $7 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95%)

We're one week closer
to forgetting this exists.
I can't wait for that.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 70%

If Santa's watching,
yes, this result was naughty.
It wasn't my fault.

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

You know, even though I was busy scampering around the countryside of Decatur, Nebraska last Friday, gathering wood to help heat my father-in-law's house (yep, for real), my heart was wondering what my haikus might have looked like for the week. I pondered whether people were sitting in front of their computers, crying and gnashing their teeth, begging for some glimpse into the future, demanding pithy comments about whether or not Twilight would continue it's domination. That daydreaming ended when I dropped a giant log on my knee. It hurt less than watching Twilight (zing!).

Here are this week's predictions (haiku style, yo):

1.) The Blind Side - $21 million

Sandra's biggest yet!
We all know the real hero:
Mr. Tim McGraw.

2.) Twilight: New Moon - $18 million

Let's face some facts, gang.
Nobody cares what I think,
with money like this.

3.) Armored - $10 million

I will not see this.
But armadillo jokes rule.
Get it? It's "armored."

4.) 2012 - $8 million

The world ends like this.
Not as is seen IN the film,
but because of it.

5.) Old Dogs - $7.5 million

Best. Review. Ever.
Quote: If this was a person,
then I would stab it.

WILDCARD - Brothers - $7 million

Oh, no, Natalie.
I love you so much, but...why?
Why did you do this?

Okay gang, that's it. Enjoy holiday shopping madness and maybe a little sleep mixed in (not for me, but you know, maybe for you).

Weekend Box Office Results: Twilight - 2, Humanity - 0

Wow, I knew that it would be big...I had no idea it would be THIS big. Posting a record opening day (more than $70 million), the business did dramatically drop off (so it didn't beat Batman's opening total take). Still, New Moon proved that this series is going to be one of the most profitable ever. This is a good and bad thing: Good because I do like the studio Summit for the most part (other than that whole ram-rodding Catherine Hardwicke thing); bad because that's what the movies are. At least it will take the record of least-deserving-top-grossing franchise away from the Star Wars prequels. Oh, quick programming note: Today, tomorrow, and Wednesday will be regularly blogged...I'm out Thursday and Friday. You'll live.

Here's the results (haiku style):

1.) Twilight New Moon - $140.7 million (Accuracy of prediction - 83%)

There's no stopping this.
Well, maybe spreading rumors?
It gives you herpes!!

2.) The Blind Side - $34.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 63%)

Holy crap, Sandra!
This is a huge year for you!
Enjoy it....FOR NOW!!!!

3.) 2012 - $26.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 87%)

It's a hit for John!
Not that he's the main star here.
The main star is death.

4.) Planet 51 - $12.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 82%)

I will forget this
As soon as the week is out
What was I saying?

5.) A Christmas Carol - $12 million (Accuracy of prediction - 75%)

This is fading fast
Scrooge has no staying power.
A Viagra ad?

Overall accuracy of prediction - 78%

This was a down week
And not just thanks to Twilight
Although it does suck.

That's it for Monday, happy short week everybody!

Fearless, flawless box office predictions

I wonder what's going to be number one at the box office this weekend? You know, they should really just run the damn Twilight movie for two weeks and put it on DVD. EVERYONE who wants to see it is going to see it right away and then the audience is going to dry up faster than...there's just no good way to end that metaphor. Anyway, people are projecting more than $100 million this weekend, which won't happen. The midnight showings will set records, Friday will likely be a record, and then it will sharply drop as everyone who wants to see it will have seen it. I'm not looking forward to like 5 weeks of having to make poetry about Twilight, but them's the breaks. Let's get round one over with. Also, let's all agree not to call it the "Twilight Saga." It's not important enough to get a saga, it can only get a sag.

Here's how I see it (haiku style):

1.) Twilight: New Moon - $93 million

Vampire love is back
You women deserve better
It makes my eyes bleed.

2.) 2012 - $25 million

No plot. No story.
No characterization.
Better than Twilight.

3.) The Blind Side - $16 million

Oh, Sandra Bullock,
That's not a southern accent.
That's Foghorn Leghorn.

4.) A Christmas Carol - $15.5 million

What's next for Carrey?
Another Christmas movie?
Why not. No one cares.

5.) Planet 51 - $15 million

Barely heard of this
and I'm a huge movie nerd.
That doesn't bode well.

WILDCARD - Precious - $8.5 million

This is not a sprint
It's a marathon release
It will keep going.

That's it this week, gang. Have a good, restful weekend. I know I need one!