Cutting Room Floor is home to a sea of snark and snippets about upcoming movies, rumors about films, and other assorted nonsense. Sure, the information is mostly accumulated from other reputable sources, but the sarcasm is 100% home grown.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions
I'm just going to get right to it because I really don't have that many deep thoughts this weekend. One crappy new movie comes out, that will be number one. Other than that, you enjoy the last nice weekend of weather, have yourself some trick-or-treating shenanigans, and generally frolic and be merry. K?
Here's the box office prediction haikus all the kids love these days.
1.) Saw 3D - $26 million
This is the sixth Saw. So why not call it Saw 6? Those guys can't count good.
2.) Paranormal Activity 2 - $20 million
Look! Now you see it, now you don't...or now you won't. In which case, nice call.
3.) Jackass 3D - $9 million
One day, we'll look back and we'll ask why everything was in damn 3D.
4.) Red - $9 million
Old people need love, or at least movies to see. That explains this one.
5.) Hereafter - $8 million
This one is scary. Not in terms of on-screen stuff, just scary boring.
WILDCARD - The Social Network - $6 million
Soon this will be gone, but it's legacy remains! See you Oscar night!
That's it. You have a blast this weekend. Figuratively, no more explosives for you.
I will never be finished talking about something involving "Lost," no matter how peripheral it may be. News broke today that the show being created and pitched by the producers of "Lost" is called "Once Upon a Time," which I hate. It's also totally about "modern fairy tales," is a "mix of sci fi and fantasy with a strong mystery element" and features a "female protagonist." Well, other than the title, I am totally pumped. I mean, obviously a lot depends on who you hire as the female protagonist. Yes, the mix of sci-fi and mystery is compelling, but it really comes down to who anchors your show as the lead. I mean, with a show that's going to be this far on the edge, and given the loyalty that many fans had to "Lost," you're going to need someone that fans can really cling to and hold on to with all their hearts (and minds and other things). There's no one right answer. I mean, there are so many talented, talented young actresses out there. Let's just say that I'm thrilled that they are not going with another boring, stale old male in the lead. It's nice to have a powerful female character, no matter who plays the part. The important thing to remember is that it's about what will work best for the show, not what will work best for momentary buzz or short-term attention. Who has the talent to steer a show for 5-6 years? THAT's the real question, you know? Like does anybody out there that we're familiar with, that these producers in particular are comfortable with, have the ability to really take the first show post-"Lost" from these creators in an exciting direction?
Because excitement is what this is about, you know.
If anyone has any suggestions as to who should be the lead, you just let me know.
Sometimes I forget that there's a Captain America movie actually shooting right now. As much as I love me some Spider-man (always number one in my book, Wolverine can suck it), Captain America has always struck me as the character with the best chance of translating to the big screen...if only because we can all totally believe that our government would inject a skinny dude with chemicals to fight a war. Now, we finally get to see some shots from Entertainment Weekly that prove that not only is there a movie being filmed somewhere in Europe, but it looks...really good. That first shot really gives me goosebumps. It just works, doesn't it. He somehow is capturing that whole "I'm just a kid who is thrown into war and suddenly I'm a superhero" with the whole "I have the confidence to lead" thing...and this is just a picture.
This next one is going to bulge eyes (and for some folks, other parts) for other reasons. HOLY CRAP YO. I mean, I'm not saying he used steroids, but that dude used a lot of schmeroids. He's like twice the size he was a few months ago. That's not a normal thing. It's like they injected him with some kind of chemical that made him get...whoa...I just got that.
How great is that? You see Hugo Weaving pre-red face as The Red Skull AND you get to see the device they put Steve Rogers in to MAKE him Captain America. Again, somehow this is crossing the line between real and fantasy just perfectly. I mean, it looks comic booky AND some how 1940s sci-fi authentic. If it's me, I go with that as the poster. Good God does that make me thrilled. I just love it so very much. Folks, we may have something great on our hands here. It's too early to tell, but unlike the Green Lantern photos in EW which made my sphincter recoil, these just delighted me to no end. Again, DC...feel free to TRY to be more like Marvel.
First off, happy Friday. All you have to do is make it another few hours and you are granted your weekend reprieve...which you will undoubtedly use doing stuff that is not reprieving (I may have just made that word up).
Second, this is the adorable Aubrey Plaza, who has a name as quirky as her lovably cute look.
Look at her. She snuggles with cats whilst wearing whimsical leggings while sitting atop what may or may not be the body of a dead hipster. How great is that? You may recognize her from "Parks and Recreation." You may know her from Scott Pilgrim vs the World. If you know her from Mystery Team, I love you and we need to hang out more. She is the EXACT type of actress I want to be uber-famous. She has a reasonably proportioned, non-wafer-thin body, a unique sense of style, great comic timing, and a subtle delivery. More please. Well, studios have listened, as she will star in The Hand Job, which will not be called that. The script, which has gotten tons of great press, follows a high school graduate who decides she needs more sexual experience before going to college. It's a raunchy comedy...WITH A GIRL IN THE LEAD?! Oh my God! Will the universe implode? I mean, we're talking about letting WOMEN be FUNNY and talk FRANKLY about sex? FROM THEIR PERSPECTIVE?!?! Obviously, this sounds to me like the most refreshingly good idea regarding teen comedies in forever. I look forward to seeing it when it's called something else entirely. Seriously, can you see asking "Can I get two for The Hand Job."
With great junk, comes great responsibility - "Better Off Ted"
I kind of hate this week. It's been all full of weirdness and weak. It's a weak, weird week. Look at what it's done to me! I'm jibbering and jabbering and I don't even know what I'm talking about. It's time to get myself together, if for no other reason than this is the day I expose my junk to you. It may be someone's first time seeing my junk this week, and I want to make a good first impression. Because once someone has an impression about your junk, they will tell EVERYBODY that impression. "Oh, his junk is lame." I don't want that. I can't have people out there saying "Have you seen Ryan's Junk? I have, and it is not good." I want people to say how magnificent it was, how you were surprised at all it contained!
Obviously, I'm talking about my figurative junk...as in the movie news that I deem too small to warrant a full blog post. I realize that it sounded like I was talking about something else, but this is a PG-13 rated site at best. Okay, sometimes I dabble my toes in the R-rated waters...but it always feels like someone peed in that side of the pool. Anyway, as you know, we begin every weekly edition of my Junk Drawer column by looking at the creepy-ass image above from Highlights Magazine FOR CHILDREN and picking an item I write a goofy story about.
Today's item is the green and red tube in the lower right corner. Knowing full well the cycle of fads, what with the resurgence of skinny jeans and such, Karen knew that if she prepared herself, she could be ahead of the game. Armed with a bedazzler, limited sewing ability, and a passion for ridiculous accessories, she began amassing a staggering number of glittery, fuzzy leg warmers. She couldn't for the life of her figure out why people had stopped wearing them in the first place, what with how your shins felt like you were wearing pants even though you weren't and the awesome, raw, potent sexuality they unleashed. She knew it was only a matter of time before the populous awoke and realized that the only thing that would spell their thirst for sweater sleeves you wear on your legs were legwarmers! And she would be ready. Oh yes. She would be ready.
Okay, enough Tomfoolery and shenanigans. Let's get physical! Here's the Junk Drawer items for this week.
1.) Everything goes exactly as expected. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz - These bits of news were splashed across everyone else's Web site yesterday. But I stand from the pack. I mean, do you see other sites out there spending a good portion of time inventing stories about leg warmers and writing suggestive introductions about their junk? I didn't think so. Look, I didn't report on these things in depth because I find both of them as shocking as when CNN pundits press a button that turns Kentucky red on an electoral map. Here we go. Peter Jackson will, in fact, shoot The Hobbit in New Zealand despite all sorts of previous problems with labor unions (sorry, this is about New Zealand, so I think I have to use the foreign labour spelling, because nothing says "we ain't in America" like an unneeded U). Yippee! Look, it's good news because the films will look the same and it should be filmed there, just for consistency, but honestly did anyone think they wouldn't be? Put your hand down Guy Who Falls For Got Your Nose.
The other boring news is that James Cameron will be doingAvatar 2 and 3 next. First off, this is so stupid that he should be forced to have the guy on the right in this picture follow him around during the entire production of these films. "I LOVE THE NAVI SO MUCH I JUST WANT TO BE ONE! Also, I really want Dave Matthews to get back to his roots, you know." Seriously, take off the face paint and that guy looks like the date rapist in a "Law and Order: SVU" episode. Anyway, I don't care to see sequels to these films, and just because he said these are his next movies that doesn't mean anything. Given his track record with his "next" project, we could be waiting until 2024. And by waiting, I mean not caring.
2.) Double-decker Cruise news - Maybe that should read "upper decker" Cruise news because both ideas are kind of stinky. Cristopher McQuarrie, who shall be forever loved in my book because he wrote The Usual Suspects, says that Maverick is the lead in Top Gun 2. That's in direct opposition to rumors that Tom Cruise would only cameo in the film. Is he willing to do a full-on sequel? I mean, I guess so. It's not like he's too big to ignore the possibility now. I can't wait to return to the character of Maverick, who has such a rich tapestry of emotions to demonstrate...like boning hot chicks and being angry. I hope the villain is somehow Meg Ryan. That would be awesome. Oh, and in the second half of this news, Cruise was offered a role in the big screen Rock of Ages, which I'm told is a musical about rock music but sounds like it would give me ear herpes.
Tommy loved that joke. Anyway, I don't know if he can sing (no, no he can't), I don't know if he can dance (no, no he can't), but he may take this because he apparently really wants to sing and dance. Look for his wife to be given some role in it as well, which is great news because she needs to come up for air soon or she'll die.
3.) I want Harley Quinn. My ideas are the best. - You have no idea how much I want to be right about the upcoming plot for The Dark Knight Rises. I know I'm probably not, but hear me out. We know that Chris Nolan is meeting with young actresses. The assumption is Catwoman or a new love interest. The process is so secretive that not even the people auditioning know what they're auditioning for. I so badly want it to be Harley Quinn. Let me tell you how this would work and why it would be awesome.
How it would work: We know that Nolan has said his plan was to have the Joker return in the next film before Heath Ledger died. We know that he won't replace the role. We also know that, within the film, the Joker was HOPING that Batman would kill him at the end. That was part of his end game, trying to make Batman lower himself. I like the idea that there may have been a plot past that. As in, the Joker either had a contingency plan for if Batman only captured him or a next step if Batman killed him. Either way, he's out of the picture, which would mean that he couldn't be the guy doing stuff. So why not have it set up for someone else to take over the Joker's plan. It's reasonable and consistent with the character as presented to believe that he would have seen this coming. Don't make this a revenge movie where his girlfriend takes up his mantle, make this a logical extension of the last film. Okay, why it's awesome. Because it keeps things consistent, because it lets you play with the themes you wanted to play with, because its unexpected!!! But beyond that, two more good reasons. 1 - It would automatically represent a great female character for Nolan, who has been accused of not having too many of those. 2 - It would avoid the cliches of every other major villain you could think of. I love this idea. I hope that this is actually what's happening even though I'm sure it's not. Nolan, it isn't too late! Make this happen!
4.) Zach Galifianakis gets my dream job - He's going to play with Muppets. We don't know the role, some have speculated he'll just be a voice. We don't know how big that role will be, but he's only going to be involved for a few days of shooting according to rumors. All I know is that his sense of humor is so completely perfect for the off-kilter universe of Muppets that it makes my heart almost as happy as this:
If this was a daily segment it would be the best part of every day. Anyway, Zacky-G is going to chill with the fuzzy folks. All is right with the world.
5.) Trailers, Parked - Two weird ones for you this week. First up is Rare Exports, a movie that involves a creepy take on Santa. It isn't your goofy slasher Santa movie, but a dark comedic/serious take on the origins of the child judger. Lord does this intrigue me.
Brother's Justice is another mockumentary, and I'm pretty much over them. It looks kind of funny, and I like the folks involved, I just can't really get all that jazzed over anything that looks like this anymore. Oh, I'll probably see it, but I ain't all tingly about it.
Okay, that's it gang. Hopefully a weird week means a great weekend, so let's hook up tomorrow to talk weekend plans. Have a great Thursday.
Greetings throngs of readers who visit this column filled with awesome things that should be bought who never buy those things for me! With Christmas stalking us in the corner like a fat ninja, I would imagine that people would be contacting me at film@thereader.com like CRAZY to start sending me products to test out and enjoy so that I may promote them for the world to gobble up for presents come holiday time. Sadly, my inbox is emptier than the Tea Party's "good idea" box. Oh well, I guess I'll continue to shill for items that I find to be incredibly wicked awesome, even if I have to love them from afar. For those who say "why don't you just buy them for yourself," I hope you click 30 ads on this site today, because that's the only way that will happen. Obviously, this is just dark sarcasm, I only want to share fun things with you. But seriously, though, click the ads.
Here's what I want this week:
1.) Well, there goes my health plan - For the last 6 months I've run about 2 miles a day after doing some light weight lifting. The result has been...well, nobody really saying much of anything. Then again, I don't have a lot of friends or people who look at me in "that way." So, the real way I've consoled myself is knowing that I'm possibly allowing myself to live until they find the immortality pill. Health is its own reward! Well, there goes that. I know that it's made for kids. I know that the apparent recommended serving size as shown above is a Dixie cup. I also want it. You have no idea how much I love Heath Blizzards...and Boston Cream Pie Blizzards...and Banana Cream Pie Blizzards. You know what, don't buy me this. I know it's only 30 bucks and seems like fun, but for once your unwillingness to give me crap I ask for could save my life and hard work. Damn you, DQ. Damn you to hell.
2.) "Raising Hope" got me thinking - First off, that's a funny show. Second, it reminded me that Shrinky Dinks exist. Then ThinkGeek.com did the same thing. I know this says "Creativity for Kids" right on the front and, when combined with the above item I want, makes me look really dumb or creepy. I don't care. I just miss Shrinky Dinks. If I had a Blizzard I made while making Shrinky Dinks, I'd be happy. I'd also be 8, but I'd be happy.
3.) This is for a friend - I do love this shirt, which requires two photos. How great is that? I also may or may not know someone who is currently very invested in The Tin Man. This may or may not be a great idea for him. How great is that shirt? Very. Threadless.com. But you knew that, right?
I gotta hurry, as everyone with fingers, access to the Internet, and a love of Batman (so, all middle class white dudes) are typing furiously in an effort to finish in fifth or sixth place in the race to bring you the first real, tangible news from the mouth of Christopher Nolan.
First, the really shocking part. You never bought Rachel Dawes did you? I mean, sure Batman got all blubbery when she went kablooey, but have YOU seen a mainstream, big-budget movie where the hero didn't shag the lead actress? Neither Katie Holmes nor Maggie Gyllenhaal took a ride on the bat pole, and that whole business about those models Bruce Wayne bought to come with him but then never appeared interested in, can you say "the best beards money can buy." Yes, the third Batman film will be a musical titled The Dark Knight Gets His; it will feature Robin, who will earn his boy wonder title, and the villain will be the group behind Proposition 8. As much as I'm kidding, I now want someone to actually make this as a viral video for the Eliminate H8 campaign. Speaking of which, how have we not gotten an update about the fast-tracking of that Prop 8 case in California. Sorry, waaaaay off topic now.
Obviously, Nolan is not brave enough to allow Batman to affirm who we all know he really is. No, the big jaw-droppers that Nolan unleashed were these: The film is called The Dark Knight Rises (which still could feature the plot I mention above), and The Riddler...is NOT the father. Sorry, too much Maury. Is NOT the villain. This (A) lends credence to Mark Millar's rambling lies regarding Killer Croc as the villain (and the role that Tom Hardy was cast in), and that fact (B) is going to make me reconsider bumping Millar down on my master list of lying liars.
Nolan also issued the cryptic utterance that "We'll use many of the same characters we have all along, and we'll be introducing some new ones." Does this mean Two-Face is back? I doubt it. I think Tom Hardy is the villain, and God help me I think he's Killer Croc. I suppose Two-Face could still come back and tie the whole thing together, but I kind of like one idea that was tossed out there and somewhat dismissed. I kind of like the idea of Harley Quinn.
I know, I know. She's always been thought of as the Joker's raunchy sidekick, but what if...what if the best way to get close to the original plan that Nolan had for the return of the Joker is to treat Harley as the reincarnation of that character. To have her so inspired by what he did that she takes over for him. Basically, make her the female Joker. Cast Marion Cotillard in it, who we know has talent, and let the original plan still occur.
This probably won't happen. We WILL get a new female character, and it will probably be the Catwoman. Yawn. But think about how cool that other idea is for a minute. Anyway, there's your first real groundbreaking news: No Riddler. Title is The Dark Knight Rises. Thanks to Hero Complexfor giving us non-lies.
First off, thanks to a DVR glitch (thanks Cox, not only does your internet sporadically reset itself so that I have to cycle my router every 2-3 hours WHILE WORKING FROM HOME, but your DVR sometimes decides to record a program from 6:59 pm to 6:59 pm), I JUST watched last week's "Community." I have to say a few words, even though it has NOTHING to do with what I'm about to talk about.
THIS IS THE SMARTEST SHOW ON TELEVISION. Last week's episode, which was nowhere near the funniest or most enjoyable, solidified the fact that it is not just the most clever, creative comedy on TV. Oh no, it's the SMARTEST SHOW on television. Sorry people-who-think-a-show-has-to-be-dour-and-mean-to-women-in-order-to-be-valuable...and sorry "30 Rock," who just got bumped to second place on the smart show big board. Facts are facts, and after watching a brilliant visual essay on post-postmodernism, "Community" is unparalleled. Not only was it a wink-and-nod at how the show has evolved into non-stop wink-and-nodding, but it tackled issues of naval-gazing filmmakers and blasted close-minded religious folks AND hard-headed atheists...before AFFIRMING the power of filmmaking and creating and embracing those committed to religious beliefs and atheists who are just doing what they believe. That's in a 22-minute COMEDY that also had a pretty funny subplot. It also had the two best lines of dialogue on television this year.
In second place: Said in reference to the time it takes to decipher complex meta-meta-meta filmmaking - "I mean, come on Charlie Kaufman, some of us got work in the morning."
In first place: This is just too great. "The Bible has been called the greatest story ever told." "Ben Lyons said the same thing about I Am Legend." - Folks, it DOES NOT get better than that.
Long, long, long, unrelated aside now complete. Watch "Community" or you're dead to me.
Okay, now the news I've come here to tell you. Darren Aronofsky wants to direct a movie about this guy. Okay, not really. But kind of. See that IS Marvel Comic's Machine Man. And Aronofsky is directing a movie about Machine Man. Just not that Machine Man. Supposedly, the auteur is climbing behind the camera to direct a movie based on a novel that was released a page a day online. It's about a guy who replaces his body parts with metal. It sounds very Chuck Pahlaniuk-meets...well, Darren Aronofsky. It seems like a really good fit. The big issue this morning was that people were kind of confused how that would fit in with his current task of directing Wolverine 2. That was the moment at which most people realized, "Hey, we still haven't officially heard Aronofsky is directing Wolverine 2." It's been assumed, talked about, discussed, and even mentioned by the lead actor (Hugh Jackman), but we have yet to see official confirmation that the man signed on to direct a trainwreck...I mean, quality superhero film for 20th Century F-you. Chances are, he's just putting another film in the hopper, queuing it up for when he's finished with the mega-budget bonanza that nobody needs. Then again, maybe he's hedging his bets. I'm guessing the sticking point on that Wolvie 2 contract ain't money. I'm guessing it's a "Please don't force me to f**k up my movie at the last minute" clause, guaranteeing the studio can't come at him in the 11th hour with a note like "What if Wolverine suddenly could fly and fought Megan Fox?" Until they've worked out every issue, I remain leery that a guy who has yet to make even a modestly budgeted major studio film is going to agree to be their lap dog. We shall see. At least he has a backup if they balk.
Justin reviewed this one so I didn't have to. FYI: I totally got his back and have absolutely no remorse about another Eastwood panning. Suck it, Filthy Harry.
Slow Death Eastwood almost makes a movie about the afterlife Justin Senkbile
No matter how deserving it may be, there’s no way to feel good about panning a Clint Eastwood movie. The man is a force of nature: in just the last two years he’s directed and produced four films, composed the score for two of them and starred in one. And he’s 80. His resume certainly demands respect; unfortunately his latest film, Hereafter, is a silly, sappy mess.
Hereafter hops around the globe visiting its three main characters. First there’s Marie LeLay (Cécile de France), a Parisian journalist who’s just miraculously survived a tsunami, albeit with some odd after effects. Then there’s Marcus (Frankie McLaren), a young London boy with a junkie mother whose twin brother has recently died. And finally, our star Matt Damon plays George Lonegan, a disillusioned psychic turned factory worker.
Obviously, what these three characters have in common is their proximity to death, either their own or someone else’s. What's strange is that Eastwood doesn’t ever explore grief, fear of death or even spirituality. He simply describes people who have a close relationship to death. For over two hours. Sounds weird, right?
Death and loss are obviously compelling themes, but to make this story (by Peter Morgan, writer of Frost/Nixon and The Queen) work, they also have to remain pretty evanescent. The simplest explanation for Hereafter’s failure is that Eastwood, a product of traditional Hollywood genre cinema and one of the most classical directors working today, just isn’t suited for such a job. His old world instincts result in a film that, although clearly a very personal work, is so full of plot, details and explanations that there isn’t any room for the audience to reflect upon their own experiences and impressions of death and grief. More than the editing (there isn't nearly enough of it) or the dialogue (needs several re-writes), this is Hereafter’s essential problem. It’s like Norman Rockwell trying to work with Picasso’s perspective. Hats off for giving it a shot, but it’s not surprising that it didn’t quite work.
The overall film is disappointing, but quality tends to vary from scene to scene. And the same goes for the acting, with each of our principal cast members pulling off a genuinely compelling scene or two, only to deliver a strikingly awkward line reading a few moments later. Bryce Dallas Howard, as Melanie, a bubbly night school classmate of George's, leaves one of the film's few lasting impressions in this department, though she only appears briefly.
The bottom line is that in 129 minutes, I found only three reasons to see this movie: one wonderfully acted kitchen scene between Damon and Howard, one hilariously awful scene outside a palatial French hospital, and Miss de France, because she’s adorable. Everything else either feels emotionally shallow or is, frankly, uninteresting.
In spite of all this, let’s keep our hopes up for Eastwood’s next film. God knows its right around the corner.
Mark Wahlberg tells a teddy bear to say hello to his mother for him
If Mark Wahlberg wants us to forget this:
he's going to have to stop doing movies involving animals. Last week he was rumored for The Crow reboot, which did not excite me to a tiny degree. How small was my excitement? Smaller than Wahlberg's permanently exposed widdle nipples. This next project, though, may be a winner. He's going to star in Ted, which you won't believe is about what it is about. From "Family Guy" creator Seth McFarlane's warped brain comes his first live-action, feature film debut. It's a hard-R, $65 million budgeted movie...about a guy whose teddy bear comes to life and is a drug-using, womanizing monster. This means Wahlberg gets to do the role he does best: angry guy who can't believe what's happening to him. Plus, I get to keep making jokes based on him talking to animals. I swear to God if he does a movie that even sounds like it has a goat in it, I'm going to put the "I like your beard" clip on loop for days. This movie could be as hilarious as thinking about Wahlberg actually talking to a goat.
Good morning! 50 Cent is a piece of shit. Sorry, I know it's an abrupt way to start your Tuesday, but I thought I would just put that out there ahead of the story to follow.
Chances are, I wouldn't have wanted to see The Lives of Saints anyway, given that it's a pretentious sounding, multi-character, plotless, "everybody's lives intersect in Los Angeles" flick from writer/director Chris Rossi. Adding the adorable Kat Dennings was a nice move, as she doesn't get enough gigs for as charming as she can be, in comparison to vapid, shallow, wafer-thin starlets who gobble up screen time to compensate for what they're not eating. Then they added Meg Ryan, or the thing that swallowed Meg Ryan. Seriously, she looks like someone took a wax impression of Meg Ryan's face and put it on a mannequin. That's how that woman looks now. She did that to herself so she wouldn't "look old" and so she could "keep working." She hasn't appeared in anything in forever and looks like the "after" photo in a "this is what using silly putty impressions as the basis for plastic surgery can do for you" series.
Then they added this douche shaped like a human being. The talentless mumbler who should never have been famous in the first place has decided to be an actor, most likely because he's looking for a way to stop embarrassing himself with his "hip hop career," which will from now on get quotation marks to indicate how hilarious it is that he calls himself a musician. Why all the rage? Because after those gay teens killed themselves, 50 took to the internets to basically say "that's what all gay people should do." He did this because he's been plagued by rumors of his homosexuality for years. Obviously, the best way to deny being gay is to tear down the community. It works every time, just look at all those hateful closeted Republicans who dedicate their lives to denying the group they are forever destined to belong to the rights they deserve. I don't know if 50 Cent is gay. I think it's bull that most of that comes from his lispy voice, but think it's valid that he's constantly shirtless and writhing in body oil...because straight dudes don't typically do that. If he is gay and is in a violent stage of self-loathing, I somewhat pity him. I say somewhat because NOTHING excuses saying things that encourage tortured youths to harm themselves. He's a piece of shit. Until such time as he comes forward, outs himself, and becomes a dedicated spokesman to the community he betrayed, I will think he's a piece of shit. Happy Tuesday.
Weekend Box Office Results: Holy crap did you like Paranormal Activity 2
Well, I can safely say no one saw THIS coming. In a move that ensures we will be watching new low-budget Paranormal Activity movies for at least another few installments, America turned out in droves for the sequel to a film that I honestly can't believe ever got screened in the first place. Also, Red held well, Hereafter is not long for this world, and Jackass 3D plummeted but is still on pace for the $100 million club. Let's take a closer, mathematical look, shall we?
Haikus ahoy!
1.) Paranormal Activity 2 - $41.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 86.5%)
You know what this means? Just as Saw is closing up, this will take its place.
2.) Jackass 3D- $21.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96.5%)
So, how many times, can you watch poo and vomit in the theater?
3.) Red - $15 million (Accuracy of prediction - 93%)
This was a nice hold for folks losing hair and teeth. Get it? They are old.
4.) Hereafter- $12 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)
Eastwood thinks on death. That's really not surprising. He just shouldn't share.
5.) The Social Network - $7.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96.5%)
People still click like on the flick with a great script and no good women.
Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 94.5%
Perhaps my best week. That's not saying all that much, But I will take it.
One of these things (possibly both) is probably true. One of these things (possibly both) is probably false. Let's play "Guess What We're In For!"
First up is an extension of a rumor we spoke about last week. Looks like Top Gun 2 is happening. The twist is, Tony Scott is supposedly considering directing it. He doesn't want a remake or a reboot, he wants, as he says "a new thing." So I assume that means less blatant homoeroticism and a plot that doesn't involve the Russkies? If this happens, which is possible maybe even probable, with Scott at the helm, look for his shaky cam, hyper-cuts to make things so confusing you can't even tell when they're flying or not.
Second, and the one you should probably put your money on as being a load of Bantha poodoo, Lucas is supposedly considering more Star Wars movies.
We do this from time to time. We get so nostalgic for the series (the way it used to be), so bummed that what we got from the prequels was underwhelming, that we invent these possibilities of the man returning to form and redeeming himself and the franchise with a new series of films that will never, ever, never-ever happen. Supposedly, someone leaked that these would not involve the Skywalker clan and would take place far into the Star Wars universe's future. Ooh! I know, maybe they can have a group of robots and humanoids crash land on a prehistoric earth, since the first series took place "long ago." Maybe they can secretly abandon technology and start humanity on earth as we know it. Congratulations, Lucas, you can't get to that bad idea first.
Obviously, the free answer to our little game is that as much as we desperately want the redemption of a great new slate of Star Wars films, that's not going to happen. Especially not with fat human Ewok up there at the helm. I get chills watching video game commercials that are set within that universe because they so completely seem to get the feel that we all love. Lucas is surrounded by those who gets it but doesn't himself. It's kind of like the Emperor has no clothes, only the emperor has a neckbeard in this case.
First off, good Monday mornin' to ya. I followed last week's business week productive output with a productive weekend, so I'm on what they call in my world "a roll." Other than the Chicago Bears doing their best impression of the Washington Generals, I have few complaints. I have a headache, but it's nothing to write about...which I just did. Anyway, on to the light quantities of movie news that have emerged like a fart bubble in a bath this weekend.
Let's just go ahead and definitively state that if you are the human responsible for Sex and the City 2, you should just thank God we don't live in a region that endorses public stoning or your days would consist of ducking rocks. You should not, however, be allowed to make another movie with a high-profile cast that ensures your return to a position whereby you can deploy more refuse upon the world. The following ladies have agreed to support the career of a man (Michael Patrick King) who so clearly hates all women that he created Sex and the City 2 just to show them how wretched and lowly he finds them.
Those two are somewhat expected for what is described as an ensemble-based piece involving the Home Shopping Network (wow, sorry I was disparaging earlier, this sounds awesome...awesome means bowel-emptying right?). The final piece though is the one that will get attention. Boom. There it is. Enjoy the fresh bowl of crap you're about to be fed, ladies. Just tell yourself it tastes like chicken.
Get ready for fun and excitement at the box office this weekend. And by fun and excitement I mean movies involving scary, undead people and other movies that don't involve Clint Eastwood. Get it? Cause he's old. And scary. And I don't really like his movies that much. Anyway, we've got us a sequel to a horror movie, that comes the week before a sequel to a horror movie, and Matt Damon doing a Whoopie Goldberg impression (I mean talking to dead people, not storming off the set of "The View"). I'm not quite Reganing it this week like Jack on "30 Rock," but I am really being productive, so let's stop with the jibber jabber and get to some haikus.
Here's what's gonna happen, fools.
1.) Paranormal Activity 2 - $30 million
More low-budget fun, with night vision camera work. And zero Paris.
2.) Jackass 3D- $20 million
This will drop off big, but it already won huge. The rest is gravy.
3.) Red - $13 million
I hope this holds well, because I love Miss Parker, and violence as well.
4.) Hereafter - $12 million
More boring Eastwood. It's full of heaven cliches if that is your thing.
5.) The Social Network - $8 million
Still respectable, this comes back near Oscar time. Should win some statues.
WILDCARD - Secretariat - $7 million
Go away dumb horse. This should not do well at all. It is really bad.
Okay, that's it gang. Have a great weekend, see you on Monday!
Meet Bilbo. That's Martin Freeman, and as long as we've been speculating whether we would or wouldn't be actually returning to The Shire, this is the dude whose name has refused to leave Bilbo alone. We all knew it was likely, now it's confirmed. Congrats to him on scoring the best character to ever have a name that sounds like a self-pleasuring device.
Beyond that, now that things are actually advancing on the project, Peter Jackson has let fly a slew of names associated with characters whose names mean something to people one rung up from me on the nerd ladder. In addition to Sir Ian McKellon and Andy Serkis presumably returning as Gandalf and Gollum, although surprisingly NOT confirmed in Jackson's press release, the following dudes are going to be real famous.
Richard Armitage will be playing Thorin Oakenshield, who has an iron shield and thus invents irony. Aidan Turner and Rob Kazinsky will play Kili and Fili, who despite their names are not twins appearing in Playboy. Your other dwarves are Graham McTavish as Dwalin, John Callen as Oin, Stephen Hunter as Bombur, Mark Hadlow as Dori, and Peter Hambleton as Gloin. I would post these dudes pictures, but they aren't really famous enough to have one. One of them is a Power Ranger. No lie.
This is mostly just exciting because it proves this is happening, really truly happening. We're going to get a double dose of The Hobbit.
First off, good Friday morning to you. You look great today, really ready to conquer the world and scratch off those remaining "to-do" items before plunging ahead into a delightful weekend. I love you. Now I'm going to talk about racism, rape, and hate for awhile.
A few days ago, I told you that the Internet was trying to ruin something for you. I can now tell you all about it, as that ship has sailed...sailed on a sea of antisemitism, sexism, and general hate.
Mel Gibson was going to be the surprise cameo in The Hangover 2. It's set in Thailand, rumor had it he was going to play a tattoo artist, it probably would have been funny because Gibson is really great at comedy, an incredibly talented actor, and one of the worst people in the world. Turns out, everyone in the cast of The Hangover kind of agreed on all those points, and refused to work with him. Supposedly this is what happened, mind you, it could also just be that the cat was so out of the bag that there was no need to have this surprise cameo anymore, what with there being no surprise around it.
This has inspired several blogs and movie sites I follow to stand up and point out the hypocrisy of this stance, as the cast was more than willing to work with Mike Tyson, a convicted rapist. These opinion pieces are all puffed chest and clenched fist, indignant that movie actors would have the gall to stand up and say no to what would clearly be the first real step in the Mel Gibson image reclamation project. To those writing these pieces trashing the cast of The Hangover 2, allow me to be the first to say YOU are in fact the near-sighted morons. Here's why.
Mike Tyson served his time. Do I like him? Not really. I don't have any need to hang out with him and pet his tiger (I didn't mean that like it sounded...okay, kinda). I don't think that means we give him a hug and say "all better now, Mike," but he was punished for a crime, has spent years since then in therapy, and seems at least to be a better person than he was before. Contrast all of this with Gibson, who has been unrepentant in his racist tirades, apologizing for the first bout just long enough to record messages including such creative and colorful racism it would be hilarious if it wasn't being left on a machine of a woman whose jaw he supposedly broke. Until all of that comes out in the wash, until he is either held accountable for brutally beating a woman and spouting gallons of verbal hate that took down various ethnic groups as collateral damage, I'm pretty okay saying I think Mike Tyson is a better person than Mel Gibson right now. Yes, I think it's perfectly fine for them to have worked with Tyson and reject Gibson.
2.) Gibson is one of their own, and they understand what this part means to him and what he means to them. It's like this: the self-deprecating cameo is step one in the "make people like Mel again" campaign. You know it, I know it. So do they. They realize that if they allow captain hatebeard in, they will directly have a hand in helping him get back to making millions of dollars again and being famous before the dust even settles on his abusive, hate-spewing last half decade. Tyson is an athlete. Gibson is an actor. It's fine for me that the cast would say "we don't accept this from one of our own and we will not help him get back on his feet." I'm good with that, and anyone who isn't is a chickenshit coward. Period. If I overhear a guy at the office leave a message for his wife that refers to her getting gang raped by a pack of "n-words," and he gets fired, I'm not going to give him a few bucks to help out at my garage sale until he gets back on his feet. Introduce me to a guy I've never met before who has a checkered past and wants to get back on his feet, I'm inclined to help him out.
I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Whether or not this is even what happened, that the actors bulled up and said no, I'm glad Gibson is out. Not just because I hated that the surprise cameo was so obviously ruined, but because I don't think he's deserving of a comeback. He's shown no remorse, is still embroiled in controversy, and hasn't earned redemption. Beyond that, I strongly advise Internet writers not to posture and judge a group of people trying to make a decision like this. I'm not going to drop into some personal-attack arguments where I malign the usually very smart and creative writers who penned some of these editorials, but I am going to just say shame on you for your limited-scope oversimplification. You're wrong on this one.
With great junk, comes great responsibility - "Better Off Ted"
Oh Thursday, how you continue to sneak up on me like a fat ninja; I see you coming, but you still shock me. As you know by now, Thursdays are special to me, because that's the day I show you my junk. And I'm really proud of my junk, it's something I have that nobody else does. And I've heard a lot of compliments on it. People often say how much they look forward to my junk, and it gets a lot of buzz on Twitter.
Obviously, I'm not actually talking about the thing you think I'm talking about, although one day I will talk about that and really freak everybody out. Maybe not. Anyway, by junk I mean movie tidbits too small to include as full blog posts. I call this my junk drawer in part so I can use that awesome illustration up top that is so creepy cool that I can't believe it's from Highlights Magazine FOR CHILDREN. Shudder. We begin by picking an item from said illustration and writing a goofy story about it for funsies.
Today's item is the drawer itself. Sarah had always been lucky. Whenever she forgot her homework in high-school, the assignment got moved to another day. Whenever she needed money for lunch, she'd find a $20 bill on the ground outside the cafeteria. In college, when she decided she needed a major, a famous archeologist stumbled upon her and gave her an internship overseas. Her first day on that job, she found an old wooden ship that everyone seemed to be quite impressed with. The problem is, Sarah was also incredibly stupid. This is the reason why Noah's ark was cut up and made into a quaint junk drawer in Sarah's house.
Okay, enough already, let's get to my junk!
1.) M. Night Shyamalan kinda listening - Shown here re-enacting his first twist ending ("Just do it, put your hands like this and then slide them between mind, then open them and look in the middle...it will totally blow your mind!"), M Night has a new project. According to Heat Vision's blog, Shyamalanadingdong has been reading MY blog. Probably not, as I haven't gotten a cease-and-desist order yet nor have I received the kind of revenge The Last Airbender money can by you (hey, those paper bags you light on fire with poo in them are expensive). Still, for his upcoming One Thousand AE, which instantly calls to mind 10,000 BC, a project everyone clearly aspires towards, ShyamalalalalaIdon'thearyou is having someone else write the script. ABOUT DAMN TIME! He's FINALLY going to have someone else write so he can focus on directing this sci-fi opus that will star Jaden Smith (uh, oh). And the dude he hired to write it is the guy who wrote The Book of Eli. Ooooh, so close and yet, so far away. If you're scoring at home, Shyamalanotgonnaseeit gets +1 for not writing his next movie, +1 for trying sci-fi, -1 for trying to direct ANOTHER kid after The Last Airbender, and -15 for hiring The Book of Eli guy to write it. When you consider the point total he was starting at, he's now at -379.
2.) I take strong offense at the "middle age" designation here - A few days ago in the print version of this column, which you should be reading in The Reader because (A) it's how I actually get dollar-dollar-bills yo and (B) ink smudges on fingertips are straight-up sexy, I mentioned that Zack Snyder put the ka-bosh on the idea of an older Superman with his statement that it would "go back to his early days." Combine that with rumors that David Goyer's treatment has something to do with Clark "I'm the least interesting alter-ego in history" Kent deciding whether he should even BE Superman, and you had another yawn-inducing origin type story sure to be low on action. As Lee Corso would say, not so fast my friend. Just yesterday, Slashfilm.com ran a headline reading "Zack Snyder Looking for a Middle Aged Superman" and then revealed that casting is looking for someone 35-40. MIDDLE AGED? You jerks, 35 is NOT MIDDLE AGED. Dill holes. Anyway, this is good news for Jon Hamm, who needs to be Superman (if only to make up for his misogynistic role on "Mad Men"...try to argue THAT ONE with me people who argue with me about whether or not the show is misogynistic, you have to concede his character is). Anyway, this is good news potentially, as we don't need another Gorram origin story for Superman. Oh, and middle aged Superman in the comics totally looks like Morrisey. 3.) Ben Affleck ready to take big bite out of next projectSeriously, this photo will never get old. I don't even understand how it is physically possible. I mean, there is some SERIOUS jaw detachment going on there. I would make some lewd joke about "maybe that's why Jennifer Garner is married to him" but that doesn't even make any sense. Maybe his butt chin hides some kind of button that when you press on it releases his jaw fully? I don't know. Anyway, he's passed on a billion other projects after the success of The Town but may have settled on Replay, which is my cousin's favorite book. The plot is this: "The protagonist is a 43-year old radio journalist who dies, wakes up in his 18-year old body, and gets to relive his life over and over. With his original memory intact, he takes the opportunity to travel down roads he passed up the first time around." Sounds like it could be really nicely handled. That touch of magical realism that's awesome if it never explains HOW this happens. Maybe Affleck's detachable jaw is the gateway to the past?! No word on how Replay will be rewritten to include Boston.
4.) Sandra Bullock keeps taking movies, not making movies - I don't know how many movies Sandy B is attached to, but we have another to add to the list. She's going to appear in a movie for the director of The Proposal, and it's being described as having elements of An Unmarried Woman and Saturday Night Fever or, more simply, my worst nightmare. I like S-Bulldog. I really do. She's sweet, cute, has a great self-deprecating sense of humor, and I'm one of the 2 people who reviewed Miss Congeniality 2 positively. That said, what the sam hell is this? You have the option after WINNING AN OSCAR of doing work with Alfonso Cuaron, and instead I hear you're lining up a project like this? Sandy, Sandy, Sandy. I like you, but that can change. Oh, and if you had forgotten about my Miss Congeniality 2 review...I was totally kidding. I didn't give it a positive review. Not me. Must have been somebody else.
5.) Trailers, parked - This is Halloween-time, right? I have barely had a bit of candy corn to snack on, have yet to consider what half-assed attempt at a costume I'll try to pass off as clever, and haven't watched a scary movie yet. So I forget. But let's get you in the right mindset by showing you something scary: Anthony Hopkins slumming it.
The Rite is YET ANOTHER exorcism movie, albeit one that thinks it's higher class because it has Sir Anthony Hopkins. It isn't. See for yourself.
Next up is another pseudo-horror flick, one that's a little more anticipated. Scream 4 is finally arriving, and now the most interesting part is this: If they make a Scream 5, how cold with the scenes between Courtney Cox and David Arquette be?
Finally, let's class the joint up a bit with Alejandro González Iñárritu‘s Biutiful, which will win some Oscars and shit.
The only thing scary about that one is how much my wife is attracted to Javier Bardem. She saw No Country For Old Men and STILL thinks he's dreamy. Yuck. Anyway, that's it for my junk today, hit me up tomorrow for weekend plans!
I was going to be done for the day, but then I saw this on Slashfilm.com. That is the greatest graphic for a movie I've ever seen. I wasn't even going to tell you that apparently Robert DeNiro and Sylvester Stallone are teaming for Grudge Match, about two boxers who agree to fight 50 YEARS after their title fight. This Venn diagram is the best thing that will come of this, I promise you. How incredibly bad does this sound? I'm thinking CBS Films already bought the distribution rights.
Sorry I've been M.I.A. today, and I don't mean the cool female hip-hop artist. The only reason I'm dragging my tired, wretched carcass to this point right now is because this is the 54th edition of Things You Should Buy Me (but don't because you hate me), and 54 is Brian Urlacher's number. I can't very well fail to come to the internets and beg for people to email me at film@thereader.com to get my address and send me the following cool stuff on the volume numbered the same as the best linebacker of my adult lifetime! Obviously, I'm kidding. About the sending me stuff, you don't have to do that. You DO have to acknowledge the greatness that is Urlacher though. That's non-negotiable. Here's the top 3 things I want but won't be sent for free despite deserving it this week:
1.) This is almost too awesome to be real - Thinkgeek amazes me from time to time. This is one of those times. This is "The Avenging Unicorn" playset. It's $14.99 here. If you buy it, you get four different "stabbing horns" and the opportunity to re-enact a mime being gored by a friggin' unicorn again, and again, and again, and again. The best part to me is the hippie girl who is just mortified. Oh, sure, the accountant douchebag is shocked, but I think that's mostly because he had a thing for the mime. See how much fun you can have with this. One more time, in case you didn't notice, these are action figures that allow a unicorn to impale a mime. I love America.
2.) 'Tis the season FOR MURDER - Amazon.com is having a great sale on some awesome Halloween-related Blu-Rays. Evil Dead and 28 Days Later are less than 10 bucks. Wow. That's not the best part. Follow this link and you'll see the horror/Halloween-themed movies. Last check it went Evil Dead, Let the Right One In, The Omen, Letters to Juliet, and Daybreakers. Yes, that's totally correct, between the movie about the spawn of Satan and a vampire infestation, you have the Amanda Seyfried movie that is scarier than both of them. How great is that? Good deals, better humor.
3.) He sleeps on a black cloud of death - How bad ass is this shirt? Teefury has a really great Scare Bear shirt, which I adore because they really got the face and body right. Oh, and he's holding a bloody scythe. I like that too. See, my wife loves Care Bears, and I love subversive uses of popular culture and fun Halloween mayhem. It's a win win. But you have to get it NOW because it goes away at midnight. It's like a reverse Gremlin. And reverse Gremlin sounds like a dirty sex position. I'm done now.
Sorry this is so late today, guys, but I was up until almost 4 in the morning last night and I'm currently a little compromised. And by compromised I mean I've been yelling at demons that have been dancing on my computer monitor that I'm beginning to believe are just figments of my imagination and OH MY GOD THERE'S ONE RIGHT NOW! BACK FOUL BEAST!!!
Where was I? Oh, right, blog stuff. The most interesting development in the last 24 hours is that Bloody Disgusting (a great site) has discovered that the lead in The Crow remake has been offered to someone who is great with animals.
As much as I loved Mark Wahlberg's remake of The Crow when it was called Max Payne, and by "loved" I mean at least it had Mila Kunis looking trashy, this seems like a terrible idea. I don't need The Crow to be Boston-emo, which is like, wicked sad. Sure he has the rage and abs to pull the part off, but I was hoping for someone with a little more gravitas, a little more talent, a little less having-appeared-in-The Happening. I'm already dubious of this entire remake debacle, but this is definitely not the way to get things rolling.
WARNING: THE ENTIRE INTERNET IS RUINING SOMETHING FOR YOU
Chances are, if you're reading this, you like movie news sites. That being the case, you probably already know the "surprise" cameo in The Hangover 2. Thus, the entire function of HAVING a SURPRISE cameo in The Hangover 2 is now worthless. I get reporting it, I really do. I would have run it if I had found it first. But I would have done so with this headline "Want to know who is cameoing in The Hangover 2" or "Spoiler Alert, Dummies." I mean, seriously, you don't put a headline that reads "BLANK is the surprise cameo in The Hangover 2." Do you tell knock knock jokes like this: "Orange you glad I didn't say banana, knock knock." It's a shitty way to do things, and this is from a nonspoilerphobe. It works like this: I don't care if spoilers are out there. I don't care if people want to look at them. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. It depends on what it is. But what I am a big fan of is a choice, one that was taken away from my by a damn twitter feed. Okay, so you are at risk of denying yourself the joy of something like this (this is a movie that came out a year ago, so if you haven't seen Zombieland yet, it's on you).
I think the cameo that's been described COULD be epic. But if you want to be fooled, it's going to take some doing. If I'm the guys making that movie, I instantly whip up another secret cameo that's even more insane. But that's just me. Anyway, thanks internet for ruining something else.
If we don't get Natalie Portman being chased by weirdly phallic, double-jawed acid spewers, looks like our consolation prize may not be too shabby.
God I wish the rest of life worked like that. I'm not sure the exchange rate on such things, but trading a Portman for a Hathaway (if it comes to that) seems beyond reasonable to me. It just occurred to me I never mentioned officially that this is for the Alien prequel for which Damon Lindelof apparently wrote a treatment that's beyond awesome. James Franco is also circling the project, presumably as the alien. I'm kidding, I like J-Frank, he's got personality, is willing to spoof himself on "30 Rock," and may just be the actual meltdown that Joaquin Phoenix faked waiting to happen. Portman hasn't passed yet, and Noomi Rapace (that's a real name, I swear) and Casey Mulligan are also swimming in the waters around. The point is, I really thought this project was hot bread (toast) but it looks like Lindelof has taken something that was dead and made it appear alive...there's a joke there, if someone who is a fan of "Lost" could help me with that...
None of this is made up, although you will think it is
I swear on anything you want me to swear on, I am not making the following information up. Not even a little bit. First off, all hail Slashfilm.com for what is the best image I've ever seen accompanying a horror remake story: Yeah, how incredible is that. Okay, now the really funny stuff: The Weinstein company, who I cannot believe are still in business, is going to remake Hellraiser as...wait for it...a PG-13 rated, teen horror movie. Yep, the film with the most demented visuals barfed up from the nightmares of an S&M enthusiast is going to be turned into a perky-boobed, hard-bodied remake that teases and titillates without ever torturing anyone. The movie is called Hellraiser and you're going PG-13? You think parents will be all "Hey, Johnny who is only 15, what are you going to go watch this weekend?" "Oh, no worries mom, I'm going to go see Hellraiser." "WHAT?" "Don't worry, it's only PG-13." "Whew, I was worried there for awhile. Take your sister with you then." Remarkably stupid. Also, we're not at the part you won't believe yet. Amber Heard is going to be the female lead. She's the girl standing next to Bert-as-Pinhead up there. She's very pretty. That's all. I have yet to see or hear convincing words come from her face whole, she's incredibly nondescript in her attractiveness, and she's done this sort of crap before. Also not the news you won't believe. Okay, are you ready? Here's the best part: The PG-13 remake of Hellraiser will be directed by....Christian E Christiansen. That is not a joke. He directed a movie called The Roommate, which my brother in law will see because it stars Minka Kelly. He's a real person. So, there you have it, Weinsteins are remaking Hellraiser into a teenage-friendly movie directed by Christian E Christiansen. Now that's funny.
Weekend Box Office Results: Wow, do you guys like crotch hits
I knew Jackass 3D would be big, but I don't think anybody knew it would be THIS big. Apparently, we have all collectively underestimated the public's insatiable lust for dudes smacking other dudes in the naughty parts, sometimes with poo. Whatever. It's funny, it's harmless (to us), and I think enough ink has been spilled on pages and online contemplating the comic genius of the physical brand of comedy the merry junk-sters have created. If y'all want to spend a bunch of money to see 3D images of bodily fluids, have at it. It won't have a long box office shelf life, but it already cleared $30 million in profit, so I'm guessing nobody cares.
Here's how the rest of the weekend went, haiku style:
1.) Jackass 3D - $50 million (Accuracy of prediction - 78%)
The demand is high for gross-out, violent humor. I should have figured.
2.) Red - $22.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 88%)
Better than I thought, both in terms of box office, and in quality.
3.) The Social Network- $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)
Can't be mad at this. Good movie does good money. That's how it should be.
4.) Secretariat - $9.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 82%)
Are you shitting me? This CAN'T have good word of mouth. Man, I HATE those mouths.
5.) Life As We Know It - $9 million (Accuracy of prediction - 84%)
Listen up, Heigl. I've had enough of your crap. Go back to TV!!
Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 86.4%
That's respectable. But I'm not here for respect. I'm here for love, man.
Okay, that's it for now. Happy Monday. Get to work.
