Cutting Room Floor is home to a sea of snark and snippets about upcoming movies, rumors about films, and other assorted nonsense. Sure, the information is mostly accumulated from other reputable sources, but the sarcasm is 100% home grown.
Well, another week is about to go in the books. It's been a fast one...but a tough one. Speaking of tough, watching the career devolution of the once beloved Kevin Smith is tougher than watching Cinemax with your parents. It's just embarrassing. I didn't need him to grow entirely out of poop jokes, but I needed him to seize what made him great early on. Turns out, he's just not that good and that makes me blue. What's funny (not his movie) is that Cop Out will likely be his biggest movie ever. Sure, it's going to only make like $40-50 million, but that will be enough to be his most sizable film. Between the fight with Southwest Airlines over getting kicked off for reasons that may or may not have had anything to do with his size and his constant defense of not progressing as a director, I think I'm saddened almost as much by Kevin Smith the person as Kevin Smith the public figure. I like him as a person, he's just settling. That's sad. Anyway, I think The Crazies is going to be more popular than people think, but it will be a grower not a bullet. Oh, and Avatar is going to pass $700 million. Yay for excess and greed. Geez, I gotta get going before I get too grumpy to write haikus.
Here's how I see the weekend, haiku style:
1.) Shutter Island - $21 million
Don't look now, Marty. You're now a mainstream badass. It took 3 decades.
2.) Cop Out - $15 million
Bye bye, Kevin Smith. I'm sure you'll direct again. I just will not care.
3.) The Crazies - $14 million
This is a sleeper The critics seem to love it. Let's see if it hits.
4.) The Avatar - $11 million
Slip on down further I can't do this anymore. Please. Please make it stop.
5.) Valentine's Day - $9 million
Did ladies love this? They have no other choices. It's not fair for them.
WILDCARD - Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief - $8.5 million
Is it big enough? Is a sequel possible? Who knows...and who cares?
Okay, that's it for this week! Be safe, be well, and see you Monday!
THR is reporting that the Farrelly brothers, who apparently are doing more work these days than not filming their long-rumored Three Stooges movie and making "turn off your cell phone" commercials that air relentlessly before movies, have decided to fill the cast of their new movie with beautiful ladies I fell in love with when I was a teenager (and still love) and beautiful ladies I am in love with now. Oh, there are dudes in Hall Pass, which is about a husband whose wife gets a "free pass" to bang someone who isn't his wife. Owen Wilson will play one guy who gets a "free ass" pass from his wife, and Jason Sudeikis (who I think should be way more famous than he is) will play his friend who gets the same deal (although, it would be way more awesome if they were married). Steven Merchant and, ahem, JB Smoove are also in it. But enough about people I never once fantasized about while watching "Who's the Boss?" That's right, the following ladies have just been added, presumably to be cheated with or cheated on by the guys mentioned above. As you can see, the years have been just brutal and cruel to former TV stars Alyssa Milano and Christina Applegate, as they are now land trolls. Good thing the Farrellys FINALLY took pity on those gnarled old ladies. Also, they will be joined by Jenna Fischer and Amanda Bynes CERTAINLY don't hurt this cast at all, although I hope sincerely that Bynes isn't the target of Wilson's wang or Sudeikis's stick. I know we like to bend age ranges, but that's just not right. With the cast above, there's little chance this is going to be a raunchy, balls-to-the-wall comedy. It will likely be more of a sweet comedy with little hints of raunch, which is sad considering how much I love the above pictured ladies. I'll say this much, I don't remember a cast this good looking, and that includes The Expendables.
I feel weird issuing a spoiler alert for a movie that came out like 2 years ago, but look away if (A) you haven't seen Wanted, a nonsensical action movie, and (B) you don't want to know the ending. Hi, welcome to those of you who have seen Wanted or don't give a shit about Wanted. I love all of you equally. News broke yesterday that the sequel to Wanted, presumably titled The Want is Real, is not going to happen. See, Angelina Jolie has opted out, which makes sense because her character FREAKING DIED in the last movie. Nobody knew what weird storytelling, magical reincarnation bullshit they were going to use to get her back for the sequel, but being as she was the only truly famous person in it (sorry, Morgan Freeman, you lost your famous person status when you did your stepdaughter), the sequel is now kaputsky. At least, that's the thinking. I GUARANTEE you that Mark Millar, who wrote the original comic, is going to come out and state that the sequel is ON, he wrote the shit out of it, it's going to star some super-secret-mega-star, and be directed by Jesus. Millar is a liar. So what is Jolie doing with her non-Wanted time (besides, you know, reconnecting with her douchey douchey father, Jon Voight)? According to Vulture, Jolie will star in Gravity for bad-ass mofo Alfonso Cuaron. Wait? WHAT! Apparently, Gravity follows the only survivor of some kind of space accident trying to get home and was written by Cuaron's 28-year-old son (wonder how he got that deal). Seeing as how Children of Men was an incredible, incredible science fiction masterpiece, I am so very in. Although, for the record, the only thing more overrated than Angelina Jolie is Dippin' Dots. Ice cream of the future my ass.
Welcome one and all to that glorious time of the week during which I show the world my junk! And by my junk, I mean movie tidbits that I didn't turn into full blog posts and not my genitals because that would be (A) gross and (B) illegal. As is our special weekly tradition, let's take a second to make up a completely fabricated and creepy story about an item from the drawing of a junk drawer above that came from Highlights Magazine FOR CHILDREN (I emphasize the children part because, seriously, look at that picture...you know that hand is attached to a body that's up to no good). Today's item is the fuzzy thread in the middle of the drawer. After years of inventing, Sammy finally completed the necessary logarithms and equations and EUREKA! Monkey dynamite. The hardest thing about the monkey dynamite is getting the fuse lit, what with all the fuzzy hair on it. But once you get it lit, the explosion that results is just bananas.
Okay, moving quickly on to this week's news nuggets!
1.) Two for the Zoo? - People I really like on the interwebs (like Slashfilm, Latinoreview, Chud, Darkhorizons) pretty much universally hate Nikki Finke. I can see why. She ignores other people's scoops and treats them like she was the one who first found them and seems, by all accounts and stories, to be kind of a douchenozzle. What sucks is, she keeps getting the scoops, because apparently people in Hollywood LOVE douchenozzles. This should come as great relief to a number of people I know, who should move to Hollywood ASAP. Anyway, Finke, Finke Douchenozzle, as she shall now be called, has learned that Iron Man 2 and Tropic Thunder screenwriter Justin Theroux is working with Ben Stiller on a script for Zoolander 2. This is good, because Zoolander is actually pretty damn funny. I know some people don't "get it," but any time male models are killed in a "tragic gasoline fight" and someone corrects Jon Voight by saying "MerMAN, dad, MerMAN," it's funny. Plus, Theroux wrote the line "never go full retard," which means he should be rich forever in my eyes, as it may be the funniest four word combination in recent history. Jonah Hill is supposedly in talks to play the bad guy, which actually is kind of just okay for me. I'm kind of growing tired of Hill and I hope he's ready to broaden (not literally, dude needs to lose some LBs pretty fast yo, he's beyond unhealthy) his horizons past his usual schtick. We don't need another Jack Black on our hands. At any rate, Zoolander grew on me, so I hope this one is equally as stupidly awesome. Bonus points if they get Billy Zane back.
2.) Gaga for Goyer? - Latino Review hates Finke Finke Douchenozzle more than everyone else to the point where they spent the whole day yesterday in full-on spaz mode on twitter patting themselves on the back for getting a pretty bad ass scoop yesterday that Finke didn't get. I'm proud of them, sure, but like 27 tweets from various LR folks giving Finke Finke Douchenozzle the finger got a little laborious. Then again, I say that as a person who hasn't scooped anything but ice cream and Raisin Bran. Anyhoodle, their scoop was that David Goyer will write Superman: Man of Steel, the new Superman project overseen by Christopher Nolan. Supposedly, the script involves Lex Luthor and Braniac, introduces a boatload of Kryptonian mythology, and is generally exciting. Well, kind of. See, I don't really like David Goyer that much. I think his writing is really, really spotty. Don't believe me? Sure, he wrote THE STORY for The Dark Knight (which can be boiled down to the Joker does some shit), but he also wrote the following: Kickboxer 2, The Crow: City of Angels, the Nick Fury TV movie, Blade Trinity, and Jumper. If you want to get technical, I loved Dark City (which he wrote the entire screenplay for and was incredible) and liked (not loved) his Batman Begins and Dark Knight scripts. That's it. Other than that, he's a crapmaster. Not okay, not so-so, but a CRAP master. I'm just saying, the fact that he was involved with good Batman movies doesn't mean he may save Superman. There's a chance we could get dialogue like this: 3.) Will Cap put the Red Skull's gun in jello? - Among the news that's had comic fans more apoplectic than the GOP after they found out Democrats may do something that helps people, THR reported earlier this week that Marvel is narrowing the list of potential Captain Americas. Also, Marvel is a bunch of effin' cheapskates. The article said basically that they're offering $300,000 to an unknown to be the lead in a movie that will likely make $75 million or more opening weekend. Suck on that. Also, the actor has to sign a NINE picture deal. What's next, does Marvel demand a "prima nocturne" rule and get to have its execs bang the wife of the new Captain America? Seriously, guys, get a good actor not the cheapest. The list now includes that Scott Porter (Friday Night Lights), Mike Vogel (Cloverfield), Michael Cassidy (Smallville), and Patrick Flueger ( The 4400), none of whom I could identify for all the blow at New York's fashion week. I can identify this guy though: Yeah, that's right, John Krasinski is on the short list for Captain America. I have to say this, I don't mind it. Yeah, it SEEMS ridiculous because he's Jim from "The Office," right? But (A) I believe him to be a talented actor (yes, really). I also believe he'd get YOKED for the role because he knows it would be necessary. I also think he's going to be better than the no-names I listed above. Seriously, I don't WANT Krasinski in the role, but of that short list I mentioned above, who would you rather have? A guy like Krasinski or somebody from "Smallville?" Really.
4.) When, God? When will Matt Damon get his acting Oscar? - This won't stop until we give him an Oscar. Sure, we may get the occasional Green Zone or Bourne, but we're mostly going to get Invictus and shit until Matt Damon is given the golden statue. What do I mean?Nikki Nikki Douchenozzle is reporting that Damon will play Bobby Kennedy. What other reason is there to play a dead politician than hoisting an Oscar? Seriously. For the record, this movie could be good. Also, I think Damon DESERVES an Oscar. We live in a world where Adrian Brody has one and Matt Damon doesn't. Also, there's this:
5.) Trailers, Parked - A few goodies this week, with two of the three being new versions of trailers for movies we've seen glimpses of already. First up is the new Nightmare On Elm Street trailer, which looks as fun as the other stuff we've seen. I know it's a remake, but Jackie Earle Haley kind of rules and I like Freddy Kreuger. It's not run-of-the-mill horror, so I like playing around in this world, even if that sounds vaguely dirty. I'm not saying I'm there opening night, but I will be there.
Waking Sleeping Beauty is a great look at the birth of the era of Disney that made my childhood. From 1984-1994, Disney animation was simply fantastic. This largely home-video-style documentary will make me long for the days when not everything was CGI and Shrek 4 seemed impossible.
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps may be a train wreck. It also may totally rule. I GET why there can be a sequel to this movie now. I GET why there are new things that can be said about how we've evolved financially and culturally since the 1980s. I like Shia LeBeouf, I like Oliver Stone, and I love Josh Brolin. I have no idea if all of this can come together in a quality film but this trailer actually gave me more hope than the weird-ass first one. See what you think.
Okay, that's my junk for this week! See you tomorrow to close out this big ole week in style, bitches.
Talk to the Flocke: Reactions to the "Lost" episode "The Lighthouse"
If last week's episode was a fillet mignon served with $100-a-glass wine and a desert made of pure gold, this week's episode of "Lost" was a damn fine hamburger served with greasy fries. It was satisfying, but not "oh my God you HAVE to TRY THIS" satisfying. That said...it's grown on me. It's grown on me quite a bit. I think what we had here was a good character-based episode that served the important purpose of reminding us that Jack, not Ben or Locke, but Jack, not Sawyer or Kate, but JACK is the hero of this show. I know everybody wants to spin it to be somebody else, but they are supporting players (cool-ass supporting players, but supporting players) to the lead of the show. Jack's journey is a good one, full of flaws and missteps and good intentions. He's the hero of this show. He "has some work to do." Also, the episode gets mad bonus points for a few mythology notes. Enough preamble, let's do this yo.
Things I liked
Jack's flash sideways: Yeah, I liked that he had a kid. I liked that HE was the one working through creating the daddy issues. Sure, when he was involved with raising Aaron, some of those things came up, but back then he was troubled more by the whole "this is my sister's kid" thing. I liked that we saw him trying to break the cycle. Also, the Dogen appearance was crazy. Does that mean that Dogen ISN'T really old like he said? Or is he somehow appearing in the flash sideways as an agent of Jacob still? He sure did seem to know SOMETHING.
The Lighthouse: Yeah, I know it SOUNDS like horseshit that we hadn't seen the lighthouse on the island before, but we're dealing with quasi-immortal beings who can turn into smoke. I'm guessing they could hide a lighthouse with some kind of trickery if they wanted to. Anyway, the gears were totally reminiscent of the frozen donkey wheel, which is cool because it keeps that nerdy cohesion between the designs. Also, seriously, how cool is it that we know now how they spy on people off the island. Sure, it doesn't make a lot of scientific sense (although I'm guessing we're going to get some vague "quantum mechanics" explanation at some point for it), but it was totally cool. More on this in the answers section below.
Hurley's transformation: I LOOOOVED the conversation between him and Jacob. The open and honest way he explained that he would keep doing what Jacob wanted provided he stopped effing with his emotions. Perfect. I also really liked the way in which he's stopped fighting against the weirdness around him. No more panic, just going with it. What else are you going to do at this point.
Claire's squirrel baby: The best thing involving Claire in 6 seasons. Also, props to Cameron (my friend) for dubbing it the "faby."
Adam and Eve: My favorite mini-mystery is back! Hurley's theory about who the skeletons were cracked me up because that's been an idea for a long, long time. That said, I like that they called attention to them again. That's important in my book. Thanks for not dropping that one, guys!
Things I didn't like
Claire: Claire sucks. Claire sucks bad. Claire is the worst actress in the history of television. From her ridiculous line delivery to the fact that she can't even swing an axe believably, I detest her. I find her "madness" confusing and nonsensical. Worst of all, I don't even care about it. I like that Flocke is building his army, I don't care that Claire is one of them. Let's move on. Although, one quick issue: Her connection to Flocke AND Christian is disorienting. I have long thought Christian was a good guy, but now that we see Claire hanging out with Flocke after hanging out with Christian before she disappeared...I'm no longer sure. Oh, mind you, I don't care about Claire's involvement in this, I just care about Christian.
The pacing: I want them to pick up the pace a bit in the flash sideways. We only get half an episode for one season to really invest in what's going on in this entirely different world. Give us more of it. Don't make us guess whether or not Jack's ex-wife and baby momma is important, show us who she is. Don't send him on a boring car ride around looking for his son, have him come home and instantly find a note or something that suggests where he went. Get where you're going faster in that world, show writers. So far, that half of each episode is too full of lazy writing. Don't tell me it's that I'm too amped up and want more mythological answers. I do, for sure, but I want the flash sideways to not dawdle because they don't have time to make us care. Make us care faster by moving faster through what's going on.
The editing: So Kate shows up and then just leaves? Hi Sayid! Bye Sayid? It was kind of all over the place. Again, my biggest problem this year is that they seem to be writing poor structurally. They need to think about framing their episodes a little better.
Christian's body: So, they had a funeral...did they have the body? If not, why worry about the will THAT YOU COULDN'T FIND WHEN IT WAS SITTING ON THE SHELF and not about the missing body. If it did get returned for the funeral, where was it? Things that could be explored instead of watching Jack drive around from place to place.
Answers
I see you: Well, there's only one real answer, but it's a big one. They've been spying on these people from the beginning and it's been through the lighthouse. Cool. The question then becomes, have these people been manipulated or watched? Intriguing.
Jack is important: I liked this reveal. Not that it was shocking or an "answer" per se, but we know now for sure that he is the central figure in Jacob's plan. I think there's no question that this show is going to require a redemptive sacrifice from Jack. My bet is, it's NOT going to involve him sacrificing himself, which he is more than willing to do, but allowing something bad to happen in front of him for the greater good. Also, I think he's the new Jacob. I do. I know it's "obvious" and not as fun as thinking of Hurley or JeYeon or whatever, but this is just fine for me. I buy it.
Kate: Austen is number 51 on the wheel. It's becoming increasingly obvious she isn't a candidate at all. So, why is she important? My guess is that she's involved in the sacrifice that Jack has to make.
Reflections
To me the reason why this episode has grown on me is the significance of the lighthouse and "Alice in Wonderland" and the sparkles of "does Jack remember" in the flash sideways.
Lighthouse: The theme of the show is clearly free will versus fate, but never before have we seen it like this. They could well have manipulated them since childhood, or the Man in Black and Jacob could have just been watching. Really interesting. Also, the fact that 108 keeps getting brought up leads to an interesting idea. If 108 is the sum of all the numbers, then why do we assume that only one candidate is needed? What if this is a group effort?
Alice in Wonderland: Jack's stories have always echoed through this "looking glass" lens, going back to the white rabbit episode and references and his following his white shoe-wearing father through the jungle. I like this. I also like that Flocke is kind of the Jabberwocky. It's cool.
Sideways: This is the crux of the show. I think we're getting the post-show during the show, if that makes sense. I think there's every chance that the season ends with them getting to enter the flash sideways world, making what we see happening the epilogue, the "what happens next" stuff. That's cool, but you have to make us care more about it. The pace is too deliberate right now and the questions are too frequent. I like the idea, I just want better execution. That said, I loved the appendix scene and the Claire reference.
Overall, I give the episode a B. I liked it, but I didn't love it. I need more of Christian, who is just not being mentioned enough. I need the final pieces to come together. When Jacob tells Hurley that they can't get back in time, that better mean that next episode the SHIT GOES DOWN. They walked to the lighthouse in half a day, if they can't get back to the temple "in time to warn them" we'd better see craziness next episode. This laid some groundwork, but next episode, let's see some craziness go down. What say you, my fellow "Losties?"
Remember, you don't HAVE to buy me these things. In fact, a lot of you are friends and family, and, outside of birthdays and Christmas, I don't EXPECT you to buy me these things. This is really about free advertising for merchants who don't know I'm alive in the hopes that one day they will send free stuff to me (by contacting me at film@thereader.com). Okay, fine, it may also be about just showing off some cool stuff that you may be interested. But mostly, it's about the hopes that one day I get a big ole package of free swag. Mmm. Swag.
Here's the things you should send me for free because I'm a good person this week:
1.) I can't cut straight: There are roles you take on in relationships. Despite having zero talent, I'm the one who wraps the presents. It usually goes like this: "Hey, would you wrap the presents while I get ready?" Every. Single. Time. Birthdays? Yep. Christmas? Yep. Mother's/Father's/any-other-person's Day? Yep. So what I'm going to need is a pair of scissors with a laser sight on it. I can't cut straight for shit, but these...these will help me. Thinkgeek always knows how to do it up right. In this case, doing it up right means ensuring that both my wrapping paper is cut correctly and that I can freak out people with my laser scissors. Double win.
2.) It terrifies me, and yet I want to go to there: What we have below from Threadless is one of those things that walks the line between "cool!" and "OH GOD GET IT AWAY!" I like that. This is a more accurate, slightly more terrifying look at our friends on a certain street that may or may not have something to do with the objects placed on top of a McDonald's hamburger bun. Personally, I think our children would be best served learning on that magical creatures do not exist, but terrifying real ones do.
3.) It ain't cool, but it's practical: I don't have one of these.
It's like a buck fifty. It opens CDs and DVDs without turning people into disgusting curse machines. It's probably worth owning. I know this isn't the cool nerd junk that you usually see, but whenever I see someone struggling with a newly purchased electronics item, I wonder how much longer our species has. So, help us stay on the planet by proving evolution works.
A good day for Greek mythology and a great day for a friend of mine
If it seems like I'm distracted while I'm writing this, it's only because I'm still mostly thinking about last night's episode of "Lost" (it's a grower). But since you didn't come here to watch me write, because that would be an insanely weird web site, I'm going to give you a little somethin' somethin' in the way of some pretty cool movie news. I have an affinity for Greek mythology to the point where I took an entire Greek drama class, even though I didn't have to...and now that I think about it, that class kind of turned my life into a quasi-Greek tragedy for awhile (interesting). One of my fave comics right now is "The Incredible Hercules," which is hip deep in Gods and Goddesses. I'm totally pumped for Clash of the Titans, even though the original will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart. So, with all of this in mind, here's a sexy photo shoot with Freida Pinto.
Now, you're thinking, Ryan, as much as I enjoyed/respected/was disgusted by that, I want to know what this movie news is! According to Variety, Pinto will be playing Phaedra (an oracle princess) in War of the Gods. It's going to be a 300-style film directed by Tarsem Singh, so that's incredibly cool too. Singh is really underrated as a director, and I can't wait to see what he does with this concept. The official description of the film is as follows:
"A purported bastard who retains an allegiance to his mother despite the fact that he longs to join the quest of a king who is battling demons in ancient Greece later embarks on a grail of discovery that has him finding he is the king’s son and also fated to become his country’s greatest hero as he leads the successful war against long-imprisoned Titans who are hoping to use the demons to restore their power.”
Any film that begins with "a purported bastard" and ends with casting Freida Pinto works for me. Plus, I know that there's a very good friend of mine who is now eagerly anticipating War of the Gods, possibly even counting down the days in some creepy calendar he's carved into his flesh. He loves the Pinto that much.
Last week's episode was a juggernaut (bitch), it busted me in the face and made me want someone to bring the amberlamps...and other internet meme references. So, I'm going to forgive Doc Jensen, my favorite "Lost" reviewer, a little slack for his first two pages of his column this week. Those two pages are dedicated to a theory that involves Huey Lewis and the News. Yep, feel free to skip to page 3 this week in Doc's column, where things get good (he has a great breakdown of Sawyer following Joseph Campbell's archetypal hero's journey...yeah, I'm a dork). By the way, I can't read about Huey Lewis and the News without thinking of the episode of "The Office" where Michael promotes Bruce Springsteen tickets by playing a Huey Lewis song. Funny, but not important to "Lost." So, let's move on before this digression gets even worse.
Back to the greatest pop culture event of this or any decade: The final season of the greatest TV show. I missed SOOOOO much last week because there was just SOOOO much to miss. So, let's take just a minute before we dive headlong into THIS week's sure-to-be-disappointing-because-it's-going-to-feature-Claire episode.
Things I missed
1.) Climbing down into the cave that Flocke SWEARS is Jacob's would make what Sawyer and Flocke were climbing down...JACOB'S LADDER. Now, I've been looking through some stuff about that biblical story that features Jacob and everyone is obsessing over the Esau part. Me, I think we're meant to find a different "Jacob story," one that I'm reminded of from a line in U2's "Bullet the Blue Sky." "Jacob wrestled the angel, and the angel was overcome." What if...what if this is the battle we're seeing? Jacob "overcoming the angel?" Oh, and the angel in that biblical story WAS NEVER SPECIFICALLY CALLED BY NAME. They only said his name is the same as the place where the battle took place, which Jacob called Peniel. I love this idea, that the Man in Black (old Flocke) is an "angel" of some kind. That his name is the same name as the island. God, that would be great.
2.) As often as they've made the point about things being equal, wouldn't this mean that Jacob can ALSO turn into a smoke monster? So simple...but so interesting.
3.) When the freaky kid showed up in the island and only Sawyer and Flocke could see him, who did he mean when he said "you can't kill him." Did he mean Sawyer or was Flocke going to use Sawyer to kill someone else?
This is just so great. If you say you didn't love the last episode, I worry for you. That's the best type of episode the show has to offer. Great character stuff in the flash-sideways and great mythology stuff on the island. The perfect episode. Which is why we're GOING to be disappointed tonight. In fact, let's kick off the predictions with that.
Predictions for "The Lighthouse"
1.) It's not going to be great: As much as I would like to see the rare back-to-back awesome episode trick...it won't happen. This will be a bit of a letdown, but hopefully not by much. This is a Jack-centric episode, which means we may get more interesting things happening in the flash-sideways, since there's a good chance he remembers more than most (and what was with the cut on his neck...and what's with Christian's body missing...). So the good news is, I'm equally intrigued by BOTH sides of the episode tonight, the bad news is that we're going to get a lot of Claire. Ugh.
2.) Jack is going to make another plan that doesn't work: We've been stuck in the Uh-Oh Temple for awhile now, which means by "Lost" rules, we have to have the obligatory "let's escape by doing some dumb shit that Jack wants us to do that won't work and will likely leave someone gravely injured" episode. My guess is that he freaks out because they want to kill Sayid. Jack decides he doesn't want to, and can't, kill his friend, so he organizes a jailbreak. Hurley will try to argue against it, but Miles will listen...and likely will be the one gravely injured. In 6 years of watching, Jack's most successful plan thus far has been to swallow a pill that turned out to be poison so someone would tell him what it was. That doesn't bode well.
3.) Claire is still going to be uninteresting: I know it's cool to think of her "having the sickness," but I'm betting she'll just be doing a bad Rousseau impression...and I do mean bad. She thinks Aaron is still on the island, and Jin will tell her he's not. This will not register with her, and so she'll do some more whining and acting crazy. I do think we'll find out that she has been stuck on the island by herself for 3 years while everyone else was time hopping. I also think we're getting a Christian reference and not just in Jack's flash sideways. I'll go so far as to make that a bonus prediction: We will see Christian in island form and he WILL say important shit about Jacob. Wow, that's a bonus prediction.
4.) Widmore is coming: We know from the freighter's arrival that Widmore found the island once. It probably took him some time, but I think he found it again. I think he's on his way to the island and that he's the big nasty force that is threatening the island THIS time around. See, I believe in the whole cyclical nature of the island. In previous incarnations, it wasn't Widmore that was the bad guy but someone else. This time around, though, the thing that Jacob is supposed to protect the island from IS Widmore and he's coming. This will throw things off because if Flocke's recruits are fighting Jacob's people, nobody is protecting the island. I think this is setting us up for the end game, and Widmore's arrival marks the beginning of that final battle.
5.) Sayid kills someone: I think this will be the episode he goes full-blooded bad. He's gonna ice somebody, and I think it may be someone we care about. Somebody like a Miles. Maybe this will happen AS Jack is trying to help everyone "escape" from the temple. It seems like a way in which Jack's plan can go wrong. "I won't kill, Sayid. He's my friend." Jailbreak attempt. While they're escaping, Sayid whacks Miles. Cut to Jack going "DAMMIT! I should have stayed. I was wrong AGAIN!" It can happen.
I'm pumped after last week. I'm hopeful for a back-to-back extravaganza, but we'll have to see. Happy Losting folks!
Oh, and a bonus note for my friend in Chi-town, Heather. What if Hurleybird was Jacob? If Flocke can go smoke monster and become PEOPLE, what if Jacob can go smoke monster and become animals...like say horses and birds?
Quick hits: Bruce Willis lies and Blackbeard lives!
I don't want to call Bruce Willis a liar, because he can probably beat me up a lot. I don't care how old he is or that he's an actor, I can tell he has the rage. The big "news" yesterday was that MTV talked to Willis, who is out promoting Cop Out because he has to contractually, and got him to say that there's going to be a Die Hard 5. Huh? Oh, and that it's shooting next year. WHA? Oh, and that it's going to go "worldwide." HUHBUHWHA? First off, this is likely hokum (which is not a delicious party drink but an old-time euphemism for doody). Second, if it isn't, that's dumb. I liked Live Free or Die Hard just fine. It's not a Die Hard movie, but I liked it just fine. I think they should return the series to its roots. I liked Slashfilm.com's suggestion that it should take place in a mall. That would be rad. I don't like the thought of Bruce hopping plane to plane, blowing up international terrorists in gay Paris. I want him taking out local baddies in a confined environment. That's what Die Hard is. You're now just making mediocre action movies and calling them Die Hard. Stop it.
Next up is a quick note telling you that Ian McShane, who got famous for saying a word that rhymes with socktucker on HBO in "Deadwood," is going to be Blackbeard in the next Pirates movie called On Stranger Tides. This is fine. It doesn't really sway me into getting full-on excited for the movie, but I liked the first one so much that I'm going to see the next wave no matter what. I think they have a chance to make something special happen, if they pit Depp versus McShane and don't spend too much time convoluting things with dumb-ass side characters who we only remember as "not Johnny Depp." McShane is a good evil looking guy who has kind of always looked like a pirate and has a creepy voice. I don't know what supernatural element they'll work in, but I hope they allow McShane to say lots of things that rhyme with his famously delivered word. He should describe Jack Sparrow as a "sock-tucking coke-stacker" or a "rock-chucking clock-plucker." It would be great.
This next bit of news makes me almost as happy as thinking about "Lost" tonight. Relax, "Losties," I said ALMOST. Still, it feels me with more glee than is forced onto the faces of ice dancers, it pumps more Joy down my throat than someone trying to kill themselves with kitchen soap, it inspires more confidence in me than too many beers. Shane Black is going to direct the Doc Savage movie. Huzzah! For those who somehow don't remember. Black directed Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, the greatest noir film of the last decade and a movie I loved so, so dearly. Here's another clip. FYI, I still do the bit from this movie where he describes people as slightly warped famous people. I couldn't find the clip where he mentions "Native American Joe Pesci" but you get the idea from his Steven Segal description in this clip.
Seriously, I just want Shane Black writing and directing everything. That said, if I had to pick ONE thing, it would be Doc Savage. Why? He's the greatest pulp fiction hero EVER. He's got zero "superpowers" but is a "physician, surgeon, scientist, adventurer, inventor, explorer, researcher, and, a musician.” He's the shit. That should be the tagline. "Doc Savage. He's the shit." The thought of Black working with a character like this is just so....AHHHH!!! I love this so much. Here's what Savage looks like (at least one version) by the way. To quote from one of my favorite fake reviewers (Neil Cumston) when he was describing Kurt Russell in Grindhouse: The man looks like he could f**k a bulldozer into six minicoopers. He's a dumpster full of dropkicks.
Here's Ben's take on Shutter Island. He was the lucky bastard who got to review Scorsese's latest. I'd say more, but I think that's what we paid Ben for.
Shock Treatment Island life is chilling for DiCaprio Ben Coffman
Martin Scorsese is a director who can do whatever he likes—a three-hour William Hung biopic? It’s his, if he wants it. In Hollywood, his name is synonymous with quality filmmaking and, nowadays, cold, hard, delicious cash. His newest film Shutter Island is a genre flick, to be sure (its closest analog in Scorsese’s 20-some film canon is likely 1991’s Cape Fear), but it’s a psychological thriller on steroids—creepy, horrifying steroids.
The year is 1954, and Leonardo DiCaprio plays Teddy Daniels, a U.S. marshal assigned to investigate the disappearance of a woman from an Alcatraz-style insane asylum in Boston Harbor. When we first meet Daniels, a rough ferry ride has left him green around the gills. A storm is brewing, but DiCaprio’s grimacing and chain smoking hints at something more than stomach-turning sea sickness. He is a haunted man, still bothered by his memories of World War II, including the liberation of Dachau. Did I mention that his wife also recently died?
With arguably the worst cigarette-smoke-and-dry-heave breath in cinematic history, he meets his new partner, fellow marshal Chuck Aule (Mark Ruffalo). Together, they disembark from the ferry and embark on a nightmarish journey that involves all things creepy: dark and stormy weather, insane asylums with chained murderers, creaky doors, mice, and hallucinations featuring little dead girls.
In Shutter Island, Scorsese cut the genre’s fat, leaving only the best aspects of the psychological thriller—gripping tension, a moody tone and chilling discoveries. The film touches a lot of bases, starting out as a mystery with some supernatural and even horror overtones before it evolves fully into a nuanced thriller. To get there, Scorsese explores new territory, creating eerie, dreamlike sequences reminiscent of David Lynch or Tarsem Singh’s The Cell.
Despite a shift in genre, Scorsese’s use of DiCaprio in the lead role, the pair’s fourth collaboration in the past 8 years, isn’t surprising. Although at first blush, the baby-faced actor doesn’t look the role of a grizzled war veteran and federal agent, with the help of stooped shoulders and the ability to seemingly break into a cold sweat on cue, DiCaprio fully owns his character.
Screenwriter Laeta Kalogridis’s adaptation of Dennis Lehane’s novel includes all of the necessary twists, but it is Scorsese’s surreal, trippy vision of his lead character’s psychological hell that gives the film its nightmarish qualities. In a month in which theaters are traditionally dominated by last year's Oscar nominees and this year's soon-to-be-forgotten flicks, Shutter Island is a pleasant surprise.
Weekend Box Office Wrap Up: Don't F**k with Marty Scorsese
You can move his movie around on the schedule. You can mock him for pairing up AGAIN with Leondardo DiCaprio, his floppy-haired, 12-year-old-boy looking muse. You can wonder why the hell he's doing a run-of-the-mill thriller and not something more Oscar-worthy. But you cannot stop Martin Scorsese from dominating the box office, overpowering critics, and generally kicking mucho ass. His eyebrows alone give him the power to dismiss naysayers. He is a cinematic ninja, and he just KI-YAed the box office. All hail Scorsese. All hail him NOW.
Here's how the weekend went, haiku style:
1.) Shutter Island - $40 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94%)
His mojo is strong. His eyebrows are stronger still. Scorsese is GOD.
2.) Valentine's Day - $17 million (Accuracy of prediction - 79.5%)
What a HUGE drop off! Nearly 70%! Justice is now served.
3.) Avatar - $16 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)
How is this at 3? It should be going down now! Go the OTHER way!!!
4.) Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief - $15 million (Accuracy of prediction - 83.5%)
It's a tweener flick. Not a home run or a flop. Will sequels happen?
5.) The Wolfman - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)
Avatar won't leave But this barely stays a week. There is no justice.
Overall accuracy of prediction - 84%
Another "B" week. Is that good enough for me? Is it good for you?
Alright, that's it. Go be productive on this Monday.
I don't know how you spent your weekend, likely in some booze-filled hotel room filled with regret and ennui, but I'm more tired today than I was on Friday morning, which takes some doin'. This isn't a typical "I hate Mondays" rant, because (A) any comparison between me and Garfield that doesn't involve my tail is unwarranted and (B) its so cliche to hate Mondays that I kind of want to love them. I'm just tired is all. So that's why I'm combining to really diametrically opposite posts into one place, because lazy is winning.
First up, who here remembers SWAT? Nobody? NOBODY remembers the movie SWAT? It starred Samuel L Jackson. Okay, so that doesn't help. Um, okay, here's a trailer for the 2003 movie.
See, it was a real thing. It happened...and I liked it. Sure, it was a stupid shoot-em-up movie, but I liked it. I liked the opening sequence, I liked Jackson, I even liked Colin Ferrel in it. Still, I'm good with them stopping there, I don't need a sequel. Supposedly, the film will feature a new guy being transferred in to the unit and likely won't star anyone from the first film...oh, and it may go straight-to-DVD. Here's what I don't understand, do you guys rent movies that you've never heard of coming out in the theater, never seen advertised before, and just happen to stumble upon on Netflix or at Blockbuster? It's weird. I never see or hear ANYONE who says "I can't wait for that new Steven Segal direct-to-video movie where he punches vaguely ethnic terrorists" or "hey, let's rent Jean Claude Van Damme' s Kickpuncher" yet they keep churning out the stuff. Weird. Anyway, if you liked SWAT and wanted another starring largely unknown or mostly television actors, happy day for you.
In happier news for fans of stop-motion animation (me, me, me, me!), THR is reporting that Laika Entertainment (who did Coraline and is focusing on stop-motion stuff exclusively now) is going to team up with Chris McCoy and Jan Pinkava for Little White Lie. Although we know nothing about what the movie will consist of, we do know that Pinkava had a hand in many Pixar projects, most notably Ratatouille. McCoy is known for his in-production, much buzzed-about screenplay Good Looking, about a future in which couples are put together based on technology that matches souls, and Paranorman, which is the upcoming tale of a 13-year-old boy who has to save a town from a zombie attack. All I know is that stop-motion animation makes me happy and now there's a studio who is doing it exclusively. Happy day for me.
This week I took a ride to Russia by way of England. Not literally of course, travel frightens and confuses me. I got a chance to see The Last Station, which opens at Film Streams this weekend. I know you can't rush out and see it right away after reading this, but hopefully this will wet your whistle for a bit of British biography (of a Russian dude).
War and Preach Tolstoy’s tale is told by way of the Themes
Writer/director Michael Hoffman’s The Last Station, based on the novel by Jay Parini, is likely as engaging a movie as can be made about a battle over Russian copyright ownership. Every bit as visually exhilarating as it sounds, the entirely non-Russkie cast deploys British accents and relentless grimacing to bombastic melodramatic effect. The air of importance is more preached than earned, but if you freely opt to watch a dramatization of Leo Tolstoy’s last year, you’re likely inclined to buy what’s being sold.
As if resigned to please the eyes as little as possible, the film opens with terse text presented in the least offensive type font imaginable. We’re told that Tolstoy (Christopher Plummer) is a pretty big deal, having inspired a worldwide Tolstoyan movement centered on passive resistance and other harmonious ideals. His wife, Sofya (Helen Mirren), loves him as much as she loathes Vladimir Chertkov (Paul Giamatti), a leader of the movement and insensitive douche.
Chertkov entrusts the committed Tolstoyan Valentin Bulgakov (James McAvoy) to live at the family estate and to keep tabs on the manic Sofya in order to ensure that she doesn’t interfere with Chertkov’s plans to wrest control of the copyrights to Tolstoy’s writings. Sofya rather reasonably wants the rights to provide for the 13 children she bore ole Leo and attempts to persuade Valentin to sympathize. When he isn’t busy being conflicted about who’s right about the rights, Valetin is busy gettin’ his swerve on with Masha (Kerry Condon), a fellow devotee. The juxtaposition of the young couple discovering love and the elderly duo struggling to hang on to it plays out against a climactic signing of a piece of paper.
Obviously, what’s on display here isn’t derived from plot or eye candy, but top-notch acting from all involved. Although Mirren and Plummer sport the same screen time, Plummer earned a Best Supporting Oscar nod whereas Mirren earned a Best Actress nom, likely because she’s Helen freakin’ Mirren. Plummer is at his scraggly-bearded best, while Mirren mostly chews scenery because she’s earned that right. In reality, it’s McAvoy that holds the film together, as his transformation from wide-eyed idealist to slightly downtrodden realist is as close as the film comes to a significant development.
Surprisingly funny at times and never boring (or enthralling), this well-acted endeavor creates a desire to seek more about Tolstoy. Now, if it had both created and satisfied said desire, The Last Station would have been first rate.
With only one major release, this week shouldn't be too much of a challenge. Then again, everything seems extra difficult this week for no good reason. It's weird that Martin Scorsese has changed from respected artistic director to major box office draw. The Departed sort of killed it at the box office, and although this only features Leo and not Matt Damon as well, it also looks more like a blockbuster. I only want good things for Marty, so I hope he enjoys this week. On the other hand, after reading tons of interviews this week with James Cameron, who is somehow looking and sounding douchier than ever, I hope I only have to write about Avatar for another 2 weeks (until Alice in Wonderland knocks it out). I'm going to try to get douche in the haiku this week. Just FYI.
Here's how I see the box office, haiku style:
1.) Shutter Island - $35 million
I heart you, Marty! Enjoy another triumph. Make more movies soon.
2.) Valentine's Day - $24 million
This should get one day and then be forcibly pulled. The title says so.
3.) Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief - $17 million There may be sequels but Harry Potter this ain't. Not that I'm surprised.
4.) Avatar - $16 million
Enough is enough. This movie has to go now. Cameron is a douche.
5.) The Wolfman - $12 million
Oh, the film has hair, But in terms of box office, it doesn't have legs.
WILDCARD - Dear John - $7.5 million
By now I would guess everyone who wanted to already saw this.
Okay, that's it gang. Have a wonderful, safe weekend.
I'm kind of intrigued by the proposed "gothic retelling" of Little Red Riding Hood that's going to be directed by Catherine Hardwicke. Although on the surface it sounds terrible, and despite Hardwicke's involvement with Twilight the first go-round, I'm holding out hope. Oh, and there's also the fact that The LA Times compares the upcoming flick to both Twilight and Shutter Island. That's awesome. I should describe more things with diametrically opposite means of comparison. "It's like The Shining meets House Party 2." I swear, people should shut up sometimes. Just give us the plot and move on, don't try to target your demographic while describing a movie that's not even made. I know that's difficult when your movie is a retelling of Little Red Riding Hood that will likely involve a werewolf and suggestive sexual situations, but them's the breaks.
The reason I'm excited is because Hardwicke is talented, and the take she wants to use sounds a little more grown up. Oh, and I'm also excited for this: I know that Amanda Seyfried just got done terrorizing the tear ducts of teens around the globe with Dear John, or as I liked to call it, F**k John. Still, I loved her in Mama Mia and she has a definite presence about her. The LA Times story suggests that Seyfried is being brought in to get the project rolling again, because she's hot doody right now. I don't know if this will be a hot mess of crap or something truly inspired. All I know is that the last time I saw a retelling of this story, I got Freeway. The language below is salty, as a warning. It also rules.
If I get something half that good this time out, I'm in.
Web of Lies: Brian Michael Bendis...don't give me false hope
Latino Review noticed that "Ultimate Spider-Man" scribe Brian Michael Bendis had tweeted "Just spent a very interesting morning at Sony with the entire spidey movie team!! Very very cool stuff!!" Latino Review then proceeded to write an article in which they referred to Brian Mendes being involved with the new Spider-man reboot (not Brian BENDIS). This isn't funny to many people, but it made me chortle. I thought about some schlub who is like a distant cousin of director Sam Mendes jumping up and yelling "NOW IT'S MY TURN!!! THANK YOU GOD, IT'S MY TURN!" Look, whether or not Bendis is involved (or Mendes...teehee), this new movie will likely suck. It's probable that they just brought the comic writer in to give a few general pointers and then immediately went back to casting actors from the Twilight franchise and crapping all over a beautiful character. The things that make the Ultimate Spidey series work in the comics COULD so easily be plugged into a movie version, and Bendis IS the guy who could do a revision on the script and make Peter Parker sound like a reasonable teenager and not some emo chode who walks around whining and lusting after vapid starlets. It's probably not going to happen though. Here's what I don't get...I mean, what I don't get beyond them rebooting a billion dollar, successful franchise. I don't get why they don't just pick up Bendis's long run on the comic, choose one of the better storylines (NOT THE ORIGIN STORYLINE DAMMIT), and use the comic as a straight-up storyboard. If they did that, they'd make a good movie. So maybe that's why they don't want to. FYI: The budget of the new Spidey reboot is only $80 million. But what Bendis is known for is cramming waaaay too much of the talky talk and not enough of the action. Seriously, his shit is PERFECT for this movie. So it won't happen.
How is it Thursday again already? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of inching towards the weekend, but seriously...didn't we just do this? And by this, I mean stare at my junk. And by my junk, I mean movie news tidbits that weren't important enough to stand on their own (like any member of Destiny's Child whose name doesn't rhyme with Shmimonsay Smowles). As is our special Thursday tradition, we begin by looking at the creepy ass junk drawer image taken from Highlights Magazine...FOR CHLDREN. Each week we pick a new element of said image and make up a whacked out backstory for it. Today's image is the cylinder with the lightning bolt on it. By removing the oversized "Lightnin' Bolt" battery from the garage door remote, Carol ensured that her husband would have to exit his car in order to gain access to the house, buying her a few precious extra seconds with which to both hide the bodies and finish a lovely Turkey Pot Pie.
Okay, enough creepy, let's dive into my junk!
1.) Breaking news: George Lucas f**ks with his own movie! - Technically, Lucas is only an "executive producer" on Red Tails, a movie about the Tuskegee Airmen that he's been dinking and doinking with for an eternity (about 20 years or so). The film was directed by Anthony Hemingway (the TV show director, not the writer...he's dead), but First Showing suggests that the Lucas is gettin' all up in the movie's business. Word has it that this isn't about changing framing on a few images or making a few new cool fight scenes...they're changing THE MAIN CHARACTERS AND THEIR STORYLINES. Wowza. I don't have any hopes or expectations for this movie. And as much as I would LIKE to believe this is Captain Throatbeard deciding to make better the crap he crappily wrote the first time, it likely is just more micromanaging for the sake of ego. I have no faith in the man anymore. Why should I? Forget whether the prequels were any good, he hasn't made a significant film in 30 years.
2.) I ain't gonna lie, I don't care about this movie - I'm only posting this so I can talk about Carla Gugino, one of the most desperately underused, beautiful, talented actresses in movies today. Seriously. This is Carla Gugino. Yeah. Alright, so she's apparently replacing Salma Hayek in Faster, a movie that sounds awful. Billed as a "revenge-thriller," it stars The Rock, Maggie Grace (who signed on to return to "Lost" FYI), and Moon Bloodgood, who was in Terminator Salvation and has the dumbest name not in use by a stripper. I don't care so much about the movie so much as Gugino still working. More of that. More of that please.
3.) A documentary about a comic convention? It's sure to be R-rated fun! - E!, the only place I've ever cited that is so excited to be quoted that they deploy exclamatory punctuation, is reporting that Morgan Spurlock (who, despite only having one successful film [Supersize Me], may be the second best known documentarian somehow) is teaming with Joss Whedon for a docu-flick following 3 nerds at the San Diego Comic Con. I can dig that. Do I wish that Whedon were, instead, hard at work writing a movie of his own? Yep. See, his TV SHOWS keep getting canceled...so I'm kind of hoping the talented nerd starts making more MOVIES, which can't be canceled halfway through. Yes, he'll have to cram all his goodness into two hours, but I believe in Whedon's goodness cramming powers. Anyway, this will likely be the obligatory "check out the virgins as they act like dorks" combined with "but, wait, see how sweet and funny they are" look at nerd culture. What I really wish they'd do is follow some of the totally normal folks who attend, then a total freakshow (preferably one who is a mean-spirited asshole...they attend cons en masse), and a girl. The girl who realizes her powers while attending the comicon. Seriously, if you have boobies at a con...you are pretty much the supreme ruler. I am not exaggerating. I'll likely see this documentary, but I don't have to, because I've lived it.
4.) DC = Doofuses and chumps - I kid because I love comic books. See, I'm a Marvel guy, but I have nothing but respect for DC. I collect Batman and Robin, Ex Machina, and JSA because they rule, and if they put out something that grabs my attention, I buy it. I like some of their characters, even if for the most part they leave me cold because I can't relate to the legion of aliens, the magically empowered, or the frequently replaced. Still, I'm excited by news that Geoff Johns has been named Chief Creative Officer of DC Comics today, because he's talented. I am, however, saddened that Jim Lee and Dan DiDio are now the Head Co-publishers. Why? Because DiDio is the DiDouche who wants to make more "Watchmen" stuff and because Lee hasn't proven himself to be anything other than a once engaging pencil jockey. I have been left cold and dead by any "concept" Lee touches, and I feel like art in the comic world has passed him by. So even if his job is to screen and manage the artists, I don't have strong faith there. Seriously, DiDio is going to do a TERRIBLE job, too. I have a lot of friends who are DC loyalists and God bless you. My chosen company does incredibly stupid shit on a near weekly basis (although, that whole having Captain America blast the Tea Baggers for being racist thing...that ruled). Still, this only SOUNDS like good news in my opinion. You'll be weeping when "Watchmen 2" hits.
5.) Trailers, parked - Not a lot this week. But we do have two new looks at movies we've already previewed.
First up is Defendor, which looks to be taking a back seat to Kick-Ass despite covering the same subject matter only a bit more grown up.
I think there's room enough in this world for two movies like this, and I actually think it's part of a new wave of moving past the familiar superhero movies we've all gotten a little tired of. I for one, am going to see this.
Next up is the international Toy Story 3 trailer, which I'm only including because (A) I love Toy Story and (B) it shows SOME different stuff.
I wish all kids movies were made by Pixar. How does this not appeal to every demographic in the world except the "largely dead inside" demo? I'm pumped.
Okay, that's it for this week's junk gang. I'll see you tomorrow for our Friday hullabaloo.
Mornin' gang. I don't have a whole lot of time with which to cleverly brooch this subject, so I'm just going to cut and paste the email I got from Film in Nebraska.
"Thursday Feb 18th we live to fight-on or die.
Around 3;30pm, the Revenue committee will most likely vote our film incentives bill, LB 1073, out of committee to be debated on the floor of the legislature or kill it, which will mean that we have to wait until next year to try again.
We need 5 votes. Right now we can only count on 3 but it is a good sign nobody has said flatly they are against it.
Everyone should contact via email or phone every committee member. Thank the folks who are in favor of the bill and encourage the 'unknowns' or 'againsts.'
Tell the Senators or their staff why you favor the bill.
Remind them it is designed to be revenue neutral and the if all we do is bring in Alexander Payne's movie, the bill will generate new tax revenue for the state.
Try to get the contacts made before 2:30pm.
Revenue Committee
Sen. Abbie Cornett, Chairperson Favors acornett@leg.ne.gov (402) 471-2615 Sen. Greg Adams Unknown gadams@leg.ne.gov (402) 471-2756 Sen. Cap Dierks Unknown mdierks@leg.ne.gov (402) 471-2801 Sen. Galen Hadley Open to idea ghadley@leg.ne.gov (402) 471-2726 Sen. LeRoy Louden Unknown llouden@leg.ne.gov (402) 471-2725 Sen. Pete Pirsch Favors ppirsch@leg.ne.gov (402) 471-2621 Sen. Dennis Utter Leans Against dutter@leg.ne.gov (402) 471-2712 Sen. Tom White Favors twhite@leg.ne.gov (402) 471-2722
Please pass this message to everyone who supports bringing more film production to Nebraska."
Again, guys, Nebraska is one of 8 states that don't have incentives to bring movies here. Even looking at it through some insanely negative lens, I can't see how this bill does anything but help our economy and bring movies to Nebraska. Make some calls, send some emails, purchase some skywriting. I don't care, but now is the time to get this done. We're down to hours on this, so make it count. I'd target Senator Hadley and Senators Louden, Dierks, and Adams. More as it happens.
Talk to the Flocke: Reactions to the "Lost" Episode "The Substitute"
First off, can I get a hallelujah from the congregation?! Now that...THAT my friends, is an episode from the final season of "Lost." We got forward momentum, we got great performances, we got some answers (I think), and it was all handled in well-paced, well-conceived ways. If last week was a dud of an episode that earned a C-, this is a straight-up A for me. The best episode in the last 2 years, easy. It gave me the "Lost tingles," where you sit up and go "NO WAY!" It's my favorite part about the show and something it's been able to do from the beginning. Misstep forgiven, Season 6 is in full mother-truckin' effect, yo.
So much to discuss, so let's dive in.
Things I liked
Well, damn near everything, but let's start at the top.
Terry O'Quinn's performance: Sometimes, I feel bad for Terry. Before Michael Emerson got there, Locke was the shiz-nitty on the show. He was the only guy that got people's juices going. Now, Ben is the talk of the town, and Locke is a kind of afterthought. Eff that. O'Quinn proved with both a tender but never cheesy flash-sideways and his creepy but never mustache twirling evil island experience that he is still in the conversation for best actor on the best show on TV.
Richard being a pussy: How great was that, really? Mr. Mysterious. Mr. "I know things." Mr. "I'm immortal and wise." Mr. "OMG, PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!" It was the perfect thing needed to convince us of the power of the Man in Black. They may try to rope-a-dope us still and make it so that technically Flocke/MiB/Smokey is not an out-and-out bad guy, but he soooo is. And it was Richard that drove that point home for me.
Sawyer's not crying anymore: Dudes and dudettes, I like Josh Holloway. I really do. I think he's talented. I did not buy his crying crap in the last episode, and am MYSTIFIED at people who claim it was well done. His dialogue was crap and he did the whole "my eyes are crying but I'm stoic" face. It wasn't good, y'all. This episode, though, I at least see WHY they did what they did to Sawyer. Making him go through EPIC pain (twice, in fact, since they killed Juliet last season and again this one) was meant to show us that he was in a spot where he could be corrupted. He was on his way to being a leader, a hero almost...only to fall right back into the clutches of the Man in Black. Nice.
"He's recruiting:" It's my personal "Ethan's not on the manifest." It sent chills down my soul. Here's our war, folks. Here's our sides finally being drawn. Flocke has Sawyer (for now), he's "claimed" Sayid, and potentially Claire. I can't breathe I'm so excited for what's coming.
The final scene in the cave: It was pure perfection. We'll cover more of it in the "answers" section but...WOOO HOOO! Now THIS is "Lost!!!"
Things I didn't like
Not a whole lot really, but a few things:
Story switching: I don't need to spend a TON of time on every storyline, but touch them all in an episode so we don't forget about it. Show us the Claire scene at the end, go back to the temple for a flash...those things would be great.
Burial: I get the symbolism of "old Locke" being buried while "flash sideways" Locke is deciding to really live. I also didn't need ANOTHER scene of people getting buried...although Ben's eulogy did kind of rule, so it's no biggie.
Sun is useless: She hasn't done a thing of worth in 2 years. I thought she was on her way to being a vital character with the Widmore angle. Turns out, she's the new Walt/Claire. "Where's Jin? GIVE ME BACK MY HUSBAND!"
Character Stuff
Locke rules, either way: Although not as heartbreaking as some of his other flashes off-island, I loved the version of Locke we were given. I was against the idea that the flash-sideways represented something "good" for awhile there. But now we know that Locke isn't just getting married, he's coming to grips with himself and embracing life in a confident, realistic way in the flash-sideways. Just like we found out Kate is innocent (or may be innocent) in this new timeline, the concern on everyone's minds is "how are all of these things changed? Did blowing up the island really do all of this?" But for me, character wise, it's about weighing where they are better off. After this episode, I'm beginning to believe maybe they ARE better off not on the island.
Sawyer evolves: Actually, that's more like DE-volves. I love that we saw him go from selfish con man to begrudging leader to heroic family man back to selfish nihilist. I think he has one more act of redemption in him, but this was cool.
Richard pees a little: I loved this, as mentioned above. I think Richard is a little more fleshed out now that he's all cowardly lion.
Answers
Big ones, as far as I'm concerned. We'll deal with the questions they bring up in the "Reflections" segment.
The numbers: I know there are fancier explanations that have happened off-the-show, but as far as I'm concerned, they answered that mystery for the TV audiences last night. The numbers are the people we've come to know as being "on Jacob's list." That's the point of the show (we'll get to that in a minute). Locke = 4, Reyes = 8, Ford = 15, Jarrah = 16, Shepherd = 23, and Kwon = 42. There's your answer. Why do the numbers have power? Because those PEOPLE have power. They're "the candidates."
The Candidates/The Rules: Okay, so we know that the Man in Black wants to go home. We know now that he can't go without the man in white, who is charged with being the protector of the island. Jacob was the man in white. He refused to leave. So the Man in Black killed him and looked to replace him with one of the candidates he COULD convince to leave. In this case, Sawyer. This is the show. The two semi-immortal figures, Jacob and MiB, have been trying to bring candidates to the island to replace themselves in order to leave. Jacob insists that the person who takes over for him be dedicated to protecting the island (likely, Locke would have been a good choice, which is why MiB killed him). They feud over the replacements for centuries until the MiB has enough and kills him. Awesome, awesome stuff.
Reflections
Here's where things get awesome:
First up, props to smart friends and loved ones:
My wife rules: She instantly yelled out, "NO KATE!" She's right. Each number corresponds to a "candidate." Kate's name isn't on that list. Whoa.
My cousin rules: His theory is interesting too. James claims that the cave isn't shared by Jacob but is solely the property of the Man in Black. Would that make the list on the wall candidates, or a hit list with dead names scratched out. Remember, Richard said "he wants to kill you and everyone you love." Interesting.
Hurley?: My friend Ben (not the psychotic killer who happens to be a European History teacher) and his wife, Lori, believe that Hurley may be taking on a Jacob-like role in the Flash-sideways. Might this suggest HE is the actual "candidate" to replace Jacob? I love this idea. We always argue "Jack's the leader" or "Locke will lead" or even "Ben will do it." What about Hurley? More than comic relief indeed.
Aaron?: Was the boy on the island that Flocke and Sawyer saw Jacob? Or...was it Aaron, the replacement for Jacob. Yeah, this show may actually come together. Follow this: Jacob wants to find a replacement candidate. He wants his people, the others, to have babies. Man in Black doesn't want this. He wants to pick his own replacement for Jacob that he can manipulate. He does something scientific or magical to prevent Jacob's people from having babies. Fine, so Jacob starts looking for candidates in the real world, off-island. Enter Aaron, who if he is "raised by ANOTHER (as in the Man in Black)" will be evil. Cool?!
Threat: The Man in Black insists that there is no threat to the island, but we know there is. Sure, it could be a volcano or something, but what if the threat is ALWAYS a person. A different person in every time period, but in this one, we know him as Widmore. Betrayed and cast out, he wants to destroy the island, not protect it?! This whole show can actually come together. I can't believe it.
I know you know how much this rules if you've taken the time to read all of this. I just want to watch the show every minute of every day. I can't WAIT for next week, although be prepared for a slower episode. That's just how they roll. I hope I'm surprised though. What a good week! Share your thoughts however you desire, but share them dammit!
If this column were a person, and if weeks were years, it would get totally shitfaced right now. It would drink in celebration of its friends who bought things and would drink in torment from the strangers who don't send free swag (by contacting film@thereader.com to get an address). But it's not a person, it's a column, so there's no need to consider such things.
And now, I give you: Things I want because I'm greedy despite having a pretty terrific life at times when I'm not whiny and/or grumpy.
1.) I won't misplace this USB key - I often lose my USB key. The one I SHOULDN'T lose. The one with a whole bunch of stuff on it that is technically backed up elsewhere but would really eff up my day if I lost it. I think the reason why is that it is so small. I get the idea of portability, but I think I would lose it. I don't really fly anywhere, so I think it's safe to get me this larger USB key that I definitely wouldn't misplace.
Yep, ThinkGeek has a grenade USB. It captures all of the whimsy of violence and terrorism with my need to store data in portable ways. How can that possibly go wrong?
2.) Go ahead, tell someone you DON'T want this shirt - I'm about to show you the future of awesome. Prepare yourself, now, I don't want you to be checking this column on your mobile device while on a ladder and plummet to your death. Threadless has outdone themselves again.
Yeah, that Mr. T(iger). If you know of something cooler, you are a liar. When we are a forgotten civilization thousands of years from now, if this is all that survives, I'm cool with that.
3.) Blu-ray catch up! - I just got a Blu-Ray player not too long ago and could really, really use some movies for it. I mean, at Amazon.com they've got 2001 for 7 bucks! Batman Begins and The Dark Knight for less than $15?! Dark City for $10!!! I need in on this! Actually, what I need is some studio out there to realize that I will be the coolest cat in the world (given that the thing on the t-shirt above isn't real) to send promo Blu-Rays to. I will promote them, I will celebrate them....I will let them sleep in my bed. There's no reason you shouldn't do that, studios who clearly read this blog every day. I'm waiting.
